Depress and Confuse

C. -

I have experienced almost EXACTLY what you are going through and I'm going to give it to you straight. What you had with your grandmother is precious and you need to keep it that way. NO ONE can take that away - get a perspective here, okay. You feel loss because she was "all" to you. I want you to try to understand that she is still with you, in your heart and watching over you, your children and your well-being. See if you can just begin to understand this and feel her near you throughout the day. Find comfort in that. Let her comfort you on a soul-level - this will heal your heart.

As for families - I have found that your true family is the one that is in your heart - not the one that closes off the heart - meaning they judge you, are jealous of you, etc... This is all selfish behavior on their part and you need to be the one to decide just how much of that you want in your life, around your children and yourself. Personally, I would severely limit it. Focus on you, your true family and keep your heart open to feeling your grandmother. You will be amazed at how much you will get perspective if you keep yourself protected with love. Know that your grandmother is still protecting you with love, in a much larger form - you cannot see her but you will feel her if you allow yourself this gift of love.

Walk away from those who do not love you with their whole heart - the cannot love you the way you need to be loved, like your dear grandmother loved you. Do not blame them, just understand that they are stuck in their own fears and insecurities and none of that is your business or your concern. You have your own business and concerns - to live your life in peace and in love and in harmony - look at your children and you will see what really is important. Look to your husband and also to your self - you will see what is really important.

Raise you children, telling them beautiful stories about their great-grandmother and how much she meant to you - she will live on through you, in your heart.

You are a blessing and a gift and your grandmother knows this. Be careful who you share your gifts with - make sure they are open to receiving your love, as your grandmother was, as your true family is. Know in your mind that you were enough for your grandmother to adore, and so are you enough for yourself, and your husband and your children, to adore.

Peace and love and blessings to you always,
Alli

First and for most, your a very important person to your children and hubby, and one day to your very own grand children. You seem like a very sweet and caring person and I'm sure your Grandmother cherished you very much. I too, am very very close to my Grandmother, I am her first grandchild out of 15. I have always felt like she is my mother (my mom was like a sister to me) I love my mother very much, but my GM was there for me in all areas of my life. My GM almost died last Oct. I just moved to SL TX from California....I was unable to go see here and I felt like I was letting her down. I wanted to be with her. But she is ok today she pulled thru.
But now I have the reality she may pass any time, and that's very scary. I do not have the same situation as your self regarding family being upset with me when she passes away. But I can understand how that would be very difficult and hurtful.
Would your Grandmother want you to feel so sad over her death? Im sure she would not. She wants for you to be happy with your family and Im sure she would disapprove the actions towards you from the family. Try to understand every one right now is irrational, maybe not thinking properly. It sounds like your GM was the patriarch of the family, she had a very strong influence. And now people are disheveled and confused by her death. Please try very hard NOT to become overwhelmed by other peoples issues. I know its hard because its family, but try to gather love from your children and husband. They are your CORE! That's your glue.

Cherish what you have as your Grandmother cherished what she had in you.

Drink some tea, talk a bath before bed....meditate on your very own blessings in life and breath!!! Get into bed and say a prayer for continued strength.

Much Care and love to you,
J.

Dear C. L

I have but one place I have found to go when I have lost a dear loved one and things are just aren't going fairly in my life. That is Jesus Christ who has sent His Spirit to comfort and guide. I do not know your beliefs, however, it is possible for you to have that kind of relationship with Jesus as well.

He said He will never leave me or forsake me. If anyone leaves it will be me, for He is always there just waiting for us to reach out and ask Him for His help. He is a gentlman and will not force Himself on you. Just accept Him and begin seeking the kingdom of God and everything will fall into place. This doesn't mean you won't go through troubles. It means you can deal with them in the right way.

Also, let me say that if it was your grandmothers chose to consider you a daughter then hold that in your heart and don't let anyone change how she felt about you. Treasure that and let your aunt's and uncle's deal with their problems. You cann't change them.

I hope I have helped even just a little. Just let Jesus help.

One more thing. My mother and father raised one of my nephews for 12 years and considered him as a son. When they both past away my sisters and I (total of 5) honored our parents request to include him in the will. My husband and I have had our daughter and her son living with us since my grandson's birth and we consider him as a son as well. My daughter and son realize this, so have no problem with it.
I know that it doesn't compare with want your problem is, but thought you would like to know there others out there who have a similar situation.

S. R

I lost my mom about 11 years ago. She was my best friend. For about 2 years I felt alone even though my dad was still around. He died 4 years after mom. At that time I felt the
tension between my brothers. I did alot of praying and crying. I started making sure that my kids and husband knew that I love them. I also have gone to a couple of Inner healing converances that helped me to deal with the inner pain and give over to the Lord. I still miss my parents but the pain isn't there. I remember the things they taught me and try to remember the good times we had together. Sometimes with extended family you have to give them space and
still let them know that you are there if they need you. Your husband and children should be priority. Something that helped me is to have morning devotions. A good devotion book is "Starting Your Day Right" by Joyce Meyer.
Here's an exsample: March 10 Refill you peace. It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will (march) with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you:(let there be no cowardice at flinching. but) fear not, neither become broken (in spirit) (depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm). Deuteronomy 31:8

Many times, believers with Christian bumper stickers on their cars are seen driving around like crazy people, yelling at their kids, throwing their hand in the air, and looking mad at the world. If there isn't any peace in our heart when we leave home, our bumper stickers are not going to impress anybody. We need to get ourselves straightenend out before we go out. Pray, "my (inner) self (as well as my body) is also exceedingly distrubed and troubled. But You, O Lord, how long (until You return and speak peace to me)?" )Psalm 6:3). Let God refill you with peace.

