My second grade son started playing soccer in kindergarten in the local Y intramural program and was the only kid who'd never played before (everyone else started in pre-school) and though he stuck with it through the end of 1st grade, he's always been the worst on the team. He's also tried indoor floor hockey which was a bit of a disaster, and now he's just started baseball (coach-pitch), and again, is the only kid who'd never played before and is again, the worst on the team. As he talks about the list of other sports to try - searching for *something* that might click with his abilities - I become concerned that he will be so late starting anything that there will be no hope of ever catching up with kids his own age who have all been playing whatever it is since they were 3. Does anyone have any experience with a kid who has caught up as a late starter? Or has actually gotten good at something they were awful at for the first few years? Please trust I am NOT a crazy parent wishing my kid was going to be a professional athlete. He just always talks about wanting to play sports and so far he's struggled at everything he's tried.
FORGOT TO ADD: In whatever sport he's in, we practice at least 2-3 days a week after school with him. He's out back with his dad (who used to coach high school baseball) constantly to have a catch or whatever. With soccer, we bought popup nets and I was outside playing with him. In addition, every week he does crossfit kids and swim lessons. He's also done fun- and mud-runs with me.
And re: lacrosse, we're on Long Island...kids start with lacrosse just as early as soccer around here.
Wow. 16 responses and I count 2 recommending extra coaching, 5 saying practice more, and 2 to practice less. 3 to stay with each sport longer and 5 to switch to more individual sports. And 4 saying to let him be bad as long as he's having fun and 5 saying he's probably just not athletic and take him out of any sports at all (side question, if a kid's "just not very bright", do you figure school isn't worth it? or do you get them extra help to be better?). As much as I was hoping for some kind of clarity, this just reflects all of the contradictory things I manage to be sure of about him all at the same time, which I guess has been my experience of being a parent: simultaneously being sure of opposite things about my kids all the damn time.
Thank you to LoveBeingMommy and Lola P. who gave examples, which is really what my question was about. But I guess that says something if there aren't many examples out there of a kid turning a corner on a sport as they got older, or starting late and still managing to achieve competence at a sport. I don't know what's normal - I am not an athlete in the slightest, but I did compete at a reasonably high level in two very different sports, but in both sports was just in the right place at the right time. I also didn't start any older than most other people did, at the time at least. I was hoping there were examples like that for kids who did start late, but guess there aren't these days.
And I really hope I'm not abusing my son with having 4 hours a week of scheduled activities for him. But who am I to be sure? I can only hope I'm doing the right thing to encourage him to be as active as possible. He's the one pulling my husband and I outside to play catch or kick the soccer ball around every day - so I don't think I'm pressuring him there, but will certainly ask him what he thinks next time he asks for a catch - maybe he is only doing it to make us happy.
In the mean time, as far as individual sports go, he's not nearly good enough a swimming to be on a team yet but that is something he's already said he wants to do when he can do all of the required strokes. He's great on his bike and we've gone mountain biking a few times and I'd love to keep that going (but I don't think he can compete as a kid). He also wants to try the local youth track club in the spring - running in a straight line is one thing he's not bad at.
At the end of this baseball season he'll have to reevaluate whether he wants to keep going with baseball, in which case we will look for winter coaching to try and get his skills to a level where he'll be able to play in the spring (when kid pitch starts), or if he wants to go back to soccer or try something else.
Thanks to everyone who gave this some thought.
Could be he just is not athletic. Try going in a different direction. Sounds like sports just is not his thing. Nothing wrong with that.
He needs to practice a lot and stick with a sport for awhile. You could even sign him up for extra coaching (a parent/friend/older child) who can help him.
Nothing is going to happen right away and that will be frustrating. After a year of really focusing you will see improvement. He may or may not ever be an amazing athlete and that is okay.
Some kids do better in individual sports (usually more expensive compared to the Y team sports). Most of the really good players are always practicing during recess and after school. This is their way of having fun while other kids play tag or some imagination game.
It will take more than just one season to determine if a kid is good at something. Most kids don't start baseball til 7 or 8 it takes practice and commitment. Not jumping from one to the next because he doesn't feel like he's perfect at it. Sign up for something and stick to it. Soccer in spring and fall, baseball in summer, basket ball and swimming in winter. And if your not wanting him to feel like a failure quit giving up on him. Michael Jordan got cut from his highschool basketball team one year they didn't think he was good enough. And I would stop the non stop practicing. It may be giving him the impression that he's not good. Practice with the team is enough. It's the process here not the product. The goal is to have fun, make friends and get some physical activity not become the next pele or babe Ruth.
You can try getting him into sailing, skiing, fencing, tennis, golf, bowling, rock climbing, swiming, diving etc. These sports are sometimes ones which kids start at a more advanced age, so he would have a more level playing field. Also, since they are not team sports, your kid's natural ability, or lack thereof, wouldn't necessarily impact the team.
Best,
F. B.
It takes time, practice, all the stars being in alignment (ha ha)... I was awful at sports in jr. high because my body was awkward and just didn't work right. Then in high school I was first string varsity on a final 4 state basketball team and State Champion 4 years in a row in the 800 meter on track. Part of it was that I stuck with it and practiced really hard, but honestly, a lot it was just that I grew into my body and it started working right! I certainly wouldn't give up on a kid's sports abilities in second grade if he wants to play. His body has a lot of changes to go through!
If he's enjoying it, who cares if he's not good at it? The point at this age is to have fun, learn a skill, get exercise, be social... If he stops enjoying it, that's when it's time to move on.
