Need Advise!! - Van Buren,AR

1) Teach by example. Live your life as you expect them to live theirs. They learn more by what you do then by what you say.
2) Be preemptive on teachable moments. Don't wait for them to ask questions about issues when they come up, but talk to them about what you believe and why.
3) Listen more than you talk. Ask them about what they see or hear and how they feel about it. Let them give you a new point of view. Direct the conversation by your questions.

Easy.
Teach by example,
that includes modeling a strong, healthy marriage and not judging others yourself :)

for me when i got married to my ex husband i intended it to be forever and he did not. i begged him to stay and he wanted out. i did remarry and we have been married almost 11 years with two beautiful children. my hubby was never married before me and he said from the beginning that he waited so long to get married (he was 39) because he only wanted to do it once.(his parents were divorced) when we do argue or bicker the word divorce never comes up we work through it. i think the most important thing to remember is that not all people want to get divorced. i sure as heck didnt but i am sure grateful for the husband i have now. :)

I would guess that for many if not most divorced people, they didn't end up there "because they wanted to be with someone else." Granted, some people just treat it as no big deal, but if you've read the divorce related posts on this site, you see a lot of pain and turmoil.

Probably the best thing to do is be the example for them. Answer any questions they have if they ask. Divorce can be necessary, but it should never be taken lightly.

You do what I do -

I am a single Mom - never married my son's father.
But, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and believe that children should be born of married people.

So that is exactly what I have told my son. That just because I have not lived that life, does mean that life is wrong - that it is in fact, the preferred choice and the one that I want him to make.

At 16, my son has pledged abstinence until marriage *and* already knows what he wants to name his daughter when he and his future wife one.

Teach them by example.
Have arguments in front of them, but then come together to solve and resolve your issues as a couple.

Admit when times are though, but let them know you are all a family and you will get through it.

Explain what marriage means to you.. Have your husband explain what it means to him..

I will tell you, my parents are divorced, but they were products of their own parents. The grandparents fought. They had the traditional roles and did not give each other credit.

One example, My grandfather, never thanked my grandmother for working to help the family. Instead he complained when dinner was not on the table and the clothes had not been laundered..

My grandparents stayed together, but did not speak to each other for over 20 years.. Yes, they lived in the same house. It was ridiculous.

My parents got a divorced and it was the best thing that could have happened.. They had been encouraged to marry, because they were getting old. My father did the same thing to my mom.. My father was always criticizing my mom. My mom was afraid of my father and began to resent him They needed to be divorced. My father did not change for another 15 years after their divorce.

What I learned from each of these marriages, is how I did not want to end up.

I found a man, I love and want him to succeed at whatever he does. He has the same feelings for me. We cheer each other on..

We have gone through some rough patches, but we worked at staying together and finding a way to agree to be caring and kind to each other. We bicker, we get frustrated, but we really work on our marriage..

You are the couple they are going to learn the most from.. In a way it falls on you, to show them what a happy marriage is..

Having values and beliefs about something doesn't mean you are judgmental about people whose lives don't match what you hope for and want for your own family. We don't believe in divorce, as in it isn't an option on the table for us. However, divorce is all around us. We minister to single moms a lot. Our church teaches against divorce, yet we have several single moms in our congregation who we feed and help with rent. Just because it isn't the ideal doesn't mean that the people involved in broken relationships are to be disdained. We find hurt and disappointment everywhere. This world is a fallen world. If a woman is in an abusive relationship, we aren't going to tell her she has to stay there just because we don't believe divorce is the right answer in general. We do have strong beliefs about a lot of things. We teach our children them without apology. Yet, we leave lots of room for grace and love for those whose lives might not be what we would hope for for ourselves. Life rarely turns out to be the ideal situations. Sin is in this fallen world. I pray that people will have mercy on me for my real and perceived shortcomings. I pray that I will be found merciful to others even more so.

Others have already said it but there's really no other way than to teach by example.

All you can do is model it, when kids get old enough it all clicks.

.

I take my kids to a church that believes marriage should last forever. I have taught them by example and told them whenever it came up that divorce is the result of two people not being willing to be nice to each other and not being willing to get along and compromise.

When my wife and I got married, one of 49 couples got a divorce in our church that were married in one of our temples. The rest of the world was one out of two couples got a divorce.

