Not Really Parenting Issue, but It's About Racism

The only thing I'm going to say about all this is ... please stop using the terms "reverse racism" and "reverse discimination" ... neither exists. The reverse of racism and discrimination is acceptance and inclusion.

She doesn't sound racist . I think you are over-personalizing her comment. Should she NOT want something that others have simply due to her color that others get because of their color? it goes both ways.. As I tell my son, if you look for the negative, you'll find it, if you look for the positive, you'll find it... I'd say it's all a matter of perspective....

some people don't have that "maybe I should not be saying this" filter and whatever they think comes falling right out of their mouth. With people like this I have to remind myself to keep my cool and not comment on their foolishness.

You can't reason with crazy and ignorance.

BTW- I think 8kidsdad is a troll. Anything topic that has the potential to be polarized he will say something inflammatory to get everyone all worked up. I also think he has puppet accounts so that he can "like" his own answers to give the illusion that wasaz he's saying makes any freaking sense.

Maybe you should look at it from her point of view instead of just your own.

When Johnson signed the Civil rights act the only group not protected against discrimination was white people and women. Legislation later added women to protected status. Now gays have protected status. Straight white males are the only people not protected by some sort of anti-descrimination legislation. I was downsized because my company had too many white males. So white males were the first ones cut. My 20+ years of experience didn't compare to a "minority's" 1-5 years of experience.

There is a United Negro College Fund. There is not a United Caucausian College Fund.

There is NAACP. There is not a NAAWP.

I admit blacks were sold into slavery and taken out of Africa. But from what I've read, most of the sellers in Africa were blacks. And the blacks sold into slavery were from tribes that lost a battle or a war to other black tribes.

But when the Moors (From Africa) conquered Spain, they made slaves of whites.

I doubt this post will last, but that's life.

Good luck to you and yours.

@ wickerparkgirl, that was in 1964 and 1864 and 1764. In 1984, 1994 and 2004 and probably 2114 its just the opposite. So where is the legislation protecting ALL americans from discrimination? Minorities enjoy their legislated advantages/privledges too much to let that happen. Non-white male Illegal aliens have more opportunities than straight white males in today's world.

@ Dawn B. Yes I hated my job, but I was very good at it. I ranked in the top 10 in the nation in my job (out of 103) from the second year I was employed until they quit doing the ratings, about 15 years. I was honored ith the Service Manager of the Year award, #1 in the nation, and came in #2 the year before. Had I made #1 twice, I would have been the only one in GM history to have made it twice. But a white man can't fight racial quotas and so I was downsized. Racial quotas are just government sponcered racism.

D.,

Honestly, the example you gave us sounds like you may be a tad sensitive. Her remark is one that I could blow off and truthfully sort of understand. However, if she makes blatant racist remarks categorizing a group of people a certain way.....that would be another story. I don't see this as racist...... maybe a little jealous.

If she makes racist remarks then I would verbalize that you are offended. Or ask her why she thinks what she thinks. Maybe to continue working with her you need to have an "open discussion." Ferret out whether you are really dealing with a racist or someone with a different view than yours.

Try not to assume anything.

I haven't read all of the posts, but I read down quite a few. There are many I really admire. But the comment "Non-white male Illegal aliens have more opportunities than straight white males in today's world" from 8kidsdad is hogwash and a straight up fabrication.

DO THE MATH. How many corporations' top echelons are white men? Boards of directors? Mostly white men. Government senators and house of representatives? Majority white men. High level executives - my own husband included. White men. The higher paying jobs. The ones with lots of benefits and perks. I could go on and on. There is still a glass ceiling. It's not as bad as it was 10 years ago, but it is still there. The larger companies try hard to diversify. But it is what it is, and it ISN'T "non-white male Illegal aliens have more opportunities than straight white males in today's world."

