Neighbors 4 Yr Old Is a Thief!

This is actually kind of normal. The difference between stealing and sharing at 4 is almost an invisible line. The whole "we don't take things that belong to others without asking" has to be drilled in the same way sharing, saying please, and no hitting has to be drilled in. If you don't tell her mum, and she isn't stopped each and every single time, she'll never learn. The same way a child who hits and isn't stopped will never learn. She's not being bad, she's just being a child.

You must tell the parents! You are denying them the right to discipline their own child. They are in charge of teaching her right from wrong. This behavior will only get worse as time progresses. I remember the time my daughter took gum from the store when I said no. I made her take it back in, apologize and pay for it. Then I took it home and had her throw it away. She still didn't get the gum and she had to do work for me to pay for the gym. This is every parents right. They need to know.

I hope you called her on it while she was there...
It seems that people let things go because she's hard of hearing - you aren't doing her any favors. You are helping to create a monster.
I'd tell the mother - she might not realize what is going on. I'd certainly want to know.
I'd also not allow her to have the run of my house while she is there. I'd make her play in a room where I can watch her or have her play outside.
Or when she arrives to play, tell her that she can't take anything home that isn't hers. Tell her you will be checking her hands and her pockets before she leaves. Tell her that if you find her taking your things, she will not come back for 2 or 3 weeks or something and then stick to it.
She needs rules, consequences, and discipline.
If you allow her to get away with it, she will think it's okay.
YMMV
LBC

Tell her mother! She needs to know and you can do it in a caring way that won't be offensive. She needs to know and it's not saying her daughter is horrible - she's 4! They do stuff like this sometimes. She needs to be taught not to do it and the mother can't do that unless someone makes her aware. If she's truly your friend, she'll be glad you told her... wouldn't you want to know if that was your child?

I would absolutely address it with the parents. My 6 year old has been the one doing the swiping... she had been coming home with other kids stuff in her backpacks, and when I asked her about it, she admitted she stole the stuff (after the 4th time I asked). I was horrified! I don't even know where she learned the word 'stole' or 'steal'!! EMBARRASSING! But this is a behavior that was easy to correct... As the parent (like your neighbor) I was glad it was called to my attention. Her teacher and I check her backpack daily, and I told her, stealing is NOT being a good citizen. How would this child feel if you stole something of hers that she loved? The tables turned on my daughter when her sister borrowed something with her permission, brought it to school, and then another kid took it home. She was heartbroken. NOW she knows how it feels, and doesn't do it anymore. Just speaking from experience, and being in your neighbors shoes, I am SO happy that I am aware of the situation and can correct it now. The neighbors daughter is only going to get worse if no one brings it up so the negative behavior can be curbed. Also, even though it's not your kid, it IS your stuff being taken, so if she is over, keep a super close eye on her, and yes, continue to check pockets! Best wishes!

Definitely tell the mother. Don't say that her daughter is a thief! Just tell the mother that you caught her daughter with an item out of your jewelery box and your daughter's lip gloss. Ask the mom what you should do when you catch her trying to leave your house with things that are not hers.

Obviously, if the girl is going to come over, you're going to have to set areas where she is not allowed to go - and enforce them. Keep her in the common rooms - no bedrooms! If you don't want her over until she matures a bit, that's okay too. But you should let the mother know why.

Good luck!

It is not your job to get her to stop stealing, it's her parents. However it IS your job to mention this to her mother. You can always say "Oh yesterday as you guys were leaving I saw "name" with my cufflink and "name"'s lipgloss behind her back."
Don't say anything about her stealing it. Just say that you noticed she got into your jewelry box so her mom should start watching her jewelry box too. Just because she's hard of hearing and has behavioral problems it does NOT make it right for her to steal.

umm I certainly would have called her out as well while she was there. That way her parents could deal with the fact that she's taking things. You're definitely not going to help if you don't bring attention to it....obviously don't accuse but it would have been good for her mother to see she was caught red handed. Although I find it hard to believe if it happens often and with others as well that the mother isn't aware----I would notice toys that don't belong to my daughter if they were here and I would especially notice jewlery.

Let her Mom know, and I would do it in front of the girl, and talk to her like you assume that her mother will back you up, kind of like, "your Mom is just as disapointed as I am." Let Mom know that this is the girl's behavior, not hers, so she can back you up and be part of the solution and you preserve your relationship with her, because that is truly the case.

