Need Help with My "Slapping" Baby!

The things you have tried are good. Just keep doing them, over and over and over, year after year after year. Don't give up. This is a lifetime job.

You have just explained my daughter, she screams when she doesnt get what she wants, screams!!! Loud.my mom tells me thats normal. She does go to daycare so i just thought it was her learning from other children. So ill be keeping up with this request. I hope someone has some help. Good luck

Sounds very typical of a 15 month old. My son was the same way around that age, and I belong to a very large playgroup and know most of the other kids did and do the exact same thing at the same age as well.

With my son, when he hit (or bit) I'd take his hands and firmly say "NO HITTING, OUCH" He'd get a 1 minute time out (usually in my lap, fighting and crying - but made him do it anyway) Afterwards, we'd read the book "Hands Are Not For Hitting" (there is also Teeth are not for biting, feet are not for kicking, words are not for hurting and others) check out on amazon or in your local bookstore. It did take a few weeks of being very consistant, but he very clearly understands that this is not acceptable behavior now. Plus he still loves the books - he'll bring to me to read for fun.

Just be swift and consitant with whatever you choose for discipline and understand it will take time before she really gets the message, but she will.

Wow, you sound like me a year ago. My little one is 27 months old now, and he has been 'high maintainance' since day 1. He want through the slapping phase also, around the same time as your daughter. I was bothered by it, because it was only me also that he hit. I, however, did get angry and frustrated in front of him, and, obviously, regret it. We would redirect him with giving high fives instead. Tell her firmly, "We don't hit." She is at the age that 'no' just doesn't mean as much because she hears it all the time. Make sure you give a one sentence explaination of why she shouldn't do that. You also need words for dangerous things, for hot things, and for hurtful or mean things. She may also be seeing if you will react the same way each time. Let her know that hurts mommy and seem in pain, rather than angry. She will more than likely become empathetic. This is a great time to teach her to say 'sorry'. That is one thing my son does very well. He is great at appologizing and giving kisses to make things better. You will get through this phase soon. Use it as a learning/teaching experience for her. Good luck!

I confess I've not gotten to the "twos" yet, but I read a book! It's called "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" by John Rosemond. (He also wrote "A Family of Value" which is an excellent book for childrearing in general.) He says that from 18 months to three years is a transition time for children, where they learn that the universe does not revolve around them and they must start obeying rules like everybody else. Imagine being the ruler of the universe, the be-all-and-end-all, and suddenly people stop treating you that way. You'd fight it tooth and nail for a long time, too. That's what it sounds like your daughter is doing - testing whether the rules apply to her. It is very very normal and does not mean you are a bad parent and generally does not mean she will grow up a bully or a delinquent. (And I hope to remember this when my angel becomes a terror!)

Hang in there! You sound like you're doing very well. Remember, she's her own spirit and you can't make her do anything, but you can make doing right more rewarding than doing wrong. Good luck!

I would really recommend the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp It helps you understand what is at the heart of this behavior, what the Bible says we as parents are responsible for, and what we can do to raise happy children who love the Lord. I have used the wisdom in this book with all three of my own children and it really is terrific. Even just a quick read of the introduction to this book will give you a new way of thinking about your role as a parent.

Blessings,
D.

Keep doing what you are doing and don't worry she will be fine!! Keep up the LOVE and if she wants to throw a fit let her but don't watch (as long as she is not going to hurt herself) My strong willed girl turned out GREAT and she is not afraid of reaching for her dreams!! She is happliy married now and still not afraid to go after her dreams!! We had our good days and a few BAD days when she got older but we stuck with good rules that she had to follow even when she was little! Show her you mean business ... keep the rules simple to follow ... and if your rules for her are good rules that work for you and your husband don't change them ... repeat them over and over until she understands ... do not change the rules on her unless she is old enough to understand why. Good Luck!! B.

