Neighbor's Child Is a Nightmare!

I'm sorry, but in my house, kids follow my rules. I have kids running through my house a lot, and when they say "No" to me, I firmly let them know that it is NOT acceptable to say NO to adults, and that if they want to play at my house they have to follow my rules. I've literally taken a kid home before for not following my rules in my house. I was so worried abotu what his parents would think, but I just explained to his parents that he was being disobedient, and they seemed understanding. Especially if he is having a fit at you for taking him home, they can see what you mean! ;o) Hey, if the kid's not getting any discipline at home, at least they're getting it somewhere. I'm sure if they go to daycare, or once they're in school, they'll realize your way is THE way. Don't be afraid to be strict. As long as you are fun and interact with the kids, they forget the rule stuff pretty quick. Give em an inch and they'll take a mile - I think that saying was invented about kids. :o)

Personally I would not put up with that. I would tell the mother to either teach her son to abide by my rules or don't come back. That may sound harsh, but you have to do what is best for you and your kids. If your kids are around an influence like that, they may pick up the bad habits and act accordingly. But it's always easier said than done. Good luck.

Buy them a book about children and their boundries

I had the same problem but the child was coming over to play with my 4 yr old. How I handled it was by inviting my neighbor over and telling her that I was ok with her son coming over but that he would have to abide by my rules in the house. I started off by telling the little boy that if he couldn't act accordingly that he's have to go home. Then I started getting on to him and making him sit down for a few mins to compose himself. Like if he would hit my fish tank Id tell him to go play in my sons room and leave the fish alone and usually he does what I ask. He knows if he doesnt then I send him home. He has to know that unlike his parents u won't take his behavior.

I would tell the child that his behavior is not acceptable. The things that you are touching are not allowed to be picked up by children only adults because they will break. I have had this similar situation and I told the child they were not allowed to act that way at my house even though they do it at home. They could sit in time-out or behave. Some kids are just afraid of dogs and I would just try and teach the child that the dog wont hurt him that he can pet the dog gently or try and keep the dog away from him if he is really scared.
I have also made a rule that my house is a No Whining Zone. If they wine they have to sit in time out which is the standing up facing the corner so they cant see what is going on. I dont just sit them on the couch. You should treat this child just like you would your own.

Hi S.,
I don't know if he cames to your house with the parents or just on his own to hung out at your house...however, I think that if it bothers you that much you need to change things around a little...You have a little baby at home and I would take it from that end. The baby needs quiet, you are still getting used to motherhood and also have your aprehensions about the baby's health with a 4 year old around all the time, and definately, you don't need the agrevation period.Now if he is in YOUR house he should abide to YOUR rules, which means, low voices, respect adults, and being nice to the dog. If the parents are with him when he misbehaves I would definately say something, like, Please sweetie, dont yell at the dog, or -we need to use our inside voice or-we don't touch that- etc...maybe if the parents hear you saing it and making a point,they may take the cue and realize that it bothers you. If after taking this active approach nothing changes, then I would just not be available to the visits. The baby is sleeping, I am taking a nap( which I am sure you could use at this point).
I seriusly think that is not your responsability to put up with the behavior if is difficult. You being a new mom need the time and energy for your baby and this new and demanding role.

Good luck! and Merry Christmas!
A.

Tell the mom that you do not accept that type of behavior in your house. If it doesn't stop, the visits do.

Is he coming over with his parents or are you babysitting him? I can't understand why a 4yr old would want to visit a house without other 4yr olds. If you are babysitting him, you need to explain to him that we don't touch things without asking first, if he does anyways-time out!! When he talks out of turn, ignore him or tell him he has to wait his turn. If he is just coming over to come over without his parents, then you need to tell him to behave by the rules in your house or go home. If his parents are there with him, call him out on his behaviour in front of them. Mom will get the idea!

Much of the advise I have is the same as the other mothers. I always send a child home that can't control him/herself. I usually say things like we don't do that here so please lets not (on the bad behavior). I have a friend that would rather have children over to her house so that she can make sure her child is safe, therefore she tells me she lets the bad behavior children in her neighborhood over but for limited time and she feels it's her duty to teach them to act better since the parents aren't able to in her opinion. I happen to agree with her it may take time, patience and love to another neighbor child but your families better behavior after time may rub off. It's up to you on how much you want to handle but it may also show your child what not to do and get used to children that have bad behavior when your child is in school.
Best of luck to you.

