**Update**
First and foremost, thank you all for your help and your posts!!!....I am new here, so at first, I started to feel REALLY guilty and like a truly terrible mom for letting go of the first nanny whom he grew to know and love so much. I thought I had made a horrible mistake, but thankfully, I know now that I made the right decision, and thanks to all of you who supported me in these posts as well, regardless of your position.
The nanny knew well that he and we grew to love her, and I know now she took advantage of the fact that I truly treated her like a friend. We recently gave her a 50% raise, just because her older son needed the money and she told us she would leave without it, but we asked for no extra chores in return -- we felt like she had enough on her plate with what we had already agreed to, and the baby. This woman would ask me to drive her monthly to the salon, bring her food, take her and pick her up from the airport, buy her specific food grocery stuff she craved, give her a day off on the day she wanted to leave, leaving us scrambling for plans, etc...I could go on and on, but it would be pointless, I just never complained about it all because she loved him, and became like the family we don´t have here...
I must clarify, I guess for all who asked, that the nanny got paid better than a regular nanny because of the household chores. This has always been a mutual agreement from the VERY beginning with EVERYONE we interview, and this particular person always had two days off every week, since day one. She actually asked if she could work 6 days in the end, and get paid an extra day because she needed more money, and we said ok. She actually left, leaving 4 paid vacation days that were to be made up at a "later time" which never happened obviously, but that does not matter now. We pay very well, especially because we need that extra help with the house stuff, since both my husband and I work from home. The nanny is only asked to do chores one day a week on Saturdays, when we are with the baby, and if anything needs to be done during the week, she uses his 2 hour naptime, otherwise, she takes a paid break. Also, she is paid weekly in cash, plus all food and expenses are paid as well.
So far, I am following the suggestions all of you made, which I think are terrific, but most of you are just SO dead on -- The baby is so attached to me, that even when my husband tries to take him for a bath, he cries like crazy....This WILL get better?? He won´t be this way in COLLEGE, right??? LOL...
Seriously, I am going to have to take more time off and spend time with them both, the new nanny and him, but if I see this is not working out within a month or so, I may choose daycare and some general housekeeping, and maybe occasional babysitting, because I do not want that revolving nanny thing, that I see so many people go through... It´s also so hard to work and run a business from home with a screaming child in the house...I think it´s hormonal...I can´t help it, my absolute priority is that boy´s happiness, if he cries, I´m toast... ;o)
Pardon the rant, and thanks again... ;oP
**Update**
First and foremost, thank you all for your help and your posts!!!....I am new here, so at first, I started to feel REALLY guilty and like a truly terrible mom for letting go of the first nanny whom he grew to know and love so much. I thought I had made a horrible mistake, but thankfully, I know now that I made the right decision, and thanks to all of you who supported me in these posts as well, regardless of your position.
The nanny knew well that he and we grew to love her, and I know now she took advantage of the fact that I truly treated her like a friend. We recently gave her a 50% raise, just because her older son needed the money and she told us she would leave without it, but we asked for no extra chores in return -- we felt like she had enough on her plate with what we had already agreed to, and the baby. This woman would ask me to drive her monthly to the salon, bring her food, take her and pick her up from the airport, buy her specific food grocery stuff she craved, give her a day off on the day she wanted to leave, leaving us scrambling for plans, etc...I could go on and on, but it would be pointless, I just never complained about it all because she loved him, and became like the family we don´t have here...
I must clarify, I guess for all who asked, that the nanny got paid better than a regular nanny because of the household chores. This has always been a mutual agreement from the VERY beginning with EVERYONE we interview, and this particular person always had two days off every week, since day one. She actually asked if she could work 6 days in the end, and get paid an extra day because she needed more money, and we said ok. She actually left, leaving 4 paid vacation days that were to be made up at a "later time" which never happened obviously, but that does not matter now. We pay very well, especially because we need that extra help with the house stuff, since both my husband and I work from home. The nanny is only asked to do chores one day a week on Saturdays, when we are with the baby, and if anything needs to be done during the week, she uses his 2 hour naptime, otherwise, she takes a paid break. Also, she is paid weekly in cash, plus all food and expenses are paid as well.
