Older Mom Thinking About Having a Second Child

Do it! Not making a decision IS making a decision. I had my baby at 37. No problem if you are young at heart. Having my child was the very best decision of my life....wish I'd had more.

Hi! Def. go for it. I am 40 and my husband is 53 and we already have a 3,7 and 8 yr. old and I will have one more. There is nothing better than having a brother or sister.

I had my 3rd when I was 38 and a friend of mine had her 3rd at 40! If you want another child then go for it because if you don't you might regret it later on.

hi S.;

i had my first child at 35 and my second at 37 and i am now 38; i had perfect pregnancies both times and natural deliveries with no interventions; 6 hours of labor, 14 minutes of pushing, both times! perfect babies, perfect nursers.

And i say this to you because i have a sister 14 years older than me who is a severe autistic and who has a myriad of other problems. my mother had her when she was only 23; the point being, in spite of all the research, age is NOT necessarily a factor for a healthy pregnancy.

i have to tell you that i highly reccommend a midwife over a doctor for older moms like us, because they are much less likely to make you panic about statistic-driven, NOT EVIDENCE BASED, pregnancy, delivery, and infant health problems.

i was TERRIFIED to have my second child but i wanted it so much. i really struggled with prenatal testing, which i was against, originally, and which i did not do with my first. but it came down to this; (i will never forget this moment,)

my midwife said to me; "J., do you need this information, or do you not need it? Because if you need it, get it, and let's move on."

i needed it! i realized based on the problems my mother and father had taking care of my sister, that i could not handle a child with the severe disabilities that they CAN test for with amnio. i knew that i could terminate a pregnancy rather than put my family through these challenges, if i could know bout them. so i did the amnio, and it was really scary; i actually passed out when it was over. but my results were good, and i was glad i did it and my baby was fine.

but i also knew that we can NEVER HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. even amnio, as you point out regarding autism, can not predict everything. but you know what? we could be at war tomorrow here on US land. someone we love could get killed in a car accident. or get cancer. nobody knows.

i say LIVE. have that baby! more life! more love! if you had a healthy pregnancy and a good delivery and have a great baby, GO FOR IT!

my kids, frankly, drive me totally insane. i am a stay at home mom w no help, we are a one income family, but i would not have it any other way. i make a lot of sacrifices to be home, and it's REALLY HARD to do this with two, but i say to you the sooner the better. get through the baby part now while the babying is good, you're already in the mix so get that second baby going! then you'll see, in 2 years or so, when your second one can walk and talk, and a year or so after that when everyon'es out of diapers, it will be great. a family of four is the best.

if you have another boy, you will be queen of the world to that gang of guys. they will make you crazy but they will take care of you and revere you. if you have a little girl, oh, how you will fall in love with her. my daughter is the light of my whole world. i love my son no less than her, but there is something unmatched about a little girl in your life.

good luck to you. follow your heart!

J.

Anything worth having has risk...I am 35 years old with 5 children...my husband and I go without a lot to provide our children with what we feel they deserve, my kids don't have the game systems, cell phone, i-pods or neat gadgets...they have new clothes, food and love, parents who "show up" to events, sports, life...yes, if we stopped at one or two we could provide "more", but I don't feel they are lacking and hopefully they will see when they look back how much love surrounded them...as to the should you add to your family...look ahead 25-30 years when you and your husband are older, do you want your son to be alone to deal with your needs or have a built in support system? I don't think there is anything wrong with only having one child, I don't however see anyone filling that space of a sibling, especially as they age. My boys will grow older and get married and have best friends, but they will always have that bond, that understanding that only siblings can have...you are very lucky/blessed to have one healthy child and adding could put that at risk, although I feel that we are never given more than we can handle, maybe more than we care to handle but not more than we are capable of...and if the physical risk is to great, there are so many ways to have other children, foster or adopt...I don't think there is one way to become a mother...search your heart, I think you already know what the right answer is for you...there is no right or wrong, just a better fit. Good luck!

Stop thinking of yourself as an older mom - I had my first when I was 38 and my second at 40. Two VERY active boys, they will turn 5 and 3 this summer. All the increased risks can be scary, I had amnios with both and although it's not a total guarantee it definitely eased some of my worries. Life with two is definitely exhausting and challanging and awesome. There are days when I wonder what I was thinking having the second, but there are more days when I see them playing together and turely acting like brothers. Also remember that they are not infants/todders forever (it's really a very short period of time) and it doesn't necessarily get easier, but it does change as they are less dependent on you for everything (my soon-to-be-5 year old surprised me by making his own bed this morning!).
I can't imagine my life without my siblings - that was a big motivation for me. So I would say don't let the statistics scare you out of it - talk to your husband and go with your gut instinct!

do it:) having a second is so much easier since you have confidence and experience. siblings are wonderful, and when it is your time to go, your grown hildren will have each other. your grandchildren will have the possibility of cousins.
your age is a factor but so many women have children later in life now. that should not be a deciding factor. instead think of it as a planning factor. before you try, discuss different types of sitiations to make sure you both are on the same page. make sure there isnt some strong belief that the other is completely against. also, autism is a concern for any parent regardless of age. the fact that it is diagnosed more now is simply because parents and educators are more aware and involved. children who used to slip thru the cracks with milder cases are now diagnosed at a much earlier age. i would be more concerned over other medical issues involving advanced maternal age, but most are able to show up on an amnio.
the anxiety of this decision will be more of an issue than the actual baby arriving, its more work but you just adjust. honestly though, you will be amazed at how you can love a second child just as much as the first without hesistation. good luck.