The main part Pray, Let God refill you with peace. Time does heal the pain.

It's a beautiful, warm, sunny day here as I write to you. You have a husband and children, I suppose. Start from there. Love them and do for them and be happy. Write in a journal just for you, about how much you loved your grandmother and the special things that mattered to you. You will forever have her in your memories. I lost my mother 10 months ago and I have some beautiful pictures of her around the house and I talk to her and only think of wonderful times, it has helped me a lot. When I hear anyone talk about how much they miss her and how they wish this or that, I let is go and don't even listen, it's my way of healing. My wonderful memories. Be Happy you have your whole life to make it wonderful any way you please, no one can mess it up unless you let them. Love you.

Hi C., You were very close to your grandma and still need some time to grieve. Let yourself have that time. I know it is even harder without the support of most of your family. Try to take comfort in your husband and children. They need you and you are everything to them. Don't worry about what the others in your family say. Sometimes tragedies like death can make people act so crazy and hurtful. You are loved and wanted by your beautiful hubby and kids, now go and hug them and thank God for them, they are the most important part of your life and they love you!
Hope this helps, Hugs to you!
D.

Hi C.,

I just want to say that I am sorry for your loss. Losing your grandmother, sounds like you lost your mother, because of your relationship with her. My heart goes out to you.

You should know that you are still grieving, and you must take all the time you need to grieve. Everyone should be very understanding of that. Don't expect to bounce back right away, but at the same time in order to not fall into a chronic depression, try to stay busy. Overindulge yourself in your family and friends. Do something that you have been wanting to do, but hadn't had the chance. Like taking classes. Meaning, don't just keep yourself busy with things that you have to do (like work), but keep yourself busy with something that you like doing. This way, your spirits with lift, and your mind won't be on your loss as much.

Most things get easier with time. Take your time. Also, pray for strength. And as a last resort, if you do feel like your depression is effecting you life in a negative way, then you may want to consult a physician.

Hope this helps. God bless you, and your family.

S. P.

Hi C.,

I hope you're feeling a little better by reading the responses from those sweet ladies. I lost my grandmother also years ago, and the pain will go away. Just give it time, and you have to actively seek the good in life at this time. If you dwell on the sadness, it will consume you if you let it. You have so much to be thankful for. For a grandmother that loved you as if you were her own daughter, a beautiful family, your health (i'm assuming) and simply to be alive! So cry for your grandmother, give yourself that time, but then when you're done, please stand up and breathe and realize that life is what you make of it. Surround yourself with love, people you love, things you love, doing things that will make you happy. Just take care of yourself...your kids need a mother they can look up to as you looked up to your grandmother. Don't let her death be for nothing, let her inspire you to be the best you can be. She is with you still, in spirit and she will be proud of you! Good luck!

First off what a wonderful life your grandmother had with all those children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Some people are not as fortunate. And how wonderful that the two of you were so close. Who cares what the rest of the family thinks about your position with your grandmother. Only you and your grandmother know the truth and that is all that counts. If they can not acknowledge the fact that she was very close to you, then it is their problem and not yours. You have such wonderful memories and those memories will never go away. I lost my dear grandmother many years ago and I was very close to her as well. I was devestated but had a smile on my face knowing that I had her in my life and what a wonderful woman she was. I have not forgotten her ever and think about her almost everyday with such joy and such fond memories. She taught me a lot and I will carry that with me my entire life and I know have past some of that on to my children.
Just know that you were truly loved by this woman and hold on to your memories. She would not want you to be sad nor would she want you upset by what others do. So enjoy the fact that she was a part of your life and remember there are many who do not even have the chance to know their grandmothers. How lucky you were.
Hang in there and things will get better. We are handle death differently, but I do hope you cherish all the things you two did together and smile when you think of her. She did not have that life and was not the kind of person she was if she knew that you would be unhappy. I am sure she hoped that she did leave a legacy for you to treasure. Always talk to your children about things the two of you did. Believe me she will live on forever.
Good Luck.

C.

My heart goes out to you. I understand you and I feel your pain. I too was very close to my grandmother, and went through something simlar as you. I was actualy raised by my grandmother and she as well as my grandfather saw me more as a daughter than a granddaughter. I lived with them from birth up until their death. Too my surprise I was left everything, even though I had my own parents and they had other children as well. I was at a young age when I lost them both and there was not much I could do about the what their last wishes were. I struggled with the indirect comments and fighting and hating as if I as a young child could of told them how to set their will.

Time will heal all wounds. First and far most you have to let go and let God. You know what your relationship was with your grandma and that's what matters. Not what others think or say. You have a family that loves and needs you, and your grand ma would want you to live your life to the fullest and enjoy your life with your family.

If your grand ma was the one that keep the family together than maybe you can try to continue the traditions with your family and others that want to stay connected.

What I did learn over a period of time, that everyone that had something hateful or negative to say to me or about me, really had nothing to do with me at all. It was their own guilt and shame for not being their for their mother (my grandma). Yes words hurt and people surprise you with their behavior well at least they did me.
Now that time has past, things have clam down somewhat and I have paid tirbute to my grandparents by keep up with everything they left me and keeping it in the family.

when I go back to grandma's I feel close to her there and I do things in here name such as gradening which she loved or cooking her favorite foods and just keeping her memory alive and sharing her stories with my children and maybe someday my grandchildren.

Dont know if you have really cried for her yet, It took me a few months before I could cry and took me to be alone where I could be in thoughts with her and speak with her in spirit that I was able to breath and let her go, I miss her everyday, but now when I wake and before I go to sleep and I give thanks for being alive and having had such a wonderful grandma that helped me become the woman I am today, I say good morning to her and start my day with a smily knowing shes with me in my heart and good nite be I go to sleep....

