How Do I Ask the Woman That I Nanny for for a Raise?

Wow. You sound like a great nanny! I think you do deserve a raise, so you should ask. That's the only way... Good luck!

I would be open and honest with her. I would outline what you do, how long it's been since you were given an increase, and come armed with what local nannies make. I would also say, that perhaps she is unaware she is supposed to be doing these things. Sometimes we moms have to learn. I know I underpaid my babysitters for a long time because I didn't know what the sitters were making and because they never asked.

I think you should take a deep breath and some time to reflect on your current situation. From your description though, it seems to me you have been overly-involved in the life of this family even though they still only call you their "baby sitter". Take a while to think about what she has asked you to do, and then look at all you have done that you haven't been asked to do...I know you care for her kids, it is natural to want to do more than your job asks. However who knows what the holidays will bring? Maybe she has a super wonderful bonus gift in the works for you. Also, she must be pretty wrapped up in her career if a full-time nanny isn't sufficient and she's got another working for her when you're not there; perhaps she just didn't notice she isn't paying you fairly. Right before the holidays isn't when you want to confront her with any gripes in my opinion....wait it out and try to be forgiving because who knows, maybe you will be really glad you did!

H.,

First off this woman is not your friend. She is your employer. Secondly, I think it's awful that when she had another baby you didn't get a raise.

She does not have your best interest at heart and you are being taken advantage of. If I were you I would have no problem telling her you would like a raise. If she does not comply then leave. I would start looking now for another position. She has proven herself to not be very fair. I would not like to work for someone like that. It is so hard to find good nanny's and you sound awesome. I am sure someone who will appreciate you will snatch you right up. You know your worth, but unfortunately your employer does not. That should not be your problem. You are loyal to her for some reason. She is not loyal to you in the least. Be assertive and don't let this woman take advantage of you. Good luck!!!! Email me if you need a pep talk!

Sit down and write her a letter about everything you do for her around the house and with the kids and just explain why you should get a raise. Maybe even bring up the amount the other lady is making.
I had been a nanny for 9 1/2 years for one family and I know that they start to take advantage of you. I left after I had my second child.
Stick to your guns and good luck!

I feel for you. I wonder if she is thinking why should I pay her to watch your child, if your baby is with you. Some people think like that. Stand up for yourself your time is important too. The same is with my job a new girl makes what I make and I have been there for 18 months.
keep me updated
B.

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Hi H., Great question. Let me give you some thoughts and opinions from my side as someone both having a nanny at home as well as being a boss and having employees at the office. Hope some of it might help you look at both sides. Sorry it is long but hopefully worth the read.

As a mother, if I had a nanny I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED, I would be very open and willing to make pay adjustments to keep her. I would respect a request to sit down and do a "review" for the past year just like I do at the office. I would appreciate hearing all of the great things that come with working for us and with our kids. Assuming I hear that what is being done is above and beyond what I had originally asked for, and the kids love her, and I can afford it, I would likely be willing to give a raise to keep her. As an employer in my office, if one of my employees came to me saying they loved their job and working here, and wanted to stay but wanted to negotiate pay, if they could tell what they do now or would do going forward to justify it, then I would be happy considering it.

Now...you stated the other nanny makes $1 more than you. Does she also work hard, stay late, fun to be around, do more than expected, etc.? Does she also bring a child with her so that her attention is also split 3 over three kids rather than just the two? As a mother, I would pay a nanny more who did not bring her own kid than I would one that did. I would pay a live-out nanny more than a live-in nanny. I might pay a nanny more to start but plan not to give her a raise later, or I might start a nanny lower and give her bigger raises early on.

You might not have gotten a raise after the baby was born if the mom considered she was overpaying at $14 for just one child. She might have been fine overpaying because she loved what you did but maybe in her mind she was paying you the rate for a family with 2 or 3 kids but “you were worth it” for their just one kid. Just to note, we pay as little as $9-$10 an hour for evening care for 3 kids ages 4 and under. We have one gal who is a pre-k teacher as well during the day so she is the best, she charges $10 for one child, $12 for two and $14 for three depending upon how many she has at one time. Personally I think $14 for one is very excellent especially considering you have no daycare costs of your own. Remember too that I call my $10 hour gals first and use them most often and use my $12-$14 option when needed. While you might ask for and get $15, there will always be someone she might know or could meet or another mom might recommend that would do it for $10 or $12.