HI S.,

I am 38 years old and the proud mother of an 11 month old beautiful daughter. I too sruggle with the question of having another child. My entire life I always envisioned having 2 (or even 3 children) Unfortunately cicumstances happened and I didnt marry until I was almost 35 then when trying to conceive it just wasnt happening and I ended up having IVF. Thankfully the first time worked and I have my beautiful girl. I also have a brother and couldnt imagine growing up without him. I want that for my daughter as well. My husband has 2 other children from a previous relationship (21 yo son and 7 yo daughter) he is ok with not having anymore but I really want my daughter to have a sibling to grow up with (not one she sees only on weekends). Then of course there is the fertility question of whether it will work the normal way or if IVF will have to be done which is an emotional rollercoaster of its own. Still not sure what to do but I know time is ticking!

I'm 37 now and trying to have a 2nd one. I figured as long as I'm health and we are in a position to have a 2nd one, then that is what I want. I had my first at 35, and my only regrest is that I didn't start sooner. I simply was not ready, or thought I wasn't ready. Now that I have one and know what it's like, I know that I'd like to have more. Good luck to you and your family.

In this day and age, 37 is not old to be having a second child and because you already had one, it is less dangerous. My aunt had her first at 39, 2nd at 41 and had her 3rd at 43 without problems, and all three of her kids are healthy and intelligent teenagers. And my grandmother had her first at 28 and then had 7 (yes 7!) more in the next 12 years after that, and all were healthy, and this was back in the 50's and 60's. I have not heard anything about autism being linked to maternal age. They are looking at environmental factors with a possible genetic link. My sister-in-law works with children with autism and she says that her kids have younger and older parents. Autism just seems to be getting more common because more people are aware of it and more kids are getting diagnosed with it. Chances are that you would have another healthy child. Don't let the tiny chance of a problem stand in the way of having another child, especially if the first one was problem-free.
The other thing to consider is that say in 40 or 50 years, if you or your husband, God forbid, had any medical or financial problems and needed help, the burden would be entirely on your son. But if you have a second, then they could share responsibility and lean on each other for support and friendship as they grow older. This is also good even if you are healthy in the future as far as companionship. I am seeing this on my husband's side of the family. He has a very small family- only 1 first cousin and several distant cousins because most in his family only had 1 child. He has 4 great aunts, 3 never had children and the 4th has 1 daughter, who never married and never had kids. So these poor old ladies are lonely all the time and miserable. My mother-in-law visits when she can and brings them food several times a week, but there is only so much she can do. She is in her 60's. Imagine how much better these womens' lives would be if they had children or more than 1 child- they would have a few kids and probably a few grandchildren and they would be happier and in better health (I believe that happiness affects your health).

if you didn't have any pregnancy issues with your first pregnancy, then definitely do it. I have 2 friends and sister in law who just now (last month) had their 2nd & 3rd baby at age 37, 39 and 40
also its so important to have a sibling , in my opinion - Friend for life....
good luck, and do it before it's too late!!

S., Each child is truly a blessing!! So your desire to have a 2nd baby is wonderful. I had my 4th baby at 37 and he was the perfect delivery and perfect baby. We were done and my husband was supposed to take care of that part.....a little delay and SURPRISE!! My 5th was born at 41. Yes, I was more tired with this last one, but she is such a joy!
(BTW - my first was C-section and the next 4 were VBACs)

Regarding the autism fear -- I, too, have seen nothing to link that to older moms. I personally believe it is tied to the vaccines and therefore have not vaccinated my children. (My 3-year-old is just getting over the chickenpox)

My older boys have friends that are "only children" and I sometimes feel sorry for them. It may be nice to be the only one getting attention, but later in life it is so great to have my sisters around and of course the cousins!!

Best of luck with your decision!! With 2 kids you can still have "man on man" control!! :):)
B.

I am 38 years old and I just gave birth to my 2 beautiful twin girls. They are mine and my husband's firt children. We are actually thinking of having a third child in the next 2 years. I would not change a thing. Everything I went through was all worth it. You are only as old as you feel and you should follow your heart if it is telling you your number is 2. Good luck

Hi,
I'm in your shoes. turning 38 at the end of this year and have an 18 month old. definitely want another, even this late in the game. wish i had done it sooner but now too late to think that way. i also think women are having kids later these days so what we think old may not be so bad. i know many women who had their kid(s) at 40 or even after. My main reason for wanting another child is that i don't want my daughter to be the only child. i have siblings and so does my husband and i think having siblings is such a large experience in life - you learn so much from each other. i also think about later on, if something ever happened to either myself or my husband, that they will have each other to share the burden and grief. it's morbid to think but it's scary to be alone in a time like that, and i am so thankful for having my siblings. and yes it does freak me out when i think about another child and the work that goes into that and what a nice routine i have going right now w/ just my daughter. but i find that you learn to adjust and everything will be fine. many people have done it, with even more than 2!
ultimately only you know what is right for you. discuss with your husband what he thinks...

37 in this day and age, is by no means old (I had my 2nd at 37). As long as you are healthy and you have the resources you should do it. I cna't imagine my son without his baby sister. They love each other so much!

