Not Listening Well

When my youngest was about 4, we had the same situation. We did go into counsling with her as her "anger" seemed extreme. Well we where told that she felt safe with us - and saved all the daily frustrations till she got home. We did work on behavior modification with her. She is now almost 15 and still feels "safe" with us...but knows her limits with how she can act at home.
A great book was written by a childs phyciatrist (sp) and it was called Beyond Disipline.

I experienced the same thing when I was working. I think our kids come home from day care just as tired and frusterated as we sometimes or usually come home from work. I think the tantrums come from our kids missing us and wanting our attention. They wait all day for it and many times we as parents are just so tired we don't have much attention to give. I started making the first 30 minutes at home in the evening "Hold me time" I sat down on the couch and held them, talking, singing, playing calmly, and listening to music. It worked wonders in stoping tantrums, however, since many times they ended up falling asleep my new problem became keeping them awake for dinner. Good Luck I ultimately quit my job. I believe the most productive use of my time is spent here at home with my boys. Oddly enough my husband agreed even though that ment cutting our income more than in half. Once we did it and weren't paying child care, we hardly noticed it.

I don't know that there is any way to get rid of the tantrums. My daughter does the same thing when she comes home too. I finally got to the point she gets sent to her room until she can straighten up and when she feels she's ready to talk she can come out and we will talk about why she is acting out. This works, she doesn't seem to have tantrums near as often, she still has them though. The way I see it is these tantums are there way of letting off steam from the day. It's their way of dealing with a bad day, alot of times children will not act out at daycare or school, they will bottle it up all day and have a tantrum when they get home. I hope this helps.

Do you have other children? My daughter, I've heard, is the kindest, sweetest and most well behaved child in her class. My response is always, "My Annie? Are you sure?" I have older son's and my husband has older children also. But our Annie is the only one home. She's seven. I've discovered that children "need" someone to fight and argue with. It's something most kids get from their siblings. Since Annie doesn't have anyone to argue with she argues with me. I allow it to a certain point because I know it is her way of venting her frustrations of her day and I'm the only one she can vent with. I, we, don't let her do it with her dad so she will learn that she can't treat everyone that way. And she doesn't get away with treating me with disrespect. But we sometimes forget how hard it is to be a kid once we get older and see what "real" problems are. To a child their days are just as hard and they do need a way to vent.

You might try giving her a journal. Let her vent that way or maybe play some games where she can tell you what bad things happened during her day...along with the good. Let her get out the bad but try to get her to focus on the good after she let's out the bad. The best thing, though, is lot's of play time and love.

I read the responses of all the ladies who answered you and I would love to know how old they are. Why? Because when we were kids, I bet you didn't throw many tantrums and get away with it, You got a spanking and if you did it again, you got put in time out or sent to your room. I can understand if you're in the age bracket of your twenties, becasue those were the baby-boom days and we didn't take time. But now that I have my own kids, I raise them the way I was raised, spankings, doghouse, time out, no company, no phone. These kids, babies these days have more intelligence than we give them credit for. If he can behave in daycare, like one mom says take the time to give them some attention and go on with your day.

I agree with Jennifer M. and Debby L. Give her the first 15-20 minutes of your time as soon as you get home and tell her you have been looking forward to it all day! :) Ask her how her day was and talk about it. Kids have stress too and if you just take a few minutes and listen and snuggle like it is the most important thing to you, they will respond like you would not believe! They just want to be heard and feel important, safe and loved. Good luck.

we had a similar situation with our son and we actually talked it over with his ped. and he told us that it probably has a lot to do with the fact that even the most self confident-outspoken child still feels uncomfortable taking out frustration on the people who cause it, because they want to be excepted. You are mom though and you are a soft place to fall (in the eternal words of Dr. Phil) so they feel safe letting go on you because you still have to love them at the end of the day. The Dr. suggested that when I pick up my son from school, rather than waiting until we get home and some little thing set's him off, we stay in the car and talk about his day. It took a little prodding to get him to play along. And no matter what he told me I took it in stride and chose that not to be the time to reprimand bad behavior. Now he lets it all out and tells me about the jerk in 4th grade who pushed him at lunch and the girl who keeps tattling on him. And rather than give him the obvious answer.."what did you do to get tattled on???" I simply stick up for his side and let him talk. I find that it has really worked. It solved 2 problems. He is no longer jealous of the time I get to spend with his little sis while he is at school because we have our own little bonding session every afternoon...and it diffuses any tention built up by bad school days before they turn in to a tantrum over someone touching his favorite spoon!!

I hope this helps! It sure helped us!

My daughter has been having tantrums. It happens every so often, I get caught up in my life at work, get easily frustrated, probably don't engage her one on one as much as she needs and she has melt downs. I have to step back when this happens. I look at the way I have been approaching things. Have I been barking commands without any consideration for what she might be doing? Yes, I'm the parent, but I try to empathize with her... if my boss were to come to me with a new assignment I finish what I am doing before I start something new. I look at where I and my husband have been inconsistent in disciplining her and reaccess her needs. This helps me refocus and reprioritize. Check out Dr. Phil's advice on temper tantrums. http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/293
There's alot of other good advice on discipline if you follow the links of interest to you.

We've experienced the same behavior with our son a few times. He will even act the same when he gets home from kindergarten. Do you have a routine when you get home? An activity you always do with her, or that she always does? Maybe you two could come home and snuggle and read books for 15-20 minutes, giving her your undevided attention, which I think she is seeking by acting out. Hope it helps.

Well i have a 5 year old that does that only when he is with grandma, he knows who he can act like that with, usally when he acts like that we just walk away from him, let him have his tantrums, or calmly talk to her, ask her why shes acting that why or what can you both do to make her feel better. Or maybe alittle extra attention would help!! I hope this will give you some ideas, good luck.

T., my daughter has the same problem. The child knows how and when to have temper tantrum. WE have learned, to walk away and let her just get it out, eventually she will figure out she is not getting the negative attention. I think the reason she doesn't do that at daycare is because she doesn't know what will be the consequences, or she doesn't want the other kids to see her throw fits.