Also consider this, multiply the $1 by the # of hours a week you work, times the # of weeks you work in a year. Part time 20 hours a week is $20 bucks a week times 52 weeks is just $1,040 a year less than the other gal. Are you willing to upset the relationship, possibly lose the $14 an hour, lose the chance to bring your child to work, lose the fun family you are with, all for the extra $1? If you feel walked on, then maybe the relationship is not as positive as you feel it is and you might be happier working with another family. Not everyone makes the same because not everyone is or does the same, and not everyone gets the same out of it (you get to bring your child, maybe the other gal has to drive farther, or something else, that makes her situation different).

Put the money second and decide what you are willing to lose in your current situation to gain the money and be prepared for possibly a change in the emotional connection if she is not pleased you asked as well as if she is unreasonable to your request. Even if my nanny asked for $1 more, I would be fine with her asking, I would say no. If she demanded it, I would meet her demand today and put the ad out for a replacement. If she offered to assist with house cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, stay late/start early, cooking, whatever, I might pay the extra $1 and be happy to do so.

Maybe consider leaving the "raise" amount up to her. You definitely should feel fine asking for a review, see what she thinks of you and what you do, see if she wants anything else from you or anything you can do better, ask if she is pleased (all of this helps set the stage for asking for more money but also lets you know before you ask if she has issues – knowledge is power). Then if all went well, ask her for a pay raise consideration. You can ask for $1 an hour or you can leave it up to her. You may get some, get $1 or get more. And then after she offers an amount, you can decide if the difference is worth making an issue.

In my office I have paid more for people's salaries than I wanted to when I needed something and they were the only ones that could offer it. If you needed to take time off and she couldn’t find anyone but this gal, and this gal needed the $1 more to take the job, then you do what you have to even if you don’t like it. It is based on need and what comes with the offer. Keep in mind you assume some things but you may not know all of the details about what arrangements might have been made between the mom and the new gal. Decide for yourself what makes you happy (more happy): your situation, your options/freedoms, the relationship, you kid with you at work, or the money. If it is the money, then own that and ask for it and be ok with whatever changes occur and move on to find a job that will pay you what you feel is worth. I know many employees who take less because they get flexibility, extra bonuses (like bringing a kid to work), extra time off, flexibility or tolerance for daycare and sick kid days, etc. I can also tell you…there will always be someone who makes more than you do in the same job doing the same stuff. Don’t let that drive your decisions. It is life, we only get one of them, should you be given the gift, any day you can go to bed happy and excited to do it again the next day, is a good day.

You sound like you do a lot and more for her and the family, she sounds like a reasonable person and currently pays well, the pay difference is not super large, so it may very well be easy to work through. Just approach her as you would want to be approached and put the “an extra $1 would make us equal” piece out of your mind.

Good luck.
D.

Hi H. -

I had a nanny and the going rate for twins is $15-17 per hour (we paid 'legally' so we also had vacation pay - 2 weeks, paid holidays and emp. match of taxes, workers comp policy (1.6 K!), tax filing service, a portion of health care to take care of, etc. , etc.). Daycare is 1/2 the cost of what we paid and home day care even less. My point is it is VERY expensive to have a 'real' nanny so it is often expected that the nanny perform several tasks/child related tasks around the home (children's laundry, dishes, run errands, etc.)above and beyond just watching the kids.

I would never let a nanny bring her own child so you are VERY lucky where that is concerned. My girlfriend did allow her nanny to do so but their 5 year relationship got very strained b/c of it (what mother doesn't want their baby to get 100% of the attention especially if they are paying for it??!). She eventually let the nanny go and put her child into a home run daycare. From my experience you're being paid fairly for two children (multiples always get charged more). I second the person who said you probably didn't get a raise b/c you were being overpaid for one child.

The bottom line is you need to research where you would put your child if you could no longer take him/her to your job and find out a hard cost to you for that. Once you have this cost you can then decide if the $14 an hour is fair compensation for you. Until you do this exercise it's simply conjecture and you're just talking yourself in circles.

Good luck!!

H.,
First do some research - call nanny outplacement services and see how much is generally charged to families and what responsibilities are expected. Check out newspaper ads both for nannies and those seeking employment as a nanny and call them to see how much they charge/pay (pretend you are looking for one and or serving as a nanny).

This will give you more of the perspective of what is standard in the industry.

Prepare a list of all the services you provide the family. Indicate you have not had a raise since the second child was born and it would be standard practice to expect an increase since the work load has increased.

