My Husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years. We have been married for 7 and have two children (5&3). Ever since my youngest was born 3 years ago, my husband has been going through something. He is angry all the time, he does nothing besides go to work, come home and watch t.v. and go to bed. He complains about his job constantly, but yet does nothing about getting a new one. I have to do everything. I do all the inside household work. I do all the outside household work. I pay all the bills, and I even to all the maintence on our cars. He does nothing. He does help out with the kids every once in awhile but just when its convienient for him, but he never gives them a bath, puts them to bed, or anything. I feel that I am a single mom with just some man sitting on my sofa. I have tried to talk to him about it but as soon as I bring something up he leaves. He will be gone for hours and then he will come home like nothing happened. Usually if anything is said it somehow turns out being my fault. I am to the point where I just don't say anything anymore. I am not sure what to do. All he is to me now is a paycheck. I know if we would get a divorce it would get really nasty, and I know that I couldn't make it on my own. I would think that I would get custody of the kids, but even the thought of not having them one weekend breaks my heart. I don't want to break up our family. I do not want my kids to be without their father. Do I just go with it. DO I just continue living like we are now and hope that he comes out of his rut that he is in. I am only 30 years old and he is 42, do I really want to live like this. I do love him, I just am not in love with him anymore. Please help me.
I just want to thank everyone for their responses. It really made me think that I really need to get out of this relationship. I of course wont do anything untill after the holidays, I don't want to do that to my kids. I will keep you all informed. I just got hooked up with mamasource and what a fantastic website. I am sure I will visit often.
First off, you need to think of your happiness. If you are going to be miserable, that isn't fair to you...and your children. Other than that, I really don't have any advice. I hope everything works out for you and your family! Kim L
If you haven't had sex in over a year then my first Guess is he is cheating on you. I mean really stop and think about it you haven't had sex in over a year, if you bring it up he leaves forHOURS and comes back STRESS FREE like it never happened, and maybe he thinks the same thing maybe he's just as myserable as you and don't want to break up your family either but you both deserve to be happy and Believe me you can make it on your own Don't do this to youre self youDeserve better and hes a DOG for treating you like this. BUT if you think it is something MEDICAL make him go to the Doc. and go with him. But good luck.
I know the feeling....... I say next time he leaves if there is somewhere you and the kids can go for the night GO! Maybe this will make him realize that you wont be just there standing for this behavior sometimes it takes a little shove to get a man to WAKE THE HECK UP...and realize he may be losing something he sure as heck isin't ready to!!!!! Give it a try and see what happens! Good Luck and let me know if you ever need an ear to chat at!
Cindy
Tracey, No one deserves to be treated that way. If your not happy then you will find a way to take care of your children financially and emotionally. Its a mothers instinct to know what is best for our kids and if you can't talk to him, then there is no getting out of this rut. He has been this way for three years and lets face it, it's gonna take a mericle to make him change back. Remember your children are learning from both of your examples and do you want your son to be that way to his future wife. If you need suggest counciling, if he walks out. Then you know your choices. I feel for you and its never easy.. but if your not in love with him anymore, then what are you doing? I would never stay with a man just because he is the father of my children. Ya everyother weekend would be hard without them but in time you will enjoy the time to yourself. good luck and if you need to talk i'm here. chris
My dad and step mom went throught this and I have to say to you... being in love and being in love with the thought of being in love is different.
I say the next time he leaves so do you and the kids. You may think that you can't make it on your own, but I think that you will be suprised on how strong of a woman you are!! In my personal experence (with my dad and step mom) they are both so much happier!! She is remarried and he is living it up. I think that if he really wanted to be in a relationship with and the kids that he would talk to you when you bring up the relationship. I say get out there is no reason to be in a marrage with your self!!
Good luck we are all here for you
he needs to be 'in' the relationship. or else why even be there. i would try to suggest counseling to him.
don't make it about you-this time- remind him ,hey i'll be fine, but we have kids to think about and their mental health. and remind him his actions is setting an example to the kids on how to behave.
my daughter is already showing signs of being passive agressive at 2,, ding ding ding,, i see myself doing that at times.. :-\
I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Dont' ever say you won't make it without him. YOU CAN ;-)
My goodness. It sounds like it is time to talk about ending the marriage. Maybe some counseling just to make sure? But nobody should have to put up with that type of behavior. If it was encouragement you need to take those steps, consider some emailed you way! Prayers are with you!
Tracey- I am so sorry that you're going through something like this. I just went through something that makes me feel for you. My guess is there is something that he is keeping from you that he might be embarrassed about, or that he is ashamed of. Tell him that you need to talk to him- no walking away- that it is important and that you are at your wits end. Let him know that you are serious, and that you're not going to stand for him leaving again, and that it won't help if he leaves. If you really do love him, make sure that he feels the same way, and try as hard as you can to work things out. I am a product of a divorced family, and I have been lucky to have a step-father I love. I am the rare exception, and it's best to try to work things out, if you think it can be done! I hope this has helped.
