I know that moms get tired, and irritable, but I need to know if I'm still within normal range.
I love my daughter dearly, she is my everything. Today, she hasn't been feeling well (apparently), as she has been exceptionally needy. She is 5 months old. She has had my undivided attention since this morning. I have not showered yet, eaten yet, finished the dishes, or anything at all. I have been holding her, playing with her, reading to her, trying to get her to eat, laying with her, etc non-stop. Every time I try to walk away, she starts screaming. I could hardly make it through using the restroom today without her wailing. I gave her a bath, fed her a bottle, and she was finally starting to fall asleep. I put her down in her crib thinking, finally I can eat and try to get all of the things I have to do finished before it's too late and I'm up all night again. As soon as I set her down, screams. I picked her up, smiles. I'm not smiling. I brought her out to the living room, held her again and she was falling asleep again--or so I thought. I was trying to put dinner in the oven, and she was sitting where she could see me, and guess what? I couldn't get through getting my chicken and potatoes in a pan without stopping to hold her 3 or 4 times. I made her another bottle, changed her diaper, and while I was changing her--huge smiles. Of course, she's my baby, and her smiles melt my heart, but a part of me wants to bang my head into the wall over and over and over and over and over again.
I am really feeling like I can't handle much more before I have to go in the other room and scream into a pillow, or something. Should this be getting to me as badly as it is? She's still awake.
Wow, 3 hours passed already? Ugh!!!!! Well, she fell asleep finally, and I finally ate something and had a few quiet minutes outside. I've been relaxing, reading and replying to some posts while I half heartedly watch an ADULT movie. It feels great. Now, I'm putting off all of the things I should be doing with this valuable time, BUT I need a minute! (or 3 hours).
NEVERMIND, she's up again.
Once I get a little more energy, I will take my shower and clean up the house. Then I will go to sleep, and be up a few short hours later. Thank you all for making me feel normal!! I was sure that I was being a horrible mother.
1st of all I completely agree with Riley!! 100%. Also, the 1st thing that came to my mind when I read this was .. an ear infection. My daughter got sooo many ear infections. Sometimes even w/out a fever (but mostly she did have a fever) - the whole thing about laying her down to sleep and she cries. I would take her to the Dr just to be on the safe side.
I'm wondering if she's playing you. The screaming when you lay her down then smiley when you pick her up makes me a bit suspicious. She's at the age where she's starting to realize that there are reactions to her actions. not that she's being bad, but she does know how to get what she wants. :-)
One thing I would try is the Baby Whisperer's pick up/put down method. If she screams and freaks out, pick her up, calm her down, then put her down, lather, rinse, repeat. Dont leave her, but dont hold her all the time.
I used to just take my daughter in her bouncer or whatever into whichever room I was in if she was being extra clingy. Need a shower? Set her up outside it where she can still see/hear you if she's not scared by the noise. If you need to cook? Set her up on the kitchen floor.
My other thing was to hand her to daddy as soon as he got home and head into my shower.
Normal, for both of you.
As hard as it is there are times when it is best to just walk away and let them cry. I do not believe in letting a child cry it out, BUT 10 minutes so you can eat, if baby is fed, changed ect. is not only ok, but something you NEED to be able to do.
You are NOT crazy, but you will go crazy if you don't change something.
Every mom on here has been where you are. For my first one there was a time when I was on maternity leave that I went 3 days without showering or changing clothes. Hubby finally walked in and marched me to shower.
When I had my 2nd one I swore it would be different, and for the most part it was. Here are the rules that I gave myself.
1. Take a shower every morning. Whether it is at 2am, 6am, or 8am.
2. Get dressed in fresh clothes every morning. Before you pick up baby. Once you are dressed you can take on the world, greet visitors, and leave the house!
3. Sometimes you HAVE to let baby cry. If you HAVE to pee, and baby is crying what happens if you pick up baby BEFORE you go to pee? You still have to pee, but now you have to hold baby while you go.