Once you have done the research and have a better perspective of how you compare to the industry and to this particular family -- you must determine your worth, therefore, be prepared with a figure you want to request. If you leave it open to the family you are not demonstrating your confidence and value to the family, so make your own recommendation on how much you want as an increase

The bottom line is you need to ask. Your family (employer) has no reason to bring up the subject so it will be up to you.

Treat yourself like a business, so start referring to yourself as a "nanny" or whatever else you deem is an appropriate name for your services (and then you perhaps will not be referred to as a "babysitter").

Personally, I would think you should at least be higher than the other nanny - not that you have to reveal you know what the other nanny is paid (since you work more days and probably do more work) -- would $2/hour increase be adequate, or would $1.50 or maybe $5?

Simply ask this woman for some time to talk -- you can open the dialogue by saving you are interested in getting an evaluation of your services and feel a review of your compensation is needed.

Ask her how she feels about your services -- bring her into a discussion (be open for criticism and/or request for improvements, changes, or increase of work load). This will allow you to move into the topic at hand..

Then calmly and professionally, share the list you prepared of your services and then how that might compare to another agency or industry... For all the reasons you listed (added family member, etc)ask, "Based on my research, the new family member, and that fact that no pay increase has been provided for ___ periord, you feel that your services are of value to the family and would like to discuss an increase on your compensation. If she ask how much, be prepared to offer an amount or a range for consideration.

I think you will find that she will be most appreciative of your candor and recognize your value immediately.

It can seem hard, but you owe it to yourself, to your family and to this woman to present the topic since it does have an adverse effect on your behavior while working for her.

good luck

As someone who has both been a nanny and now hired nannies, I think that you need to sit down with your employer and iron out some details. I do not think that $14/hr for two kids and your own is unfair at all. In fact, I think you would be hard pressed to find another family that would pay you more and allow you to bring your own child. Very few truly "professional" nannies bring their own children so its not accurate to compare other nanny rates to yours (and even if you did, $14/hr is very competitive).

The issue to me seems more about feeling that you are taken advantage of. If its just the money, I think you should get over that. If its about doing other chores, always needing to be available, that sort of thing, I think you should sit down and iron out an agreement with her. You should have done that when you started working so that each of you knew what was expected.

You should also be demanding that she take out taxes, Medicare etc. It means less money for you but its the law and it also contributes to your social security and unemployment. When we decided to transfer our son to a daycare center because he was getting older, our nanny collected unemployment between the time she finished with us and the time she got a new job. That was only because we had always paid unemployment tax for her.

If you are coming up on a year of working for her, I would sit down and draft a very positive email saying how much you love her and her family (which it sound like you generally do) and how you'd like to take the year anniversary to review the relationship and get stuff in writing. I would not expect a raise just because its been a year - if you want a raise, you should identify why you think you deserve it.

I do not think you are being "walked all over" to any degree (at least not from what you have posted). But I do think you need to take some ownership of the situation and create a working environment that you like.

Good luck,
B.

As someone who has nannied and I currently have a daycare I completely understand where you are coming from. I have to say as my husband puts it either you stand up for yourself or continue the way you are. Only you can empower yourself to do what you feel is right.
I think you should talk to her, you should have gotten a rasie the day you started watching 2 kids instead of one. I have a very hard time saying no, but I have learned over the years that if I don't learn to set boundaries, people will walk all over me. The famous saying, give them and inch they will take a mile, it is very very true.
It is very stressful and unhealthy, it will affect your relationship with her by eventually resenting her, which by your post it would appear you are already to that point. It will also affect your personal realationships because you are stressed, people around you including your child will feel that stress, in turn they will be stressed to some extent as well.
Take control, it may mean in the end that you might need to look for another job but if you are that upset about this now it's going to get worse and could possibly affect how you care for her children in the future. If she is truly a friend as you say, she will see that she is walking all over you and say sure a raise would be appropriate. If she isn't then I guess at least you will know.

Best of luck and please keep us updated on what happens.

First of all, you looked at something that was private which is a breach of trust on your part, so don't go on feelings of betrayal. You need to forget what you seen and go to her as a employee stating that with the cost of living and the fact that you now have two children you are watching instead of one, you would appriciate a raise in wages accordingly. If she asks what you think you are wanting per hour, don't be greedy. Remember if you go too high, she could very well keep the sub nanny instead. Also remember you are watching your child at her home so her children don't get the full attention. If she says she can't give you a raise then you have to decide if you would like to keep this job or find another. If you decide to stay then put the resentment behind you or it will affect your care. Good luck

Personally, I worked at a day care watching up to 24 kids (with other workers of course) and was paid min. wage which was just over $5 a hour and when I was young I babysat for families for 50 cents a hour (back in the 70's) so I am shocked what people have to pay for a babysitter now days as it is.