Perhaps, Ben, you were retired early because you weren't as effective at your job as your company wanted you to be. You have said on this site that you hated your job. When one hates their job, it is evident to everyone you work with. And there are plenty of opportunities for men to succeed when they want to. My own son was highly sought after by colleges that have more girls applying than boys. In fact, one has 35% males (a former all girls college that went co-ed in the 90's) so they were dying to have males apply. It's more competitive for the GIRLS applying to get into the school.

Companies need and want to have SOME diversity in the ranks. But the top people are still part of the old boys network. Just because you weren't part of the old boys in your professions, Ben, doesn't mean that all white men are treated badly. If you were to go live overseas and experience life as a real minority, then maybe you would know how it feels to be a minority. You just feel angry at women (and that shows in your posts when you denigrate them in so many ways) and at President Johnson.

Dawn

Wow. To the coworker AND some of the clueless and insensitive comments you have gotten. Soooooo easy to sit in a white tower and say "get over it, it was XXX years ago...." and such a different thing to live it I'm sure.

Bottom line: Make yourself heard. Clearly state that her comments have offended you and you don't want to hear them any more. She's only making herself look small and idiotic. Sad but true that racism is alive and well n the USA. She's wrong and she's a racist.

People that disagree are likely in that camp of "nobody's gettin' what I have got" philosophy--and believe me--there's NO changing THOSE minds--they don't even see it.

My mama has always told me that you can't argue with ignorance. It's like trying to fix what can't be fixed. I understand you work with her but remember that's all you have to do. You don't have to like or understand her. There are people of all races that never learn to use the good sense God gave them.

And although this isn't a parenting issue, your children will unfortunately face the sad reality of ignorance some day. And maybe this is just a lesson for you to share with them.

So to answer your question of how to deal with it...be mindful to pick your battles wisely, ignore most, and be direct about how you feel without apologizing.

some of the women that answered this post have not dealt with "discrimnation" or "racism" , therefore cannot relate to your post Ma'am, that's probably why as someone said, "get over it",

If I wrote off everyone who made a poor comment I wouldn't have any friends.

I'll have to say that I take it as ignorance and stupidity as well. Ignorant about what she said and stupid to actually say it out loud. What does she accomplish by that? Nothing, other than make herself sound stupid.

You shouldn't have to worry about being around her, she should worry about the image she is giving herself. Ignore her. Not everyone is wise, smart, mature, etc.

This is just my opinion on this subject..... People can't say much of anything these days without someone claiming its racial.
I don't think anyone should get ANY kind of special treatment just because you're hispanic, asian, black, white, female or male!! IF they don't get what they want, they want to say it's discrimination. It's ridiculous!!

Hi D.
I too am in a mixed race marriage and totally understand how annoying these comments can be.
My advise would be to choose your battles,ignore some and fight the battle on others.
I would not let this woman affect me,don't waste your time on ignorance and let life and karma be her teacher.
As I said stand up when it is truly needed.
All the best
B. k

Oh just ignore her.

Here in Hawaii, there are SOOOOOO many different ethnicities and so called "minorities." Some Tourists come here and have a cow, because of it. There are so many different skin colors, and MULTI-racial people, and multi-racial kids. But it is common here. Everyone intermingles.

My kids are so called bi-racial. And so are SO many of their classmates.
No biggie.
My Husband is European, I am a local girl from Hawaii. No biggie. There are SO many, inter-racial couples here, too.
If there are racial issues, it is about not respecting the culture. But a person also has to 'acculturate' otherwise you will not be able to live in this world.

Benefits that she talks about, well she just feels that anyone and everyone should get the same deal.
I imagine, that is what she thinks.
But Minorities, work so hard on many levels, to overcome all of these inequities for all of these last 200 years.
"Her" mentality of it, is only in terms of monetary benefits. She has no idea, about the rest of the DAILY living and grind, that minorities have experienced, historically. She is not talking about historically factual events. Just, today. The benefits about what a 'minority' gets. Versus her.