4. Use an umbrella stroller in your house. When baby wants to go with you but you can't hold baby at the moment, strap her in and take her with you. She can then sit up, see the world, and YOU get 2 free hands.
I also had a playpen in the kitchen, the living room, and my bedroom for the same purpose. I found them on a super sale. Hubby thought I was crazy until he saw how it worked.
Like Riley said. Put baby in a safe place, then take 20m for you.
Hugs
M.
Looks like you've gotten a ton of advice already. Here's what I did, for my daughter it was a phase, she was trying to get my attention just to have it. After a while I just had to do things around the house, it just couldn't be put off any longer. Husband was our of clean laundry and the dishes were so dirty they were forming social groups. So I fed her, changed her, gave her a drink, got her a toy and a pacifier and set her where she could see me and I got to work. I talked to her in a calming voice, silly things most. "Look mommy's washing dishes, this is soap, it get's rid of the fuzz that's begun to grow on this dish.." Oh she screamed and cried, but she really wasn't in danger and she didn't need anything from me just then. I talked, she screamed, then after a while she stopped screaming. When she did then she got attention, I would pause and smile at her, even go up to her and kiss on her a little, tell her she was being so good. After about two days she learned that I was always there but sometimes I just needed to do something else first. After about a week I could leave the room, while talking, and use the restroom. I took my showers once my husband was home.
Good luck.
I used to look at my friend who had an infant like she was a crazy person when she said "the baby wouldn't let me take a shower or eat today". This was my pre-baby days and would tell her, just put the baby down let her cry and get on with your shower and eating. 3 years later I was mortified to say the exact same thing to my mom, "The baby wouldn't let me shower or eat today" LOL. Mom said make sure he is dry, fed and in a safe place and take care of you, even if he cries he won't die. She was right, but it's hard to do at first, like the ladies have all said take care of you so you can take care of her. Sending hugs and wishes that you have eaten by now.
If this is a once in a while thing - yep, it's normal. When they're not feeling well, it's exhausting for US! If every day you feel like this, talk to your doctor to make sure it's not post-partum depression. Take care!
Get a sling or soft carrier (not a crotch carrier like a Bjorn, but something that isn't bad for their hips like an Ergo) and wear her around while you do things. The Ergo you can even wear on your back after you get the hang of getting her in and out on your own!
The reason it's probably getting to you is because you haven't stopped to take care of yourself all day. Anyone is going to be irritable if they haven't eaten, taken a shower, or had a minute to themselves! When I have had days like these, I would put my son in his crib with a few toys, or books, and go take a shower. This would make me feel like a million bucks. Or, sometimes I would move his bouncer to the bathroom and take a shower while he was sitting in the bathroom with me.
Don't worry about the housework! Just do the bare necessities until everyone is feeling better. Take care of yourself. I realize how important it is now (my son is 21 months old).
She's a baby. It happens. Doesn't make it any easier, I know. My youngest was a very high needs baby. The thing to remember is that the housework can wait. Seriously. There's no need to stay awake all night just to do your housework. Do it tomorrow and go to bed. This won't be the last time the cleaning has to wait. In fact, I predict it will happen a approximately one billion times! :) You need to take time for YOU! I would honestly suggest laying down with her and taking a nap. You'll feel a lot better if you do. Babies go through needy stages like that. It happens again about the 9 or 10 month mark. The only thing you can really do is take a deep breath and go on with your day. If you need to step outside to regain your composure, do it. Just put her in a safe place, like her crib or a pack and play. I think we all have days like that. It doesn't make it much better, I know, but just know that you're not alone!
She is in the middle of a Wonder Week. Google it. It's hard, but just hang in there, it will pass. She just discovered that you can walk away from her! It makes her scared. Reassure her, tell you will be right back, then leave, but then quickly return or pop your head around the corner to reassure her you are still there.
During these periods, I don't try to cook. Order out. Have hubby do it. Let the baby fuss a little. It won't hurt them.