H.,

I am sorry to be so late in this response and I apologize I have not had a chance to read through all the other responses. But it sounds to me like the real issue is not WHAT your pay is as far as the dollar amount is concerned. It is the fact that you are feeling taken advantage of and taken for granted. You could be making $100 an hour and still have these feelings I think. Like you said, you don't really NEED the money - but you do need to feel appreciated and respected. There are definately some perqs to your situation such as being able to bring your little one to work with you. But you don't get to spend all day playing with your baby and doing the things that you want to do. You spend all day giving your attention to your bosses children and her home. You have been given more responsibility and less compensation. And by compensation, I don't just mean $$$.

I think what you could do is think about what your boss can do to make this a better situation for you. Would that $1.00 an hour really help make you feel better? My guess is that it hurt you because you feel like this New person should be getting less than you because of all you have done. If she loves you so much, why is she paying someone she doesn't love more (appreciating her more)? Make a list of the things you would like. Maybe you would like to get a raise or maybe you could be more creative. Perhaps she could buy you a zoo membership so you could take the kids out whenever you want or membership to the children's museum or something like that. Or maybe some paid time off. Many bosses do not realize that a "Thank you, I appreciate everything that you do" can go a long way. Let her know that you feel like you have taken on more responsibility but that you don't feel like she realizes that. Yes, it is nice that you get to take your child to work with you, but now instead of taking care of 1 child, you are taking care of 3. I understand that you shouldn't be paid for your own, but you definately have to work harder. Plus you still have to try to clean the house and do any of the other things that you have always done. If your boss is dealing with new mommy brain, she may not even realize how much she is taking you for granted. If she loves you as much as she says she does, she would want to know how you feel so she can try to make it better. Talk to her openly about it. She may have some things that are bothering her as well - who knows, but things have changed and maybe the expectations need to as well. I have never offered my in home day care providers a raise (right or wrong - I don't know). They have told me that they have raised their rates and we have had the option to either accept the increase or find another provider. Stand up for yourself - what's the worst that happens. Explain to her that you really value your friendship and that you need to get something off your chest. In the end - you may have to choose your friendship and end the business relationship if things don't change. But I think that if you don't say something you could loose both. Good luck to you and be strong - you can do it!

First of all, I want to tell you that we put an absolute premium on great childcare and are happy to pay for it! It sounds like you are wonderful, but does the other woman bring a child to work with her? If not, then that would be a great reason why your employer may feel justified in paying her slightly more. To me, for you to be able to essentially stay home with your own child and still make a reasonable wage - this is a great arrangement for you and may be difficult to replicate if you decide to move on. That said, if you want a raise, ask for it! Especially with the addition of a new child to your job - that really would have been the time to ask for a raise.

I totally know where you're coming from. I've had 2 jobs where I got screwed and didn't stand up for myself.

The first time, I was a Front Desk Supervisor (over 2 receptionists) and Office Administrator. It was for a non-profit so I worked my tail off and didn't complain about my pay. However, I found out about a week before I left that one of the receptionists' annual salary was just $1,000 less than mine, and I was doing 10 times more work!

The second time was right after I had my first baby. I was hired for what was labeled a baby-sitting position. What she really wanted was a part-time nanny and I didn't get paid enough for what I did. I didn't complain because I was grateful to have a job where I could bring my baby. The pay was alright to start, but as the job description changed and responsibilities were added the pay did not go up. In hind sight, I should have put my foot down and either limited my responsibilities or asked for a raise.

The way I would have done it would be in writing. That way, you can take the time to get what you want to say exactly right before presenting it to her. She knows what you are worth, so let her know you'd like the pay to reflect that. if she thinks you're happy and she's getting a good deal, she has no reason to rock the boat and probably doesn't even realize you're feeling walked all over. You're going to have to tell her in the most professional way possible how much you'd like to be paid.

Good luck!!!

