NEW Question!! What IS a Good Reason to Have a Baby?

The 17 year old does have a different birth mom than you, right? I'm totally confused!!! What am I missing here? (And no, I'm not answering the question here because I'm so befuddled!!)

I like gamma G's comment, though I think you should be financially stable and able.

My best friend just left her hubby to have a baby in her own. She's 43. She doesn't have a lot of money, is still paying off student loans, etc. But she had a great job and a serious desire for a baby.

I' say go for it if you really want another and the other kids are on board.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be unkind, just honest.

But ethically, I would seriously question the practices of any doctor who would agree to this, considering your long history of decisions that negatively effect the children you already have.

I certainly applaud you for furthering your education and bettering your life career wise. So why not use these things to improve the lives of your 4 existing children? Spend more time on them, buy them some things, take them places, make up for the past a bit, actually get AHEAD for the first time.

If it sounds like we're judging you, it's only because you asked us to.

:)

ETA: Oh dear, do you really want me to list them all, starting with getting pregnant at 17, marrying, having another, divorcing, getting pregnant with another babydaddy, marrying again, having another, divorcing again, 4 kids two different fathers and you at what, 27,moving in your bf with his kids, then ditching that....so many changes your kids have been through. Forgive me, but these are all very difficult things for kids to go through. And now you want to change it up AGAIN for them? Point is, you DID ask, "What would you think of a person who...", and so I'm telling you what I think, since you asked me. I think you should do what you like, I am not sure why you are asking the questions if you are only going to argue with people who answer them.
I mean, if you are only looking to have your plan validated, why not ask your mom, or someone else who knows you well and loves you? I'm just a stranger on the internet, calling it like I see it, okay? No worries.

ETA again: My apologies, I meant you had 4 kids from 2 different babydaddies when you were 27, possibly my math was wrong?

I don't think the main argument against someone in your position having another baby is there is "no good reason". There are just too many reasons sometimes, such as I believe in your case, to override the basic "want".

Wow, just wow. So you are 35 got knocked up the first time at 17, had the child at 18, apparently married the man thinking this would make your life whole, fill the gaps but it didn't so you divorced because it had to be his fault right but the baby loved you, needed you, you felt wanted. You needed more.

So you have three more with a man you say was abusive during your whole marriage. Why, because he was a means to have kids, kids that will love you. He allowed you to stay with the kids, be a mom, the only time you feel loved.

Then you divorced and fell in love with a friend. Shacked up with him for a year and a half!

Really, you don't see it? For crying out loud I have a minor in organizational psychology and I seem to know more than you.

Fact is time and time again you have posted things that are self centered and harmful to your kids. Ask anyone here that is the child of divorced kids, they will tell you it is abusive. So now you want to bring another child in this world an trap them in your need for love and dependence.

Please for the love of god get a real therapist, it is less cruel! And don't bother with adding to your BS what happened and tell me I am wrong, the lady doth protest too much, me thinks!

IMO, the only good reason to have a baby is that you want a baby.

But wanting a baby isn't enough by itself to make having a baby a good idea, if your health and/or living circumstances make you unable to properly provide for it.

I'd rather adopt. There are so many babies and children out there that need love, I'd rather invest the time and money in adoption instead of going through the IVF process.

We wanted kids to grow our family. To carry on the name. To love, laugh and cherish.

I take it you aren't happy with the responses you got to your question about wanting another baby and being pregnant??

My husband and I had children because we wanted to build a family, and we stopped at three because that's what we were comfortable with emotionally and financially.
My mother had four children with three different men because she liked having babies.
I had my share of baby fever when we were "done" but as someone who grew up in a home with one adult who made decisions based on her whims and feelings I knew that I would be much more responsible and rational about raising children, and also not subject my kids to a parade of different "partners" along the way.

I'm glad you asked..... because I read your post (didn't answer) but have been pondering that very question most of the morning, since I saw the number of people who seemed to imply or outright state that you didn't really have a good reason to have another baby.

I don't know WHAT a good reason is... or what a good reason not to is...

If you are religious your "good reason" is to grow God's Kingdom. So, in that respect, the Duggars would NOT be selfish. And anyone who is using birth control IS selfish.

If you are not religious your good reason is re-population.

Over-population schmover-population, in my opinion. Me only having 1 child isn't going to solve that. Me adopting instead of biologically having a child isn't going to solve that. If that's the argument what is the good reason to even have ONE biological child? If we are so over-popluated shouldn't we have NO children (until we get to a stable point where procreation that results in over-population doesn't negatively affect the planet)?

Why would you NOT do something "in case" you lose your job? In that case.... don't buy a house, or a car. And you shouldn't have had the 4 you already have.... because what if something happens. I think that's a ridiculous line of thought. You never know what is going to happen.

IMO - If you know yourself and your ability to give your time, talent and resources to kids without losing your mind..... who am I to say how many you should have? Just don't have enough that it negatively impacts others.

My first answer was too much wine and no birth control.

After re-reading your question, I have to wonder how you have so much time to use mampedia as a test sample for your homework?

i don't think there are any good 'reasons.' if you're looking for cool, calculating logic, we should be severely curtailing our reproduction. as a species we are rapidly outstripping our ability to sustain ourselves.
but of course, that's rarely factored into one's desire and decision to have babies.
so i think it makes sense to come at it from the other end. what are the Big Factors that would make it a Really Bad Idea to have more babies?
and i think you've got lots of those. a quick wander through your previous questions makes that clear, even without factoring in your rather hysterical over-reaction to theresa's thoughtful response.
khairete
S.

I don't think there is a good reason to have a child. It is a simple want. Like a good reason for wanting ice cream - it is a want. There are many many many reasons not too and I think to be responsible one must consider them.