Time will help you heal, and just try not to agrue or fight with family members , remeber misery loves company.........
Your in my prayers, I hope you find the peace your seeking in your heart. Give it up to God he will lead you and help you find peace.

Take Care and Keep the Faith
remember grandma loves you!

C.:

While no one really knows how you feel, many of us can understand some of what you are going through because of similar experience. I lost my Dad about 6 months ago and I still miss him so much. It hurt me to watch my siblings taking over everything and running my mom's life. One sibling moved in with her that weekend, we buried him on Friday and on Saturday they were already moving his stuff out of the house. That Monday not 3 days since he was buried they had my mom cleaning out his closet. I've been crushed and extremely dissappointed.
I didn't know what to do and didn't want to do anything, I felt I had lost part of myself. What helped me was to put together a book in memory of him and what he meant to me. I went to craft store, bought a scrape book, stickers and stuff like that and put together my memories of him. I still cry sometimes at night, I still have a hard time listening to some songs or watching fathers with their daughters, but I function better.
It doesn't change the disappointment I have in my remaining family or the fact that he is gone, but I was able to do something concrete about my memories. I hope this will help some for you.

C.,

It sounds like to relationship with your Grandma was really special. I to have a special relationship with mine. She would always say I was her favorite. Perhaps she is responsible for what you are today, Yes. If that is the case then you really need to see 2 things.

1) Your Grandma would not want anything to make you unhappy. You have to remember the good times with her and don't worry about others. Like you said you have your own family to pass her love on to.
Yes you will miss her, I can tell you that will not go away. My Grandma passed to be with God 16 years ago. I still celebrate her birthday every year. I still miss her greatly.
My Grandma practically raised me as both my mom and dad worked and I would stay with her after school until I was in High School.
I know she would not want me to be unhappy with her death but glad for her that she did her time on this earth and now she is with God. Which brings me to number 2.

2)Your Grandma has gone home to God. For this you cannot begrudge her by being unhappy. She showed what love is so now you should bring the wonderful things she gave to you to your children and those who are supportive around you. By allowing yourself to be hurt you are doing her life with you a diservice to your Grandma. You should not let others jelousey get in the way of your love. What went on with between you and her, no other will be able to understand. So don't be upset because they don't.

You have choices in life to allow others negativness to let you get down or ignore it and live your own life, happy and with the love of your Grandma in your heart as it will always be.

Anytime you need her or want her just look deep inside because that is where you will find her. Look at life as:
What Would Grandma Say or Do.

I understand your pain but the pain will go away and although the joy of Grandma never will unless you allow it to.

C. I am emailing you this prayer in your time of grief: Please help me in this time of loss of my grandmother, my mother and the relationship with my family. I seem to be frozen with this overwhelming grief. I don't understand why my life is filled with this pain and heartache. But I turn my eyes to you as I seek to find the strentgh to trust in your faithfulness. You, Lord are a God of comfort and love and I ask You to help me to patiently wait on you and not despair; I will quietly wait for your salvation. My heart is crushed, but I know that you will not abandon me forever. Please show me your compassion, Lord. Help me through the pain so that I will hope in you again. I believe the promise in your Word to send me fresh mercy each day. Though I can't see past today, I trust your great love will never fail me. Jesus, You came to heal the brokenhearted and my heart is broken today Lord, and only You can heal my sorrow over losing my grandmother, my mother, and my relationship with my family, I ask You, Lord to comfort me because You love me and have promised me everlasting consolation and hope through Your grace. Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforts me in all my tribulations, that I may be protected from any trouble and hurt as I walk with You, Lord, through the grief of losing my grandmother, mother and the relationships with my family. Sincerely, SharletB BE BLESSED!!!!!!!

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Hold tight to your memories and don't dwell on how any one elses jealousy or bitterness effect you. In all big families and lots of small ones a death usually tears things apart. Just know that God loves you and that is all that really matters. The material things that people are fighting for are objects of this earth. They do not possess the spirit of your grandmother and hold no value in the Kingdom of Heaven. What holds value is how you react with Christian love to those who would scorn you. Now is the time to turn to the Lord for all your comforter for he is the great comforter. Your children and husband do not need a depressed and angry wife and mother. They need a strong convicted woman who serves the Lord and brings the spirit of love into their home. Let go of those who bring you down. Satan has put them there to tear you down. Don't let him win. Turn to God he is the healer, comforter and is the only way to win.

Just remember you can not change what others are thinking or doing. Pray about your heart. Know your granmother loved you very much it sounds like and keep that in front of your mind now. Love your family and be very thankful for all the love your grandmother had for you. Don't let anyone try to make you feel bad for that. They have to live with that issue,not you. All that is just baggage. Just put it to the curb and run the race God has for you!

Keep love always in front of your actions and you'll be just fine.

I pray all will be well with you and yours.