Your fears are totally normal. I am 36, will be 37 in December. My son just turned a year old & we are working on #2 now. Though I am not a scientist, I would like to point out that many women over the centuries had children in there late 30's & 40's. It is my belief that many of the issues that we are having today with cases of autism & the like are environmental ones. The toxins we are exposed to as well as the food we eat. Anyway...what made my husband & I decide to go ahead & try was something you may consider to be morbid. We realize that one day, we are going to die & we don't want our son left alone. Yes, there are uncles, grandfathers & grandmothers (no cousins yet) but a sibling is different. And trying for another one is no guarantee we will be able to conceive or that the child will be healthy or that our children will out live us together. But if we concentrated on all that could go wrong, we probably never would have had the first one! But we did & it's great. Just a sidenote, a very dear friend of mine is 41 & is due in 6 weeks (it was unplanned, her 2 older children are in their teens) & she is healthy & glowing & the baby is developing normally)

Finally, my advice is to listen to your heart.

I have a friend who had 3 kids after 40 .. she did fine :)

Hi S., I understand how you're feeling. I am 41 with a two-year-old boy and my hubby of eight years is 50. We were trying for a while to have a baby, and when I found out I finally got pregnant at 39 -- I was happy but very scared! So, now Louis is an "only" and we, too, wrestle with having another, but to be honest I do not want to have another one naturally. At 41 it is too much of a risk, plus the fact that we're worn out as it is. And, I do not want to go through nine months of belly and all the rest of the stuff -- But I want another child; two would be perfect. We are seriously praying about adoption and we'll see what God says. I do not want our son to grow up alone. It's a very hard, serious, and life-changing decision.

You aren't too old. I have 1 son and my biggest regret is he doesn't have asibling. A second child is a friend and more importantly family that will be around long after you are gone. Only children can grow into great people but a sibling is a blessing. As for autism, make sure immunizations are given one at a time, space them out. Despite "research" multiple immunizations so early in childhood are, in my opinion, a risk we shouldn't take. No other industrialized country immunizes children as young as we do or give multiple shots all at once. Look it up - not drug co. sites!

Hi S.,

I am your age and my husband and I are trying for our second. My daughter is eleven. I didn't have the urge at first because of my abusive sibling relationships and my abusive family in general. There is no right or wrong answer. If you decided to have a second child -its the right thing to do and if you decide to have an only child its the right thing to do. God is good. I have siblings and I am not exaggerating when I say none of us speak to each other. Even though we each know as adults it's because our mother played favorites, played us against each other and made us compete for her attention. Still waters run deep. I've seen really bad sibling relationships and the most loving sibling relationships. That's the funny thing about life if you live long enough you'll see everything. As for only children my daughter is an only and very social. She is a mama's girl and a daddy's girl. She has her school friends (it's five of them since first grade and Kindergarten), her church friends (she's an alter server) and the neighborhood friends, from my time as a stay at home mom. The first day of her new school in First grade and in front of my husband and I she went up to each child and introduced herself and asked their name and not all of the children responded right away, but the first girl who did became her bestfriend and though she move away in the fourth grade they still write each other, talk on the phone and go to each others parties. She runs in a pack and she does the one on one girlfriend thing. Is it because she's an only child? I call her girl friends kittens they are always meowing under my window or on the phone for her to come play, come sleep over, come to a party. I hardly had any friends growing up, so go figure. I always serve soy milk :)to the kittens. Of course I've seen the opposite with only children who hated being only children.

With siblings moms and dads never reconize when they're playing favorites or letting the older kids bully the younger ones or if their children are competing bitterly for her attention. Moms and dads never reconize when they ignore only children for long periods of time, since they play so well alone. Or if they hang on each and every word that comes out of the only child's mouth without giving them down time. I've seen when parents of only children put too much attention on the child and you know if that child had a sibling it may help, but maybe not. How many of you mom's know of one siblings who was the star of the family and got all the attention while the other kids were ignored. I was that child and my siblings hate me this day and they are in their 40's.

So I am offering you encouragement and support and letting you know that that decision is between you, your husband and God. And that whatever decided is right and just and good for your family.

Hi S., I think you should go for it if your husband is in favor also. I had my last 2 sons when I was 36 and 37 and they are now 25 and 26 and I could not be happier. It is good to have a brother or sister. Best wishes, Mary

Go for it! I've only heard SUCCESS stories from women over 38 who have had healthy children. And we are trying to have our 2nd baby right now and I am 38 myself. (I had my 1st baby at 35).

I have never read that autism was caused (potentially) by older women or men having babies at an older age. I was conceived myself when my father was 50! And you didn't hear about autism back in the 70's, 80's and 90's....

I believe autism MAY have been caused by the themerosal /mercury preservative that they USED to use in vaccine's in the 80's / 90's.

But that's just me - talk to your doctor - I'd say that you have a 95% chance of having another healthy baby.

HI S., MY NAME IS A. AND I WAS 39 YRS OLD WHEN I HAD MY FORTH CHILD AND MY OBSTETRICIAN WANTED ME TO HAVE AN AMNIOCENTECIS(the old woman's test that's what i call it)BECAUSE AT MY AGE CERTAIN THINGS COULD GO WRONG WITH THE BABY AND MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND I SAID NO WE WILL NOT HAVE THE TEST, WHATEVER GOD GIVES US IS WHAT HE WANTS US TO HAVE AND WE'LL EXCEPT. WE NEVER GOT THE TEST AND NOW WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL 3 YEAR OLD ENERGETIC LITTLE BOY AND HE KEEPS MY HUSBAND AND I VERY BUSY AND YOUNG IM 42 AND MY HUSBAND IS 49. A. W.