I could write the same narrative about a little boy that we have had since about the age of 13 months. First and foremost, toddlers are very "ME" oriented. They tend to objectify. She still sees you as the food source and method to getting her needs met. Don't take it too personally. Yes, she is very high maintenance and obviously very strong willed. It is tough going but the first thing you should STOP doing is being "manipulated" by the fits of anger. Instead of using the term "time out" say "think about it" instead. In other words, you should never say..."Okay. Time out!" You should say "Okay, we are going to let you sit here and think about it for a while". AND LET HER SIT AND STEW. It is not hurting her. Continue to tell her "you were naughty and you have to sit there and think about it". Kids are very intune. Don't think for one minute because she is only 15 months old she can't grasp the concept. Sorry, but I disagree with the "one minute" rule. It does not get the point across. We leave our fellow there for about 5 minutes and when he is allowed to get up...he understood to behave or he will go BACK. So, it gets the message across. It takes a lot of repetition and a level head to do this effectively. At first you will fill like your child LIVES in the "think about it spot" but soon she'll get it. Also, I recommend you read Dr. Dobson's "The Strong Willed Child" and apply some of his principals.

C.,

I am also Christian and have been watching a friends baby since she was 3 months old and she is almost a year old now. Nothing is EVER easy with this girl child but I have recently found something that is working (even thought I have to ride out temper tantrums quite often). I have always put her in a playpen when she got way too much for me or threw temper tantrums and have been so frustrated myself.

Recently I prayed about not getting so upset when she has her melt downs and now I have started calmly saying NIGHT, NIGHT every time she behaves improperly or is cranky and I put her down despite her incredible enduring tantrums. She will eventually sleep (because she is most often sleep deprived). She is such a different person when I take her out again and them we do something fun! BUT if after the fun or food she begins to be tantrumy again she goes Night Night again. She is finally getting a very clear message and it is working!

Also your baby maybe doing what some call "tanking", she is around someone who is holding down their anger/frustration but she is expressing it quite aggressively. Try watching NANNY 911 where they change children's behavior by calming the house down you may find some really great tips on this show that comes on CMT 2-3 days a week.

For biting and hitting (PRAY) but I think when the anger is toned down this will occur less but the only solution I know is to give back to them what they do to you. When they slap you, you slap the hand or leg (even though I DON'T believe in hitting or biting). If they bite, one small bite back can stop this too! I have raised alot of children in my 48 years and have NEVER experienced a child who will bite you again, once bitten themselves or continue to hit once they know how it feels. GOD BLESS YOU!

"To train up a child" by Michael & Debi Pearl. You may think it's crazy at first because it often compares raising a child to training a horse. But the more you read it the more it makes sence. It is written by a God-fearing couple and works to correct the behavior of parent and child. (C. mom of three, 1yr, 4yrs, & 9yrs)

Your high needs child sounds like a spoiled child who is used to getting her way.

She is starting to enter her terrible twos, and if you don't curb it now you will have problems later.

She is not to young to learn the word NO. When she misbehaves a firm spat on the hand or swat on the rump will take care of that.

My little girl started that when she was about 1. She got out of it quickly because I would sit her down and talk to her very calmly. When she would throw her fiits I would stand their and tell her how silly she looks doing that, for example now when she does it, it is because she wants me to pick her up and I tell her momma doesn't pick up winning babies and she stops comes to me and holds her hands up. When she would throw a fit and slap or rip my glasses off I would hold her hands and rub them very gently and tell her to look at momma and tell her why that was not nice. She got out of it pretty quickly. She is now 22 months and RARELY throws a fit. It really does help not raising your voice. I also started time out with her around the age of 12 to 13 months so when I tell her no she listens. I would tell her no and if she did it again I would tell her one more time and you are going into time out, than if she does it again I put her in time out and when she is done I bring her back to it and tell her why I put her in time out. She leaves it alone after that. Sometimes she will go back and that is when I only give her two chances. Make sure that you distract the child so they don't go back for it again. Easier said than done, but the key is to be patient. Good Luck I H. something in this response will help you.

When my daughter does something that is inappropriate, but that does not warrant a swat on the bottom (i.e. it's not an immediate danger to her her or others) I've found that a firm squeeze on the hand will get her attention long enough for you to say no and explain why.

My daughter also went through hitting/scratching/biting phase previously, and I found that the best way to deal w/ that (it was generally with me since I was the authority figure she was acting out with) I simply told her that's not a nice touch, or that's a no and put her down and walked away. She would scream, but figured out pretty quickly that if she wasn't going to be nice, she would not get to sit with me. Also helps to demonstrate/practice with them at other times when they're not having a tantrum what a nice/gentle touch is.