There is a scripture in the bible that for me is very powerful. It is in Psalm 138: 3,7&8
It reads...
Psalm 138:3
In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul.
Psalm 138:7a
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
Psalm 138:8
The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;

When I read this, I know that my God understands how my SOUL hurts, not just my mind & my body- I also know that He loves me & that He is going to hold me until this too passes. I pray that you will receive that kind of strength in your mind, body & soul. Don't give up, God loves you - sounds like your husband & kiddos do too...cling to them. Your grandmother still loves you & you her. It doesn't matter that the others are jealous, forgive them & they will come around

C.:

You must find your peace and solace with the one and only "Comforter", Jesus Christ the Savior. The Bible tells us that ". . .we can do all things through Christ" and this means heal and mend a lonely heart. You had a wonderful grandmother who love you like a mother and accepted you as her own daughter. What a true Blessing. Now she is gone and you must continue to live for your children, yourself, your husband and all the remaining relatives whose lives you affect knowingly and unknowingly. Right now, you are creating a model that your own children will use in dealing with death. Create the model that you want them to imitate. The Peace of God lives in our hearts. God be with you and may the Holy Spirit abide in your heart and you walk in the image that you have been created in. Sincerely, your sister in Christ

Hi C.,
What you and your grandmother shared is a gift! I too was very close to my grandmother, she raised me most of my younger years because my mom was single and could not afford me. I moved in with my mom when I was 8 years old and going into 3rd grade. Although I loved my mom, my heart was always with my grandmother. Both my grandmother and my mom died about 6 months apart 20 years ago. I was 28 years old and had just had my 2nd child. I am also an only child, so I suffered a great loss and had no siblings to share the pain with. It was because of my 2 children (3yrs & 6 months) at the time that pulled me thru. My mom was very close to my 3 year old daughter and barely had an opportunity to see my son. I now have actually birthed 5 children and adopted 3, so I am raising 8. I think both my grandmother and my mom have been guiding me along the way thru the years. It is very normal for you to feel sad and depressed. Time does heal the pain somewhat but it is important for you to go thru the pain of loss so you can heal to move forward for yourself and your children. They will learn about your grandmother thru you, its always important to keep her memory alive and share the wonderful times you had together. Someday you will be the grandmother and I'm sure will be quite wonderful at it since you had such a great teacher! Let all the family issues go to the side, they are all trying to deal with it in their own ways. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Don't get yourself caught up in the "drama" hang close to your children and say nothing to anyone in your family that is negative. Remain positive in your thoughts and let your close friends also help you through. It will all work out with the family eventually and you don't need a "title" to know who you are and how your grandmother felt about you. Be proud of your relationship and honor her by being the best mom you can be and eventually a super grandma yourself. Those are things that matter most in life. Remember its a journey and everyday is a gift! Enjoy your gifts! I hope this helps. K.

C.,
I too lost my grandmother about 6 years ago, who was like a mother to me. I still miss her to this day. My family was also arguing and tension was in the air for about the first year or two because we all missed her so much. She and my grandfather were our "backbone". He passed away almost 3 years before her. We keep them alive in our memory and by telling stories. They are always with me in my day-to-day life by what they taught me. My family was also jealous of me because I was the oldest grandchild and was very close to my grandparents. They pretty much raised me. All that is over now and we have moved on. I hope that you find comfort in prayer as I have.

Today's Daily Word - Friday, March 14, 2008
Comfort
Immersed in the love of God, I move forward day by day.
Whether I am feeling a sense of loss because of the end of a relationship, the termination of my employment, or the passing of someone who is dear to me, I know where to turn. I turn to God and to the love that my Creator is.
As I open my heart to God, I open myself to the endless warmth and comfort of Divine Love—love that lives deep within me. The stillness of prayer offers me a perfect time to experience this love and let it wash over me, sweeping away any feeling of sadness.
Awash in the love of God, I am open to divine wisdom and grace, my help in regaining my equilibrium and hope. With poise and confidence, I move forward day by day.
“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and through grace gave us eternal comfort and good hope, comfort your hearts and strengthen them in every good work and word.”—2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

A little about me:
42 years old, newlywed, mother of 4, with 3 dogs.

C.,

I read your post, and I wanted to reach out to you. I can feel your pain and your grief through your words, and I just want you to know that you are not alone, and there is support out there for you...you're not alone. I wanted to pass along a link to a Grief and Support group through a church in my neighborhood (I'm not a member but I'm looking at them as my husband and I try to find a home church), and I just happened to come across this support group they are hosting. It wouldn't hurt to at least reach out to them to see if you feel you might benefit from this. Just please know that the feelings you are feeling after losing your grandmother are part of the grieving process and they are part of the healing process. Grief Recovery groups are such good ways to connect with others who are going through exactly what you are...it helps to just share and talk through how you are feeling.

Below is the link...I just really wanted to share this with you.

http://www.sugarlandmethodist.org/caring/griefshare.htm

You are going to be okay...God loves you, and you are going to smile again. You are in my prayers.

C. Lawrence

Hi C. - I lost my grandmother only six months after having my baby. We ahve a very small family - opposite of yours and it tore my family apart due to family issues. Just know that time heals everything and it takes A LOT of time. Cherish the time you had with her - only you know that relationship. I hope things look up for you soon. It took me well over a year to be able to go to church and not cry at the songs and thoughts of my granmother because I went to church with her every Sunday as a child. It will get better.

Dear C....

Bless your heart. I understand your emotions right now. I have been in a similar position in the past...my mother-in-law. I was there with my mother-in-law in the last few weeks of her life when her daughters were not able to be there. My mother-in-law shared some intimate things with me. The family considered me a sister more than a sister-in-law. However, when she died...we lost something. The genuine closeness as a family. I believe it was because of guilt, hurt and sorrow combined and many times we don't know how to decipher between them. However, through much prayer because we are a praying family - we are finding our way back into each other's hearts. It has been over 4 years since she has passed and a lot has happened within the family since she closed her eyes eternally.

But I want to tell you to draw closer to God and let him heal every wounded spirit. I am praying for you. Contact me sometime - we can share some more. It is good you have a support system through your husband and children. Don't give up - things will turn around - if you only believe.

