Not Sure How Much More I Can Take.....

Some kids need to be held all the time when they are babies, and in my opinion, someone should hold them. If you can't do it, she should hire someone who can. A crying baby shouldn't be put in a playpen with the door shut.

You have a right to tell her you can't watch him any more, but not to demand that he change his needs. A baby should be held, not ignored, even at 9 months, if that's what the baby needs.

p.s. My response is not a judgment on A.. It's just a shame that this baby can't be with his mommy more.

Have you tried keeping in his view and TALKING constantly to him? Describe what you're doing, ask him questions, recite the Pledge of Allegiance....whatever. Just keep talking.

I too would be concerned that there is something more going on. Teething, temp, ear infection all come to mind.

Not going to comment on the playpen/shut door thing except to say you might be making it worse by doing that?

maybe some of these mom's that think you are neglecting this little guy cause you won't hold him 24/7 should offer to come on by and hold him all day for you...since they are obviously much better parents/moms and have figured all infants out... :-(

How long have you let him cry? I can assure you he is just fine crying if the circumstances are as you describe, meaning all his needs are met and he is just crying to be crying.
Let him cry for 10-15 minutes.... maybe longer. He'll be fine.

Only three weeks? Has he been checked out by the doctor? Could have an ear infection or something that is hurting him.

I think you really need to involve the baby's parents in this one.

It sounds like there are two different "baby philosophies" going on here. I don't think either one is necessarily wrong, but at your nephew's age, he needs consistency.

There's nothing at all wrong with your telling them, "It seems like he's only comfortable being held. I respect that you do that at home, but I just can't do it here. So this may not be the best setup for him."

Bottom line, a 9-month-old can't shift back and forth between hard-core attachment parenting and a cry-it-out approach. Either one would be fine, if used consistently, but he's not going to be okay with half-and-half. It's better to be up-front and honest with your SIL than to make him go through this.

Do you have an exersaucer or jumpy thing to put him in?
My kids hated the playpen too. It's BORING to them, it's like putting them in a box. At nine months a baby needs/wants to be constantly moving and exploring.
It doesn't sound like this arrangement is working out. Maybe your SIL should start looking for a childcare situation that would offer her son more stimulation and interaction.

This kid is bored out of his head and not getting what he really wants: You think he wants to be held but he really wants to interact with someone.

You mention he has "toys to keep him occupied" and he has "a walker, a bouncer and many toys" and you are either holding him or he's in his playpen or crawling around. But you never mention any interaction with him other than holding him, which you resent.

Do you play with him? Get down on the floor on his level and talk to him for longer than a few moments, show him things, sing to him, clap your hands, play with his toys alongside him? Carry him outside? Go for a walk with the stroller and show him leaves and point out birds? Free range of the house crawliing isn't very stimulating if no one is paying attention to you.(And grandma also needs to play and interact and take him out too, not just hold him all the time.)

Maybe it's the way the post was written, but the impression you give in the post is of a baby who is expected to entertain himself entirely. Children this age are simply not developmentally capable of that and will not be capable of that for a long time yet. He is bored and can't play on his own yet! The screaming is not normal but the need to be talked with and in the presence of interacting adults is normal and perfectly age-appropriate for a nine-month-old. They need interaction and can't be left in the bouncer, the walker, the playpen, or the floor to entertain themselves. He will learn that in time but he must be taught it first. Like another person who posted said, at least be where he can see you, and talk to him even if it's nonsense or talking about the weather. If he screams, talk more and stay near rather than walking off.

Okay kind of confused on the time frame. Have you only been watching him for three weeks or did the crying start three weeks ago.

The reason I ask is if she has been holding him since birth but he just started crying three weeks ago there may be something else going on here than just wanting to be held, ya know? What changed three weeks ago?

Um, read your what happened. You are way more upset with the responses than is warranted. I read them all, no one has said anything harsh or judgmental. Perhaps you need to back off and take a breath.

Was he vaccinated 3-4 weeks ago? Sometimes that can irritate the nervous system.

When our kids got "colicky" like this, we got them adjusted by the chiropractor and that usually takes care of it instantly.

ADDED: I just saw your So What Happened addendum. I hope you'll be aware that you didn't say anything at all about interacting with this child in your original post; you only mentioned letting him scream behind a closed door and that he could scream for hours. Of course caring mammas are going to wonder about that. So thanks for your update.

ORIGINAL: Screaming babies are one of the hardest sounds to listen to. I feel for you. And I feel for the little guy, too. The only way he has to express his needs is to make a sound that adults have to attend to.

It could be that he's become used to being held, but it's also likely that he's reached an age where he needs more stimulation and interaction – he's becoming more a person than a baby now. Some babies crave more stimulation than others. And at 9 months, he's scarcely capable of "deciding" to sit down and play by himself. He needs to be taught, and it's a slow process.