****ADDITIONAL COMMENT*****
I just read the other responses and your follow-up and would like to add that you are not just a nanny, you are also a housekeeper. Personally, I think if you are doing the husband's laundry and cleaning bathrooms, you need to be paid a LOT more. I suggest you lay out the nanny duties you perform and what you think is fair pay for that, and then have an itemized list of household chores that are unrelated to the children and how much you will charge for each one. Keep the nanny and housekeeping responsibilities and pay completely separate. If you don't want to be a housekeeper, tell her so. You have every right to do that.

Since you get to bring your child with you to work, I think that $14 a hour is a good wage. There are a lot of people out there working for less and have to pay $100-170 a week for child care.

As far as the other girl getting a dollar more a hour, maybe your employer feels since she only works on a call in basis (when your not there) then she has to pay more.

Not getting a Christmas gift, well I've been in day care for several years and can count on my one hand how many gifts I received over the years. However that doesn't stop me from buying the kids gifts all the time. The hugs and kisses I get daily is my "present" from them.

You can go ahead and ask for a raise, but don't be suprised if you find yourself looking for a new job, one that you will have to pay for day care. With the job market like it is right now (have 3 family members looking for a jobs) I guess I wouldn't rock the boat.

JMO,

Hello!
While I agree with you that you could use a raise, you need to take into consideration that you are receiving free daycare for your child. That in itself is worth a few dollars an hour. Good Luck! Hope this all works out for you.

You have allowed this women to take advantage of you and you need to stop doing all the extra stuff and if she questions you, you can say that it is too much for you. But however, if she allows you to bring your child to her home, this is a perk and think if you got another job you would have to pay the babysitter. I would say to stop doing so much. Being the same type of individual as you are, I used to let people take advantage of me. Get a little backbone and stick up for your rights. But in the economics of today would you really want to loose your job right now?

I think the other posters are right when saying 14 an hr is great especially since you get to bring your kid and dont have to pay daycare costs. My son goes to an inhome daycare and is there 10 hrs a day from 6.30 to 4.30 and i pay 125 a wk for him which is only 2.50 an hour. we are due with our secont and so you figure that would be only about 5 bucks an hour she would make for 2 kids and you are making 14 that is decent. I dont think i would complain. If you want to talk to her about it and see how she feels that is your choice but i think i would just stick with the way things are for now. In home providers makey way less than that an hour per kid and do a lot of work to take care of all the kids. You should be thankful you have that job right now. Plus most companies these days dont even give raises anymore with the economy. Insurance goes up but not peoples pay. So lots are struggling. Be thankful and just enjoy the fact you get to do something you love and get to be with your baby everyday as well.

H.,
Maybe when your little one was born she figured that you spend part of the time caring for her as well your boss's kids, therefore she is thinking of that as your "raise." Hopefully you didn't look to closely at the paper (by that I mean read all of it...because then that would be trust issues), but maybe she owed the other girl for picking up groceries or something else...
Maybe since you consider this woman a friend she considers you one as well, she thinks that she is just paying you to be nice for helping out.
Maybe you should sit down with her and have a conversation about all of the things that you do for her and her family, and that you truly believe that you have shown to her that you are worth more than $14 an hour. If she doesn't agree, then maybe you should start looking for another job.
Good luck!
J.

wow..thats terrible...but ive not gotten a raise in 2 yrs an the last one was only 33 cents..ive been with this company for 4 yrs.when the economy hit the pits-they put a freeze on all raises...but they sure can piss money away on unneeded stuff...they keep tellin us to be grateful to have a job-well i am..with so many ppl out of work-my daughter being one of them..so i say nothing anymore.
however in your case,i guess you need to look at the fact,you can bring your baby to work..saves a ton of money right there.plus a 200.00 gift card-we got 50.00-which i donated to a family in need.not much but the kids did get gifts for xmas.i know you feel slighted-but trying looking at the positive side,your doing what you like,for someone you like,you dont have to pay daycare costs,you have no corperate ppl to deal with,look at what you do have-whats in a label of your job??..nanny..babysitter?? same thing really...and at the end of the day-you made a decent buck.thats why i wont work for friends or family...a buck can destroy a good standing relationship which now days is real hard to come by.bottom line..be grateful for what you do have.

