Athleticism in Kids

I've seen both. Some kids show signs of amazing athleticism at a very early age and seem to continue that throughout growth. I know several kids on my sons teams who are great at practically every sport. They just have that ability to "get it" and excel at everything. Then I've also recently seen older kids, 9-12, who step it up and gain confidence when they are older. Something clicks and they are willing to practice harder and push themselves. They also have more of a competitive drive kick in. So, I'd be patient and supportive and see what happens. I also know kids who aren't super great in the traditional sense, but still enjoy movement and the team camaraderie. No matter what, you are right that sports are great for some many things.

I do think starting so early can ruin it...I also think it's probably more personality that will make the difference. ..so if he is laid back not competitive. I would not expect sports to be his thing...not that he might not enjoy running as a hobby later..

I have 2 kids. my son was pretty coordinated ..I guess average in walking and learning to skip or walk alternating feet up stairs. Catch a ball etc....but he hates competing...he hates how boring sports were....dd has a disability and it's 10 times harder but she thrives on competition and works super hard to dominate...she is my athletic one. Ironically

I have four kids, same gene pool, same parenting, same opportunities, one was an amazing athlete and the reason was her drive. All my kids have enjoyed sports, were good at them but never great. The one that was great, just wanted to take it up to that level and did.

The sporty one is 25, the oldest is 27 and if you ask them neither will say the sports made or broke them. It was just one part of their whole childhood. I agree with your husband, don't worry about it.

you can't say for sure, although certainly some kids do indicate early that they're going to be lifelong devotees of some sport or other. i certainly wouldn't be biting my nails over a kid this young. if they're active doing anything, it's a positive, and has the potential to lead into more.
my older boy was an uber-athlete as a young fella. well, that's probably overstating it a little. he DID win a goal for the other team playing soccer at 6 by kicking a goal in his own zone. but for a kid with badly pronated feet, he was fast, and he loved it. he was always in the all-stars in little league, and a really good basketball player too. he's a big, strong man now, with a touch too much weight but a ton of muscle, and keeps his hand in with a variety of sports and weights at the gym, although he's not super into any of them right now.
my younger was a hefty little fellow, and while he enjoyed playing sports, he was self-conscious, and that made him sensitive and he acted out more when, for example, his baseball teammates teased him for being slow. i bit my nails over him a lot more. now in his early 20s, he's a whipcord. model-ripped, does terrifyingly fancy snowboarding (to my horror) and rock-climbs and plays basketball and who knows what.
i think you're wise to encourage your son to stay in sports while he enjoys them. don't let YOUR concern that he might possibly at some point get discouraged cause you to over-compensate. competitiveness can get overwrought for sure, but it's not the demon that modern parenting makes it out to be. a kid can play a very competitive sport with very focused teammates and still keep it fun IF his parents help him with that. and if it stops being fun, there are always other sports out there. some people aren't meant for team sports. i'm one of 'em. solitary jogging or horseback riding are far more appealing to me.
i'm with your husband.
khairete
S.

While you say your boys seem like "late bloomers", I would suggest that you really don't know yet what they're blooming into. It almost seems as though you have planted a seed, not knowing what type of seed it is, and are pruning it, watering it, fertilizing it, and tending to it as though it is an apple tree, when in fact it might be a palm tree or an orchid or a zucchini plant or an oak tree.

Don't observe the other parents, don't recall your college sports years, don't judge the other kids.

Observe your own children. Get to know them. You might be amazed. They might sort of enjoy sports but love creative writing. They might be "weekend athletes" on fun, loosely organized teams (like a group of pals that get together for bowling once a week mostly for the beer and the camaraderie and the good times), and they might become serious scientists, or violinists, or teachers or business entrepreneurs. Ask them, some day soon, "what would you like to do for a day with mom (or dad, or both)?" Maybe they'll say a trip to a museum, or making things out of clay, or maybe they'll ask for batting practice. It might surprise you. Organized sports may never be their area of interest, or they might develop an interest and an aptitude when they're 12, or 15.

I'm reading an interesting book on a related topic right now It's titled The Growth Mindset. You might check it out.

