Wonder If Husband Really Still Loves Me.

Well I'm sorry to hear your doubts. That's not good for anyone to feel this way. My husband and I recently went to a couples retreat in Madison called Retrovaille. it was really great. It teaches you different ways to communicate. It gives you a new sense of hope. It's for couple at any level in their relationship. It's very private and you don't have to share with strangers. it's the two of you communicating. Also just some quality time together. Just an idea. best of Luck www.retrouvaille.org

DM:

I agree with Nicole's post. You don't need to panic, but keep your eyes open. Is DH suddenly, or increasingly emotionally distant? Is he still spending time with you? What does he do when he's home with you? Interact with the family or isolate himself? I just went through a thing with my DH this past fall. We are still together, have been through lots of counseling and things are honestly wonderful right now. But, I can see now how naive I was to have thought my DH, my best friend, would never, under any circumstance, have a wandering eye. I don't want to scare you and from your post I don't any reason to jump to any conclusions. I am just saying you walk a fine line. Don't fool yourself one way or the other. Make special time for DH (kid free) when you can, make your relationship a priority, but keep your eyes open. I think it is strong of you to be able to admit to yourself that you are concerned. If you want to talk, send me a message. Hang in there, girl!

S.
Still married to DH for 18 years. We have been through a lot but have come out even stronger and are still working at it!

I can understand how you feel, I went thru a period too where I doubted my husband and thought maybe he crushing on an assistant manager he had. My husband is not the most affectionate person, alone or in public, and always has been this way, but it felt like he was always trying to please this girl in ways that he never did with me. Well long story short, I found out thru others at his work that she is more high maintainance then the others and he was trying to keep her from quitting, especially because she was good at her job. Once she finally left, I did realize I was over reacting to the situation. I believe that all marriage hit a kind of rut sometimes and both forget that they still need to make the other feel like they did when they were dating. We have gone thru counseling, but most of it was worked out by ourselves. Mostly by spicing things up between us. Some of the ways we did that was by putting all kids to bed by 8pm, this way we could spend some time together just us. We have 4 kids, so a sitter is too expensive for us. We try to plan things to do with our time, sometimes its a movie and cuddling, and sometimes its something that will lead to of course sex. One of our favorite games is strip trivial pursuit. It really add something to the game, if you know what I mean. We have discovered you can turn any game into a strip game. We also try to remember to always kiss each other everyday and to say I love you at least once a day too. You know that marriage doesnt come any easier then having kids does, but its worth every ounce of energy you put in it.
As for the kids inbetween, well, we always put our kids in the middle, not because we want to be seperated, but because it is always easier to get at them, then if they are all on one side or the other. But then again we do have 4 kids, so the one on the end would have an easier time getting away! ;)
Good Luck!

Don't know that I have any advice, but wanted to let you know that you and your husband sound totally and perfectly NORMAL. ;)

As far as you "causing contention," maybe he's just reacting to the way you bring up your feelings, putting him on the defensive. Instead of asking if he had a crush, maybe you could have said "I felt a bit like a third wheel ..."? You BOTH need to understand that it's easier to start a conversation with the energy that indignation gives you, but you really need to see it through to the deeper feelings. Sounds like you've got a good start. Good luck!

Hi DM
My advice to you is if you want to keep your marriage strong and long lasting you should find a marriage counsler to go see they can be very helpful in helping couples communicate so you hear what your spouse acutually said and not what you thought they said. you may also want to spice up your bedroom life and see if he isn't just getting bored in the normal everyday married life. Good Luck :) T.

Your fears are justified. Who in their right mind doesn't get concerned when their husband is coming in contact with a pretty woman, old or young, with a husband or not? You'd be nuts not to, and I think its normal.

I couldn't quite read your husband's answer to your question as to whether he has a crush on her. I think you were quoting him as answering in a sarcastic way.. like "Yeah, right. She's old!"

I could be reading it wrong but I'd still plead his innocence. He's probably has a little bit of the ding-dong gene going on here, like so many husbands. I know hardly a guy who doesn't do something stupid like what he did with putting the kid between you and himself. I think it was unintentional. Or maybe he's no ding-dong at all, but very politcally savvy. If your kids are very young, perhaps he was thinking if the kids acted up in front of the boss, you or he could better handle them before an embarrassing situation arose.

I guess the big question is, besides this incident with him placing the kids between you, has he otherwise attentive to you? Or is he distant all the time? Is he not emotionally invovled at all? Is he acting really different like getting "dolled up" but not for you? Then maybe get a little worried. But don't borrow trouble. Keep your eyes open, but don't accuse unless you have a solid reason to. While I'm a firm believer in trusting your gut feelings about this sort of stuff, sometimes we can project our own fears and thoughts on to someone else or interject them into certain situations.

I think the fact he says he loves you is huge! I'd not belittle it, but take that spark and fan the fire! I think whether he's right on or not, the fact that he says you cause contention is not. He definitely is having some concerns of his own. But it dosen't mean he's ready to bolt. Maybe he just doesn't feel he can talk about it. Anyway, from what I've read, It doesn't sound serious enough for counseling. But if you feel things do seem to be heading in a not so great way, I'd consider going on a couples marriage renewal retreat. Many churches offer these programs. Or just plan a romantic getaway away from the kids so you can talk and reconnect. You've already got the man! Maybe its time for a tune up!