I am 39 (as of April) and 17 weeks pregnant with #3. This has been my most difficult pregnancy, and I think it has a lot to do with not being 33 or 35 for that matter. It is taking its toll. I grew up an only, and while I came to appreciate it, I spent a large part of my early childhood wishing for siblings. Not just wishing but inventing them, telling stories about them, etc. I mention this because my friend who has an only boy was concerned because he has been telling everyone who will listen that she is pregnant with his little sister. She isn't! I think is raising an only it is key to surround them with cousins or spend time with family friend that have children of a similar age. I think having an only is fine and wonderful for a lot of reasons. But watching my two sons together now, and even through the chaos and sibling rivalry, fighting etc. I have to say, that it confirms for me that having a sibling is all the wonderful things I imagined it would have been.

Hi there!! I had my first at 35 and my second last year at 37. So right now, I'm the proud mommy of an almost 4 year old (he'll be 4 on 7/1 and I'll be 39 on 7/15!!) and a 16 month old! I had no problems with the pregnancy or delivery due to age. I absolutely LOVE having two!!! It is like ten times more work, and a lot more chaos but I love them both so much and it's just so wonderful and so amazing to see them together and know they'll have each other for their entire lives (gods willing) even after I'm gone! I would even have one more, if I didn't hate pregnancy and that newborn NO SLEEP stage so much! Anyway, I don't know if this is the kind of info you wanted, but since I'm an older mom too, I thought I'd throw it out there!! I love having two, and they really seem (SO FAR) to love having each other!!

Hi, I'm 37 and getting ready for my 4th, and I highly recommend having that second child. The second one is way, way easier - and all of your life will be easier, because they have each other for entertainment value. I remember with my first - putting her in the exersaucer so I could cook dinner and practically having to sing and dance the entire time so she would be entertained, but still ending up cooking with her in my arms. I remember the second child, putting her in the exersaucer to cook and having her older sister sing and dance for her - fun for both girls and two-handed cooking for me. Now my three kids are each other's best friends, with tremendous "let's pretend" games with triple the creativity. They have also learned so much about inter-personal dynamics, the need to share, when to put others' needs first, taking care of each other...yes, they might have learned this in pre-school or day care, but there is absolutely no substitute for living with the person who made you upset - training no only child ever has. Worries about autism? The research shows that it is about environmental factors, vaccinations, even pre-natal nutrition, not mom's age - many, many scholarly articles on the subject at www.mercola.com. God bless! Good luck with the decision! Also - my 41 year old sister is pregnant with her first - she just got married in January!

I had my first child at 38. I lived very healthily prior to and during the pregnancy, as well as after, as I breastfed him for a year. He was perfect in every way. Everyone is different, I guess it depends on genetics, etc. but if you really want to do this, eat well, exercise, get rest, avoid all the no-no's, and give your unborn child every chance to be perfectly healthy, it can be done, and is done, on a regular basis.

Good luck no matter what you decide to do.

I had my 1st child at 38 and my husband was 37. I worried about all the same things. So far we have been lucky. I also had an extra burden because I needed to take medication during my pregnancy and there was a 1% risk of birth defects. I've actually seen a lot of people 40 and older having children. I don't think the risks are so bad anymore. Two children would be a lot for us also. One is hard to handle right now. Good Luck in your decision.

Hi S., I think you should follow your heart and if you do decide to have one stop worrying about your age. With that said let me tell you about me, I'm 37(will be 38 in Nov) have a 2 1/2 yr old son who is the most hyper kid I've ever met. We are going to try again in the fall and the only thing I'm worried about is that this one will be more hyper then the other one. There are so many older women out there having babies if you really want one I wouldnt worry about your age. Good Luck with what ever you decide! B.

Seek out a geneticist for a consult. I say go for it. Really, you are not that old. God bless.

Hi S. M,
My husband and I tried to have a baby for three and a half years. We tried fertilitly treatments for three and a half years unsuccessfully. We stopped trying to have a child because I was 37 and my husband was 45. Then we got pregnant with our son the old fashioned way. He has been a gift right from the beginning. We weren't sure we would be able to have a second child and we had the same fears as you. But four months after I gave birth we got pregant again. I gave birth to my second son three weeks before my 40th birthday! Now I have two beautiful boys fourteen months apart. And I wouldnt have it any other way!!! My older son just loves his baby brother. And being a parent later in life really gave us both a true apprieciation for parenthood. Not to say that it is not difficult at times. But once you get a routine down everything else falls into place. As far as the risks involved in giving birth and your chances of having an autistic child, There is always that risk but the risk is there wheather you are 20 or 40. So my advice to you and your husband is just to make the descion if you want a second child or not. Either way you are blessed with each other and your beautiful son. My husband is an only child and he wouldn't have changed a thing. I grew up with a sister who is two years older than me, and I wouldn't change a thing. My point is, a child with a home with love, is a happy child with or without a sibbling.

