Old Friend Had Child Die Unexpectedly...

I think it is perfectly appropriate to send a card and a giftcard.

I just lost my father recently, and it is heartwarming to hear from people who I may not have seen for years, who express their sympathy.

I lost my 3 year old almost 4 years ago. I was so thankful when people started donating because I couldn't cook for myself anymore, or hardly function to do anything for myself for a long time. Call her, all the time. Offer to do stuff with her to take her mind off of it. After the funeral, it will get worse because she will suddenly realize she has no one to take care of anymore. It's very traumatic. This is the time to be with her and listen to her. Don't stay away because you feel akward. I could always tell when people tried to avoid me and it made it so much harder to cope. I'm so sorry for her loss!
I just have to add...I really do think you should alert anyone who knows her if they don't know her well. After my son died, so many people would ask me how my son was doing, or asking me where he was. That was horrible to have to say "he died".

It is certainly appropriate. Send flowers, send a card showing your support and sincerest sympathies with the gift card. If you can comment on random things on an old friend's post, you can certainly be proactive over something as tragic as this.

This is so incredibly sad. My heart feels broken for this family.

I lost my son when he was an infant and I can tell you that a gift card to a restaurant is a wonderful gift. I certainly did not feel like cooking. I also didn't have the energy to even figure out a menu, let alone go food shopping. Still we all had to eat. Fortunately we could afford to go out so we did. That however was painful too. The hostess would call our name and say "party of 3" when we were suppose to be a party of 4.

No not weird! How tragic and any act of kindness from a stranger, friend, family or acquaitences goes along way. I am sure she could use the encouragement.

It's sounds totally appropriate to me. Even if you haven't seen her in awhile, she was enough of a friend or acquaintance of yours to come to your baby shower so you should definitely acknowledge this sad event in her life with a card, gift card, or whatever you think would help make her life a bit easier at this time.

Always appropriate to send sincere condolences, card, flowers, donation, etc. How tragic!

I don't think it matters how long you've not seen each other. Any act of kindness and compassion can never be wrong! Our family just lost an infant and the pain is horrible....it's the love and support from everyone that gets you through it.

First I would call our mutual friends. Certainly food would be appropriate.
A friend of mine could not even think of creating a meal for her other
children. I would probably get together with mutual friends and come up
with some plan to have a meal sent every day for the next several weeks
if that is affordable for you all. She will appreciate it but never remember
who did it. Her grief right now is all consuming. My heart goes out to them.
Just be there for her. Do not ask what needs to be done, just do it if you
live close by. I cannot imagine what they are going thru.

I have absolutely no idea how I would pick myself up and function. I can't imagine I would ever even remember who sent cards let alone care enough to open them. But who knows? My heart breaks for them too.

How sad for her. My BF from Summer band before 7th grade and on through high school and after lost her elementary aged son when he fell off the top bunk of their bunk beds. It was devastating to all of us. I know she'll remember the donation and the flowers will make a nice addition, but I would want to send a plant. They take those home usually and keep them for years.

Yes, a card and a gift card for food would be very helpful.

For people that do not understand facebook.. You are not blasting out to the world.. It is just to your friends that you have picked to be on your page. It is as private as you make it and choose for it to be.

It is a very easy way to explain and tell everyone at once, so you do not to make or receive a million phone calls or write tons of emails.. You know who these people are and are your real friends. Facebook pages are your own community.

If you know her address, I would absolutely send her a card~ How heartbreaking!

That is so incredibly sad. I don't think it would be inappropriate at all. I'm sure there will be an influx of food/people at the beginning, and then it will taper off. She will still be sad and probably not feel like cooking, so a gift card could be used later. I think its a nice gesture.
Though, this is coming from someone who hasn't lost a "close" relative, so take my opinion for what its worth.

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We arent faced with death much so it's such an uncomfortable thing to deal with. I don't think it should be plastered on FB in my opinion, but times have changed.
I'd definitely send her something personal in the mail and
attend the service if you can. How heartbreaking for her. It is such sad news.

Absolutely tell them you feel for them. Send them a card. If there is a grocery store nearby that does delivery, consider sending them a gift card to that store and tell them why. Sometimes when you can't face the world, being able to order online is a blessing. I think what you did WAS appropriate. Caring for someone in a crisis is appropriate.

If you are not nearby then a card and a gift card would be a great idea.

I think she would appreciate that you thought of her after all this time in her grief. I think any mother's heart goes out to another mother who has the tragedy of losing a child.

My former student/classmate of my son's just died at the age of 6 from cancer. I posted about it and Michelle K. from Eldorado told me about this book: "Mommy Please Don't Cry" by Linda Deymaz.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mommy-please-dont-cry-lin...

The author of this book wrote it after losing her own child, it's about a child's perspective of heaven. It's really beautiful. It brought me to tears and I think I might buy a copy for myself, although Thank God I only want it b/c it moved me.

I bought this book and wrapped it in some pretty tissue paper and mailed it to the mother with a card. I think any gesture you do will be appreciated. You are great friend to think of her in this time.

I don't get the Face Book thing i'm still young but still love my private life & not telling everyone my important buisness,yes I do think FB is inappropriate I would of done phone calls instead but better yet just would of sent a gift from me & my family showing the family that we cared enough to think of her & her loss at a time like this without posting anything on face book.That is just my thoughts & what I would of done for a friend from afar.

Yes do something now. Remember her on important dates. So many people are scared of death and illness that they start ignoring the grieving person. A kind and thoughtful word is always appropriate and appreciated.

Get off Facebook and really connect! I hate social networking - no one does anything personal anymore!