None of the other parents in our neighborhood will let more than 1 or 2 kids in at a time, so most of them end up at our house (5-6 kids, not including my 2.) It's okay most of the time since I send them home for lunch, but one family will let their son stay over all day. Literally. Now this same family has asked me to watch their 13 year old son during Spring Break while they are working. The only reason I agreed was because the person's father that was supposed to watch him was injured, so they didn't know who else to ask. It is the second day now, and the younger brother is over also and planning on coming over everyday. They have told their kids that they are coming over to help keep my kids entertained, not to be babysat. (Which was slightly annoying, that part might be petty, but still annoying.)
I am single and currently unemployed (they know this) and if I have to feed both of their kids lunch and snacks all week, I would like to find a way to nicely ask that they give me money to help with that. I don't want them to bring food, I'd feel much better picking it out. My oldest and their youngest are good friends and I don't want to upset that (plus I really don't like confrontation). Does anyone have any advise for me? I am starting to feel like the neighborhood door mat.
Interesting first question.
You should have established cost before you agreed to watch them. Good luck.
This doesn't have to be a confrontation -- just say "I'm happy to have 'Jimmy' and 'Tommy' over, but I was wondering if you could cover the cost of their lunch and snack. It's just $X per day." You do sound like you're doing your neighbors a nice favor, but if you don't ask for basic things, you can't complain about being treated like a doormat.
Welcome to mamapedia!!!
The only way someone can take advantage of you is if you let them.
Tell them TODAY you expect payment - even if it's food for the children - while they are at your home. It's OKAY to renegotiate a contract that is not working for you.
If they aren't willing to renegotiate - tell them the contract, verbal or otherwise, is hereby canceled, terminated and they will have to find alternate care.
C'mon KL . . . time to grow a backbone. You are absolutely being used. Think about it - would you pawn your kids off on some neighbor for a WEEK, FOR FREE? At the very least you'd offer to buy lunch for the kids for the day (what would that be - $20?).
Your kids need to learn how to be nice without being a door mat. So do you. Please learn how to do this so they can learn too (you're their first and best teacher).
I hope I don't sound harsh . . . you sound like a very nice, kind-hearted person. The world needs more people like you. But I don't like when rude people (like your neighbor letting his kid hang out at your house all day) step across appropriate boundaries. That needs to be stopped.
Put your foot down. Tell them you ran out of $$ for the week and won't be able to feed their kids, and you won't have all the kids eating different things. Or tell them that you have to spend the week looking for a job (due to finances) and have your hands full dealing with your own kids.
Whatever you do I would put a stop to this. You don't owe them. It was unreasonable from the get-go to expect a free week from you, and then try to justify it with that stupid comment (their kids aren't there to be baby-sat). Good grief.
Why don't you want them to bring food? That way at least you know it will probably be something they like to eat. I watch my nephew as a favor to my SIL a few times a week. At the beginning it was more often, and he'd be here for most of the day. Just as I was about to mention it, she started sending lunches and snacks for him. But I was fully prepared to ask if she would do just that. Because a)it really adds up to feed extra children, and b)she isn't paying me anything to watch him so there was nothing to offset the cost. I would just tell the neighbor that it's fun having their kids come over, but you didn't realize you would need to provide lunch and snacks for them, so you'll need them to either send a lunch from home or help you out with money to replace your groceries. Tell them you hate to ask, but your finances are pretty tight. They shouldn't mind doing that, since you are doing them a huge favor to watch their kids for free.
It is a hard lesson to learn in life, but you must set your own boundaries or others will ALWAYS step all over you. It is healthy to have boundaries and you don't have to be mean about it.
You can look on-line for "setting healthy boundaries" and you will find TONS of information to help you work through this.
There will always be people that feed off of people that don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. They will push you and push you and hope that you don't ever stop them.
It's not about confrontation, it's about being a healthy person and setting a good example for your children, as well.
You can think about it this way... If this were your friend telling you this story, what would you tell your friend to do?
Just my two cents,
R.
when it gets to the end of the day today tell the mom "we didn't really discuss fees for this week.... but this is what I charge for sitting" and tell her "X" amount. why on earth should they expect you to sit their 2 children all day all week and not pay? and why would you consider it if it is not a close friend you switch off with?
I would ask them to bring their lunch each day rather than asking them for money. It's seems like something you should have established at the outset, but it's too late now. Why can't they bring their own food? Unless your kids have food allergies, they can pack a lunch just like they do for school.
When mom comes to get them today, ask her to send them with lunch for the rest of the week just let her know that when you did your budget and grocery shopping for the week, you didn't plan on the two children and could she please send them with lunch.
Not much else you can do at this point. IF she offers to pay you at the end of the week, you could take her up on that offer. Make sure to be clear on the fact that you will call her if you need childcare in the near future. If you have a job interview coming up... call her and ask her if your children can go there after school and make sure you send a snack!
Oh... and get over the "helping entertain" thing. I don't know a 13 year old who would want to be "babysat". He's not a baby and in all reality, you could use him to entertain your kiddos while you work on your resume and make phone calls. Our "mother's helper" is a 13 year old boy and he's a godsend in our house!
Why would you want to pick out their food for them? I don't understand that. I'd call the mom right now and ask her to pack some meals up and send them w/ the kids. I frankly don't know how you'd say, "Oh, no, I prefer to make food for them myself. Just give me money."
If you don't want to be used as a door mat, stop acting like one!
Just put your big girl pants on and talk to the family:"Hey, I know I have agreed to watch your kid, but we need to talk about the details: time, money, etc..."
And for the future remember that it is ok to say NO and set boundaries!
Good luck!
I think you should ask that they bring their own food, but not ask for money. I don't get why you would rather be the one "picking it out" for someone else's child.
I also don't understand what they had planned for the younger sibling. If you're babysitting the older one, what did they plan to do with the younger one? Are the parents home during the day? If so, why are you watching a 13 year old? That part doesn't make any sense.
You're unemployed. Tell them so and let them know "I'll be doing my grocery shopping on ---day. Could you please help me offset the cost of feeding your kids? You know how teens are...they don't stop eating!"
Also...if they are neighbors, why can't the kids go home and make their own lunch?
why the heck isn't their 13 yr old babysitting the younger one himself? that is more than old enough. and if you are home and close, you could be the "emergency" person in case the 13 yr old needs help.
A 13 yr old should be able to watch himself. Maybe he isnt responsible enough to watch his sibling but shouldnt be told to hang out at your house. Id have them pack a sack lunch. Are you wanting money for babysitting or for food?
And from now one dont do something you dont want to.
My neighbor calls me up randomly about once a month wanting me to watch his 2 yr old. I dont want to charge him. HE knows this and will buy me dinner or have me over. HE is very thoughtful.
DO your neighbors ever do anything nice for you for helping them out?