A less philosophical answer is this: my less athletically talented child is a much better baseball player than my more naturally athletically inclined child is. Why? Because starting after his first season of t-ball, he loved nothing more than to spend hours thowing a ball with anyone who will catch and throw it back. What I am saying is that I disagree with your assessment that "there is only so much you can do." He's good because he really wants to be good at baseball and he works hard at it. We don't push him, it's his choice and personality.

If your child is not that focused/competitive, that's totally fine. It's perfectly ok to just have fun with it. His interest in being competitive might change later and then maybe he'll want to put in more effort. Or not, in which case he'll gravitate other activities to enrich him. In any case, I wouldn't put much thought into natural athleticism. It's much more about the child's interest level - and corresponding enthusiasm to put in effort, IMO.

ETA: There is the very rare, future pro sports player who might naturally be a standout in elementary school. But you seem to be talking generally about 99.9% of kids on the local little league team, and so I think that's not the situation you are describing.

Can you elaborate a little more on why you think it's important for a child to excel in sports? If he's having fun and moving around, that's excellent. Sometimes kids have to sit on the bench, and that's a learning experience. But as long as the coaches are putting everyone in the game, and as long as kids are enjoying the practices and the camaraderie without endless focus on the score, everything is fine.

Here's my take on the parents on the sidelines. If you take all of the baseball leagues, basketball programs, and soccer organizations in your town, and throw in lacrosse, tennis and hockey and you line all those kids up…..you are unlikely to have even one Olympic or professional athlete. I've lived in my town for 28 years and have seen 2 kids go to the Olympics, that's it. Virtually no one gets full-ride athletic scholarships to college. So what's the pressure for?

I think it's vital to have well-rounded kids who do any activity (or several) that incorporates both their natural abilities and the need to apply themselves to practice. They need to learn to fail, and they need to learn that things don't always come easily (in fact, they rarely do). But I think those lessons come from the school play, the chorus, the debate team, the social action committee, music lessons, art classes, scouts/youth groups and volunteering at the local animal rescue league. Kids won't find out what they're good at unless they actually do them, so those few parents who shove their kids into expensive athletic programs may well be neglecting their child's natural abilities in other areas.

My son did a number of athletic programs, mostly a season of basketball through the town Recreation Department or a few seasons of soccer. He had fun, but nothing really emerged as a passion. He went to religious school one day a week, and a sport one day a week. That was it. The rest of the time he played with friends, went to a museum or the library, or built really elaborate things out of Legos. We didn't sweat it. I think these things all built his character and independence.

In high school, he suddenly wanted to try out for basketball but I hadn't gotten around to getting him his physical. But he wandered over to the track team, where they accept everyone. What a wonderful program! Every kid can run, jump or throw things! Sometimes the "unathletic" kid turned out to be the very best at throwing the discus, and the kid who wasn't very fast actually had more endurance than anyone else to run the 2 mile. There are skills to develop, ways to improve your stride, ways to watch and learn from the competition, to be sure. A good coach teaches all of that.

On our track and cross country teams, every kid learned to stand at the finish line and cheer every other kid, and the emphasis was on bettering your last time or distance. So it built team spirit and friendships as well as leadership skills. If you weren't running, you were operating a stopwatch. If you weren't throwing, you were helping the officials with the measuring tapes or setting up and removing hurdles. And that was whether you were the top athlete or the least athletic kid. One of my proudest moments as a parent was not watching my son win races (which he did, fairly often) but watching him and another kid race around trying to find the spikes for the shoes of a teammate, a kid with Asperger's Syndrome who found a home on this team. Confused and distracted, he stood at the start line while the 2 other boys found his spikes, screwed them into his shoes, and got the shoes on his feet just in time for the boy's race to start. THAT'S what the coach taught our kids in this program.

So ….. figure out what your priorities are, what your concerns are, and what your goals are. Then assess whether your son is having fun at ANY activity (not just sports), help him commit to a season but not necessarily his whole life, and to find value in whatever he undertakes. Don't worry about performance so much. Walk away from those competitive parents on the sidelines who are the types who are ruining sports for all our kids. Get your child in a program with a nurturing and supportive coach or director, and give him time to just be an unscheduled kid as well. It will pay off.