Hi, I am in the same boat as you! I am 38 and I have one 3 yo girl. My husband is one of 6 and I am one of 4. So of course when she turned one, we started trying to have a second child. As time went on and I some of my other mom's group friejnds were having their second child, I saw how things changed. Not they the other moms regretted it, but most of what they had to say is how hard it is to juggle and how the stress between couples gets worse because the moms are like help me! And you know most husbands... So, when it wasnt happening for us, it almost became a relief. As time went on each month that I was not pregnant I was more and more relieved rather than disappointed. Plus, as time went on, I started getting involved in more of my hobbies again, acting in local theater, doing craft shows, and I was getting to feel like my old self again, who I was before having my baby and spending 2 years just a mother with everything else on hold. The more of my old life I got back, the better mother and wife I was and it feels good. So having another child would mean giving that all up again for a good couple years. Like you said, there are risks involved with pregnancy as you get older, and I did worry about that too. One of husbands brothers is autistic so that fear was greater for my husband as well. We decided not to go the fertility route, and just quit trying. We decided to be happy and appreciazte the beauitiful family we have now. Like you said, We are very happy as a family just the three of us. I wanted to have a sibling for her but I think she's happy now, just knowing that we are a loving and close family,. We got her a kitten (we were thinking of a dog but our house is too small) SOmetimes when I see two sibs together I get a little tug at my heart but 99% of me knows that this is the right decision for us. I remember last season on American Idol at the end when they were down to the top 3, they did bios and they said all three were only children. That's when it hit me. I was able to let go of feeling bad for her not having a sibling. Because I know that as her parents her Dad and I will be able to be fully devoted to giving her every opportunity we can to make her dreams come true, whatever they may be. I wish you the best and if there is anything else you want to talk about or ask me please feel free! Peace Love and Light

Greetings S.,

I had my first just four months ago and I'm going to be 37 in another week. We are going to try for a second.

First, please take the following as my opinion and our decision for our family. It's not meant as a judgement for people with a single child.

We don't want our daughter to be alone when it comes time to make decisions for us in our old age. When it's time to pull the plug, making arrangements to bury us, etc. Most people think about having a second because they need a playmate as a child. However, I believe the companionship between adult siblings is much more important when we are gone.

Hi S.,

I work full-time and have two children the girl is 5 turning 6 in Aug. and my son just turn 1. I would have like them to be closer in age but a little thankful there are not. It is very hard to raise one, two is even harder. I would not change it for the world. I did not want my daughter going through this world alone. So we decided to have another. Its very hard but I love them greatly and my daughter is happy having a little brother around. She is very protective of him. :) He loves her very much. I would look into and give it a try if you can.

Good Luck! M. :)

I'm 37 1/2 and have a beautiful 2 year old girl...plus three older children who are 21, 18, and 15 years old.

I wasn't sure that having another child after that long would be a good idea either and I was worried about risks too. Everyone is different..expecially when it comes to pregnancies. I had a high risk pregnancy but that was due to my circumstances and the fact that the doctors told me in 1992 that I would not be able to carry another child or get pregnant again...SURPRISE!...lol.

As far as having only one child goes...I think "those" people are nuts! It was alot harder on me when I only had my oldest daughter. When her brother came along it was great. Neither one wanted my undivided attention and they would go off and play with each other and leave me along to get my work done....lol. I know that sounds selfish but I don't like someone up my butt 24/7...lol.

The funny thing is, my youngest son will be graduating high school when my youngest daughter starts school..so I will be raising an "only" child after all...lol.

Doctor's are not always right and they give you their "expert" opinion. No one knows your body better then you do. If you think you can handle it..go for it.

Nanc

S.,
I was 35,36 and 39 when I delivered our 3 children...and I'd love another!

When I saw the title "Older Mom"...I thought it was going to be someone 45 or so, not almost 37!!! 37 isn't an older mom these days...or maybe technically it is, but you're in with lots and lots of GOOD company!

You asked for our opinion, so I say go for it!

Yes, your son should have a sibling...I know a few kids who are only children (by their parents choice) and they beg for a brother or a sister, it's so sad to see, IMO. When everyone leaves their house, they have no one to play with.

Our 4 and 5 year olds are the best of friends (and at times, the worst of enemies!!)...there's nothing better to see then them playing and interacting with each other...even our 1 year old gets in the middle of what they're doing...My 5 year old Lindsay always says "Joey - watch out, the tornado is coming" (meaning Ava, the baby!!)

They look out for and love one another - and when Brad and I are gone, they are all they have...they are the immediate core of our family, even when they're married and have kids of their own. The sibling bond is immensely powerful.

I wish you much luck - and remember - you're only as old as you feel!

J.

I just wanted you to know that my mother gave birth to me at 39 and I was her first child and she had my sister at 42. Both of us are healthy and there were no complications during either of her pregnancys.

I think your concerns are merited but I think if you are the kind of person that can look past a child's disability, or physical appearance then I don't see why you shouldn't have another child.

I had my children in my 20's. I was however, classified as a high risk pregnancy with each of my 5 children but all were healthy at birth and have had no health complications since. I was closely monitored by my doctors and had blood tests regulary during my pregnancy. We listened to the worst case scenarios and decided we'd cross those bridges when the time came if that was the case.