My friend's baby did this when he was around 5/6 months old to her and to me when I would baby sit him. It is slight separation anxiety which they outgrow with your help!! But after a few weeks of all 3 of us (me, his mom and his dad) not giving in, he got over it and stopped doing it. If you know the baby is fed, changed and in a safe place, let her cry while you fix dinner, go pee, get dressed, etc. The more you run back to the room and cuddle her, the harder it's going to be when she is 2yrs old wanting to be held all the time. Ask my other friend whose daughter did this and at 2yrs old still did!! She couldn't even put baby gates up at the kitchen so she could cook dinner without her standing there crying the whole time!!
It's a phase and she'll out grow it quick as long as it doesn't get fed into! And don't feel bad either if she has to cry for a few minutes while you do something. Sooner or later, you are going to be busy and she is going to have to wait for you to finish what you are doing before you can help her.
Good luck!
S.
I would suggest to try to entertain her without picking her up. Stand or sit close to her, talk to her, help her hold a toy or put a mobile over her, play music, etc. Try to get her to be happy without your physical touch. She will learn to entertain herself and you will get a tear free break.
There were many times that I layed my son down in his crib crying and went to my bed and cried when he was a baby. They will survive time alone even if they are crying.
You are not crazy...what I did in order to accomplish anything was to put said child in a backpack carrier while I cooked or picked up around the house...I used a laundry basket and a long- handled barbecue tongs to pick up so I would not have to bend over...or put her in a stroller and take her around the house with you while you get dressed, pick up, or whatever it is you have to do...hope this helps.
You are completely normal. A sick infant is the worst. Hopefully, as she gets better as she is feeling better. When one of mine did this, normally teeth were the culprit and either teething tabs or Motrin would work wonders. Also, a popsicle in her highchair may get you through lunch. Good luck!
Totally normal, my daughter was like that her first three months, never wanted to be put down not even during the night. I wore my kids a lot, get a good baby carrier so it's easy on your back if you get one. I also used the baby swing a lot, I would put them in the vibrating chair in the bathroom while I showered or to the kitchen to eat. Going for a walk outside will do both of you a lot of good. I used to take my kids (well my first baby) to the mall. He enjoyed looking around and would eventually fall asleep in his stroller or more often while I wore him and I looked around at stuff, it just felt good to get out of the house. I have had days like that too!
I was planning on placing my son for adoption, but last minute I decided not to. About once a month (guess what time it is) I'm a heartbeat away from calling the adoptive parents I had picked out. After I put him in the crib to cry for a few minutes so that I can have a minute to myself, I realize that i'm silly and I love my son to much to ever think like that again. . . 28 days later I think the same thing.
Before I had my son I knew I wouldn't be one of those mom's to give my son benidryl to put a baby down. . . .I full on admit I've done it. In fact O was sick a week ago, and still hasn't gotten his night routine back down and I'm exhausted (I work and go to school, he's in daycare part time) so I gave him a half dose just to encourage him to sleep a bit better than he has the past week with out it.
No fret. Do what you need to do, feel like you've had enough, take a bubble bath (if your into that.. . I'm not, but to each their own), sew, blog, do what you need to do to clear your mind (once you get the chance) and you'll go back to loving your baby more than anything and will feel silly for feeling this way.
Oh and Megan C's idea is exactly what I did with my son. I had a combi stroller that was small enough to fit in the bathroom and it went everywhere. That stroller was the indoor one (I got it on craigslist for cheap) and my Peg for outside.
You said she wasn't feeling well. How do you know? First you have to see if she has a fever. Maybe she has an ear ache and you holding her, bathing her, etc. is a distraction from the pain. If she isn't sick, then you need someone to give you a break and gradually make her wait longer and longer until you attend to her. But you've got to figure out whether she's truly sick or not before you make her wait.
If this is not her normal behavior, I would suspect an ear infection or teething. Try Tylenol or Motrin to see if that helps, especially if she is worse when she's laying flat.
Riley's nailed it. Your daughter WANTS you, every minute. But she NEEDS a mom who's not on the edge of cracking, not starving, not ignoring all her own needs.
