New Step Grandma

Until you are married you are not a grandma.
As far as what to expect... after dating for a year or 2 and assuming it is a great relationship, I would expect a marriage proposal.

lots expecting going on here!
first of all, don't 'expect' to be given grandmotherly respect. you're not the step-anything. you're dad's squeeze of the moment. don't start planning the knitting needles and rocking chair.
at most you should 'expect' to be pleased and excited for the (very) young couple when the baby shows up, to make admiring noises at it and them, and to buy a nice gift.
beyond that, don't have any 'expectations' at all.
khairete
S.

Whatever you do, DON'T call yourself "the new step grandma". That's ridiculous. You're 22 years old. You couldn't be someone's grandma if you tried.

Smile and say congratulations and if they offer for you to hold the baby at some point, sit down in a chair and hold the baby. Then give it back. Don't try to push yourself into their lives.

First of all, relax. You are, as I am happy to see you realize, very young. Your boyfriend also had kids very young and now one of them is repeating that pattern and having a child very young. This is a complicated family relationship and no one in it has too much experience.

So for starters, please don't get pregnant. Secondly, you are not the step-anything. You can't be a stepmother to the teen kids at the age of 22, so you can't be a step-grandmother. That's way too much of a stretch after 1 year of dating, and not just because you are young. You are the teens' father's girlfriend, nothing more and nothing less.

I am a stepmother and it's a long and arduous road to develop a relationship with your own partner, let alone with his kids. It's going to take years and years. My advice is to focus on your relationship only, not the kids and their kids.

Don't expect to be in the delivery room or even in the hospital. Don't expect to give a baby shower. You can provide 1 baby gift. When you sit with your boyfriend and his new grandchild, you can "oooh" and "aaah" and that's it. You hold the baby, you say how cute he/she is, you hand him back. That's all. You let your boyfriend become the grandfather, and you give him plenty of space to do that without you always at his side. That's not diminishing you - it's just recognizing that this is HIS family and his responsibility, and it's going to be difficult enough for someone who was roughly 18 when he had a child to watch his own 18 year old have one. Do not expect to have the undivided attention of a 36 year old man who is so fractured and demanded in so many other areas. If his ex is in the picture, then understand that she is a 36-ish-year-old grandmother and, while probably not thrilled, SHE is the grandma. You will do better if you take a really back seat through all of this.

Please evaluate your situation regularly - this is a HUGE undertaking for someone 22 years old. You are not going to have "normal" 20s and 30s if you are entering into a relationship with a multi-generational family already in existence. So take your time to sort out your needs and goals.

Wow you sure did get an instant family with this guy.

If you were my daughter I would advise you to run for the hills! Don't you want to enjoy your twenties figuring out who you are and spending time with people your own age?

You aren't married so you wouldn't be a step Grandma but it's WAY too close for my comfort. There's plenty of fish in the sea, maybe you should look for a younger, less prolific partner.

Expect nothing.... your the girlfriend nothing more

You do know there is a whole world of men out there, right?

At this point you are most likely thought of as his father's partner so not really his relative. You are very close in age to his son and you didn't raise him or make him the man he is today.

I'd say to expect nothing at the birth of this baby and if something happens and you get to be close then that'll be more than you expected. Support your partner's ability to see and bond with his new grandchild with or without you around. If you have a hobby or craft that you enjoy you might want to make something for the baby. I'm a knitter so I'm always knitting for my grandchildren and my children's friends and coworkers babies.

Every situation is different. If you aren't living with him or aren't married, then expect to be a "family friend" vs "grandma". Take the parents' lead. The first year into any stepfamily relationship is just the tip of the iceberg. Go slow. Let relationships develop.

What is expected of you now with his sons? If his eldest is 18 and he has three, some must be younger teens?

I'm not sure what you mean be expected - from who?

Does your boyfriend expect you to act like their mom? I don't really get it, sorry :)

I think you just be yourself. You're not really part of the family at this point, and you can't force yourself on people as a "step grandma". That's just a little odd.

It's none of our business and you're not asking for thoughts on this, but you're 22 ... he's already had a family and is having grandkids. Make sure you aren't cheating yourself out of more .. he might be a great guy, but put yourself first. If anyone is expecting you do stuff for this grand-baby, etc. think twice. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you :)

Your question is very vague.

What is your relationship with the sons? Do they view you as "someone Dad is seeing?" Or do they think of you as the stepmom? This matters.

It's actually more important to consider is your current relationship with the dad-to-be and the mom-to-be. If you have a good relationship with them, the they will guide you in your relationship to their child. If you do not have a relationship with them, are they open to getting to know you?

This is more about your relationship with the parents-to-be than anything else.

You are the girlfriend not the step anything. That is what you expect.

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Well, he's NOT your husband, so not sure what you expect here.

Your partner started having kids REALLY early...his 18 year old is having a baby?? WOW....seems like a cycle.

Until you are married to him? Sorry - you don't get "grandma" status in my book. Not even Step Mother either.

Personally? I think you are in a troubled relationship. I know this isn't what you asked for - but you are dating a man 14 years your senior with grown kids no less. Why not take a step back and figure out what YOU want out of life and what YOU are capable of before jumping into a relationship with kids....lots of questions - does he want to start over again? You've got your hands full...

Bottom line? Until you are MARRIED to him? You have no status.
Good luck!!

What do you expect as a girlfriend? nothing. You're the GIRLfriend.
that's it.

Sounds like this is too much. Please enjoy school and start your career.

Unless your boyfriend's teenage son or his teenage girlfriend are independently wealthy or on welfare, you and your boyfriend and her parents can expect to be paying their way and/or taking care of a lot of kids.

You are very young, do you want children of your own someday? If so you have some big decisions to make.

I am going to pick this apart. First you are fourteen years apart. That shouldn't be the biggest issue because we are too and just celebrated twenty years of marriage. What is a big issue is you aren't married. You are calling this person your partner. So...I would say that all 'grandma' inferences can be dropped. Just be a friend and babysit once in awhile. I am sorry there are a few people sounding so judgemental.