P. Moore

Hi C.,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, but in reality you have been so blessed that you and your grandmother shared such a close bond. My mother is still alive but she also raised a granddaughter that was more to her a daughter. we all have adapted to their relationship because this makes my MOM so Happy!We have been so blessed as this DAUGHTER has a very close bond with mother and would do anything for her. When it is my mother's turn to depart we will consider her honored to do her obituary as my mother would have wanted this. In closing just remember the good and happy times you and her shared and the memories you made together and let that be the purpose of life. Remember she is still with you and shineing
her light on you!
God Bless You, Cris

C. -- Loss is a very hard emotion - but just look at your own little family and think how they would feel should they lose you too -- don't let that happen. Your grandmother gave you the gift of unconditional love - and I am sure if she is like most grandmother's hopes you will be for your children and your grandchildren what she was for you. Her love will never leave you. Everyone else involved in this family circle is dealing or not dealing with their own feelings of loss and probably some major regrets. You cannot fix anything -- you cannot change them--you can only change and fix yourself. So, when situations warrant it - step out of the "emotional stew pot" and take a vacation from the negative people in your life. Time will take care of your grief - it will lessen and become tolerable - because the warm and wonderful memories of your grandmother will come to the forefront and be a comfort to you. We grieve because we love -- to escape grief would you be willing to live without having loved? Not me. I lost significant people in my life -- so be patient with yourself and take things a bit slower - and take some time out each day to spread grandma's love around -- love is the answer - reach out to others, through your church begin to volunteer to serve those who are in need of help. You can do this - and you can feel loved again - but first you must love yourself - your grandmother felt you were worthy of great love - so hug yourself - look up and send your grandmother a smile and a big thanks - and ask her to keep looking over you -- and she will. good luck - one day at a time - stay out of the stew pot for awhile.

Sounds like you need a grief counselor or find a support group for grief. My sister passed away in October and I have lost my grandmother and aunt as well. It isn't easy and on top of that is sounds like you have soeme issues with family. Counseling is probably your best way to deal with your own emotions since you can't control the way others think or feel about how you were raised.

I went through the same thing a year and a half ago. My Gram was like my mom. She died of cancer and it did not bring the best out of our family. We had physcial fights, harse words and lots of arguments. Now as I look back, I feel like it was all because she was such a HUGH part of all our lives none of us knew how we were going to cope without her. It is still hard for me sometimes, I cry alot and miss her so much. Trust me though it gets better. I talk to her when I need something and I know she listens. You will be ok, lean on your husband and kiddos, it helps!

Have you considered grief counseling? Do you know Jesus? He wants to heal your hurt, fill you with His peace and comfort you. If you want to know Him, find someone who can introduce Him to you and check with a local Bible based church.

I would also recommend you seek counseling. We have no control over what other people do only what we do. We can only control how we feel not others. You probably feel like the arguing over things is ruining her memory but they won't. Only you know the memories you have of her.

Get help!

In Jesus' love,
D.

Oh my dear, I will pray for you and I know the pain is great yet I dont know of it since I never had any grandparents alive when I grew up. I know it is hard and your confused but you are right what keeps you together is your children & spouse. I would dedicate my time with my children & husband. Given them the love and attention they need aswell. When you need them most is now, they should surround you and that should give you strength to carry forward. Remind yourself that you grandma/mom would love for you to care for them as she did you!!!! She might not be here physically but her memorys live on. As for your family there will always be someone who doesnt like or approve of something, but look at this way you & your grandma had something they didnt or didnt want and now that she is gone no turning back the time. Jealously is awful and fighting for belongings gets worse. Just wait till all have taken & said what they want. At the end what might not be significant to them might be the most important to you. Keep your faith & courage God will lighten your load.

Please forget what the other people say or do. You were very special to her and that's what matters. Concentrate on that love and know that that is something you will always have and no one can take away from you. They are just jealous and the "things" they are fighting for are just "things". Get one special item that reminds you of you and your Grandmother and cherish it. I have only my Dad's pipe and I smell it every day. He died in 1969 but stays close to me through that pipe and the memories I have.
You have your own family who needs to know they are special to you. You would not want them depressed and sad if you should go. You lead by example.Know that your Grandmother lives in your heart and talk to her when you think about her, and know that she would not want you unhappy. Good luck and know that you can feel better if you remember the good things.

Hey C.,

The ladies have shared a lot of great advice, as usual.

I would encourage you to speak with someone at your church or a church (if you are comfortable with that) or seek a counselor for grief counseling. I hear a lot of pain coming through this message and someone who is outside your family and trained to help you process your feelings can help you. If you are spiritual, prayer will also help greatly.

Know that you are in my prayers,

J. B
Parent Coach

C.,
Death takes a toll on the ones of us who have loved that person so much. Grandmothers have to die, unfortunately. And YOU KNOW YOUR PLACE IN HER HEART. Why torment yourself about what someone says to you. Keep out of those conversations. You sound like you have a huge family, so find someone who will talk to you and encourage you. NOW, be a mother and wife to your children and husband, just like your Grandmother was....she would have loved that, right? Let her be your example. You can do it. And you were her granddaughhter, and since I have grandchildren of my own, believe me, I love them no less than I would have if they were my children. So face what is real. LIVE on and Love those who are jealous of your relationship with Grandmother. Let me hear from you

