No Hospitality... Vent

Weird. I have no answer. You say you have visited them fairly often, is it normally all ready for you when you get there? Maybe the 4 day advance notice wasnt quiet enough for them? However you would think they would have apologized for the state of the room.... hmm. Maybe they werent feeling well or something. Maybe they thought the end of the world was coming on the 21st so they didnt bother.... I'm sorta stumped. Maybe you should just ask her "I couldnt help but notice that it seemed like you werent prepared for us to show up, are you okay?" Something like that might bring it to light. You can always ignore it and hope that next time things are back to normal. I dont think it means they dont want you to visit again, seems like there is something more to it than that... maybe personal problems on their end or somethin?

Let this be a lesson to you. Don't impose on anyone while traveling. You were the inconsiderate ones.

WOW! That is strange. I think I would take it as they did not want me there. I would have probably lasted one night and then headed to a hotel! I treat my guests like they are at a five star hotel. When they come, they never want to leave!

Well, in their defense, you did invite yourselves to stay there at the last minute, and it wasn't with the intent of actually visiting them, it was to break your trip up. It's awkward to be put in a situation like that - family asking to use your home as a hotel, essentially, and being put on the spot like that. They might have felt offended or a bit used. Most people don't like to tell family "no", so they probably agreed to be nice & figured since you were just passing through & said you wouldn't be an imposition that they didn't need to make a big fanfare about the visit. Should they have at least checked the room/bathroom? Probably. They didn't, but I wouldn't get worked up about it. I would take it for what it is. They agreed to it but didn't really want to, and in the future, I would find elsewhere to stay.

That does seem a little odd. The missing lightbulb is the strangest part. I have gotten busy with my LIFE (I have kids ya know) and not gotten the linens put onto the bed or the bathroom completely scrubbed/gussied up when my parents were coming. My mom thinks nothing of helping me put fresh sheets on the bed once they arrive. I do the same at her house if she didn't get to it as well. We're FAMILY.
However, that missing light bulb.... Hmm. Maybe they HAVEN'T been up there. Who normally uses that room? Do they have teens or college age kids that might have been home and made a mess and left it without them realizing it?

As a side note, it was nice of you to let them know that they didn't need to go out of their way to worry about breakfast and lunch meals for you. But to say you would "only" be imposing for dinners seems a little rude. Perhaps you might have offered to make dinner or take them out for dinner one night? It sounds as if you were using their home solely as a hotel room. If that is essentially the case, it seems like you should have made yourselves unimposing for dinner meals as well.
I get annoyed when my brother's family comes to stay with us for 3-4 days and is gone ALL DAY long and then leaves me hanging about what time they will be home, knowing full well that they expect me to have dinner for everyone. It takes a lot of time to prepare a big meal for 6 extra people--in addition to keeping the house otherwise spotless during their visit. Any meal takes TIME for that many people. And it annoys me to spend half my day preparing planning for it and then they are gone doing their own thing the entire time they are here except for meals. I mean- I'm not on vacation-- the other obligations I have are still in effect. (sorry- just a little side vent).

this is really impossible to judge without knowing how your normal relationship is - from your attitude it sounds like maybe there is a history of bad blood there. IF that is the case (and i'm only guessing), then yeah, a couple days notice, you inviting yourselves, not to visit them, but to have a place to stay during your roadtrip, informing them you wouldn't impose ("except" for that one dinner - does that mean you weren't there the rest of the time because you had better things to do, or that you were removing yourselves from their home at mealtimes? what does that mean exactly?) would be kind of insulting. but if you have a great relationship with them, then probably there is something wrong. i bet you know the answer to that.

to be honest, it sounds like you might be looking for justification for your riteous indignation and, perhaps, making yourself look better than them. doesn't sound like a great relationship to me. is it possible your attitude might have had something to do with your reception?

Yeah, I would say this was a little weird. Maybe they forgot you were coming? Maybe they took the "not imposing" line a little too seriously.

I just had a family of four spend the night with us. Since we don't have a guest bedroom, my son gave up his room for the Mom and the toddler. The Dad took the sofa in the family room, the 11 year old daughter a blow up air mattress, that I purchased for this visit, and my son took the sofa in the living room. No, I did not give up my bedroom as I stowed all our cats in their to keep them from bugging everyone and trying to sleep in their luggage.

I made sure to scrub the bathroom (we have only 1 full bath), ensure there were enough clean towels for everyone, and put out new bath scrunchies in lieu of wash clothes.

I cooked a vegetarian meal, since they are pretty much a meatless family, and made sure I had enough healthy snacks in the house for the kids. (We eat healthy, but not to their dietary restrictions)

So, yeah, I think your "welcome" was odd. In the future, get a cheap hotel room - at least there will be sheets on the bed and light bulbs in the fixtures.

God Bless

YOu say you have visited them in the past...was it at their request or at yours? I would say that 4 days notice is NOT much notice...to be moving into someone's guest room especially when it doesn't seem like the point of the visit was to SEE them..but to break up your trip!!! Maybe they felt just the least bit used???
I don't know how close these relatives are to you...if my daughters called me 4 days in advance and asked if they could stay a day or so as they came through town..I would be thrilled....if it was a 2nd cousin twice removed...maybe not so happy.

You sort of invited yourself. Are they older or your age. Maybe they just
had other things to do. It sounds like you are just using their place as a place to rest your head. Sort of like a hotel. Maybe they wanted to spend
time with you. You would not impose on them except for dinner! Did you
offer to cook or did you think you would walk in and dinner would be ready.
A lot of unknowns here. I think next time stay in a hotel.