My son has been pretty similar with his short-temper. I suggest continuing the time out. She's not supposed to like it. My son, who is two, will scream and cry for the two minutes he's in there, but then when I get him out, he doesn't do it again. On the rare occasion that he continues his bad actions (he really likes to hit the tv), then I put him right back in time out. Consistency is the key in everything pertaining to children. Stick with it! This is something that if you don't take action now and teach her right from wrong, it will only get worse as she gets older.

Actually, that sounds like fairly normal behavior for 15m. She's expressing her control over her situation and you. She's probably not doing these things to hurt you, she just wants to see your reaction when she does them. Keep up with correct discipline and find some playmates for her nearby so she can burn off that energy in a controlled environment.

Personally I feel you started off on the wrong foot and must now re-teach your 15 month old daughter.

As a baby, when you noticed how tense she would become trying to express her need to nurse, you should have started then. You have to stop giving her what she wants when she has those types of reactions. Don't hold her face or just yell no. You just have to teach her the RIGHT way to express herself.

You shouldn't put your life or errands on hold to "cater to her every need". That's not how the real world functions. I have 3 daughters (7, 4, 2) that ALL went through the dramatic tantrum stage. Here are a number of things I did to end the drama:

1)Ignore the tantrum. Then when she calms down just enough to listen, sit next to her on the floor, put your hand on her chest, and quietly ask her if she (wants her juice cup). Once she gives you a suitable answer, give in to her request.

2)Humor.
a)I have given out awards to my older daughters for "The Most Dramatic Performance in Asking for a Snack". Everyone in the house claps, laughs, and they get some kind of book or candle off the table as the reward. Once they give the "acceptance speech", we then discuss "what all that drama was about".
b)My older daughters have come up with a way to distract the baby when she throws a fit at home. They stand over her and cheer her on by chanting "fall out, fall out". She then has to sit up and laugh at herself.

3)Observing. My mom did this and I caught on. When either of my girls begin to act out in public, my mom simply whispers to them, "Look around at the other children. Is anyone else acting that way?"

Try some of these things. Your daughter has to learn how to make her needs known without all the dramatics or you can brace yourself for homeschooling!

We read Making Your Child Mind Without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman. When our daughter would throw fits, we would insist that "it is okay to get angry but you have to go to your room until you feel better." That is a rule we all started to follow, even me. Once she realized that we were not going to react to her fits (because we could not see them with her in her room), she stopped.

She is still strong-willed but this still helps us.

This is a very typical age for this type of frustration since their little brains have gone ahead of the capabilities of their little mouths! They have so much to express, but little means. I have seen first hand the way that baby sign language only makes this worse! They may be able to talk to you about simple needs (please, more, thank you, bye bye), but many other people don't understand them and they have so much more to say that they don't have the sign language for. Spend some time teaching your daughter to SPEAK. For instance, when she is frustrated and mad, say "Are you mad? OH - I see you are so angry!! Do you want to get down? Down? Do you want that book? Book? Can you say book? Book?" Trust me, I've raised 4 excellent speakers this way (2 of them "High Needs" or "Strong Willed" and their "language frustration" stage was much more short lived because of it.

Secondly, never let her hit you. If she does, gently grab her arm and tell her a firm, "NO. No hitting." If she tries again, put her down and walk away. She'll get mad, for sure, but she needs to learn you will not put up with it. When she is calmer (or more tearfully crying), go back and before you pick her up, tell her, "no hitting Mommy. Now, come here and let's have a hug. I love you!" If she hits you again, put her down and walk away for a longer period of time. If she chases you to hit you, you may have to take her to a safe room and close the door (or put her in her crib) where she cannot get to you to hit you.

And if time outs make her furious, then they are working!!! A punishment shouldn't be pleasant or tolerable or the behavior will never change!

The other thing is maybe you should stop catering to her every whim all day? It is very important at this age that they learn to play by themselves (some of course, not ALL day) and entertain themselves.

Just be careful you are laying the foundation of you as parent, not friend/playmate/slave. It is so hard at this age to begin that gentle separation that has to happen slowly over time, but if you don't start now, you'll really be in for it when your "High Needs" baby is terrible 2!!!!