Not Feeling Good About Myself

My dear sister in Christ, God sees you and loves you and is hurting for you. I am so sorry for your pain, I assume what has 'turned upside down' was the crash...is that right? I have been through some ugly stuff in my life as well, I used to work for MADD and knew soooo many victims of DD. It is such a difficult thing to deal with & so many people don't understand because they have not been through what you have been through. Sometimes even family members who love you can't understand it. If you haven't already, I encourage you to call MADD and see if there are any groups of people who get together in your area. It may be a way for you to talk about what you are feeling in a safe environment, where people will completely understand. I welcome you to call me if I can help.

I know as a Christian, you understand what the bible says about adversity. In James 1: 2-4 the bible says "Consider it all joy my brothers and sisters when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing of your faith will produce endurance. Let that endurance have it's PERFECT result. That you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." M., you will get through this time, and if you keep focused on God, you will most definitely get through it in HIS perfect way. Think about the 'ministry' that these experiences could be preparing you for. God will use these days where you feel 'useless, ugly and burden' and he will turn them around and use them for His good and for His glory! Only God can perform miracles like that....and I believe He will.

M., I will be praying for you that you receive this message at the perfect time, that you will see God's message in everything and everyone you come into contact with. You are such a precious daughter to our King.....He loves you and he is WITH you M.!!!! Right now, He is there...cry out to Him. He will hear....

In Christ's love,

M. L.
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M.,
What you're feeling seems perfectly natural under the circumstances. I haven't even met you, but your message pulled at my heart! I would love the chance to meet you, and maybe share a cup of coffee. Sometimes all it takes is a friend to listen. This was obviously a traumatic ordeal, and would affect anyone. Maybe some type of couseling would help you work through everything also! Feel free to write back, and I would love to help you in any way that I can. Even if it is just to lend an ear. I too am a Christian so I can understand, and guess at some of the issues you may be facing.
F.

It sounds like your life has turned catestophic (sp?) Something happened to our family nearly four years ago that is still with us (me) today. I am a stay at home mom trying to take care of me for a change. I am doing things for myself to help my soul. One thing that my husband and I started doing since summer 2006 is go to Lakewood Church. Joel Osteen is the most encouraging person in the world. His church is a watering hole for anyone. No matter what your problem is when you walk in; you will walk out completely refreshed and ready to start a new life. You are wonderfully made and blessed. I pray for complete healing for you M.. I encourage you to go to Lakewood and see for yourself. It is a miraculous place. Try their Saturday night service. It starts at 7:00 p.m. The first time we went. We got there at 6:00 just to walk around and look at the place. Give it a try. :-) Stay blessed.

Have you read "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren? If you haven't please read it and if you have, read it again. We all get down in the dumps sometimes. Have you thought about getting counseling for what has happened to you. This was a traumatic experience and you may be experiencing a little post-traumatic stress. It really helps to talk to someone such as a counselor or psychologist. I would look into joining a group for people who have gone through the same thing as you, this could help to talk to people who know first-hand what that must have been like. God Bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers.

M.,
I don't know exactly what to say. However, in yout alittle about me you mentioned you were in a bad accident and also mentioned you are a saved christian woman and love God and people.
Perhaps you might need to have a chat with your preacher or even a counseler.

I will keep you in my prayers but you are no where near useless, ugly or a burden.

Keep your chin up and think of all your blessings that are in your life right now and don't focus so much on the negative.
One blessing you can focus on is you are still alive when that drunk driver crashed into you. It could have taken your life and that would be traggic to all around you.
Jan

I, too, was in a car wreck a few months ago. I was rear-ended by a 20 year old boy. Thankfully, my daughter and I have both mostly recovered and my vehicle was repaired. I do have some neck pain occasionally. I got very depressed and am only just now starting to feel back to normal emotionally. My advice is to reach out to whoever will listen, even your husband as much as possible, just make sure you don't leave him in the dark if he is trying to be there for you, and pray, pray, pray. Are you feeling like the people you thought would be there aren't? I went through the same thing. I was very disappointed in people. But God tells us to trust in Him, not in man, because man will disappoint us. It doesn't mean people don't care, it's just that everyone has problems of some sort, and most all think they just don't have the mental energy to spare. The ones who do show they care seem to be the ones who really do have more burdens, or harder ones. It might help you to develop a new interest, something to focus your mind on and lift your spirits a little.