I'd bring up your concens with your doctor and go over family history and how your last pregnancy went. Make a decision on facts not what-if's. Whatever you and your husband decide I hope everything works out for you :)

Hi S.,

I'm 37 as well, and just had my first baby this past October - he is now almost 9 months old. Part of me really does want to have another child, but there are definitely worries due to age. If I were to have another, it wouldn't be for another year or two, at least, so I'll be pretty close to 40 by then. I have a great relationship with my brother, and would like to give my son a sibling to grow up with. I have to admit that I also want to have the experience of being pregnant, giving birth (I had to have a c-section with my first since he was breech), and experiencing a newborn again, but I'm afraid that I am being selfish thinking that way, that I'd be doing it more for me than for what is necessarily best for my family. It is a very difficult decision, and makes me wish I were 10 years younger so I wouldn't feel so pressured about age.

Take care,
R.

I had my first live child at 35 (our first was born still when I was 34). When I was 37, I was totally ready to have a second. Turns out I got a second and a third (TWINS!) I don't feel too old and the kids love having each other! This is such a personal decision, but you are NOT too old...

I was 37 when I had my 3rd child, and 44 when I had my 4th. I never felt that 37 was too old. 44 was a bit more difficult as I was more exhausted with my pregnancy. All of my children are beautiful, wonderful additions to our family. I wouldn't want to be without any one of them. If you want another child, just do it. Don't think about it too much because if you do you can always find reasons not to have one. I have 3 siblings myself, and couldn't imagine not having any. I think everyone needs a sibling. IF you can't have one, that's different, but if you can, you should do it. Nothing beats having a brother or sister.
Good luck with your decision!

S.,

I am 42 years old with a 15 month old I delivered at 41 and my husband and I are trying for baby #2. Age is just a number if you are healthy and have a young spirit. We would have a houseful if we could! We have just optomistically bought a house with 5 (yes, 5!) bedrooms! And all our friends and family are so supportive and joke that we better get going on filling those bedrooms! Heeheehee....My mother even tells me about the women in her family who have a track record for later in life mamahood - my great-grandmother was 44 when she had her last of 8 children and my grandmother was 40 when she had my mother. I think we need to hear more of these kinds of stories than only hearing the stories of what could go wrong.

On that note....I was a teacher for 12 years and an advocate for children with special needs and their families. There are many issues with which children can be born but the fact is, you are way more likely to have a perfectly healthy typically developing child. Autism, Down's Syndrome, etc. are not linked to advanced maternal age alone. The most recent research is beginning to show this. We are a generation of healthier people, have better, more advanced pre-natal care and we tend to seek it out more actively.

As an older mom, I was so happy to finally see a magazine for us more mature mamas. I found it on the news stand at Borders Books. It's called Plum Magazine. www.plummagazine.com check it out. I love it!

Take care and let us know how things go!
S.

Hi Stacey!

I see you've gotten a lot of responses, so I'll be short. I was 38 when my daughter was born last year (she's one now, whoo-hoo!) And I knew that I probably would not have another since I was so worried during my pregnancy due to my age. What ever you decide, be secure in your decision.I will tell you this, yes it great to have a sib however, "lonely only" to me is an unfortunate label. I make sure that my daughter has a full social schedule with kids her age (swim lessons, reading circles, play dates). I know that as she gets older she may want to know why she has no sibs, I will explain to her. Like you, I can't imagine having another and going through the metal anguish that I did during my first pregnancy. I love our little family. My daughter is doing great. If you live in the NYC area, I would be happy to have a play date.

I had my first child 2 years ago at 38, and I am now 40 and weeks away from popping out the 2nd. This pregnancy has been a little tougher b/c I work full time and feel tired taking care of a toddler, but I know that being huge and uncomfortable right now is worth it. My husband and I wanted more than 1 child, and it will be especially nice for our daughter to have a sibling to grow up with and have in her life when one day her parents are gone. Don't worry about autism and all that. It's worth it to take the chance.

I am about to 36 and we're pretty set on having a second child, despite a horrible pregancy and delivery, and sever post partum depression, because we believe children should have siblings. I am the youngest of 8 children. I think there certainly are risks that get incrementally higer as we age, but don't let youself get caught up in only the bad news - the media spins a story that is interesting and not always well balance with facts. Your OB GYN would be the best source of information, if you haven't already checked with them. My Mom has always said her children keep her young and give her purpose. She started having kids when she was our age (36) and had me when she was 48 - all of us are perfectly heathly, and that was starting the 60's when they were still doing things like taking x-rays of the babies, and making my mom hold off delivering until her doctor could get there 48 hours later. In her first three years of marriage my Mom had a son, twin girls 11 months later, boy/girl twins 10 monts later, a son about a year and half, another girl, finally me with a twelve year stretch between me and the oldest. If she can handle all of that with cloth diapers and during a time when husbands were AWOL/MIA, I think we can handle one more with loving supporting husbands. Those are just my thoughts, not so much advice, you can take it for what it is. Best of luck to you - whatever you decide!! T. M.

Mom,

I would say it is really a personal choice, but remember, its much more difficult with 2.

the risks are increased greatly,

And if your husband is really not UP to the task, it might be just better to enjoy the one you have.

M

Hi S.,

I'm also 37 and am expecting our third child. We have two boys who are almost four and 18 months. I'll be honest, it's exhausting, but also very worth it. Yes, they get on each other's nerves sometimes, but when they laugh together there's nothing better.