C.:
This maybe a dublicate, while I was typing I hit something and
the message I was typing vanished!! hahaha Sorry, so if it is
a dublicate, just ignore!
C., first off, I'm old, 71 almost 72! I've lost all my
grandparents, uncles, aunts, and my brother and the one that
hurt the most, my youngest son! The pain of losing a son is
really really hard!!
I'm in Texas and here in Texas we really enjoy what we call
"Get Togethers"! That can be a family or school reunion, or
a back yard BBQ with family and freinds or just a lunch meeting! All Get togethers are enjoyable if you like who your
getting together with!
C., many people will try to tell you "Your Grandmother is
in a Better Place NOW!" Well we really don't know that for certain, but, C., we have to BELIEVE that it is true!
Here's what I do when I think of one of those that have gone
on, I see them all at a Big Get Together, their in a park and
their having a lot of fun, playing 42 (a domino game) there are 6 or 7 tables and all my loved ones are just enjoying it
tremendously!! Sometime in the future, I'll join in and be playing at one of those tables!
O.K. that's how I think about them, in a Happy Way!!
One more thing, your grandmother raised you like you were one
of her daughters, so what does it matter if someone thinks the
newpaper got it wrong, you didn't do it!! Who ever place the Obit made the mistake, you didn't so forget it and move on!
Your husband and your children are the only important things
in your life, all your aunts and uncles and cousins do not
matter one trit, just your immediate family!!
Love them, nurish them, hug them, kiss them do things that will make them happy, by, doing so you will make yourself happy!
God Bless
B. C

It's good you're reaching out. But, you also need to reach out to someone in life other than online. Find someone you can talk to in person or on phone who will be immediately available to respond to you. Talking will do wonders. Listen to the advice already given. Read your Bible in order to get to know Jesus personally. I recommend The Gospel of John and Romans for that. Read Psalms for comfort. I will pray for you. Whatever you do, no matter how crazy you feel on certain days, talk to someone before making any big decisions to make sure you're thinking straight. I understand being so distraught that you can't think straight and you start to think things you would not normally have ever thought. Rebuke those thoughts and keep yourself surrounded by people who love you enough to keep telling you truth. You are being prayed for.

C.,
First I am so sorry for what you have been through. It sounds like you really loved your Grandmother. I think the best thing for you to do is to forgive your family and give all that hurt over to God. I know that they are hurting you deeply but unforgiveness is like a wound that just destroys life. I also think that throwing yourself into your own family could be helpful. You have your husband and your kids and you love them. Allow yourself to grieve for your Grandmother but focus on being the best wife and mom you can be. Your life is valuable and people do love you. If anyone in your life is hurting you then just forgive them and let them go. God can restore the relationships in His time. You can't force anyone to treat you right, but you can put your heart and time into those relationships that are healthy and stable and stay away from relationships that bring you down. I hear the weather is going to be lovely this weekend, maybe take a day out at the park with your kids or just do something that you enjoy that is not centered around your family and all the problems. I know you will get through this, hang in there!! Jesus loves you :)

C.,

I can relate to the grief, loss and confusion that you are feeling. Unfortunately when we lose someone that we love dearly, this is when "the vultures" flock around... unfortunately we tend to see the true colors of the people we thought we knew all of our lives.

The good news is - you have done nothing wrong. Developing healthy relationships is supposed to be human nature. If these people are showing any negative feelings and attitude toward you, it is only because they want to be where you are with your Grandmother. In other words, they are jealous of the love that your Grandmother showed you and the relationship that you shared with her.

It sounds like they are the ones with the real problems... Let it go... that won't be easy at first, but it is not the opinion of other people that matter here - it is the love and the relationship that you have been to share with a very loving woman, and you have been truly blessed to have had her feel for you so deeply. That is very precious, personal and in your heart you will always remember that.

Please don't take any of their negative or hurtful energy personally. Don't let the selfishness and greed of the others taint the precious memories of something special.

The thought that comes to me is why didn't any of them have the same kind of relationship with her? Where were they when she was sharing her love with you? Were they are direct and close part of her life, or did they just come around on the holidays?

It is not you, it is them - they are the ones with the real problems... in fact if you look at it like this, it won't seem so heartbreaking.... You have shared in a wonderful thing - and no one can take that away from you, ever.

You are only causing yourself more problems, and the situation only gets worse when you keep focusing on it. For your own well being - let it go, and let God or the Universe or however you believe take over to balance you.

Think, speak and write down positive things to reverse it... and you will find that the more you tell yourself that you are okay, that you are not going to affected by their words and attitudes, the less you will focus on it. Don't let anyone belittle, make you feel bad about yourself or put you down, because they failed to look at their own motives and hearts -

We are the creators of our "Universe"... The more you think of it changing in a positive way, the faster it will turn into positive change.

Take care & let go...
S.

Hi C.
Im sorry of the loss of you grandmother.
The only thing that helps me when i'm depress and confused is our Lord and Savior,and savior he is.I'm not sure what your faith is or if you beleive in God or if you have a Bible but the verse God gave us when were weary and heavy burden is
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all ye who are weary and heavy burden and i will give you rest". Believe that will all your heart as you say it over and over,and youll see in no time your hurt will be healed.If you haven't accepted God as your Lord and Savior The simple prayer of asking him to came in to your heart and to be your Lord and Savior,and forgive you of all your sins.Simple as that let, Him be the one you turn to for EVERYTHING and have Faith. Faith is believing that what we can't see,and believing that Christ will supply ALL our needs.Without Faith it is impossible to please God,because anyone who comes to Him must BELIEVE that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
T.

Hi C.,
Know that your grandmother is in heaven. She would not want you to be so distraught. I would pray for God's peace. He promises His peace to us when we ask.

S.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are dealing with the loss of your grandmother and the jealousy of your family. I too am close to my grandmother and will be devestated when she leaves. You do need to time to grieve for your grandmother but you also have to think about your husband and children and how this grieving is affecting them. You should consider counseling.