So show him how to play. You're probably being paid, right? That makes it your job to spend quality time with him during the day. Help him interact with toys. Play peekaboo games and leaving his sight briefly, along with a promise to come right back. Then do pop back. He'll gradually get used to you disappearing for a few minutes, and tolerate it better. Take him with you when you do chores – sit him in a high chair and tell him what you are doing in simple, repetitive phrases to help him soak up language (one of the things his brain is doing at an astonishing rate these days).

No normal 9-month old will be happy about the only people in his life turning away and doing other things. Some will have a harder time with this than others. I wouldn't just blame his grandma – she may be responding to his needs as best she knows how.

IMHO it is *not* normal for a 9-month old baby to scream unless being held. I would worry that he has an underlying physical condition that's causing him serious discomfort, and the only way he distracts himself enough to sleep is to be held. I would want him checked out by a professional, at the very least

I would tell my SIL that I can no longer watch him due to his obvious special needs at this point in time. I would explain that I want him to be happy and comfortable, and that he is clearly not there despite my best efforts to help him.

I would set some boundaries with them. Good luck

If you have just started watching him this could be a separation anxiety thing as he wants to feel secure in an unfamiliar situation.......however if you'd been watching him and this all of a sudden came up I would insist this child be seen by the pediatrician.

My son did this... with 3 older brothers and first time Daddy he was never down! Someone was always holding him ( me included :) ) and when the kids went to school and it was just me at home all the time... well its not possible to hold him or have him in a sling ALL the time.

I started just doing what your doing... its pretty much the CIO method but during the day while awake. Let him scream and cry for a while... pick him up and comfort him and interact with him... then put him down and play with him, if he screams... let him. Increase it 5-10 mins at a time. Over time he will learn to have fun on his own and realize that he doesn't need held all the time. He will also begin to understand that with you its one way... at home another.

Good luck, I know its frustrating! But this also shall pass. Just make sure your still doing it with love and do your best to not be frustrated, they can pick up on it!

oh man...I feel your pain. I think it was about 5 months ago that I asked a very similar question for my daughter. She would just follow me around screaming and crying every second of the day. It was awful and stressful and I felt like I was at the end of my rope. If I picked her up she would stop instantly, but I can't go around picking up the baby 14 hours a day while I try and get things done!
I can't give you any advice, only encouragement. It did finally get better! I just let her cry at my feet while I made breakfast, lunch and dinner. I let her cry at my feet while I did dishes. I let her cry at my feet while I threw in laundry. She just had to figure it out. Now, at 14 months, she is fine. (And the angels sang).
When you feel like you just can't take it I don't see anything wrong with putting him in the playpen so you can get your sanity back. I know I did that!
L.

I'm sorry for both of you :(.

It's hard to deal with a kid that screams all the time and it's hard to be a kid and just want something and not get it. I held my babies whenever they wanted it. Rarely did I put them down to do something, but that's because I was able to. I didn't care if the house was messy or we didn't have a 3 course meal. I get where you are coming from that you need to be able to get things done, and anyone in a SAHM position would agree.

It sounds like he is getting what he needs from you, but just not getting what he needs at home. If his grandma holds him all the time, why can't she watch him during the day? I don't think it's wrong to put him in a safe spot in another room (play pen in the bedroom) for you to get a 5 minute break. I wouldn't let him scream for hours, which you didn't indicate that you do.

I'm with some of the others also in wondering why this just started 3 weeks ago. Unless the grandma just started holding him constantly. He is the right age for teething. Diaper rash? Shots? Allergies? Maybe there is something else going on with the little guy.

Good luck.

maybe its something hes eating too, i mean especially if it came on suddenly and maybe a switch of formulas or whatever is working a number on his tummy and he cant tell you. especially if its a sudden occurance. I would call the pediatrician to check first off.

I dont see where one person holding a child constantly would give him that reaction, cuz Ihave to admit I think I probably did that and my kids didnt act like that when I wasnt around.
just remember he cant tell you what the heck is wrong. his screaming is just a way of trying to communicate. and granted I bet it grates on someones nerves after a while. getting away for a few minutes inanother room for a break is the best thing for you and the child.

I would put him one of those backpack carriers.. That way he can see over your shoulder..You can still get things done, but not have him in your lap or arms all of the time. Or a baby swing or a doorway jumpy..

This may have been mentioned, but the first of three separation anxiety stages starts around 9mos. It sounds like that is what he may be experiencing, regardless of the grandmother holding him all the time. My son went thru this for about 5wks and I was already wearing him almost 24/7, but any instances of putting him down (to go to the bathroom, etc) was sobbing and doing whatever he could to get to me.

Hopefully, this will pass soon. I'm not sure if wearing him is an option. And if you're not already trying positive reinforcement, then that would be good to start as well (when he is not screaming and not being held, love all over him and show attention vs. ignoring when he is screaming). Good luck!

I vote for Jim (first answer) and Miranda (somewhere above that).

Try letting him cry for 15 min. But I also suspect that the true problem is the two polar opposite parenting philosophies. As you've seen on some of these questions - they don't agree on anything. :) And that will definitely lead to a very confused kid.