So, her viewpoint, is myopic.
Thus, just ignore her.
Her frame of reference for her views, are not based on tangible first hand experience. Nor history. It is just in terms of money. Thinking it is a hand-out.

nothing. do nothing. I am a white woman married to a black man and my immediate supervisor, as well as the man that signs my checks are raging racists. They go on and on and you know what??? They sound like bitter racist idiots. But, if I were to get heated over it and say something, then I would be the bitter idiot. I just chuckle at it. Everyone looks to me for my reaction when they say something risiculous and I just laugh and shake my head. You can see a collective sigh of relief from my coworkers that I don't take the bait. Not everyone is going to agree with all your viewpoints. Who cares? As long as you aren't passed over for promotions or treated differantly, than it isn't affecting you. It's affecting her. How would you like to be that sad and bitter about being a white woman in America. She can get a pell grant just like anybody else.

To me, racism is blatant ignorance and stupidity and education is the only resolve. That said, a person must wish to be educated to become educated, a vicious cycle, therefore, the rest of us are left to deal with their behavior. This I know, as one side of my family behaves in this manner every time we see them. Pretty funny too, when my then 7 year old tells them to their face that they are an ignorant racist at the Easter dinner table. Never been more proud.

It is a parenting issue. If we could all teach our children not to be bigots, then we wouldnt have this problem. I am sorry she offended you, but she sounds ridiculous. I always teach my kids, you dont have to like everyone, but you do have to respect them. I would just be pleasant when you have to and avoid her when you can. Maybe if enough people do this to her, her little narrow mind might open someday. Good luck!

She doesn't sound racist, and I agree with her. It's OK for other races to berate white people all day long, but if a white person says ANYTHING politically incorrect, they are practically stoned. That is reverse racism and completely unacceptable. (In addition to everything Cheryl O. said, which I completely agree with).

I think you are taking this personally when you shouldn't be.

I had a good friend post a comment the other day about her son's good grades not being enough to get him in to a good college because he is a white male. There ARE some places where racism is against white people, just as there are against blacks, latino's, etc. It's just there. Just like there are biases against gender, age, and more. I did respond to her that my mixed son was passed over for public pre-k and his white friend got in...this came down to money. We make a lot more than they do so they get the benefit. Oh well. I just know that my kids have to work just as hard any I have for anything in life. I am white and my husband is black. Nothing has ever been handed to me or my husband. We are both PEOPLE and we raise our kids to be PEOPLE. There is affirmative action and there are hiring practices that tell companies and colleges they need to bring in a person of color over a white person. Diversity initiatives can be good and bad. I don't mean this to come off wrong, but I do not want my kids, husband, or myself to get or not get anything because of the color of our skin. It's not right. And it's ignornat to think anything else.

I think your co-workers comments are racist and they would offend me, a white female. I'd probably try to think of a smart, mature comeback to shut her down next time.
No wonder our country is so polarized right now. There are a lot of people who just make things up and cling to old worn out ideas to make themselves feel better.
Bottom line is white guys have been running our show in every single way for a very long time. That kind of privledge and power doesn't just disappear when we elect a black President.
So yes, some of you have one thing right. White, men are losing some of their privledges and power. Non- profit organizations and entitlement programs ARE trying to give minorities more opportunities and level the playing feild that's been distorted by racisom for hundreds of years. Opportunity, education, access to power, things white males have enjoyed since the beginning of this country. Maybe those programs will help create a country where everyone really is created equal, imagine that. Seems that idea scares some white people. Gee, don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight worrying about all the injustice thrust on the white men of this country for so long!
Yes, my white male husband would agree with this post whole heartedly!

I'm not sure if she's all-out racist, clueless and crass, or upset about the bias that can happen. Sometimes in the effort to right a wrong, the consequences can have effects that end up being negative. Reverse descrimination does happen. But it doesn't change the fact that descrimination still happens today.

http://qctimes.com/news/local/article_58cf6076-ae11-11e0-...

If she is just being insensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff, I'd try to ignore it. But if she's REALLY racist - believing others are inferior based on the color of their skin, then you have to find a way to follow your conscience and separate the work relationship from the personal as much as possible.

