We will be PCSing this Summer. I know it's normal for most of you, but we've been in the same place for almost 8 years. It's all my daughter knows and she is having a difficult time with the upcoming move. Out of the blue she will start crying and this has been going on for months now. She tends to be very sensitve. And since she was a toddler she has gotten over-whelmed more easily than other children when it comes to stressful situations, although that has gotten a lot better. I try to play up the positives of our move, such as the fact that we will have a yard so she can garden (she loves plants and flowers and all things gardening), we'll be closer to family and some good friends that have moved away, stuff like that. Does anyone else have any tips on what else I can do to help her get through this move? Or how we can go about getting a child sponsor for her? I've heard that most posts have a program that supplies a same-age sponsor for a child, but I don't know how to find one for her (we are going to Ft. Benning).
Follow this link for some Frequently Asked Questions about Benning and schools.
https://www.benning.army.mil/MCOE/content/education/FAQ.pdf
The CYS should have a sponsorship program. I would recommend signing her up for a week or two of summer camp (usually through CYS), so she can meet some other kids her age. Be patient with her - we all know how hard change is for adults - imagine what it must be like for a child!!
My son was about her age when we got orders to Germany he was a little unsure about the move so I went online and researched the school where we thought he would attend (Ramstein elementary)school and most websites have very attractive pictures of the students and teachers interacting and he enjoyed watching all the acivities that he would one day be a part of, that got him a little bit on board. Fortunately I was a army brat myself so I just talked to him about the move a lot focusing in on his concerns for the move and he was concerned with not knowing anyone and being the new kid and I explained to him every kid at the school that he will go to is going to be the new kid at some point so they all know how to welcome him...I also told him that all the embarassing things that had happened to him at his present school would not be known at his new school and that made him feel wonderful and he was ready to go (he had a few embarassing monents unfortunately). I also expressed to him that we are a family and we would be together.
My Daughter did the same when we PCSed here to Germany last summer she is the same age. I did the same things as you have. I also found the website for the school that she could be going to on base even tho we plained on liveing off base not knowing what base she was going to go to for school (there is 3 in the area we are)but it gave her a idiea and it helped her a little. If you happen to be lucky and your sponser has kids have them email each other, We wasn't that lucky. And try not to get upset when she is around with the idea moveing I'm sure that I am going when it comes time for us to PCS agian this is the first place that we have been that feels like home.
There are a few decent children's books about moving. Ours are mixed in with our other books, or I would provide titles. Amazon.com is your best bet. Books seemed to help us with our last move. It is like a reference for what to expect. Moving is the unknown to a child (and adults)and anything you can do to let them know what to expect (good and bad)will be helpful.
And you need to prepare yourself for the culture shock as well! We spent four years in GE and I had some difficulty transitioning. Best of luck!
Go to your nearest ACS, AFRC or any other Family Center. They should be able to get you information on getting a child sponsor. I think that is probably the best thing you can do for her. Most kids seem to be more open and optimistic about a new duty station if they feel like they already have a connection to someone there. It's helped my son just to have a name or picture of someone who's family we already know and I've had other moms tell me the same. They may not end up best of friends, but it's an opening to friendship that reassures the child.
N.,
My oldest son has Asperger's and he does not like change, all he knows is he is from "Misawa, Japan", he does not remember the US and we are going back there next week.
We have been preparing him for the move for some time, but he still has meltdowns about it. Have you ever heard of the book, "The Kissing Hand", well the same author wrote another book called "A Kiss Good-bye" or "A Good-bye Kiss". We read that book to both our boys quite often. It talks about always having the memories of your old house, friends, school and saving the picture in your mind. However, I am a scrapbooker and took pictures of every room in the house (from different angles) and taped as well, then, I took pictures of the movers packing (all three different pick-ups) and finally, pictures of the empty house. For now he is happy looking at these pictures on my camera, but when we get home I will make a special scrapbook just for the move.
Tomorrow we are taping/ and taking pictures of all our favorites places, on and off base ie. food, shopping, playgrounds, etc. Perhaps you could share this idea with your daughter and ask her to make a list of all her special places she wants to save on camera. (We even take pictures of our favorite foods!)
Finally, I left a small home town of 300 people a year after my mom died (I was 10). A year earlier another classmate moved and the girls threw her a going away party, but I did not get one (I only moved 60 miles away) I was devastated:( Plan a sleepover, party, etc. let your daughter help plan it or get the help of a few of her friends and through her a surprise going away party!
Best of luck to you,
M. R.
I kind of know what you are going through. My daughter will just start crying out of no where about her grandmother that past a year ago. If I were you I would talk to your sponsor. Maybe he/she has kids around her age or maybe he/she knows someone with kids around that your child can e-mail or even make a phone call to talk to them about it. Also try some support groups. Our base has a workshop for kids on pcs'ing every so often. Good luck with the move. Ft. Benning is a real nice area. My family lives about 1 hour north from there and my brother-in-law was there for OCS.
N.,
Change is very difficult sometimes but it can also be exciting to be in new places.
Perhaps it's also time for some change of scenery in your daughter's room.
Maybe a new bedspread that she picks out, some new things for the wall... a big girl room, something cool that is all her may also help when you get there.
It seemed to help our daughter (just turned 4 after we moved) when she got different things for her new bed when we moved to Japan. We'll move again when she is almost 8 and I'll do the same thing for that move too.
Best wishes
HP
I am sure other moms are giving you great advice on other things you can do to ease your child's PCS move. I would like to go in a slighly different dirrection with my advice. You sounds like you are saying and doing all the "right" things. I instead pick up on your daughter's personality (senditive, easily over-whelmed) and think it is great you notice this about her. I advise you to simply keep this in mind. Realize you can not change her to make the move easier for her. Instead, all you can do is support and guide her though this new experience. She will gain strength through the experence, especially if you guide her while she does the actual work involved in adjusting to her new life. I can tell you will be there for her, supporting her through her scared thoughts and feelings. As parents we always want to fix everything to be perfect and easy for our children. I think seeing our children's week areas and accepting them as being a part of their lives that will be more painful for them to walk through and us to watch them do so is a learning and growing experience for both parties.
Have you considered having her make a photo album and giving her and address book that she can put her firends addresses in so that they can keep in touch. My son took our first move a bit hard (He was six when we first moved and was very emotional about it) but about a week after we got to our new post he had begun to make new friends and was fine. My son was shown the website for our community and the school and he leared about all the after school activites and things in the area. We also talked about how he wanted his room to be decorated and things like that. Keep up the positive reinforcement and once you get where you are going she should be fine especially if you are near familiy and old friends. Familar faces around her will help her settle in. Good luck.
