Need Help Understanding My Three Year Old Daughter.

You sound like a frustrated mom. Why would you leave a 3 year old in the corner for that length of time? I really think you should listen to "Julie V". Her post is right on target. I wish you luck

In answer to all this she is three years old. My son is three in a month. He knows that he goes in the cart or he is not going in the store for the same reason of grabbing everything. Find a shopping cart which is different. I get the big shopping cart at walmart or the one with the racecar on it at pathmark. All kids are good they just do bad things. My son is the best behaved one at the babysitter and she likes having him there. There is nothing wrong with correcting her. How else will she learn? Take things away from her when she does not listen,like her favorite toy or movie. Be firm but fair. Be glad to have her and do not not blame her behavior on anything other than her age.

What's the deal about she's difficult b/c she has her father's last name???? Don't you two support each other??

Some kids are more difficult than others. I know...I have one who is...and one who isn't.

Stay consistent. She'll grow out of this phase...but she may always be more difficult than your other one. Don't compare them.

wow you called your child your baby IT twice. What is wrong with you...your child is a child not an adult. Hell she is still a baby pretty much.
I have 4 kids 3 boys 1 girl. ALl my friends think I am the mean mom but you have passed me by by a mile...you leave her in the corner till you get home from shopping...REALLY? Someone said it she is trying to get any attention she can even if it is negative which from the way you speak of her is all you have for her....You need to deal with whatever is causeing you to treat your BABY like this then start over and hope she will still love you.

She made be good for others, because she knows they will not tollerate certain bahaviors. I want to say congratulations on spanking when it is needed, so many moms today believe and practice punishment but not discipline. In the store she has no choice but to sit in the cart unless you let her walk. You said you repeat over and over what she is doing wrong, it maybe that you are just using to many words with her, try cutting back on the words, pick your battles, we only swated our kids for flat out defiance, but my husband made the swats count so with our kiids it worked usually the first time. her behavior is not because she's a girl, it's obvious that the she does not fear the discipline so it doesn't work, you may have to take it to the next level, it's not that you want to inflict pain on your child, but if the spankings are not working then they are the waste of time. My husband did 2 good swats, he made sure they felt them and it was a rare thing if he had to swat them for the same thing more than once because he made them count. J. L

When i put my four yr old in corner i make sure to ask him every five minutes why he is in the corner.....the first time i ask him and he doesnt know i tell him why....i wait five more minutes and ask again....i repeat it until he can tell me why and then and only then is he set free....it works for me just a suggestion for you...good luck

Literally I am going to paste what I just wrote to another mommy of a three year old:
**Don't have any real advice except to tell you, it's not your fault!! You aren't responsible for the temperament your child was born with, only to learn how to handle it:) I have a three year old boy that is very similar to what you describe. There is an organization called "Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson. He deals a lot with how to handle a strong willed child. I read this little book called "Tempering your Child's Tantrums" and I felt so much better about myself!! I do get tired of the battle of wills but I am getting much better at learning how to discipline and train my child without resorting to angry battles of the will. It is still tough and Dobson also has this book called The New Strong Willed Child. I am going to get it bc just after reading some excerpts from it, I was much better. He talks a lot about the difference in strong willed kids and compliant kids and that people who have compliant kids will tend to blame the parents of the strong willed kid simply bc they don't know there is a difference and they haven't experienced training a child who has an iron will. A couple basic things I have gotten are 1. Keep your cool(I struggle with this!) 2. If she wants a fight, don't back down, do whatever discipline you say you are going to do 3. After discipline, talk to her about what happened. As you comfort her, explain what you expect lovingly and reaffirm your love. Of course he explains it better, and I read some of this when mine was two and not three, so I am definitely in a new place now! Also I have a 5month old and I know that mine is still struggling with feeling a bit jealous. I know this is causing him to act out more so I just try to still be consistent in discipline and attention. Best wishes!! You are not alone or a bad parent:) oh one more thing PLEASE don't let the looks or opinions of others affect you when your kid acts out, they are dealing with their own issues, don't take them on, just do what you need to do and keep movin'!**
And then specifically to you I will say, dump the guilt. She was a preemie, but now she is a tyrant;) Mine is too and I have to lay down all the time how bad I feel about how much I have to discipline him. But you are doing her such a great favor and raising her to be such a great person who will be able to have friends and good relationships bc by then she won't think she runs the world!lol, well this is how I feel about my three year old anyway! I think everyone says it's all about the terrible two's but honestly two was so easy by comparison!! Hang in there, sounds to me like you are doing a great job:) Funny thing, I always say mine is so tough at times bc he is a boy! :)

I'm a mother of a 3.5 year old girl and a 5 year old boy - what you write is very COMMON behaviour of 3 year olds, whether the child is a boy or girl. You mention a babysitter - so I assume you are a working mom (as am I). And you say your daughter behaves differently for others than for you (same is true for me). As I don't know the full situation and can only speak from my own experience, my advice and/or questions are as follows:

Remember - your daughter is a great, fantastic beautiful child - she just wants to spend QUALITY time with YOU - MOM (she has already spent the day with others (assuming you are working) and a 3 year old does not understand why she can't have undivided attention from YOU when she is finally with you.)