While this is an insensitive and "off-the-cuff" kind of thing to say- especially at work- I wouldn't put too much stock into what was said. It's not OK, but I don't think she was looking to offend you directly. I personally agree with Patty here, but my guess is that you feel the need to say something...

If you feel like you need to say something to "clear the air" or avoid a huge blow-up in the future, speak with her privately and not in direct response to something that she said in the moment. Being confrontational with someone who has a set opinion doesn't end well. Just find a quiet moment and have a "I'm sure you didn't mean to say something offensive and I didn't mean to snap a retort, but I was offended by your comment last week. I wanted to say something to you so that you are aware."

Without reading any of the other posts, I would just say this woman is a knothead. Some people are just plain ignorant. She should not be spouting her personal opinions on this subject at work. I am white and female. I work in a cabinet shop as the customer service manager. There is enough discrimation to go around. I am constantly made to feel "less than" by customers. There is always going to be someone that has something negative to say. When she starts this mess again, just let her know that you think what she is saying is offensive. Tell her that she is offending you and walk away. If it means that much to you, you could tell on her. Just know that you can't fix stupid. Never discuss religion, politics at work. They have that rule for a reason. Good Luck to you and I know it is hard to swallow sometimes.

Do you have to work closely with this person? If so then you really have to put on a happy (or at least tolerant) face and work with her, pushing your personal feelings to the side. We teach our kids that they may not like their teacher or their classmates but they have to get their job done...same for us adults...booo! ;) If you don't have to work closely with her then I'd just keep your distance. Yes, you'll have to have a minimum of civility when dealing with her b/c it is the work place, but don't feel like you have to "be nice" or go out of your way. I do think it's racist, I agree with you there, but sometimes there just isn't an easy way out of a situation. I feel for you though, hang in there!

What she said was just bad in taste & I don't really think she meant *harm*.

Just this evening I was approached by some new neighbors. They moved in about 1 yr ago. I am a SAHM & am outside every day for hours with my 3 little ones. They stopped to say hello & the wife asked me "Are they yours". I said yes. She said "well they look so different than you so I wasn't sure". Mind you I am the only adult female around here all day everyday. I told her I have the stretch marks to prove it :)

I just laughed & shook my head as I ALWAYS have to do because it's not worth getting upset over. I have many different nationalities & a little bit of caucasian (which you cannot tell). I have super dark curly/frizzy hair & almost black colored eyes. I always get asked what nationality I am, almost daily. But 1 of my girls is blonde/blue eyes, & my other 2 are light brown hair & light brown eyes & very light skinned.

This isn't the first or last remark I will get & I accept that. You too will always have to deal with 'off the wall comments/remarks' so just save your battles for true blatant racism.

Kudos to Karen Crisalli W's answer. I'll have to read her book recommendation. It sounds truly illuminating and well-informed, unlike many of the comments on this thread.

The last job I worked at before staying home I HAD to hire a hispanic/black or other none caucasian to fill a position because we did not have anyone of that race filled...and you know what was on the top of the code of conduct and employee handbook. We are not a Raciest company and cannot discriminated over race, age, gender...etc...Wait!!!!!!!! we couldn't hire a caucasian..umm that is raciest...maybe not in the traditional way but it is. You know in high school we could not for a CaucASIAN group because it was raciest but we could have an asian group and a black amarican group. I think she brings up a very valid point. They need to be adjusting for the times. I know what has happened in the past but we are moving way beyond that and the "caucasians" who have done nothing wrong are now being punished for it...and as we all know as parents you don't someone for something someone else has done.