Subtle hint or not, why would you WANT to come back?

No, you're not touchy. But don't go back.

I don't think they were sending any suddle hints, I think they just didn't concider. Some people go way over the top to make their guests feel better than at home (myself included there) and others, well they just figure you will plop up a chair and sleep.

Rude yes, but I am sure they loved having you visit.

Gosh, I guess they just took you at your word that you would not impose, so they left it to you to fix up the room and clean the bathroom.

I would not have mind making the beds and getting our own towels, but the no light working and the not cleaned shower.

I know at the family lake house, we leave it to the guest to put the rooms and house back like it was when you arrived.. Maybe you should have taken the light bulb back to the other room and and left the beds with no linens.

Odd, but they did do you a favor to allow you to stay there.
You could have stayed in a cheap motel.
Maybe the last guest did not make up the room and these people have not been up there since that guest left.

YIKES!!! This would be a not so subtle way of them stating " you aren't welcome here"!

You might be too touchy - but seriously- if they agreed to let you stay - they should've at least made sure the bed was made and that the room had a light.

I change the sheets on our guest bed after the guest has slept on them one night. If they are staying multiple nights, I don't.
I make sure the room is dusted, the lights work, the clock is set for the right time and the alarm won't blast them out of bed at o-dark-thirty!! (I sometimes sleep in our guest bedroom when my husband's snoring rattles the bed!!) and that the AC/Heat vent is open.

Well you said you weren't imposing and they took you literally. You did invite yourselves, so they weren't under any obligation to say yes or "host" you.

FWIW, when we stay with my aunt and uncle, or when my girlfriends and I use one woman's aunt's beach house for a weekend getaway, we are expected to make up our own beds, strip the beds when we're done, bring food, etc.

I really can't say. In one way, you invited yourself, but in another way, they are relatives. In my family, sometimes we ask to come stay for a night, and visit. They always make sure we are accomadated and such, however, I would tell them that since I asked to come up that I would take care of my room,etc....Did they do this the last time you visited them? Did you invite yourself, or did they invite you last time? What was it like at that visit? Maybe they were busy, and didn't have the time. I wouldn't get all worked up over it..

I'm sorry C. but you didn't visit them, you used their house as a hotel, and invited yourself to do so. That's not the same as a visit. They may have felt obligated when you asked even though they may have had other plans - if you stayed the weekend with them, I think most people are not free on a May weekend a few days in advance. I would never have asked. You frequently visit them? Is this at their invitation, or are they simply tired of being used as a hotel? When you ask to use someone's home as a stopping point on a trip, (and not spending breakfast/lunch with them makes it seem even less like a visit),and spring this on them at the last minute, I can understand that they didn't have out the best linens and scented candles. I'm sorry if this seems overly critical and not what you wanted to hear. While I'd never have people stay at my house with a dirty bathroom and no lightbulb, I'd take this to mean that you are not welcome to invite yourselves at the last minute to use their house as a stopping point on your travels.

Well its either passive-aggressiveness... or they took your plans literally- that you would NOT be imposing on them and it was a couple of nights stay.
To them, it was maybe not a big deal to make the house all super nice.

But sure, who would stay with them again, after that?
Maybe that is their point.

Or, they don't see your stay as getting all gussied up, for.
And you have "frequently" visited them before.
Maybe it is too frequent, for them.

i think it was thoughtless----including if they didn't want you to stay--they could have been adult and told you.......agree they must have been miffed and felt like you were just using them-----talk this out or don't ask to stay agian

It's their way of telling you that your visit is unwanted. I won't dare go back to their home again. And, forget about treating them with utmost attention when they visit you. They are not worth giving them the VIP treatment.

take a hint i would have left and now you know n ot to have them at your house ever again

No, I really don't think you're been too touchy, honestly..
It's tough to deal w/those less considerate than ourselves-
It doesn't seem fair that you were treated this way-
But I'm a realist ( most of the time;), so there was a reason for this "happening"... If they didn't forget u were coming @ that time (and ur sure
they didn't??), then many possibilities, but try to understand, maybe it wasnt viscious, but just like a rebellious "I'm not spending extra energy
Fixing the upstairs because I'm exausted and I don't need to impress anyyone!!;)". Or, maybe it was envy..??
The only was to know for certain
Is to be assertive
Say,"I felt bad/mad/sad. I didn't feel this was fair.."
Hear her side. Don't jump to conclusions or be too quick to judge (tryy)!
After all- you never know until you Know.
;) Hang in there!! All will be fine... If she turns out to be Not-so-nice, u simply deal w/her as least as possible, take her from your thoughts and think of ur wonderful life (count ur blessings),
And ..."now u know"... The Truth is actually a beautiful thggg!!
And...;) don't forget to pray! SomeOne can strengthen &heal and it is Himm;)...peace be with you: )

How big of a warning do they give before they drop in to visit or do you actually extend an invitation? You invited yourselves by the sounds of it, but I am not sure they did the same to you.

Honestly, it sounds like they don't know how to say NO or they aren't very good hosts. Either way, it was considered imposing on them and that is why they didn't make up the room or prepare for your visit. Very rude, but I would just take this experience as a learning one and never ask them again! Sorry this happened!

M

You're right. Not so subtle! If the heat was "as hot as an attic in the summer" they must have put it up that high. I would take the hint and never return. And not let them stay at my place either. My question would be "Why?" But given your treatment, why bother?

Does not sound like they wanted visitors, even if they said yes. I would not ask again. I would also bring it up and ask her if something was wrong because of the treatment you received. I do not like not telling people how I feel. I do not like to assume anything. Get it out.