Meh. Not everyone is good at sport. Or interested in it. Perhaps his talents lie elsewhere- like an ability to understand and relate to people well, or a love of nature. Just because mum and dad were accomplished in sport does not mean a child will be the same, or want to be the same.

I am a swimmer. It means a lot to me. So far only one out of my three children shows a real interest in it. The other two are humorous and creative and cunningly intelligent and their own little individual selves. It seems you just can't pick it.

Yes, I think you can tell by 5, 6 and 7 what kids' athletic ability is going to be. If your son is 7, and doesn't seem to have great skills in team sports, he's probably never going to be a star player. You can pretty much see by age 7, the kids who are intuitively great players.

There is no reason to be concerned - he doesn't have to be a great athlete to have a great life and a wonderful school experience.

Both my husband and I are athletic as adults. My husband was a gifted athlete when young and I was not, but I performed better in individual sports like swimming and gymnastics. Both of my sons were not particularly athletic, and I never had that sport mom experience of gloating over my superstar athlete, but they still did various sports and physical activities growing up, and since we have always worked out and been physical as parents, all of our kids are athletic as adults.

You're right, there's only so much you can do. And you don't want to harp on this and start making him feel inferior. His involvement in sports should be about health and enjoyment, not being a superstar.

And please don't yell "encouragement" at him from the sidelines -- I did that initially when my kids were little and all of my kids told me to knock it off, so I did. Once I began playing soccer as an adult, I understood how freaking annoying it is to have some armchair athlete yelling at you from the stands.

Really, there's nothing to worry about. I don't understand your comment about being concerned because things are getting much more competitive. Are you worried that he won't get a sports scholarship or something? Your son will have other skills and strengths. It doesn't matter at all if other parents are comparing kids. Relax.

Your child may or may not be interested or excel in sports. You do realize any pushing and constant prodding will turn them off from whatever it is you are prodding about sports. Being good at sports does not make a person better or worse as an adult.

Just because you and your hubby were good athletes does not dictate if your children will be. Your children could hate sports and love something different and excel in different areas.

Do you have these expectations because you and hubby were athletic OR are you banking on some sort of sport scholarship for their college career?

Back off and allow your children to live and enjoy their childhood. If it is meant to be, it will be. Stop worrying because they are not the next phenomenal sports figure right now.

Well there's maturity and then there's natural coordination.
My kids are all relatively athletic but my middle one was always more coordinated, even from a young age.
She learned everything easily and early and did it well, swimming, riding a bike, skiing, she took to it all.
But you know what? She just wasn't "into" team sports at all. She played soccer and volleyball and excelled but in the end just wasn't into it.
So if I were you I'd try REALLY hard not to expect your kids to be ANYTHING. Encourage them of course but I promise your son is going to pick up on your disappointment if he decides he'd rather spend his days reading, building and daydreaming than hitting the field.

Being in shape has nothing to do with whether you play sports or are on a team.
I've known kids who could ride their bikes all day all over town and never get winded.
Organized team sports a lot of kids just don't get into the spirit of the games until they are older.
It's boring waiting around in an outfield waiting for something to happen.

We started our son in taekwondo when he was 8 yrs old.
He took one year off when we moved but he started up again and has been taking it for 8 yrs now and he'll be going for his 4th dan belt in March.
He's never been one to enjoy team sports.
He's learned about them at school but it's never been something he cares about and we've never pushed him.

Kids need more time for free play - play grounds, sand boxes, neighborhood games of dodge ball, jumping rope, climbing trees, riding bikes, etc.
They don't need to be on teams so young.
When adults get uber involved in kids playing, it's no longer about the kids.
Pee Wee leagues are more about parents egos and living vicariously through their kids than it is about the kids having fun and that's just wrong.

My brother (a bachelor with NO kids) always swore that *I* had in effect 'killed the competitive spirit' in my kids in favor of cooperation. Maybe I did - there are 7 of them only 7 years apart in age.

We did all kinds of sports over the years - soccer, baseball, softball, volleyball, football, dance, horseback riding, tennis.... Although my family has a history of 'world class' athletes a generation or two back, my focus WAS on cooperation and sportsmanship. I am afraid I do not have a world class athlete in the bunch!

BUT, I have well rounded kids that have an appreciation for, and understanding of many sports.