I agree with what everyone else has said: you have a good gig and you get paid well for it. When you were hired, you all knew that the family's baby was coming shortly thereafter, so it wouldn't make sense for you to get a raise because I would've assumed that the baby was included in the original pay amount. (Ditto on including your baby in the mix too.) Also, it sounds like you were hired just before Christmas if you've been with them for a year. The newness of the position wouldn't lead to a Christmas bonus. Getting a raise in this economy is A LOT to ask for. Would you think that you needed a raise if you didn't know how much the other nanny gets paid? Nannies' pay various so much on their qualifications and, as someone mentioned, if they go through an agency, if they're paying taxes, etc. We are losing our nanny that we love and who has worked for us for a year and a half. The nanny that we're hiring to replace her flat out charges $1.50/hr more than we pay our current nanny. That's not a reflection of our current nanny at all: it's just that we couldn't find a nanny that fit well for us at the rate we pay our current nanny.

As others have also said, I think that there are too many hurt feelings to continue working like you are now. You either need to say something and clear the air or start looking for a new job. Maybe looking around would be a good idea so that you get a better understanding of what a good gig you have. We started our nanny out at $14/hr for our 2 children and she doesn't bring any children with her. She also has a college degree related to children. Not sure what your educational background is, but that plays a role too.

For everyone's sake, I hope you figure it out or learn to be content with what you have. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well.

I think that you might have had some misconceptions about this sort of market.

Firstly, I think that your separating yourself from "babysitter" (as your employer sees you as) to "nanny" is an assumption. It sounds like you're going above and beyond the call because you feel the need to, not because it is a part of your "job". Expecting Christmas bonuses and the like seems like a perk that you'd get for a job at a company, not for watching someone's children in their own home. (I never got any such thing when I baby sat)

My second idea goes by the fact that around where I live, day care providers set their own rates. The price is per child, with ages sometimes changing the rates.

I would expect that my babysitter/nanny would talk to me about this before my second child was born. No, as one poster stated, you are NOT getting free child care - you're watching your OWN child! BUT, having your kid around means that you're not necessarily able to focus on her kids 100%. BUT I don't think that by any means that entitles her to not pay you for watching her baby! Perhaps a "discount" is in order?

I think you're going to have to talk to her about all of this - but don't be surprised if she feels hurt because all the while she thought you were doing her a favor as a friend.

H.,
I hate to be the one to say it, but you are getting excellent pay for watching her two children. The fact that you get to bring your daughter with saves you $5-6 an hour (the going rate for an in home babysitter). So you are making about $20 an hour, and you get to work close to home, wasting no time on a commute. Don't worry about the other girl making a dollar more an hour, that is offset by you getting to bring your baby with. The economy is really bad right now, and you would probably have trouble finding a job of any kind right now, so I would count your blessings. Sometimes you just don't know how good you have it. I would not spoil the relationship you have with this woman, unless you are willing to risk everything you have going for you right now. If you decide to leave, I would gladly take your place, as I greatly value being able to stay home with my daughter, but would love to make some money too. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hi H.,
Hm, your babies are two months apart. So essentially you started bringing your own child to work (thus avoiding the expense of child-care) at the same time she had another baby. Babies are a lot of work and require a lot of attention. There is simply no way that you are able to give the same level of attention to your employer's baby that you would if you didn't have a baby of your own to look after at the same time.

$14 dollars an hour, in this economy... And you're wondering why she didn't start paying you MORE? I assume the $14/hour is tax-free? Even if not, that's pretty good pay. I wouldn't complain if I were you. It's a different matter if the new girl is also bringing a child of her own to work.

And, let's see- your boss' baby is 8 months old, and yours was two months later. And you say you've had the three kids for four months. So you had two months off after giving birth (lots of women don't get that much time and still have the luxury of being able to return to a good job.)

As far as the Christmas bonus goes- based on the age of your baby, you probably had your baby shower shortly after Christmas. If so, maybe your boss felt bad for missing Christmas and was making an effort to make up for it with the shower gift; if you had your shower before Christmas, maybe she felt that she'd spent enough on the shower to consider it a Christmas bonus as well. At any rate, $200 is way more than anyone I know has ever spent on a baby shower gift.

My advice is to be grateful for what you have. Gratitude is a big part of happiness. You will go through life much happier if you look for things to be grateful for than if you look for things to be resentful of.

I understand your frustration..I would want a raise too.

I think because you are bringing your child to their house free of charge and because your not paying for daycare for your child you should just deal with it and appreciate the fact she let's you bring your child. $14hr.is darn good money especially since you can bring your child. Try finding daycare for your child and a job that pays better than that. Your not gonna find to many family's that are cool with you bringing your child.