When she talks when you are talking - after you explain that it's rude to interrupt and she needs to say excuse me and then wait patiently - do you take the time to converse with your daughter and hear the important thing she wanted to tell you?

If corner time, spanking or going to bed doesn't seem to work have you tried changing your strategy? For example, I take away TV for days at a time, which definitely works. If its a tantrum in the living room - I remove my child from the situation - he/she can cry as much as he/she wants in their bedroom. She comes out when she's ready. If it's pulling the rabbit's hair - tell her why she shouldn't do it - remove the rabbit and give her something else to do (color, sticker books, books, etc). Tell her she can play with the rabbit only when she's capable of treating it with respect - wait until she's ready and can tell you what that means.

When we go to the grocery store, I give them tasks. They get bored just sitting the cart and following me along. Think, how can you make the experience fun for them? One holds the bags, the other picks the fruit. I consult them on what we need to buy for the family. It mostly works, but you also need patience. If you don't have the patience - don't bring her to the store with you. If you don't have the choice - explain what good behaviour is BEFORE you enter the store - and what will happen if she doesn't listen. Then go in.

Praise good behaviour. Dedicate time for quality time for your child. Talk to her about her day, what she likes, your day and remember that she is still learning her vocabulary and only has been saying full sentences for maybe a year or so. Give her a chance to be good. Involve her in the kitchen, while you're cooking - give her something to do to HELP you.

As well, after you've recorrected a particular negative behaviour - ask yourself why? Is she hungry, tired, lonely, bored, angry, wants mommy time, etc - and seek to correct at the root.

Empower her to be good.

You did say she was THREE years old, right? I think your expectations of how a 3 year old should act may be out of whack. Your son was probably just a passive kid. Well this one is obviously a high spirited three. She will be an awesome adult. Please don't crush her spirit. She is most likely hyperactive and ADD. Certainly a challenge, but I don't agree with some of the other Mom's. I think your discipline is way too tough!

Spanking doesn't work. Do a google search and read some studies. Spanking does not help your child in any fashion. She will probably rebel more and be resentful. Please tell me I misread that you put her in the corner and left her there while you went out of the house? You are setting yourself up to fail with this child. She is too young to expect to sit there like that. I don't think I could sit there like that.

A three year old does not have the attention span of an adult, and if she is hyper or ADD......well....... she isn't going to be easy.

Get yourself some books on parenting. "Love and Logic" and ask your pediatrician about diagnosing whether she is ADD.

I think that you have very high expectations of a three year old. Please don't compare her to your 18 year old son. Not only is she a second child, surrounded by three adults, she's inquisitive and learns behaviors from everyone she interacts with. A two minute time out would probably be more effective than "leaving her in a corner until you returned from shopping." Is she in a pre-school program? Is her behavior different in that environment? You are so lucky to have her. Please find out what makes her tick and enjoy this little girl.

For starters, your daughter is 3. She is exercising control over her life. It's developmental. Spanking only teaches her that aggressive behavior is appropriate. Granted it's my opinion, but hitting your child doesn't help her to understand why you want her to stop doing certain things. Your daughter is a unique individual; it doesn't matter how good your son was. So you need to stop comparing. You say you are at wit's end. Perhaps you need to regroup and your daughter's behaviors might subside a bit. For example, I know my daughter who is also 3 tends to act out more whenim stressed. Good luck!

You have a very high-spirited little one :) The issue is not because she's a girl, and most likely not from having her father's last name--it's 99.9% her age. From personal experience with my oldest (I worked 60-70 hr weeks when she was born :( until she was nearly 2 1/2 yrs ) your baby is needing some mommy time. There are most definitely times when a spanking is totally necessary or a time out is in order, but please remember the time outs are to be no longer than the number of minutes your wee one is in years (she's 3--she has a 3 min TO). Also--she's not beneath talking to right now. Explain things to her and let her know that "if you do this, this will happen..." or "if you don't do this, mommy will have to do this..." Try giving her even 20 mins/day 1-on-1 positive attention, even if it's just playing with rubber duckies while she's in the tub. I do feel your pain and wish you the best of luck!

H., I have the same issue, and we added baby #2 to the mix recently, so it escalated. My daughter is also great for other folks and in talking to friends, it seems that newly "big" sisters and brothers are craving attention and act better when the baby and parent they are most mad with isn't around. I know that's not your case, but there could be some similar themes there? Perhaps your daughter isn't getting enough one on one time with you?