Just ignore her, be tough skinned. You have a right to your beliefs, she has a right to her beliefs. Racism and prejudice exists in some way, shape, or form just about everywhere. People will always have an opinion on the differences of skin, religion, politics, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, etc. I think it's impossible for everyone to see things the same way on this planet:(

Sometimes people say things like that in hopes of finding someone else who may share in their views so they can spend the rest of the evening complaing about what they can't change. If you & your husband are secure in yourselves then you shouldn't have to worry about anything anyone else says. I would, however like to point out a few things & unfortunately, I'm more than likely going to receive a lot of flack for my reply here & unfortunately I have to add a disclaimer that states "I'm not a racisit so no haters sending me unnecessary & hateful replies to this reply" b/c I'm only pointing out a few facts that need to be reminders. While your co-worker should've used tact & manners to refrain from saying such things, it is true what your co-worker says. Blacks do get all kinds of gov't assistance before whites, as does other races other than 'whites'. In fact whites are the only race that doesn't seem to be 'allowed' to have any separate organizations or help just for 'whites'. What do you mean you may ask? Well...check for yourselves, there are blacks only beauty pageants, asians only pageants, latino only pageants, blacks only scholarships, latino only scholarships, blacks only schools, etc.There's the United Negro College Fund, Martin Luther King Day, Kawanza, Cesar Chavez Day, Ma'uled Al-Nabi, Yom Hashoah, Cinco De Mayo, NAACP, & even BET (Black Entertainment Television). If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) or whites only pageant, we'd be considered 'racist'. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.
If we had White History Month, we'd be racists but yet there's a Hispanic History Month, Black History Month, & Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance' OUR lives, We'd be racists. There's the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, Black Chamber of Commerce & then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce...open to all races but nothing for 'whites' only. If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be called racists but yet there are over 60 openly-proclaimed Black only Colleges in the US and even Black History subject in school but if there were 'White-only Colleges' or White History subject to study in school, it would be considered a racist college. There's even now, luckily, Native American History studies, Asian history studies, but nothing for 'Whites in History studies'...after all, that would be racist to include 'white history'. In the Million-Man March, Blacks believed that they were marching for their race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, we'd be called racists. I realize a lot of this has to do with the separation of races way back when...when there was separate everything for whites & blacks but that has since long been settled. Ignorance is no longer here in that way where Blacks have to be separated into 'their room' or 'their fountain' or 'their stores to shop in' but why still is there now separation for other races from whites? Shouldn't there be only ONE chamber of commerce, open to all races? Shouldn't there only be ONE type of college and scholarship options...open to anyone regardless of race who wants to learn? Why should it be allowed now, in this day & age, continuing separation...legal separation of races to have their 'own' organizations & excluding others not 'in their race'? I thought that's what blacks were fighting to change & prevent? But yet Blacks have the most blacks only organizations & help/assistance available AND it's legal! You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and red & you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
Why is it that only whites can be racists? Funny how whites are now the minority but still are not referred to as such. I'm part Native American & even we Native americans don't get the kind of easy assistance that blacks or other racial groups get even though we supposedly have available to us from the gov't, scholarships & other public assistance for 'Native Americans', we have to go thru a HECK of a lot of red tape to even apply for any type of public assistance designated for 'native americans'. We not only have to prove we're even part native american but we have to have every birth & death certificate (when applicable) of every relative from me on back to the original native american relative that made me native american to prove I'm actually native american or part native american & not only that but we have to prove that one of the native american relatives signed a registry & not just ANY registry...it has to be a certain registry designated by the gov't depending on which state you live in dictates to you which registry so let's say my relative signed one in Mississippi & not the one in Oklahoma, well since certain states that we live in are governed by the Oklahoma registry that that certain relative lived in then it doesn't count unless it was the Oklahoma registry...therefore, if they signed in Mississippi or any other state registry than Oklahoma...we don't get any public/gov't assistance....including scholarships or loans or any type specific for us native americans. Even as someone who marks 'white' or 'Native American' in the box, it's harder than heck to get any type of asstance but yet, to my knowledge, blacks or even now, Hispanics, don't seem to have to prove their heritage like we do. Now, as far as 'slavery' is concerned, as a reminder, blacks are NOT the only ones who were enslaved against their will. Slavery has existed since the dawn of man & it did not start over here so I think using 'slavery' as an excuse to 'remind' everyone why blacks should be treated w/extra care & consideration is rediculous & I think that blacks get more from the government (state or national) than any race in America. True, Blacks worked really hard to get the equality that they deserve but it's been done, blacks are equals as far as race is concerned but blacks, to my knowledge, are above anyone else where gov't assistance or any type of assistance is concerned. Blacks get their way all the time. School names, street names, or certain items get banned or get changed 'for blacks' because they demand it stating this or that is 'racist' & always refer back to the 'slavery issue' or how blacks are treated so badly & unfairly even though that's in the past. Well sorry but slavery is overwith in this country & has been outlawed for quite some time here & the nation has aplogized numerous times for it. It was wrong that the British came over here w/slaves & slavery unfortunately caught on in a bad way & it may interest y'all to know that some blacks even came to America of their own free will, b/c they wanted to but ya know what...slavery still exists in other forms in other parts of the world & even here in some instances no matter what the race. Additionally, as a reminder, we Native Americans & even Asian Americans were treated just as badly or even a HECK of a lot worse & we get nothing for it, not even so much as a helpful handout w/o a lot of hassle & trouble compared to Blacks. I recently lost a REALLY lucrative job b/c the manager was Latino & she fired me b/c I'm a white female in a management position & hired 94% Latino..even those that don't speak English & only hired 2 or 3 Blacks & 4 Whites & the rest (about 24 total give or take a few were Latino) so I was discriminated against most definitly but so were Blacks in this instance...she's Latino so she hired 94% Latino & some we couldn't communicate w/because they didn't speak English. Reflecting on my reply, do you really have anything to complain about other than the co-worker's bad manners? You should be happy that you're married to a man who wants to be married to you & someone you get along with no matter what his race is rather than complaining about what someone else says (which happens to be true even though your co-worker should've used good tact & not said anything), you should just overlook their bad manners & there's nothing written in stone that says you hafta get along w/everyone. You're only working there...how many hours per day? Just accept their views as different than yours, it'll make the day go by easier. And again I am most certainly NOT a racist but you do hafta admit when reading my post, you hafta agree w/what your co-worker says a little more now after pointing out that yes, indeed, Blacks DO get a lot of assistance compared to 'whites'.