Overpopulation is a HUGE issue - whether you prefer to call it our carbon footprints or climate change doesn't matter. It is horribly selfish that we are (all) leaving our children and grandchildren a planet with rising oceans and temperatures and the impending catastrophes of food production and living space that will (are already) follow. I think having children at all is selfish (we are all selfish) and having more than one per couple is very selfish and I would not do it. And I do feel that people who don't strongly deeply feel a need for a child simply should have none. Way way way too many people have a child just because they got pregnant or because they feel expected to do so.

I think being able to provide for a child is also essential - not just food, shelter and education (and yes I would personally not have a child if I could not provide for college) but enough time and love and support and ideally two parents. Not because one parent is inadequate but because one parent could DIE with much greater likelihood than two parents dying.

I don't think there is anything you could call a good reason. I think that raising children is just 1 part of what I hope to be a long life. Now that they are raised and on their own I can do what I choose to do. Since I still wanted to care and nurture something I devote time to my grandchildren and I have a dog and a cat. I think at some point your last child is your last child. After that you seek out babies you can hold, cuddle, and hand back to their parents.

Edited to add that a woman in my state had a baby at age 51. Her first and only child up to that point was 34. She used infertility treatment. She always wanted another baby and finally was at a place to have the money to do it. Personally I think she and her husband were selfish.

Well, for me personally my faith teaches me that children are a gift from the Lord.

As a corollary, ideally children are produced as the fruit of a marital sexual relationship.

But that's just me. Does it always happen in the above-mentioned way? Absolutely not (not even close nor did it happen that way for me so I'm not judging). I do not believe that God makes *any* mistakes. We are all known by Him before we are knit in our mothers' wombs. It behooves us, though, to adhere as closely as we can to the way God designed it.

Again, this is my spiritual perspective.

For every good reason to have a child there is always a reason why you shouldn't.

I think each person has their own reasons for having children, some good and some bad. I also see many people doing things that are very selfish in having a baby or aborting it.

I read your other question and you need to consider what kind of life will the new baby have. It will be growing up in a home with no father, much older siblings that will be leaving the nest and an aging mother.

You need to consider things like, what if something happens to you who will raise this child and would it be fair to expect your older children to take on that responsibility.

Personally, I am not against an older person (within a reasonable age) having a child but everything should be considered first. Please also consider how this will effect your older children as well as yourself and all of your futures. I also think that if you are having doubts that you shouldn't do it.

I would say you love caring for, nurturing, mentoring, and self sacrificing. You have a commitment to provide love and stability and the material necessitates to live in your community (home, food, clothes, etc). Ideally you have the means to provide a promising future for your child as in a means to an education or trade.
That would be ideal... However... Its basic animal instinct to have an intrinsic need to procreate. :)

A good reason would be to build a family of your own. I think many people have that as their good reason. It also extends to if you want to have another . A good reason for that is to keep building a family. Once you feel your family is complete in a healthy, well rounded way. Well, that's it. You are complete, and happy.

For me, my son wasn't planned. We had him, and we built our family. After having my son, we decided our family was complete. The desire for me to physically have another child never came back. If our family decided to extend our little circle, well, we would adopt a child. Not a baby, but an older child. Someone who needs to be apart of a family. To have unconditional love and support. To me, that's the only good reason to extend our family.

Everyone's good reason is different.

I also think that in your case you might be looking for a good reason. If their is none. Well, that should be your answer.

Reproduction is a biological imperative to continue the human race and contribute to the gene pool. Responsible reproduction would mean that two people, who have the means and skills to raise children, replace themselves, hopefully with people who will somehow positively contribute to the human race. At one time it was important to have multiple children because of high infant/child mortality rates and the need for families to have more hands to labour. Those times are gone, so there is no good reason to have multiple children.

I think a good reason is one that makes sense to you. I don't think anyone else should decide how many kids is the right number, and there's no built-in "Goldilocks" formula for outsiders to use for too many, too few, or just right. I get annoyed with people who say 1 child is "an only child" as if there is something missing - for many people, 1 child is the perfect size family. I get equally annoyed with people who say 2 or 3 or 4 kids are okay, but more than that is wrong or selfish.

I don't think it's fair to say a child is something "for 2 married people to do together." I don't think children have to have 2 parents, or 2 different-gender parents. There are plenty of great single moms, same sex couples, foster parents and grandparents raising kids. For me, religious reasons don't apply and neither does the need to populate (or not over-populate) the earth. I believe in contraception, a woman's right to determine what's appropriate for her, and full, informed choices. (Same goes for work/stay at home, married/not married, breast feed/bottle feed, blah blah.)

I do think that people should have a baby only if they want the whole child for all 18 or 21 or 30 years though! So if someone is mourning the loss of her fertility and needs a baby to feel better about that, I think that's having a baby who's going to have a job (the job of making the woman feel better about herself). I think that's unfair to the baby. I think it has implications for everyone else in the family too.

I don't think we can apply logical reasons to having a child. I really don't. But I do think we have to look at all the parameters and decide if we can make it work, not just in the short run, but in the long run, "for better or worse." Some people don't do that, and that's where selfishness comes in. Any baby that comes into a home where the parent isn't sure about this is going to wind up having a tough life, economically, emotionally and intellectually. Not being fully wanted for his or her own little self (vs. fulfilling a need in the parent/s) has to be the worst form of rejection any child can face.

I think that desire to have your own child is the best reason to have a child. I don't think being married or financially stable are needed to want a child. Planning to have a child is a goal that anyone physically able can do.

The next would be because your husband wants to have a child. I think some women are indifferent about starting a family and don't have a biological clock ticking away. So if hubby is on the baby train some women might say Okay just because they'd have done it eventually and now is just as good of a time and another....