We use time out (no spanking) and removing of privledges and if your daughter seems mature enough to get that, I don't see any issue in using them at 3. We started with 1 minute at 18 months, and now she gets 3-4 minutes. She can scream, cry, do whatever, but at the end, she has to apologize to whomever put her in time out, and repeat what she did wrong. If she doesn't, she either goes back into time out after we discuss it, or she loses a privledge. I joke that I have a high spirited AND smart girl on my hands, that's why she's so much work:)

As you don't have another little one to wrangle in the store, why don't you go for a non-hectic trip and wander the store with her? Let her pick the cart (or bring a toy one from home?) and work with her on the right behavior. Getting on the floor with my daughter and looking her in the eye can make her uncomfortable, but when I stop looking at my shopping list and start asking her to help or ask her what she wants to do, I get a totally different response. And while not all parents would agree, bribes can work:) I keep a fruit snack in my purse, and I know which clerks give out stickers. But if you threaten to take something away (treat, tv, whatever), you HAVE to follow through.

Good luck - I'm hoping it's a phase too:)

She is only 3 :( Time outs are supposed to be a minute per year. Her time outs should be no longer than 3 minutes.

This sounds like typical 3 year old behavior. They grow out of it. Please have more patience with your daughter. I am thinking you forget what a 3 year old is really like.

"The New Strong-Willed Child" by James Dobson was very helpful for us in dealing with our strong-willed 3 yr old daughter. (Strong willed for us, good for the babysitter, she's always testing the boundaries with us) Some kids are just tougher than others, but keep on disciplining, it sounds like you're doing a good job so far. I don't think there's anything you can do that will make her a compliant child right away, but consistent discipline will pay off over time. If there is a healthy snack she would like at the grocery store, maybe give her an incentive "If you are good and don't touch anything, we can get pretzels for you to eat on the way home" Whatever she is doing wrong, warn her once and if it happens again take action immediately, it sounds like you're already doing that though. You're probably not going to change her, but if you keep letting her know the boundaries, hopefully she'll get better when she's 4. God Bless!

Okay, so this doesn't have anything to do with your question but I am commenting on something you said in your post.

I know you are joking and trying to be cute when you blame it on her having your husbands last name, but it really is not right to him or his family. My SIL does this ALL the time. Anytime one of her girls does something wrong or is stubborn, certainly that's what they inherited from their father. Never in a million years would they get anything bad from their mother-she's perfect.

Also, she doesn't like our side of the family for some reason (unless she needs us for something). I'm sure you're not this way, but if you continue to blame his name (even if it is being cute) it really is disrespectful to him and his family too.

I'm not trying to point out what you're doing wrong, I'm just letting you know how one feels when this is done. You probably never thought of it in this way. Good luck with your daughter.

I as well believe in discipline, time out, spanking (so they feel it) and to your room with nothing to play with. However, from my own experience I found that when I worked my child wanted individual attention because they were at the sitters' during the day. I know when you come home its a rush to get dinner, possibly having to go shopping, whatever. I suggest that you try taking 20min out of your time when coming home spending it with her. Even if its telling her how tired you are or how was her day. Read her a book or whatever her interest is. The same applies to your husband. Of course they behave when away because they don't know what the punishment will be or the sitter is spending more time with her and this is her expectations of you and your husband. I would give it a try and if it doesn't work, well then your going to have to go back to the old way. If she is pulling her rabbits fur, I'm not being mean but pull her hair and tell her thats' what it feels like with your bunny "it hurts" pls. don't do that anymore.
Same with you being on the phone "its attention". She sees' you talking to your husband but not her, again "attention". She is getting it from the sitter and I do understand its not easy coming home and having to stop everything but even for 10-15min. Tell her how you missed her, how much she is loved etc. Give it a try, it may just work. Take care and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Be consistent and talk with her. Discipline her as you have. Other times when you're living life and she's not in trouble, be cheerful and have fun. Good luck! You're doing a great job. Hang in there, this too shall pass!

sorry, i have to agree with julie, when she says that if she behaves for other people, it's because she knows they won't put up with her bull. which means you just might be. we both know, if there was a real problem, she would do this with everyone. which just means it's time to lay down the law. example. my son is 3 1/2, VERY energetic, willful, and a handful. when we are at the store he has two choices. walk nicely with me (not like a statue, but within reason), OR ride in the cart. the first time he takes off and i have to go find him, that's it. he rides in the cart, and if he continues to act out, then we leave. i have only had to resort to that once or twice, and that was back when he was two or 2 1/2. just try offering her alternatives, and make SURE you stick with the alternatives you give her. if her choice is to behave or get a time out, DO IT. we tend to love them so much we just want to assume they will do right by US and be good...but that's not the case. they need discipline and rules. good luck :)