C., I am so sorry for your loss, and rejection. Jesus too was rejected by men. He feels your pain, pray to him and he will hear you. Honestly alot of us endure pain. This world is not perfect, if it was we wouldn't ever turn to or need God. He wants to draw you near him. He has a place he has made for us in Heaven that we will go to we then go to a 1000 yr reign where those who committed their life to him after Jesus takes us home will be tested by the Devil a short season. He then takes us to eternity to a new Earth that he makes us and brings Heaven down to it. We will have no more burdens there will be know more tears we will be with our loved ones again and their will be no more sins. We will be with all our loved ones that received Jesus as their Lord and Savior and asked him to come into our hearts. I went into this long story because this place is pain and God wants to fellowship with us. To know him is to read his word and pray to him. He will carry you thru. He made the family so he wants to heal your family so pray to him about it. Whatever is his will he will answer. God all along loves us so much that when sin entered the world thru Adam and Eve and the world got so bad he couldn't walk down here with us anymore had to find away to get us back to that place where he designed a perfect world. The only way was for someone perfect had to die for our sins. He sent his son Jesus and who ever calls on His name shall be saved and one day he will meet us in the sky and take us home. We're lucky if we live a life of 80 yrs what is that compared to forever in about 10,000 yrs from now you will be with your grandmother about 10,000 years. Hope I made since. Let God comfort you and be your friend, until your family comes around I trust and believe that God is going to send you a friend so you'll have someone to lean on. By the way your really wise by recognizing your need for your husband and kids. Be there for them and let them be there for you. That really is your most important responsibility before those others. Smile that is a big blessing. It will fix itself if you give it to God. Hurting people hurt people, and sometimes words don't work just let the spirit of God move for you.

hello! I just read your story and I truely am sorry for your loss! I went through a similar situation 2 1/2 years ago my Mother commited suicide and I was extremely close to her because i was the Baby out of three girls! she called my house very early on the morning of and I thought it was a stupid guy and didnt get the phone never had a chance for last words or talk her out of it! this hit me very hard and my body went into zombie mode! Lost all my hair all over my body and including my head! I stressed so much over this and would stare at my walls day after day I couldn't work for almost a year and I knew I had to snap out of it for my 2 young boys so that is exactly what I did I got it together bought me a wig got me a business running went to work and dedicated the next year to reprograming my thoughts and change my attitude for my life you HAVE TO TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK THEY ARE NOT HERE ANYMORE BUT YOU STILL ARE AND YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY! PLEASE BE STRONG AND RECLAIM YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR LIFE!!! DO NOT SIT AND ATTEND YOUR PITY PARTY ANYMORE! YOU CERTAINLY CAN CALL AND TALK TO ME IF YOU NEED SOME FRIENDLY WORDS OF ADVICE FOR NOW I TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE ON REPROGRAMING THEIR THOUGHTS AND PSYCOLOGICAL TRIGGERS I TEACH ON THIS AND IT TRUELY WORKS! Everyday you wake up Joel olsteen says! say "SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO ME TODAY!!! BE POSITIVE LIVE IT BREATH IT PROGRAM IT AND I GUARANTEE IT WILL WORK AND YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER AND ALWAYS ASK FOR GOD'S GUIDANCE! HOPE THIS HELPS!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and how much you are hurting. I understand in some ways because I'm like that with my grandma, who raised me. She isn't dead but I just lost a nanny that I felt an incredible attachment to and it took months to get better. The only thing that I believe helps is praying a lot and time. Our church reminded me that grieving is thinking about ourselves--our own loss, instead of thinking more about the person gone. Just think how happy she is right now and wouldn't trade anything to come back even though she loves you so. This is when your faith really kicks in and gets you through those hard times. I am so sorry and I hope it gets better. You have people who love and need you and you will be to them what your grandma was to you.

Hope this helps and doesn't make it worse.

A.

Your grandmother/Mom is not completely gone, she is just out of sight. Pray for peace and talk to her when you are alone, find comfort in knowing that one day you will see her again. As for the rest of the family , that is what they are extended family , your immediate family is your husband and children. They need you and you need them so keep the candle burning with your own family, this is what your grandmother would have wanted you to do. Remember by talking about those times you spent with her to your husband and kids and then make your own legacy. My prayers are with you.

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. Just think that your grandomether is in a better place now. It is very hard to lose a love one, especially when you are so close or attached to one another. You need to be strong on difficult times like what you are going through, you need to talk to your aunts and uncles and everyone else and explain how you feel. Get the family together and give them your version.. sit down and share with them how you feel about the situation and let them express their own feelings, them too might be hurt by the situation. Just remember that grandma would probably not be happy to see her family fighting and becoming distant from each other.

I understand what you are saying cause I lost my grandma (mom)in Jan.2001 and I haven't been the same since.My mom and I never had a mother daughter relationship so I got closer to my grandma and now that she's gone I don't know what to do.Before my grandma died my family was as close as a family could be,but now everyone is all for their self no matter what.C.,we don't even have family functions like we use to if someone has something not everyone shows up for it.I had a couple of dinners at my house but the family that showed up was my sisters,and one of them we don't get along to good now even more since my mom and I aren't talking.I always thought it would be a problem with my family when my grandma left this world,but let me tell you this don't worry about them being mad at you at all.It wasn't your fault you and your grandma was so close and they can't be mad at you for that.Good luck and keep your head up too about it.