M. this is your time for reflection. Everything happens for a reason and remember god will not put more on us then we can handle.. Stay strong!

Well, I'm glad that you survived a very terrible accident and are doing well, considering. First of all, learn to thank God for your experience - sometimes we all need a jarring in our lives to get back on track. You were jarred - take advantage of it to look in the mirror and say you have been blessed for being spared. That said, I've suffered from depression for about 12 years now. The only thing that keeps it in check is ME. You have to make a true conscious effort to make yourself happy. If you feel useless, do something useful. If you feel ugly, buy yourself something pretty. If you feel like a burden, ask those around you, and they'll tell you they thank God for your life today. You are worth being burdened with. Maybe your life needs more of an overhaul - do you enjoy your job? Do you feel useful and feel like what you're doing is worth the effort to put so much time into? Go back and finish your schooling, if you want to. Don't let this stop your life - it should START it.

Hi M.,
You have already taken the first step...you are a christian woman.Have faith and God will lead the way.Maybe you could seek counseling or talk to your pastor.Hang in there and I am sure your husband is there because he WANTS to be,not out of obiligation.Take care.

I can't imagine how it must feel to go through what you have been through lately. It must be tough. You said you are a Christian. I am a Christian, too. Sometimes as Christians we think life will always be easy for us, but that is not the case. However, we do have the promise that the Lord will always be with us. If you are not plugged into a church, I recommend doing that. If you are, great! Make sure to keep going. Your church members can help you get through tough times. If you haven't already, try to find someone to talk to, whether it is a counselor or pastor. All of us need advice and a shoulder to cry on at some point or another. Above all, remember that you are not useless. If the Lord didn't have a reason for you to be here, he would have already taken you home to be with Him. There is a reason you are still here. Find out what it is (besides telling others about Him.) Then find others to help you get through this and remember that God loves you and will be with you every step you take in this healing process. James 1:2-4,12, Psalm 27:5-6, 2 Cor. 1:3-4

It sounds like you have developed some depression. You can help yourself by going to a Dr. to get on some meds for that or by doing it yourself with healthy eating and exercise. Over 90% of depressed people do not exercise. We need to do strenous activity to get our endorphines active to be able to fight depression. Think about this. If you can't physically exercise then see a Dr. if the first Dr. doesn't help go to another one. Work on healing your mind and spirit, and your body.

Keep your head up, girl! If know men, I know that they don't usually say things because they feel like they have to. Trust him and accept that he loves you, regardless of what's going on. Since you're a christian, trust that god will guide you. Everything happens for a reason and you just have to wait it out to find out what that reason is. Don't worry about work - there will always be another job. As far as school, you really need to focus on YOU right now, not school. Once things are healed and better, you'll have more energy to focus on your future. Until then, enjoy staying at home and enjoy the new time you have with your 8 year old. I'm sure he's loving it!

I felt this same way i was a sahm but had to get a job to help out with bills and the kids are in daycare which is teaching them alot. but i got burnt out and felt like i was doing it all and could not go anylonger. so i finally bite my lip and got help from my family doctor who found out i was going into major depression and that bipolar runns in my family i am glad i got help now. i am on a new pill called cymbalta and i have more energy now and feel like i can take on the world. my husband has noticed a change in my attitude and the kids are really liking the new mom. I am not wanting to sit in my room and be alone no more i am now doing stuff agian and loving life.. so all i can say is please seek help. I will be praying for you.

Depression! Do talk to your doctor. If you are uncomfortable with taking medication there are other solutions as discussed below, like exercise.

Also consider counseling, I see you were in an accident that can be life changing and scary. Talking with a professional may help you.