Prolonged crying is not healthy while a child is still totally dependent on you. But brief crying will not hurt the baby, especially since she is obviously so well bonded to you. And at some point, she must begin to learn that she can tolerate small but increasing delays in gratification.
If you really can't endure having her whimper or wail for 5 or 10 minutes, consider getting a carrier that will let you wear her while you get necessary tasks done. Some babies nap much more deeply in a carrier than in their cribs, especially if they're not feeling well.
And consider getting help – a schoolgirl, friend, or family member to come play with your daughter for an hour or two while you cook dinner, take a shower, a nap, whatever is most urgent.
Hi N.D-
I'm a single mother of a 4yrs old son. When my son was at that age I had him in a bouncer chair. So when I needed to do anything he was in chair and was able to see me, even when I showered I would leave the door open and was able to see him. Or you can try a baby swing or play pen. But you should not hold her too much!! that is not good!
i've gonie through that with my son he's now 6 months old. i've gone 3 days without sleep or being able to get a shower and this has hasppened several times. i think it's normal that you feel that way, i do sometimes. i love my son to death and i'm so happy to have him. but sometimes it ends up being to much to handle. you may not like this advice but my gram gave me this advice. sometimes a baby has to cry. make sure she has everything she needs. put her in her swing or what ever you want to use. make sure she can't get hurt and walk away. do what you need to do. it's very hard to do but for eating and cooking just the little things (not sleeping or taking a shower) it's worth a shot.
my son is exactly the same way and has been since birth, except he is almost ten months old. he also doesn't sleep at night and often just wants to be held. for a minute it got to me, and then i realized that life goes so quickly and someday he won't want to be held and will sleep more than i want him to and won't want to hang out with me at all. changed the way i thought about it, now i just do what i can with one hand and enjoy him.
I was just talking to my friend on the phone and said, "I just want to sit in the corner of the room and cry."
And this is my 3rd baby.
The advice you have been given in the other posts are good. It has helped me remember to take a deep breathe, take care of myself SO I can talk care of my beautiful three children.
Good luck.
oooh I feel for you. My DD started teething and has been playing this game all week. *o_O* I think it's actually cranky baby week... 2 of my cousins and my SIL have had cranky babies too. lol. As soon as hubby gets home from work today, he gets baby, and I take a nice long shower. (he doesn't know it yet, but I earned that damn shower! LOL!)
You're not crazy! You are just having a really hard day. It happens to all of us and it does get better. Just keep thinking that this day will be over soon. I agree that it's ok to let your baby cry some place that they are safe, so you can get something done and so you can have some time to yourself. Who knows, maybe she'll cry herself to sleep and stay asleep for a really long time? What about getting a bouncy chair or exersaucer for her to play in while you shower? I have one in my bathroom that my kids used once a day when I was in the shower, that way they didn't get bored of it, and I got my much needed shower. You could also rock your baby to sleep and then put her down very carefully and sneak out of her room. Just for today, just because you really need the break. It won't hurt her. She might also be teething, you could give her some Tylenol to help her sleep. You'll need to know how much she weighs to give her the correct dose. I have all of the correct dosages, if you need to know how much to give her, just send me a message. You can do it mom! Good luck!
She might have an allergy, what your describing happened to me and we found out that she is allergic to dairy so cutting dairy out of my diet did the trick. Also I don't know what i would have done without a swaddler for the first 6 months. Our daughter had a very hard time with stimulation she would get going and not beable to stop until we swaddled her this also helped her sleep through the night at 6 weeks and take longer naps. Also remember crying is not going to hurt her before we found out about the allergy sometimes I just had to get away for a few minutes I would put her down in a safe place like her crib or pack and play and go out and get the mail etc. Gave me a small break that I needed and I was much more able to attend to her needs when I came back.
You need a Baby Bjorn baby carrier! You can just "wear" her and she'll be with you during her needy times. She'll fall asleep right on you and you can still take care of what you need to. And here's a tip; if you have Craigslist in your area you can pick them up for a steal. Good luck :)