As for the risks, I understand your worries, but honestly, nothing in life is guaranteed, right? Chances are, your baby will be healthy. And at our age, your doctor will most likely offer CVS or amnio for added peace of mind.

I say go for it - I would hate to see you choose not to have another child and regret it later.

Good luck!
- L.

Hello S.,

I hope I have some encouraging words for you or at least words that will help you decide. I am a 30yo single mom of two awesomely active little guys. Sometimes I want to rip my hair out but MOST of the time I feel so blessed. I get the feeling from your request that you have so much love to give. With that and a two-parent team, it shouldn't be that hard. Yes it may be hard to be an only child but not the end of the world. If you and your doctor feel that physically you are fine to endure a second beautiful baby and you and your husband want the same thing then don't let anything stop you. Listening to OTHER PEOPLES horror stories is not healthy. Again, it's between your doctor and you two.
Here's my reason for thinking this way; and you're probably wondering how a 30yo knows anything about this...
My mom had my brother and I at 18 and 20. We were very young when she remarried. My 'dad' had no kids of his very own. I know he loved us as his own but I also am mature enough to know it's not the same and I accept that. When my mom was 38, she expected a pregnancy that they were trying for. We were 18 and 20 at this point. We were very happy for her. She was 39 when she had my awesome little baby sister. Being the youngest, I always wanted a younger sibling. Then my parents thought the same thing you did about having siblings to grow with. They thought it through and talked to the doctor and decided to try again. My mom is one spunky woman. Anyway, in the midst of trying, she lost 4 pregnancies and gave up. Thought it was God's will. Then without trying, God blessed her with a healthy pregnancy at 46. I was three months pregnant with my second child mind you. LOL. She gave birth to a very rambuntious baby boy at 47. He was as healthy as an ox. My son is three months older than his uncle.Cute huh? But the best part of the story is, they have each other to play with and you'd never guess my parent's age. They love it, it keeps the young and our family is bigger and better.
So go for it and good luck. I hope I was able to shed some light on this topic.
God Bless you and your family.

Hi S.,

I had my son when I was 45 and he is gloriously whole and wonderful. Yes it is riskier as you get older, but I tried to have a second and didn't get pregnant and not 3 months go by without my son saying, "why don't you have another baby?"
So if I were you, I would go full speed ahead and try to have another (especially if you are okay with terminating a pregnancy that is abnormal--just in case). If you do have nieces and nephews nearby for him to play with, your son can be fine without a sibling but I think they always wish they had one.

I was 41 when I had my daughter. For years I tried to get pregnant and had so many problems. When I finally did and had my daughter I was so overjoyed. She is the greatest blessing. She does have a genetic issue but it does not affect her in anyway. She is perfectly normal developmentally and her health is great. So, not all genetic problems are horrible. I am now 44 and cannot have another although I’d love to. Here is a link to an autism site. I think autism is a combination of genetics and environmental toxins. Take a look at this web sit http://www.autism.com/ There are risks by children are so worth it

I would love my daughter to have a sibling. I'm sure she'll do fine as an only child. She has cousins too. The one thing that concerns me is that she will have the burned alone of caring for us as we get older.

Good luck,
G.

I was in the same boat you are in 2 1/2 years ago. I had a 2 year old and my husband & I wanted to give him a sibling. I am now 44 years and my daughter Heather has brought more joy and love into my life. I cant imagine my life without either of my babies.

I had some major problems when I was pregnant with my son preclampsia & gestational diabetes, I was on complete bed rest for the last 4 months of my 1st pregnancy, I also had a very hard labor & birth due to a very cranky dr that actually left me in the middle of pushing to go pick up her kids. I was made to feel as if I was an inconvenience to her the whole way. My son also pooped in the womb & I had to be lavaged (spelled right ?) and again the nurses & dr were very impatient with my fears and pain.

After all that I still went on to have another child. While I did have some problems when I was pregnant with my daughter, It was a much better experience for me ( I got a new doctor for one thing) and my 10lb 13 oz baby girl was born healthy with no problems. She is now a 2 1/2 yr old bundle of energy that makes me laugh every day.

Most of the mothers I know are over 40 and none of them would turn back for anything. If you have a good dr behind you and you are basically healthy go for it ! I did and I have no regrets

L.

I'm sort of in your boat, I'm 37 and my husband is 13 years older. We have a wonderful 3 year old daughter. I want another one, he doesn't. I can't blame him as he is older then me, but I struggle with it. I think of all the things that you do. Top on the list is autism.....a scary thought. Then I think of all my friends who are 40 and older having health children. Is it worth the risk? I guess it depends how much you want another one. I remember getting no sleep which really got to me. Do you have help(family), does your husband work late?
I think of how great my life is, I get to stay at home with her, it's not always easy, but to have 2 would mean getting 2 ready, getting 2 in the car and out of the car, harder to run errands, less time to spend with one. Going on vacation with 2.... I see how hard it is for some of my friends that have 2. THen I think of all the people who have 2,3 even 4 kids, and they manage. I guess it comes down to what are you willing to sacrifice. THere is also the expense of everything. So I guess the question is, if you could have a healthy baby would you have one? If the answer is yes, then I think your headed in that direction.
Having an only child is also hard for me, because I feel lucky to have a brother, I wish I had more siblings, and I feel like my daughter will be missing out. Though some siblings don't get along, even as adults. There are many books on raising an only child, and they say that they are well adjusted and they really don't miss what they never had, more is not always better. I could go on and on.....hope this helps, good luck.