3 of the kids are on (or had) ROTC scholarships, and have had to maintain those PT requirements, so I am assuming they are relatively fit. One daughter is training to be a fire fighter (post college) and has to be fit to meet some of those requirements. One daughter has been a competitive dancer, and is quite fit.

They all work out on a consistent basis.

I encouraged them to try any sport. I encouraged them to be good sports, and be supportive of team mates. I encouraged them to have fun.

Now in terms of grades...they ALL were/are pretty competitive, particularly since they are so close in age. A 'friendly' sort of competitive...

I would enjoy, cheer positive things from the sidelines, and relax!

Best

I don't think that this is something that you should really worry about. If your kids are having fun and learning how to be on a team, that is what should be important. It is possible that athletics just are not their thing and that's ok too. I think that parents sometime put too much emphasis on competitive sports...

I agree, don't worry. Not all kids are competitive. Maybe he will be well rounded and enjoy a tennis match, round of golf, or a neighborhood game of baseball.

If he has not made a commitment to a sport or made one his goal, then let him play what he wants to play. He is getting exercise and keeping his mind free of the video games. If he finds a sport, his passion will grow.

In our recent team meeting, the coach made a point to say, these are 9 year old kids and it is great that there are some dedicated players, but if they want a break they deserve a break.

Parents are brutal! It doesn't matter what sport it is, they are brutal. The only way to take care of that problem, is to move far far away from them. I don't sit on the bleachers if there are a lot of parents around. I find a separate seat or a bench that only has room for me and my husband. I wouldn't put too much value into what parents say...they have no business judging or comparing the kids.

There's a ballerina in the news that didn't start til she was 13. I think kids are different and I'd encourage him to keep playing as long as he enjoys it, no matter if he's MVP or not. Perhaps choose teams as he gets older that are more in line with his fun vs skill level. Keep ignoring the overly comparative parents. My stepson had friends on the football team that were better athletically but failing miserably in school. Maybe right now he likes soccer and in a few years he picks up something else.

ETA: We always encouraged the kids to do something extra curricular, but it could be chorus, or leadership or sports or art...currently my daughter does dance and her big sister loved theatre. So I'd not worry about him excelling in sports per se, especially since he can get skills like leadership, teamwork, perseverance, etc. in other venues if he chooses not to continue.

I think you can and can't tell a child might be athletically inclined.. when young, they are still growing and learning coordination.. That said, some kids do seem more agile and able to do any sport. When both my brother and I were younger, we were both very active and good at sports. We had a lot of coordination and agility from the get go. In part, I think sports being so easy for us made us want to get out there and try new things, which in turn, due to more practice, we naturally got better. However, I know lots of people whom when younger weren't the most agile or coordinated and aren't even now.. But that isn't to say that once a child finds "their" sport, they can't blossom.. They can.. Maybe it's not playing ball... could be a child is good at dancing or like my son whom now at 13 LOVES frisbee.. Who knew.. and now, because he realized how much he loves that and how good he's become at it, it's given him confidence to branch out and try something new, in this case, Lacrosse.. who knew..
so don't worry... children will find their way as long as there is support behind them.. you will always have parents on the sidelines cheering their kids on and yes, there will always be those kids who excel more at certain sports... Also, my son is a November baby and although has always been the tallest, he is usually the youngest sometimes by several months, which has made him odd man out in terms of coordination and know how.. (at times....)
eventually though, they all catch up and the kid who leaves school the smallest before summer comes back the tallest in the fall....

I don't know. My son isn't the most gifted when it comes to traditional team sports, either. He hated soccer as a young child and never seemed to have the "natural" abilities of some of the other kids when it came to throwing a baseball or whatever, either.
He took up martial arts later and did well. Although, even there, when I watched, he looked less natural than some of the other kids (not all, by any means, but some kids just seemed MADE for it, ya know?). In the water, however, he seemed extremely at home. He had ZERO interest in any water sport, though. But he's a natural in the water. Like a fish.

So, can you look at them young and tell if they'll be a good athlete? I'd say no. There are so MANY things to participate in that are so very different, that you really can't tell. Maybe he won't be a star on the basketball court, or whatever... but maybe his niche is something he hasn't happened across yet. Maybe he'll excel at archery. Or tree climbing. Or rowing. (yeah, tree climbing isn't an actual sport, but it takes definite skill...)