I'd not waste my time or energy on her or her comments, but if you need to make a response I'd say "You know, this is a subject that needs to be off limits with me. We really shouldn't do the whole sex, religion, or any politics in the office".

If this person is usually cruel and insensitive then she is probably continuing to be the same. But if she normally is a nice person, then you need to assume she didn't mean anything to by it. Or maybe she slipped once as we have all opened our mouths at some point in time and put our foot in. You even said she started "joking." She probably didn't realize that you wouldn't take anything on that subject as a joke.

Sometimes we are overly sensitive and can read into a situation more than is there. I wouldn't let it get to me or let it ruin a relationship unless she continues in an insensitive way. Just see what else she has to say.

I think maybe you took her comment personally because you are in a bi-racial relationship so either you were personally offended or are offended for your husband. My guess is that she didn't say what she said as a being directed at your or your husband...and would probably feel bad if she realized she had offended you.

Does she say racial things about blacks or other minorities? Has she said or indicated that she doesn't like, has something against, or has negative feelings about minorities? If not, she probably isn't a racist but rather just frustrated by what some would call "reverse discrimination".

I am caucasian and my best friend (since kindergarten) is black. We love each other like sisters and consider ourselves family. The one thing that drives us both crazy is how everyone makes things about race. Just because two people are of a different race and have any type of disagreement or issue with each other does NOT mean it is a race issue! It is always a personal/people issue and sometimes it could be about race but not always. These high profile individuals like to promote it being about race which does nothing to help promote true equality nor racial harmony. All that does is stir more hatred.

I understand that a lot has occurred in the past (slavery, segregation, etc) that is unacceptable but you and I were not a part of that and we shouldn't have to keep paying for other's mistakes. Make no mistake about it, some mistakes were made by all races (slaves were sold by their own ancestors from Africa so caucasions could not have bought the first african slave if their forefathers hadn't sold them)...doesn't make anyone right just shows they share in the responsibility. These things are why we have protection for minorities, affirmative action and other such programs/practices. I believe they were needed but as things currently are, some of these programs results in reverse discrimination. That is most likely what your co-worker was referring to. I see a lot of people, of various races, that seem to have a sense of entitlement but with no sense of personal responsibility. I am a strong supporter of EQUAL opportunities and hard work for all.