C.: Your feelings are yours, not anyone elses, and are normal, it will get better in time. Take TIME FOR YOURSELF, quietly sit and lissen and feel the warmth from the Lord. Your grandmother is now with Him, and she is OK. The memories will never go away of her love for you. Take comfort in those memories they are yours, your siblings cannot take that away from you. Try and let your immediate family, your children, your husband feel some of that love your grandmother gave to you. It is now your turn to spread it to them. She is with you in spirit. Be still and let it wash over you, and concentrate on your immediate family, they love you as you are.
M.

I understand the stress that you must be under, my cusin has the same problem. She was raised by my grandmother for most of her life, she was living with her when she died. It was very hard for her because she then went to live with her dad and stepmom. I know that she told me that she felt very lost, and she was still underage and now was taking orders(her words) from this other woman that was not her mother. I know that most of us resented her, for awhile. We felt it unfair that she was allowed to be apart of her life more then the rest of the grandkids. I know my aunts and uncles didn't feel it right that she was looked at as if she was one of them. But after awhile, the rest of us really started to think about how she felt, the whole time she didn't back down. We have all since come together, we realise that we are all family, and though we might not always agree we do love each other. Just remember that they are hurting to, some of there feels are over taking there sensitivety to how you are feeling. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you or understand, but they are mostly just being a little selfish about focusing their feelings on themselfs. I know it is not easy but if you stay true to your feelings, then everyone else will come around. Those that don't, I wouldn't worry about you will still have the comfort from having freely dealt with your own grief.

Hi C., your story touched my heart, I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. Time really does heal the pain and spending time in the word. Your family needs you. It is hard when one loses a parent(grandparent) it is of the norm. Most of us will see our grandparents snd parents, go before us. Give yourself time to heal, consentrate on those who love you, they will get you through this storm. Don't worry about what the rest of your family is thinking, the ones that are being ugly, they will have to face their own demons someday. Trust in the Lord, he never gives us more than we can handle, I pray that God will lead you through this storm and heal the hurt you feel inside. May he bless you and your loved one's. May he bring you out of this darkness and in to the light and surround you and your family with love and understanding. May peace be with you. God Bless,
L.

C.,
I have read what some of the other mothers have said and you have been given wonderful information and encouraging words from their firsthand experiences.
Beside the fact that you're dealing with unpleasant family dynamics concerning your place with your late grandmother, you're grieving and possibly depressed. It's been six months, I think it's time to go get some professional help.

If you don't know where to find it, start with your medical doctor or if you're a churchgoer, your pastor. These people should be able to help you find what you need.

Sometimes life brings us things that we need help with. Go get some help and get thru this because life can be happy and full of love again!

PS: Don't forget to eat and rest well and EXERCISE(natural endorphines this produces will make you feel better. Also, a dose of daily sunshine helps.

Just know that you will make it through it.
I have been through a time like that and I can tell you , it will pass.
You must accept things as they are and focus on what you can do to move on because life does go on.
My advice is this:
Every day write three things you are grateful for every morning and night . Remind yourself constantly about all the things that you are happy for. It will Work!!!

God Bless!-A. Peace

I am so sorry that the family is not pulling together at this difficult time, but pulling apart. It sounds as though you need to get some kind of counseling. There is a group called re-evaluation co-counseling. You can look them up on the internet. Other types of counseling are available from organizations and churches. You definitely need to work on these feelings in a safe environment. When my Grandma died, I was 18 and I used modern dance to express my feelings. It helped a lot. I do not know if this would work for you. I also, was very close to my Grandma. Time will heal this feeling, but you need to get some grief counseling now. J. K.

Hi, C.

How lucky you are to have been able to have a great relationship with your grandma. I can sense that you are going through a temporary depression due to your grandma's death and that you need to get on a medication soon. About your family, it seems that they are being greedy and unfair so, it is not worth worring about what they think or what they say. Focus in your family and yourself. Talk to your kids about the wonderful things you did with your grandma and thanked God you had the opportunity to have such a close relationship. Right now it is you and your mental health that matters. A temporary treatment would do. You might also want to consider some therapy with a profesional just to let eveything out. Go out and enjoy what God has given you. Make new good friends. And most important think on yourself and children. Good luck!

Death is never easy and like you said it is not your fault that you had a daughter-like relationship with your grandmother. You do not indicate what number grandchild you are but I am guessing that you are one of the oldest and that you were raised more by your grandmother than your mother. Grief does crazy things to people, but greed is even worse. If you truly believe that stuff is not worth fighting for because it was the relationship you shared then take a step back. Trust in God to provide healing and understanding. Be still while the family is crazy. God knows what is best and your relationship with your grandma was a true blessing. I felt very close to my grandma as well but she died when I was ten. I was her favorite and because of that I have wonderful memories that I cherish. A cousin that barely knew her has some of my favorite memoribilia, but she doesn't have the cherished moments. Noone can take those from you. Be strong and pray. The family will settle down and you will be blessed if you are just still in this moment. Give your family the cherished moments you had with your grandma and don't let your family's greed and malcontent spoil it for your children.
God bless you.

If you meditate and ask for her spirit to guide you she will come to you. She is your angel. Just depends where you are on your spiritual path.

You can write your grandmother a letter and let her know how you feel and that you need her guidance and love. She may not read it in person, but if you believe that souls live on, then you will know that she has heard you. Peace will come back to your life, but it may take time. In the meantime, treat your children as your grandmother treated you and you can pass on the gift of love and comfort to your own kids.

You need to find a good church home where truth is taught. Read your bible more, and pray for your family. Always remember we can't control the actions of others. You might not agree with a decision someone else makes, but we should respect the fact that it's their decision.

you need to put all your focus on your immediate family.....your husband and children. I know it must be difficult, but time will heal the rest of the family!