On the other hand, some kids look like naturals, but really are just more coordinated earlier, and they look more natural b/c they are ahead of their peers at that point in time. Our daughter was more like that. She seemed to pick up physical stuff like a cat. Just smooth and natural at everything. But, as she has gotten older (she's 14) she doesn't seem ahead of her peers in that regard any longer. She's more advanced with her music, though. Very talented there. And I think there is a relationship between the two... she's done martial arts as well, but she isn't as smooth in her movements as some kids I've seen. She is however quite precise.

So, you'll just have to wait and see, really. Maybe you can tell. Maybe not. You won't know until later if your predictions are accurate, so why worry over them? As long as he enjoys whatever it is, let him enjoy it. The time will come soon enough (I promise) when the school coaches will do the culling and he'll have a pretty good feel for how he stacks up by then all on his own. IF he is even interested in those particular sports.

Maybe he'll be a science or lego or robotics or chess club kid. At 5, 6, and 7... it's pretty early to be overly concerned. I hope Dad isn't putting any pressure on your son in that regard. He isn't him. He's his own kid with his own childhood. Dad may have loved all that stuff, and felt some innate talent that he didn't play out to his full potential or whatever.... but that was Dad. Not your son.

Hang in there mom. It's hard sometimes. :)
--

Oh, and they aren't Mom, either. So, no pressure, Mom. Okay? ;)

Most of the kids I know who are truly gifted athletes have shown obvious, above-average levels of speed, strength, agility, etc. from a young age. My youngest played in an entry-level hockey league last year for first year players ages 5-10. His coach was a former pro player whose 4-year-old was on the team and was the best player they had. This kid was just faster and better - at age 4, he had "hockey sense" and intuitively knew where to be and how to make a play. It was amazing to witness such talent in a little guy. My 11 year old has a friend who has been playing at an elite level since he was 6. I've seen him play casually (pond hockey) over the years and there is just something different about him that stands out. My youngest son (age 9) has 3 friends who are just naturally good at every sport they try and they tend to make "select" and "travel" teams even if it's their first time playing a sport. So there are those kids who show a lot of aptitude from the beginning, but they're maybe 10% of all the kids who play. The rest are mediocre or worse and that's OK.

Please don't let your experience as an athlete color your view of your child. I had dreams, based on my own childhood, of seeing my kids in plays, musicals, dance competitions and art shows, of sharing books with them and reading their writing, or marveling at their school work.

Guess what? None of my kids is an actor or artist, they are mostly mediocre students and reluctant readers and while two enjoy playing instruments, neither of them is particularly serious about it. You know what they are serious about (and not particularly great at)? Hockey and lacrosse, which no one in my family played. My husband wanted to play hockey but wasn't allowed to and lax didn't exist here when we were kids. My point is, their interests and abilities are really different from ours in ways that I never expected and that's OK.

That your child isn't showing precocious athletic ability isn't something to worry about. There are opportunities to play sports at all levels at all ages. If he doesn't make the more competitive teams, so what? Accept that sports might be something he just does for fun...that's the point, isn't it?

Some kids are very aggressive and it works well in sports, yet not at home. Be careful what you wish for.

I talked to some dads and they said they became good at baseball after age 10 or 11. They do not consider themselves skilled, yet loved it and worked hard. They felt this sport (to my surprise) easier for them compared to basketball. I thought about it and basketball and soccer has a lot of running all the time and constant stealing of the ball. My son has a very gentle disposition and does not like this, but LOVES baseball (he is now 8). He is one of the least skilled, but he still want to be out there. Currently the kids can still get on the team, but one day there will try-out and kids not invited. For me softball was difficult because I did not like having the spotlight on me, yet this doesn't seem to bother my son. He also likes/love surfing and boogie boarding.

mynewnickname has a good point. There are some kids who are always finding a way to play catch or make a basket. They are just drawn to the game and practice a lot.