I use to be a single mom and I worked/helped out a friend from church's home daycare and she paid me a whopping 5dollars a hour. I got to bring my child for free, I got to spend all day with my child, and with my childsupport it worked for the time being. It sucked but it worked. Noone and no other job would let me bring my daughter so I had to just suck it up. This was just a few years back...

Then I got a awesome babysit/nanny job a few years later for this family. I would stay til 2am, I would come at a moments notice you name it. They also were very nice and let me bring my daughter. They paid 10-13 a hr. I was on top of the moon with that pay no complaints. Again noone and no other job would let me take my child with.

Consider the money you save by not paying for daycare for your little one a big raise. That is a huge, huge bonus in itself.

i agree with others and yourself that you are on good money - i would be happy to make that with free childcare, plus usually people dont get raises automatically every year especially if you work for an individual.
the real issue is why the "new" girl is getting $15 hour, it would be really difficult to ask without admitting that you had seen the paper with her salary written on it.
maybe she has no children, or maybe she is from an agency which charges her fee, maybe she has agreed to do extra chores like ironing or cleaning closets.
i had a nanny when i was working and even though she was a wonderful person it was still a business relationship. do not be lulled into thinking you are this womans friend, treat it as business and seperate yourself, then you will find it easier to ask for a raise. just say that your rent has gone up or something and could she find an extra dollar an hour to help you cover it

you just have to somehow say something, or find another job (easier said than done i know)
i have done licensed child care in my home for around 3 years. i have only had a few families and only for part time hours. so i know what you are dealing with. i HATE asking about money, asking FOR money, and you make BUNDLES more than i ever have, so congratulations!
one of the most powerful statements is "my needs are"
you have to tell her that though you dont expect to be paid 14$/hr for each kid, but your needs are that your pay reflect the hard work you do and the dedication you make to her family. you know? it shouldnt have to be confrontational, but make sure you have your needs clearly expressed. also, then, you avoid the "you" statements that clearly blame her for something, you know? and if i were you, i would ask for at LEAST a 2$ raise, if not more. you dont have to explain more than that, but really, you dont deserve to be treated so unfairly, and everyone, including her im sure, has gotten raises in the past, you deserve one too, especially if she can obviously afford to hire someone else for that rate.... :(

anyway, good luck. just remember "my needs are"

Hi H. -
Wow... you are doing an awful lot for this gal. I'm sorry to hear about all the stress you're under. In regards to nanny vs babysitter - don't take it to heart. At times, I've even asked my husband to babysit and it's by habit that I say it. It is HIS children so, it's not really a babysitting job is it?? Anyways, just keep referring to yourself as a "nanny" and she'll eventually get used to the word. I'm sure it's not intentional.

Not sure if you sit down regularly to discuss your job requirements/expectations, things that are going well or not with your employer. This would be good to get in the habit of anyways b/c as the kids get a bit older - discipline issues can come up and you want to be on the same page. I think if you could ask her to begin this - it would be a great way for you to bring up your hourly rate. Just do it on a quarterly basis. If I were you - wait until after the "new year." That way you can bring it up as sort of a "new year resolution" for yourself or a fresh start to the new year. Just let her know you want a little mtg to talk about things every 3 months - have it scheduled so, that it gets done.

As far as asking for a pay increase. Have the guts ,,, you deserve it and it only makes sense that you would get more as their family grows esp since babies are TOTALLY dependent on you and much more work. Just be honest with her and explain to her what your hopes are in a non-threatening manner. Of course, if she gives a report like everything is going fantastic and she loves having you as a nanny. It really doesn't hurt to ask for some compensation for that. However, who knows if they are thinking that since they are allowing you to bring your own child to work with you - they may see it as a bonus for you - so, they may not increase it as much or they may be taking into account how many more hours babies sleep. Not sure. I know when I brought my child when I cared for my friends' son, she gave me a little bit less - I think it's b/c I wouldn't have been doing anything different if I were in my own home. Also, at one time I had my friend care for my dtr for a 3 month period (when I took over a gal's maternity leave) and I gave her a smaller amt of pay b/c I figured just adding my dtr wasn't a big deal since she didn't have to change up her daily routine adding my dtr to their day. We decided the amt together - but, to tell you the truth if she would have asked for much more I would have been taken back b/c it wouldn't have been worth it to work if it would have been much more. With friends - it's different. Not that you mean to take advantage of them, it just seems like they are family and they hate to ask for more $$ and you don't feel as it you're putting them out.