Also, is he really the worst on the team, or is he just the only one who never scores? For example, my son never scores on his soccer team, but he is fearless when it comes to charging into a mess of players to get back the ball even though he is the tiniest kid in the entire league. Don't forget there's a lot more to a sport than scoring - defense, assisting, passing, blocking, stealing, catching...Is your son good at some other part that's just not the center stage?
my son did not start baseball until last year in 3rd grade. He was not the best on the team but not the worst. He got a little frustrated but his coaches and teammates just encouraged him to do his best. He practiced at home and seems to enjoy it. He actually did pretty good. He wants to play this coming season.
Nothing happens overnight and I really agree with Sadies post.
Good luck and Many blessings
love it. i used to live with LI parents. (shudder).
my kids started tennis last year (age 9). at 10 now, they've already made the team, and the coach says they're the best he has ever had.
i'm wondering if it has to do with the fact they started 'older' and can follow instructions better etc.
either way, i can never understand seeing kids as young as 2 or 3 into sports. can can't even tell they have to go potty let alone hold a bat, or chase a ball.
I have the same concerns as u. My ds was always reasonably fit and active but bad experiences with baseball have caused him to decide sports aren't for him. Had it not been so competitive and more team oriented instead of superstar oriented. I'm sure he would still want to play. So yes finding something that your son enjoys is key and a noncompetitive program sounds like a better fit.
I always thought that knowing the key fundamentals of the game was important. .now that my kids are 9 and 11 I've found that base knowledge is only 5 percent..pure natural ability is the other 95 oercent. If u have that natural ability it won't matter what age they start.
Your kid is probably not going to be a superstar athlete. They don't usually start out being the "worst" on the team and then become great. It's usually evident fairly early on which kids are good athletes.
Kids like that are often better at individual vs. team sports. Try swimming, martial arts, gymnastics, track, skating, etc. etc. Maybe you should give him a break from the ball sports.
However, if he wants to play these sports despite being "bad" at them, let him go ahead and do it.
Let him play and have fun. It's probably he'll find something he loves and wants to stick with. Hopefully it's something he doesn't "have" to practice so much, it will be something he loves and wants to "play" every day.
Find a pre teen boy or athletic girl to coach him. He needs to stop his fear of balls hitting him in the face (most common fear).
Second grade is not too far from the beginning stages.
Most kids in sports here practice something everyday for about 20 minutes. They work on their core, running, catching, or something.
My daughter practices hockey on the ice 3 days a week and figure skates one day a week. She works on her core, doing sit ups, crunches, and squats everyday. She may get on the elliptical, run, or ride a bike a few days out of the week. I count school PE as part of her work out. So if it is a PE day, I tell her to take it easy.
I think it just depends on if he is willing to devote the time to his sport. No matter what it is, they have to be fit, if they want to be good, because there is always someone else out there working harder.
The question is, does he want to be part of a team or just do his sport recreationally. Both are okay.
He might just not be very athletic. Honestly going through any rec team at this age you will have 2-3 little stars, 5 ok and 5 pretty mediocre players (depending on the sport). We had some kids on my sons flag football player who never played. Some caught on really quick, and some.... well not so much. If he is really wanting to play sports and hasn't caught on quick it just means that he will have to practice more and harder than some others. That means additional time at home throwing and catching a ball, or kicking around a soccer ball then that is what he will need to do to do better. One of my sons friends is great at whatever he does, just a natural. His older sister isn't as gifted athletically but she really wanted to be on the competitive soccer team. She practiced her butt off, attended tons of camps and she did make the best team this year. Her brother on the other hand just tries out and makes it. He just might be one that really needs hard work and dedication. Don't give up on him because its not coming naturally. If you think it is because he is starting late get him in lacrosse. My son just did this at the end of his 3rd grade year and there were so many new kids who have never played before. This is about the time they all kind of start. Its a great sport but work with him at home to make sure he can at least catch the ball before throwing him in there and be willing to work with him a lot. Just be his biggest supporter in whatever he decides to do.
I don't think it's about him starting "older" - and I get that 2nd grade is late to start. My kids all started when they were 4 and so by 2nd they had been doing sports for years. But it's not late in terms of someone looking to play for fun.
My middle son loves sports, and is really good at baseball and football, but has his certain spots on the field where he excels. My youngest son does well in pretty much every position. My daughter dances, and that's her thing and she is amazing - competitive for 6 years now and it's her 9th year dancing (she's 11).
Really though, it seems like your son may just not be the athletic type. So if he wants to play, let him just play for fun. Don't put him in the competitive sports where they travel and get really bad, just do it to have fun.
It doesn't seem like a matter of practice to me. Some kids just have more athletic ability when it comes to typical team sports. Also, some sports just don't click with the kid. If they are athletic, it seems like they are decent at any sport, no matter how late they start. If he doesn't play on a team, keep playing at home. Dad can play catch with him and bat the ball around, because sports are really about fun and connecting with others.
Any rec team should be a good fit if he really enjoys a sport though. It's okay if he doesn't excel at it. There is room for anyone. By third grade they usually start dividing up the rec vs elite players, so he might feel more comfortable with his level when he gets to that point.
He also might prefer a non-competitive sport like swimming, dance or martial arts. I have seen kids do amazing at martial arts, who aren't super-star athletes on the field. I have also seen the reverse first-hand. My son excels at team sports, but was not the best at martial arts when he first tried. My daughter is the opposite. Same with swimming. So, don't sweat it and keep encouraging him to enjoy movement in one form or another.