Don't invite him over. It he is just a neighbor boy then just separate yourselves from the bad thing that will bring your child's behavior down. If he is the child of a really close friend that you want to keep being friends with then try to taticfully talk to the mom. And if you still decide to let him come over, just gently discipline him...and I mean tell him what is right and wrong. Tell him, Johnny, don't talk to our dog like that, we don't let Jimmy yell at Spot. Ask him are you yelling because you are scared. If he says yes, then tell him that you will put the dog away. If you dont want him picking stuff up...tell him to put it down. Sometimes setting boundaries with a child like that is all you need to do....since that type of child is getting no discipline at home they usually respond well almost like you spanked them because they are so shocked that someone is telling them right from wrong.

To me, this is simple. Do not have this child over to play. No matter the age, a child that will not follow your rules shouldn't be allowed to come over. That and you do not want the bad behavior to be picked up by your own child. He is old enough to understand that the rules are different at your house so he should be able to adapt when he is there. All 4 year old ask questions so I don't really see that as terrible, but if he is doing other things that you haven't listed and it bothers you that much. Keep him out. When his parents ask why they do not play together anymore, that will give you an invitation to tell her why. Other than that, I wouldn't address her because it is likely to cause tension between y'all. Good luck!

Hi S.! I have a 4 year old and besides the hitting, pretty much most of what you have described is very normal for their age. Asking lots of questions is very normal at 4 years old. You didn't say specifically what it was that he was picking up, so it could have been valuable or breakable.

If the child has been left with you for a visit or just coming over to visit or whatever. I would let the parents know that it is not working out for you and that you would prefer that he not come to your house. I believe you do have the right to whom you allow in and out of your house and they should respect that. He is old enough to understand when it is okay to visit with neighbors and when it is not.

I have to tell my daughter when it is not okay to visit with our neighbors. The difference is that they allow her to come over, have babysat her, the mom was a pre-K teacher, etc. So it was ideal. So sad they are moving away now.

Yep -- I had neighbor's like that. I don't know what the right answer is but I'll tell you what I did. When their son stood up on, ran all over, and jumped off of my sofa, I told him (in a parent voice) that we DO NOT treat our furniture like that in my house. (If I had a dog, this is what I would do: when the kid yells at the dog, kneel down with his hand in yours and gently pet the dog and chant, "nice, nice, nice..." Maybe he's afraid.) And when he hit his mom in front of me, I said, "Ouch! Don't hit Mom!" I simply got tired of the behavior and the parents' lack of discipline. So, he began to learn that my house had different rules than his.

That said, Mom and I are still friends (they've since moved away), the kid doesn't like me, and Dad thinks I'm a "mean mom" and has taught his two boys that.

But, at least I stood my ground. So, I didn't win any popularity contest with Dad and I'm sure Ms. Manners would have issues with my straight-forward approach -- I don't know if my approach was the best one but it worked for me. Good luck!

to start with he might be scared of the dog. He's 4 hes curious. You have a 3 month old , you havnt gotten to the everything gets touched stage. my advice, if you dont want it touched dont put it with in reach. Don't tempt him with it. You should already be preping for baby proofing and thats part of it. Make sure he knows the rules before he comes in. Also if there arent any toys for him to play with he might be bored and thats why hes into everything, picking up a cheap coloring book and set of crayons is a good way to keep him out of everyones hair.

Had this problem once. The child's family thought it was GREAT that he would come over and bug me because it meant that he wasn't bugging them! At first I would hide out and pretend like I wasn't home when he would ring the door bell until one day I was like, "Hey, I am hiding from a six year old child!" I tried the "nice" approach, which was completely unsuccessful. I finally had to resort to bluntness with the child (talking to the little monsters parents was a waste of time.) I told him, "This is not the way we behave at my house, if you act like that you must go home." And I stuck to it. I allowed him to come over, but anytime he started to get annoying I told him it was time to go home. Eventually he was pretty decent at my house but soon found that to be boring and quit coming over as much. I felt sorry for the child, his home life was awful, but I didn't want him destroying my home either. Good luck with your situation!

That happened to me too. Eventually I had to tell the mom and the child they were no longer welcome in my home. Yes it is harsh, but your child will pick up on that behavior and think they can do that too. That is a HUGE NO NO in my house. Come to find out the child had that issue at school, at home, everywhere. It is not your responsibility to discipline someone else's child. Therefore, it isn't your responsibility to allow that child to stay when you don't feel they are welcome. This is about you child's safety, habits, and your SANITY! If the parents don't get that lesson with you not allowing the child to come over...trust me....they will learn that lesson in the system. But you put your home first, not that child's or parents' feelings.