So far, I am following the suggestions all of you made, which I think are terrific, but most of you are just SO dead on -- The baby is so attached to me, that even when my husband tries to take him for a bath, he cries like crazy....This WILL get better?? He won´t be this way in COLLEGE, right??? LOL...
Seriously, I am going to have to take more time off and spend time with them both, the new nanny and him, but if I see this is not working out within a month or so, I may choose daycare and some general housekeeping, and maybe occasional babysitting, because I do not want that revolving nanny thing, that I see so many people go through... It´s also so hard to work and run a business from home with a screaming child in the house...I think it´s hormonal...I can´t help it, my absolute priority is that boy´s happiness, if he cries, I´m toast... ;o)
Pardon the rant, and thanks again... ;oP
I'm just curious and this has nothing to do with the current nanny situation...but did the first nanny have any regular days off? Because even though she was 'hired help' its sounds like a new mom who finally got a few days to herself-K.
I think letting the first nanny go was the right decision - while she was spunky, she sounds like a flake. Ignoring her job to go to the beach is a clear sign that you did the right thing.
To answer your other question - I agree with the previous poster. Give it a couple of months - you can't expect anyone of any age to bond with a new person so quickly. Relationships take time.
This time just remember that you need to create boundaries at the same time respecting that this person is more than just an employee. It's a hard line to find and I wish you the best of luck. I think in general older nannies are always better.
I agree with Stephanie. Also, 14 months is a tough time for separation anxiety. I own a childcare center and we have the most difficult time with children entering the program at that age it is heartbreaking. So what I do is what Stephanie suggested accept I do it at my center. I have mom and child visit for about an hour a day for about a week before they start. This helps to familiarize the child with the teacher, the classroom, and the other children. It really does cut down on the tears. Also, mom is close by so if they are feeling insecure they know she has not left them. When they are ready to start full time they have no concept of time so even if there are a few tears it does not last for more then a minute. I would put aside a time to spend time with both of them and eventually just walk away leaving the two of them to play. He has to learn to trust this new person in his life. Be patient I am sure it will all work out.
I would give it some more time. Please don't be one of those families that goes through nannies like underwear. I was a full-time nanny for years and I saw too many kids suffer because of this. You can keep trying new nannies until you find the "perfect" one, but it's not fair to your child.
Good luck,
Lynsey
Remember his age difference in adjusting to this nanny as compared to the other one. At five months, he had little awareness of strangers, and at 14 months, he is very aware. The issue is probably one of developmental differences rather than a personal response of his to the new nanny. Give it time--you made a good choice.
I think I would try to spend more time with them both together. Try finding some activities where the whole family plus your nanny can participate, so that your son can see that she is a part of the family, a new family friend, etc. If you need to take a couple of days off so that your son can see how much you 'love' your new friend, and see that you are comfortable with them. Try fingerpainting or playing with sand or something that Mom, Nanny, and baby can dig in deep, be silly, and try to connect a bit. Good luck!
Is it typical for a nanny to have household chores that don't pertain to taking care of the children? I never had a live in nanny, so I do not know, but my impression of a nanny is that they are paid to care for the children. Your son is going to be wary of any new person in his life, and he does not understand why the nanny that he bonded with is gone. He does not realize that the new nanny is a replacement, he is grieving for someone he loved that is gone and he doesn't know whether she is coming back, and there is a new person aruond the house expected to take care of him. Everyone will feel badly for a while, but he will adjust. We switched daycare providers when my daughter was 13 months, and it took her a while to warm up, but it was the right choice, there were issues which could not be resolved with the other provider. I would give it more time for them to get to know each other, but I would also focus on the nanny's job and priority to be to care for your son - if he has a good relationship with the nanny and you know that she's doing a good job with him, I would not put household chores into the equation. Good luck!