Tell her that you have two solutions, because you know that she wants to stop steeling. One, you will search her pockets before she leaves your house, and if she continues to take things, then she will only get to play with your children at her house where she cannot violate your trust.

Let her know that you expect her to succeed.

M.

As a teacher and Mom, I've found the best way to talk to parents about these things (and you MUST), is to assume they already know about the problem, and present it as a "How would you like me to handle this?" question. This way, you aren't confronting them in a way that accuses them of not being good parents, and they can save face.
I suspect they do already know, and may appreciate that you want to help. Or perhaps they have been in denial, or even blind to the issue. In any case, this is a child who needs some guidance, and you are in a position to try to do that. If the parents choose to end the friendship over this, at least you tried. Refusing to babysit, etc, in understandable, but may not be the kindest thing to do for your friends. Maybe this could open a dialog that would allow you to really help this child?
f their child has other issues, these parent might just be so overwhelmed that they can only handle one problem at a time, so be supportive and gentle, and don't let their reaction hurt you. Parents of children with special needs put up with so much more than most of the rest of us.

THe mom needs to know. She is probably stealing from preschool too. I agree with checking her pockets every time she leaves your house. Every time tell her this is wrong and maybe have a consequence like tomorrow you can't come to play, or whatever. Mom needs to be on board with this.

My youngest is 9 and for two years I had to check his pockets while he was three and four. He would take little things from daycare.

I am assuming you and mom are good friends. Call her today and between the two of you figure out a solution. In my neighborhood, there are two girls who are not allowed in the house for this same reason. It's summer now, she and your daughter can play outside.

You've received some great responses here and I read it because while my son is only 2, this seems like it may be a somewhat common issue and I like to be prepared;)

I would love to hear what you decided to do and how it turned out, so please post a follow-up.

Thanks,
S

I have four children all of them have shoplifted at sometime or another. The cure my mom used on me and I used on them, they had to go to the store and tell the manager they stole the item from and apologize. It is a very humbling experience and not one kids want to repeat.
If you've know this lady so long and she says it is a reoccurring problem maybe give her a call and ask her to go along with this scenario? I would tell her every time she finds stolen items on the little girl to always take her to apologize in person and give the item back! Good Luck!

Find time to sit her down and have a nice glass of Tang. She probably likes you/your company which explains why she goes to your home comfortably and takes things without asking. Also, could have in mind that you are a nice person and won't jump at her. How about getting her things she really like.

Bottom line is, Lip gloss and rings are cheap and for the diamond ring and cufflink you're out of luck. Jewelries is what little girls long for. What she really need is your advise you just haven't realized that she's seeking it the wrong way. Getting rid of her will only cause huge issue's between you and her parents and maybe even her.

Have a heart.

That's a tough one...I'm assuming the parents don't know? They should be the ones to confront and correct her...before it gets out of hand. Who knows if she does these things at the grocery store? Definitely have a one on one with the parents. If they already know, then don't let her at your house. She needs to know those behaviors aren't welcome in your home.

You MUST call her out in front of her parents... Stress that your not supposed to go thru other peoples stuff OR take things without asking...

Let the parents come up with a definition of what "stealing" is... But a simple one would be taking something that is someone elses... No matter how much you want it, its still theirs.

But she may now be more careful and sneaky... Tell her infront of her parents (when you catch her agian) that if she takes your stuff that she won't be able to come play anymore...

You need to tell her in the kindest way possible and show her the evidence. Tell her it's because you're concerned and you care and that's why you're telling her. THEY need to know so they can deal w/ it. If you lose her friendship then it's too bad. A REAL friend would listen w/out getting upset, apologize to you, thank you for informing them and then figure a way to deal w/ her daughter's problems and STILL remain your friend.

could you just stop her at the door and check her pockets, like the other mom does? if she has behavioral problems, maybe the shame of being caught (you'd have to do it every time!) will deter her. maybe not. but either way you would ensure she didn't swipe your stuff. also maybe talk to her mom and ask her to check her when she gets home.

Put yourself in your friends shoes, she would absolutely want to know her daughter is stealing. It's just how you tell her is the hard part. Other than that I think the advice from Ladybug C is spot on. Good luck!