Wow, you have gotten a lot of responses. I thought I send my two cents in too.
I am kind of in the same boat as you, but I'm a little older. I had my first child at the age of 40. A beautiful, happy, healthy little girl and absolutely no complications during the pregnancy. I waited until later in life to try to get pregnant because that was when the timing was right for me. I realize that I am very lucky that I was able to get pregnant. Now I am 44 and we are trying to have a second child and I have not been able to get pregnant after 10 moths of trying (5 months seeing a fertility specialist because I was diagnosed with high FSH). Like you, I have had all the exact same thoughts (worries) that you mentioned, but I try to focus on the positive. I am in good health and eat a healthful diet. Autism and birth defects do not run in my family. The odds are still in our favor for having a healthy child over one with a disability. I plan to get all the genetic testing that I can early in the pregnancy and take it one step at a time if the results indicate a potential problem.
I was originally worried that it would be difficult to have the energy to keep up with one child, but it has been much easier than I thought it would be. Hopefully I will also find it easier than I expect with two. Although I am sure some days will be difficult, the joy of having my children will make it worthwhile.

I pray that I will be able to have a second child, but if it is not meant to be, I know that I am blessed to have my daughter. Even though I really feel that this is the right time in my life for me to have a second child, part of me wishes that we would have started trying sooner (maybe we wouldn't be having such a hard time getting pregnant).
Most health insurance will cover fertility treatments up until the age of 40. I am very lucky that mine gives me until age 45. (Just something to keep in mind).

I hope sharing my story is helpful to you and I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make.
Sincerely,
B.

I say if you are healthy (for the most part) and want a second one the timing is perfect! I was 38 when I had my first, and I was considered higher risk due to obesity and high blood pressure. My pregnancy was amazingly easy. I had no problems baby healthy, happy, etc. sooo don't let age stop you. I have an only child right now, he's 2.5 we have a blast, I was an only child and though it definately had it's perks, At this point in my life I really miss 'family' and really wish I had that sibling connection that I observe around me, for holidays, and for my son's sake to have those connections. I will never be an aunt, he will have no aunts/uncles, or cousins nor will his kids, I just feel like he'll be jipped if I don't have another one sometime soon. I don't want him to grow up and be alone like that. Hopefully I wll circumvent it by teaching him a different mindset about what family is (friends, loved ones) but still...there are days I just feel really bad. So from the prospective of an only child, with only one child,, 37 yrs old or not,,, ya, I would have another one. Your son will be just old enough when you deliver that it will a little easier.
The first child always takes so much more energy because it's all new. My son would give the proverbial energizer bunny a run for his money, and I would still have another one! So go for it..

Hi S.,
I had my second child at age 37 and I wouldn't trade him for anything. He was born with dermatitis but that was quickly cleared up. Check your doctor for the odds of having a defect in your second child; I'll bet it is low.
L.

OMG, 37 is not old! My husband and I are definitely planning on having a second child - our first is also 15 mo (and she's an energy-packed one!!!), and I will be 39 in Sept; hubby is 41. Despite the fact that sometimes my daughter does exhaust me, I love her to death, and truly believe that having a child helps keep me young. Plus, I've heard it's easier having two - they can entertain and keep each other company, rather than being reliant on you.

OLDER!!!???? Wow, so many of us are having kids so late that 37 is almost the norm! I was 38 and 39 when I had my kids, now 1 and 2 1/2, and we are EXHAUSTED most of the time, but I don't see how we'd be any less tired with one.

I was an only child for a long time (My brother was born when I was 13) and it was really lonely a lot of the time. I had a lot of friends in the neighborhood, but they are different then a sibling.

My husband wasn't crazy about having #2, but he loves her like crazy now, and I already can see them enjoying each other's company, and I get a little break sometimes just to clean the kitchen instead of having to entertain!

Go for it!! 37 is the new 27!

"Older" mom! LOL -- you're just a spring chick!

I had my first at 37, and am now working on my second at 39. I know very well the risks of which you speak. The list is seemingly endless, especially when you visit your doctor or midwife. The most horrifying is the Down's syndrome -- it was billed as 1 in every 200 women my age (at 39) has a child with Down's Syndrome!

Yikes! My first trimester ultrasound is coming up (you get those at 39)! My child will be a mutant!

It took me a while to turn those numbers around and see it for what it truly is. That figure means that 95% of women my age have **perfectly normal** babies!

I still harbored a bit of worry, even with that, since the monster looms so largely in this field. So when my first tri ultrasound came back within normal parameters, the bloodwork was absent key indicators, and the 20-week screening looked good as well, I said "no thank you VERY much" to the amnio. At that point there was more a risk of miscarriage than of having a child with major genetic problems.

So on the risk side, let the science guide you but not obsesses you. You also need to decide before you go in one thing: if you do end up being one of the small few whose baby is likely affected by a genetic disorder, what are you willing to do about it? You have several options, but that's a very personal question only you and your spouse can answer.

I'm looking forward to having a sibling for my little one, energy demands or not. My little one is vocal enough to tell me that she's excited about having a baby sibling (we'll see if that changes when baby arrives!).

Whichever way you go, your decision will be the right one!