Some kids have it and some kids don't. My kids are not overly athletic, but they enjoy playing here and there. I don't think, at this point, high school sports are in their future. However, there are so many other opportunities to be "part of something". My husband and I were both in the band--high school and college. I was in one of the biggest (perhaps the biggest) college marching band in the country. I was a majorette and in high school the band practiced 2 hours a day after school and in college we practiced 3 hours a day M-Th and on Fridays, if we had a home game. It was a work-out! Plus, going to a school of 40,000 kids, it was something to belong to. College, as you know, also has lot of intramural sports. Plenty of opportunities to be active!

I do wish, though, there were more teams for kids to play for fun. Once they hit 9 or 10 it gets so competitive and the teams only want the really good kids.

I do think you're too concerned and over analyzing his athletic gifts at this young age.

My 3 kids are/were very athletic and competitive. One was a DIV I water polo player and did not start swimming in SoCalif until the 9th grade. Wow, was that ever a shock to us and her coaches. My 16 yr old son is a competitive ballroom dancer and only took that up a couple of years ago and is currently undefeated. My youngest didn't start figure skating until the 3rd grade, age 9, which is considered too late by most and she's currently our provinces Pre-Novice Champion and is headed for the Olympics.

Yes my kids were very athletic as kids, and all their PE teachers would go out of their way to mention this, but they weren't particularly competitive until older. And they get that tendency from. I love to exercise, swim, hike, bike, walk, dance, but I don't have one competitive cell in my body.

My guess is that your son hasn't found the right sport for himself. You found the right sport for yourself, but not for him. Keep exposing him to a variety of sports, and my hunch is that one will click with him soon.

I agree with most of what has been said but also remember being an above average athlete as a young kid but not a stand out like some kids. Then I became very good at tennis and was one of two freshman to make our HS team in a competitive upper class town. So kids can excel later. Same time, things are just way more competitive than when I was a kid and I have almost no hope that my kids will make a HS team if they go to our public HS's which are quite large. It's a reason I consider private schools. I couldn't care less if my kids are superstar athletes and certainly don't look for college scholarships but playing on a team is a great experience and I'll be sad if they don't get it. Plus I think it helps keep kids out of trouble. But lots of people are in this situation so there seem to be more club sports now. And there are the more unusual sports like fencing or water polo kids can get into later and shine. I also have heard of many of these super star kids burning out by HS and having no interest any more in the sport their parents drove them to every weekend at 6am for years. So I figure I'll just see what happens and meanwhile my kids happily are trying many different sports and having fun and whatever will be will be. Ironically, my sister never wanted to play tennis as a kid. Now as a mom she plays a lot and loves it while I never play. Life hopefully is long and just encourage your kids to join in and have fun and nothing really more you can do. Or try sports like golf and tennis.

Kids with a natural ability have shown it early on. Kids who work hard can become better with age. If your son wants to be athletic and works hard then he will as long as he's coachable. All the athletic ability in the world means nothing if the kid isn't coachable.

Some kids are never going to be the athletic type. My boys, and my girl for that matter, aren't. My husband and I aren't really either.
Staying active doing something like biking or hiking and the like we enjoy. A little bit of shooting hoops in a street side hoop is fun but not a full game of basketball. None of us like organized sports.
I do feel like parents are pushing their kids earlier and harder, expecting too much and making things far too competitive and taking all the fun out of it. If your kid is still having fun then keep him in those activities. If it isn't fun anymore, let him leave and find something else.
Just because you and your husband are the athletic type does not mean your son will be, and that's OK.

I let my kids do sports for fun and exercise, anything beyond that is their decision. My daughter is starting her 10th year of dance, 7th year competing. She is absolutely amazing and has the trophies and awards to show for it. If she was horrible and just did it for fun, I'd be just as proud of her.

Both of my boys also love sports. They do football, baseball, and basketball. They have excelled in their own time and have often made the All Stars teams for baseball and at least in to the playoffs for football. Basketball ends when the season is over. They do the rec and parks sports because they like doing more than one, versus committing to a travel team and doing only one per year.

I ignore other parents unless their comments are negative about any child on the field/court/stage. That's not okay on so many levels and I have a loud mouth to protect the kids.

Don't worry about it - let your kids have fun. Not all kids will be the captain or the star performer in what they do....and if they are, it truly doesn't mean they are any better than the others. I'd be WAY more concerned that their school work was excelling before I even gave a thought to sports.