I fight depression occasionally and there are times in life when it comes for everyone. I have found some ways to deal with my depression when it comes.

Here are my steps in the process.

1) Recognize that I am depressed.

2) Figure out WHY.

3) Allow myself to be upset, for a limited amount of time. (Depending on how long it took me to realize I was depressed I give myself a set amount of time like 1 weekend, 1 day, 2 hours etc. Don't give yourself more than 2-3 days at most.)

4) Be determined to be happier. Get up, take a shower, dress in nice clothes and put on a bit of makeup. (Or buy something new, anything that makes you feel more pretty or confident.)

Do something just for yourself, something you like. Sing at the top of your lungs in the shower, enjoy a hobby or a book, go out with a girlfriend, get a manicure and pedicure, anything you find a self-indulgence.

5) Plan how to deal with the issue that made me depressed to begin with.

Do anything that helps you get organized to deal with the problem or start making phone calls to get more information etc. (I can wear myself out on this step so I spend 2-3 hours on getting information or help and getting organized each day or per week. Being satisfied that I am keeping up with the issue and have made progress is important!)

6) Repeat 4 & 5! I promise it goes away after a while but it takes constant monitoring.

If it lasts for more than 4-6 weeks after reaching step 4 please see your doctor!

this will sound so cliche but try to get some professional help. they really do seem to help when you are at the bottom of that barrel and scraping and grasping for something. i will keep you in my prayers.

Are you able to go to church or are you unable to drive or someone drive you there. You need to talk to friends maybe you can do some online classes. You didnt say much about your situation so I dont have much to go on, but with the above said and maybe do a hobby, like develop all your pictures and do some scrap booking. Get out of your depression dont run everyone away. Your husband doenst have to be there he's there because he wants to be there.

I too sometimes feel useless and wonder what my purpose in life is. These feeling are sometimes brought on by circumstances beyond my control and at other times by my own lack of discipline and obedience. Being a Christian, I know that you know the importance of prayer and reading the Bible, but unfortunately many of us Christian gals find it difficult to turn to God when we need Him the most. We think we have to always be strong. I strongly recommend that you discuss your feelings openly and honestly whith Christian friends. They can be a source of strenghth and hope. If you are not in a small group fellowship, I recommend that you find one through a church. Getting together once a week with a few people in a similar season of life as you, praying for one another, reading the Word together, and discussing life's battles can be an amazing growing and healing process. L. D.

Everyone has given such good advice that I don't have anything new to say on that subject. But my heart aches for you and I hate that you feel this way. I think we all go through these feelings at one point or another for different reasons. I know I have. Just remember that your husband and son love you SO MUCH and even though it may not seem like it now (sounds like you're still recovering from your wreck?) they need you around in whatever capacity!!!

Your husband is probably pretty stressed out by the whole incident, too. Men tend to feel like they should be able to FIX everything, and in this instance he isn't able to. Plus, I am sure that it scared the absolute heck out of him, too! It goes without saying that your son was affected too. I would say to find someone that all 3 of you can talk to, as a family and also individually if you need to.

Thinking of and praying for you, and if you need to talk just give me a holler. :)

M. you have to love you no matter if he does or not. You have to celebrate your greatness, you have to know that your beautiful and your worthy of it all. You hav a son that's looking at you suffer and he needs you. Life is what you make of it and what you put out into the universe s what you get back. Pick yourself up and do something fun with your husband and son. It will make you feel good and they will remember that forever.

M.,

I totally agree with the advice given about praying and seeking professional advice. I wanted to add some info about the latter. Most companies provide some kind of employee assistance or wellness program for employees and their spouses. If you or your husband are employeed by a company, check with your HR department or log on to your company's website. Everything is kept confidential and the company often pays for the visits or just has you contribute a $10 or $20 copay.

The Lord has clearly spared your life for a reason. Now is a great time to discover what he has in mind for you. Maybe he wants you to reach out and comfort others who have had similar tramatic experiences or comfort those who are lonely or suffer from chronic medical issues. When you find purpose in serving others, it can be a great blessing to your own soul.