This doesn't tell you how to deal with your co-worker but hopefully it allows you to see some points that may be in her mind. Keep in mind, you don't need to like her to be professional. Talk to her, in private, and let her know how you took what she said and discuss it with her. If you don't come to an understanding simply ask if she would refrain from making such comments at work. If not, you can go to a supervisor if you feel it is necessary.

For the poster that stated BET is like the hispanic or asian channels...it is not, those speak a different language. The mainstream channels you listed are english speaking channels and are not a "caucasion" channel.

Why is it ok for an Ebony Club or other clubs based on race or nationality but not an "Ivory Club"? Why is one any more discriminatory than the other? This is probably part of what your co-worker is thinking.

I hate to say it but discrimination is everywhere. It's just part of life. Every single one of us is prejudice in some way or another and that is because we are all different in mind, spirit and physical appearance. However, this is not what life is. She shouldn't have made that comment because it's not PC. However, there is some truth behind her rude comment, I must admit. Twice now in my life, I have been passed up on jobs that I should have gotten because I am a white female and that quota had been filled. That's discrimination. Secondly, I am from a part of Texas where I was the minority (about 5% white in my school). I watched many of my close friends get full rides to college when their parents made the same or more money than my parents (because they were minorities...period)!! You probably think I am exaggerating but believe it because it's the truth. Crappy for me, but unfortunately, this is what our society has come to. So, there is a lot of truth to what this woman says but it still wasn't nice. I would try to let it go. While I understand her comment is offensive, it doesn't sound to me like she's criticizing your husband because of his race. There are plenty of classy people of all colors, shapes and sizes and plenty of unclassy people in these same categories. I feel the same way she does but I have friends of all nationalities/ethnicities and I am certainly not a racist! I am, however, very annoyed with all of the free programs. Giving, giving, giving is no way to empower or motivate those in need to do more for themselves in life. More often than not it just makes people lazy freeloaders. You know what I mean. I still don't think she should have made that comment in the work place but I'd try to let it go and maybe mention many people may find that offensive so she should be more careful. Sorry to go off on my political soap box. I kind of got off point. Hope it doesn't affect your working relationship. I'm sure if she met your husband, she'd love him.

Wow. She sounds pretty ignorant, as do quite a few of the people who have already responded. Unfortunately, common sense is not common. I think it is best if you deal directly with the co-worker who made the comment & let her know what she said offended you. I would try to keep it as friendly as possible by saying "When you said...I felt...". I highly doubt you are going to change this person drastically but she should know that her comments hurt your feelings. I would try to avoid a large scale discussion on racism...it is just a waste of your time. Avoid deep subjects with this person in the future but I am sure you can find something you like about her or can talk with her about in order to maintain your working relationship. You are NOT being overly sensitive. Not at all. I think your assessment of her comments was right on. Good luck!

if you allow it to affect your working relationship that is your issue that you need to overcome. its time we all stopped looking at race and benefiting most races excluding white. its weird and we need to stop looking at "race" to help others.

Wow! Some of these answers really surprised me. The impression I get is that someone who starts out "I'm not a racist BUT..." has some issues to work through. It is so hard for any of us to put ourselves in another's shoes, and I've felt awkward at times talking to friends and acquaintences about race. It can be like the elephant in the room. Are all of the government's attempts at equality fair to everyone? No, of course not . They're well meaning however. I agree with your postion on racial issues 100%, but I think you're overreacting to your co worker. She's expressing a common (somewhat wrong thinking, non PC) opinion that is out there. She probably wasn't even thinking of you and your husband. Give her the benefit of the doubt and follow the advice of some of the others here and suggest that such discussions don't belong in the workplace.
Good luck to you!