Try to remember that even tho they may seem to make "a million" - you never can judge a book by it's cover. People can spend/save their money all sorts of ways. I have no idea what an average hrly rate is for a nanny - maybe ask around to see what the average is.

H. - I believe the question you need to ask yourself is, "can I ask her for a raise?" It sounds easy when you put it on paper or talk to someone but sometimes bringing up concerns about money is a little harder than you realize.

I read the other posts and agree with them. You do deserve more. However, I rarely meet someone who doesn't deserve more. In these difficult times companies are cutting back and people aren't getting raises - they definitely deserve more.

If you're comfortable bringing up the topic of money and feel that you can present your case, then I say do it. If that puts you waaay out of your comfort zone and you're not willing to risk the situation, then you'll know your answer too. Advocating for ourself isn't always as easy as it sounds espeically when it comes to people we know and like.

Good luck!

The main issue seems to be the stress YOU are putting on yourself. No worker in any job is guaranteed a raise, especially in the first year. Many people are now getting their wages cut or losing their jobs (I work for an Outplacement company, so work with many unemployed people every day. I have not gotten a raise in two years even though the company is doing really well.)

Think about if you are willing to be fired. This could happen if you express your displeasure with the current situation. I sounds like you like the work, you can take care of your own baby at the same time (many nannys are not allowed to do that). And $14/hour sounds like a very good wage for a nanny position. The amount her husband makes not relevant, what is important is knowing what the going rate for a nanny position is. You might want to check around what you would ba paid if you worked through an agency (I bet less than $14). Many times, new employees make more than existing employees, for a lot of reasons.

If you can remove your emotions from this, and treat it like a job (you are not your employer's "friend") you may be better able to say "no" to the extra things you say you've been doing for her, and just do the job and enjoy the benefits of it.

I know it can be frustrating to think that someone else makes more than you do. I do think, however, that being able to bring your baby to work counts for something. Most nannies do not have their children with them, many arrange for substitute childcare. If you still would like to pursue a raise, my advise is to ditch the hurt feelings, cultivate a spirit of win-win, and being to document all of the ways that you really go "above and beyond". After a little time has passed, (employers often pick up on attitudes even when we don't voice them, that's why I recommend letting a month or two pass), use your documentation to support your request for a raise. It also helps if you can bring some new skills to the table. (Not that you aren't worth your weight in gold as is, but it's a great way to counterbalance the subconscious thought she may have that goes something like "she brings HER baby to work, and I'm really nice to her, even got her a shower gift" ). Baby sign language, foreign language acquisition, baby gym implemented by you, baby art, baby foodie club (as in home made baby food, easy to do), baby daily developmental diary, scrap book etc. Position yourself as the unequivocal expert, and you will (if you'll pardon me for saying so) blow the new girls' skills out of the water in short order and translate this gig into a great longterm assignment where YOU can enjoy having your cake and eating it too. Hope this helps! The web has GREAT resources for all of the suggestions I made, or you may have better ones of your own).

If she is your friend tell her the truth about how you are feeling. She may have no clue how you are feeling. Plus, you forgot to count on the fact that you are able to watch your own child along with hers. That takes a lot for a person to trust your child with her children. If it is just about the money it should be no problem. If it is about more than the money, well you need to address that along with the raise. I wouldn't let one dollar an hour raise be the big difference between a job you really enjoy (with being able to watch your child as well) and feeling like you are not being appreciated. Can you afford not to have this job? If you can, you have many more options. If you can't be careful on your approach.
Good luck!

You do not indicate what sort of educational degrees or certification you might have or what your industry (early childhood care/development) tenure is. So I cannot say if $14/hour is appropriate for your level of expertise. But I did find on www.nannylocators.com the following national averages and it looks like you are in the ballpark at $14.00:
*Live In Nanny: $11.00
*Live Out Nanny: $13.00
*Mother's Helper: $8-$13.00

However, I do know that I and many friends had merit increases "frozen" last year and perhaps for 2009 as well. That market has stalled and that applies to every job in this country.

Another thing that job hunters have to weigh (becuase your salary is just one way you get "paid") is the value on any benefits provided by your employer. If I had the benefit of bringing my child to work every day, I would "earn" $210/week...SisterMama, that's like adding $5.25/hour to my salary. I would be delighted to get that sort of raise.

Another thing we lament in the corpoarte world is the awful fact that if I quit my job today and re-applied for it tomorrow, I would be offered more money than I was making to do the same job. Not saying that is an awesome feeling but it is everyone's reality.