Best wishes,
S.

M., I was in a very bad wreck, too. Everything seems to come to a standstill and you wonder why did it happen to me. You need alot of extra rest for your body and mind to recuperate. Make sure you don't have any serious physical, especially head injuries that could make you feel so low. I hope you have a close family member that you can talk with regularly. It will help and writing down how you feel will help also. I took especially B vitamins and vitamin C. They help alot and soothing music. Watch funny movies...somthing to get your mind off of how you feel. Prayer gaves me the strength to make it through. God bless you and I hope soon every day with be much better for you.

When you find yourself sitting on a pity pot - FLUSH & GET OFF! Remember that God allows things to happen to us to change us for the better, to make us grow! If He brings us to it, He will bring us through it! If this had happened to your husband, would you have left him and resented this so called "burden," or would you be grateful to still have him alive by your side? I have learned through time to TRUST GOD - He knows what He is doing. Give your husband his wife back - stir up your sparkling personality, your love for him, your tenderness, all the things he fell in love with you for - the rest is only window dressing which would have faded with time. I have been to hell & back inside myself and battled demons - I am grateful for everything I had to go through no matter how bad it was because it made me a better person. I also have a friend who was in a wheel chair after a crippling accident & told he would never walk again - many doctors do not know the power of GOD! His delicate half metal bone structure won't let him play sports, but he is walking. If it is scars that had you feeling so badly - they will heal, plastic surgury is out there, but what you need to do is get back to being beautiful on the inside & it will radiate through to the outside. You are asking for help, so you have taken the first step - you want to heal - now just start to do it!!!

hello, my name is T., i am a 34 year old wife and mom of 2 children. i have felt like this before my self, i used to be real thin when i was married 16 yrs. ago and now after 2 kids a girl 14 and son 9 i have put on alot of weight i know my husband loves me and will continue to do so, i am also a christian woman and i just pray alot and i know that there is a reason why things happen we may not ever find out why but just remember God is in control and he will help you get through this. you have a wonderful loving family and they will be there for you, just remember to keep your head up and it will all work out. thank you T. forsyth

Hi M.~
It sounds like you have already been given lots of great advice that I agree with. I just wanted to add my online support! Try to always remember your connection with God, try to remember that He created you and you are perfect just the way you are. Wishing you great healing in all ways~
A.

When u said you where a saved christian woman that is the only thing that matters and when u said you love god trust me he loves you to and thats the only thing thats matters.

You should NOT feel like that. You must hold your head up, if for no one else, do it for your little boy. I guarantee it, he does not think you are useless...PRAY! Remember, everything happens for a reason. God does have a plan!

hey i read your request and the only thing i can say is maybe try a different routine change up something maybe that will help u feel better and even though u don't know mean i am going to extend my ears to u cause if nothing else sometimes it helps to talk to someone to get it all off your mind i know i appreicate my friends that are there for me to let me vent when i need to just a thought let me know i too rely on faith to get me through tough times so i am here for u

M., you've gotten a lot of great advice. The only other thing I would suggest is talking to someone at your church as these kinds of things can affect you spiritually. Perhaps speaking to a spiritual leader will help you realize that you are not alone, God is there in the valley with you. And He can help you get out. I'll pray for you.

Now more than ever is the time for you to pray and ask God for peace of mind. Remember that God is faithful and that everything happens for a reason. You can look on the brighter side of things, you could have been killed! God has left you here for a reason. Read Psalm 130.

Here's a prayer from Beliefnet.com:
Dear Lord, you are our refuge in good and in bad times. In your infinite mercy, bring peace and comfort to those of us who face days sometimes filled with pain and depression. Help us to realize that through you there is joy and the promise of lasting peace. Help us through the rough times. Walk before and beside us so that we may walk in your footsteps and reach out to you in our journey on this earth. Help us to focus on our blessings rather than our misfortunes, dear Lord. Thank you for hearing and answering our prayers. Amen

Hope this helps.