Updated

Wow! Some of these answers really surprised me. The impression I get is that someone who starts out "I'm not a racist BUT..." has some issues to work through. It is so hard for any of us to put ourselves in another's shoes, and I've felt awkward at times talking to friends and acquaintences about race. It can be like the elephant in the room. Are all of the government's attempts at equality fair to everyone? No, of course not . They're well meaning however. I agree with your postion on racial issues 100%, but I think you're overreacting to your co worker. She's expressing a common (somewhat wrong thinking, non PC) opinion that is out there. She probably wasn't even thinking of you and your husband. Give her the benefit of the doubt and follow the advice of some of the others here and suggest that such discussions don't belong in the workplace.
Good luck to you!

I would take the time to explain that "it is all about what's on the inside" and that we don't judge a book by the cover.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I agree with Lynn M., and others who share similar opinions to her's. I was not going to comment, but simply tag the responses that I find helpful. However, I can't figure out how to do that. My computer is not allowing me to do that.
I do, however, agree with what she said here: "I understand that a lot has occurred in the past (slavery, segregation, etc) that is unacceptable but you and I were not a part of that and we shouldn't have to keep paying for other's mistakes. Make no mistake about it, some mistakes were made by all races (slaves were sold by their own ancestors from Africa so caucasions could not have bought the first african slave if their forefathers hadn't sold them)...doesn't make anyone right just shows they share in the responsibility. These things are why we have protection for minorities, affirmative action and other such programs/practices. I believe they were needed but as things currently are, some of these programs results in reverse discrimination. That is most likely what your co-worker was referring to. I see a lot of people, of various races, that seem to have a sense of entitlement but with no sense of personal responsibility. I am a strong supporter of EQUAL opportunities and hard work for all."
I think this is what your co-worker was so upset about. Did she mention any PARTICULAR race, or just that whites are becoming a minority and not protected under minority affirmative action laws? There is a HUGE difference in how it was presented. If she didn't mention any one particular race, I don't know how what she was saying could be offensive. I would agree with her. If government is going to protect races to make sure every one has a fair chance at employment and other advancement opportunities, then ALL races should be included in that protection, INCLUDING WHITES. If protections under affirmative action are not protecting ALL people to have equal opportunities, then, yes, affirmative action would be racist. Maybe they should revise the affirmative action laws to say that a company should be represented proportionally (I wouldn't know how to begin to do the math on that, but maybe they should say, for example ALL races should be represented). Then again, maybe we should just quit thinking as races, and start thinking as PEOPLE. I think everyone wants that, and not to have any one race have an advantage over others. Isn't that what EVERYONE is trying to say here, both for and against your co-worker?

I didn't have a chance to read all the replies so forgive me if I am repeating anything, but if you are offended by anything this woman says you can complain to human resources. As part of the anti harassment laws and the right to work in a hostile free environment, anything that someone says that is offensive is considered harassment. If you can't talk to your supervisor, then talk to HR. You may want to wait and see if she does or says anything else that is offensive. Document everything! Maybe they will write her up or put her through sensitivity training etc.

As a supervisor I wouldn't tolerate any of my team members making another team member feel like this. I address these issues ASAP. Sometimes it ends up being a misunderstanding, things may have come out the wrong way etc. Or sometimes thing over heard can be misconstrued (not in your case), so it's best to try and deal with it right away.

You don't have to like everyone you work with, so I'd say limit your contact with this person if possible. Maybe she is just ignorant and doesn't realize how the things she says affect others.

hang in there!

Since your question is about how to cope with a person who is insensitive to racial issues, I suggest that you cope the same way you cope with a person who is insensitive to any other issue that is important to you.

In my opinion, this is just a co-worker, not a friend, lover, or otherwise so it should not be expected that she understand the world exactly as you do regardless of whether she is wrong or right. I recommend that you be tolerant to her views and use this opportunity to share your own.

I, myself, am a member of the most overlooked minority population - mixed race (black and white). But I do not expect everyone to understand my experience, so I do not punish them for it.