Love and respect your wife/husband and treat them like they are the most important part of your life. Always romance your spouce. My wife and I decided our anniversay was very important and a celebration of our relationship. We were married on the 28th of July. Every 28th of the month (12 months a year) we made it a game to see who would wish the other "happy anniversary" first.

Six of our kids decided they wanted to marry on the 28th of the month. Only our first two didn't get married on the 28th of the month. My 7th asked if we would mind if he shared our anniversary on the 28th of July. We were delighted.

How do you romance your spouce? Tell them you love your spouce where your kids can hear. Show your spouce affection (hugs and kisses) frequently. Write them poety or similar and let the kids see you express your affection and praise of your spouce.

When my kids misbehaved and badmouthed my wife or talked back to her, I got real mad and told them that no one talks to my wife like that. I always used "my wife" to let them know what a special place she had in ly life and thoughts.

BTW, My BIL's treat their spouces this way. My brother and my SIL's do not. My BIL have all been married 35+ years. My SIL's and my brother have been married several times each.

Good luck to you and yours.

You can only live what you believe in and try to instill that into your children. They will have to decide for themselves at some point what they believe in.

Someone leaving a marriage to be with someone else is not that simple. I think by defining it in those terms shows judgement on your part and that's what you will teach your children. Yes, my ex had an affair and he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. However, my children both still believe marriage should be forever. His choices don't change their beliefs.

You try to teach your kids to wait and that if it's meant to be, it will be.

You also model that with your relationship with your hubby. Also, the more divorces they watch people go through, the more they WON'T want to do that themselves. So don't protect them from other's mistakes. Don't harp on what went wrong; that doesn't matter. Just let them see how hard divorce is and encourage them to really get to know someone and be with that someone for a long time before they make a lifetime commitment.

Well, let's be clear....divorce isn't necessarily agreed upon, because "you wanted to be with someone else". There are many valid reasons for divorce, as well as the selfish ones. Is this something your children have asked for, were they curious about it....what made you ask this other than your own personal concern with society and divorce? You would lead by example and communicate and discuss with your children, should there be a need for it. Divorce should be discussed only if the child is asking about it or upset over seeing it everywhere, like you, or else she may think you are getting a divorce. Take the opportunity to teach when you feel there is confusion within them, not just because you feel overwhelmed by it. Depending on their age, most kids, unless affected by divorce directly, don't really take notice of such things. Ultimately, they will come to make their own decisions in the world and all you can do is teach and instill to the best of your ability. You can't make them think the way you do, just because.

Riley just wrote an incredible note about her feelings and I want to applaud her honesty. I too was divorced and never thought I would get divorced because my parents had and it was awful and terrible as a child. But it happened anyway. It is not judgemental to teach that divorce is not a light option to take, and I have been remarried to another person after coincedently remaining married to the first for eleven years and so I would say that I urge you to discuss the what's, the needs, what do I need? what does the other person need to create a happy solid partnership and family? and not to make divorce a big huge issue. It happens and wow, I just really want to complement Riley, but it helps to know that once you know what you don't have and what you can make a choice about divorce won't be so big. Sadly hormones do rule a lot and that is why we make poor choices. I know that's what happened to me. So if you ever want to make the decision to talk, talk but point out how so many people had to learn the very difficult unsafe way at times to get divorced.

Just be honest...let them know that some people can't make marriage work, but it's much easier, nicer and better for children if they stay married.

I really don't think kids are envious of their friends with divorced parents. My dd has some friends with divorced parents and their lives are nothing to be jealous of. She sees how nice her life is in a two parent home.

I think kids can figure most of this out on their own.

I think you need to model long term relationships. In particular, when you adopt a pet, you keep it period! Just because it is hard is not a reason to trade it in on another pet or give up on that pet. Similarly when you disagree with a friend don't defriend them. It is ok to get mad but I never allowed my kids to say I'm not your friend any more. Their friends would say it but they knew that the friend would get over it. It worked well for our 6 kids. I'm not saying never. Obviously there are times when when there are no other options but in general, no disposal pets, friends or relationships.

Just because you believe a certain thing or way doesn't make you judgemental. If you are open and honest with your children and model what you want them to know and respect, they will learn and follow. Good Luck!

They'll get that message by your actions. Of course marriage should be for life and I have never divorced. That doesn't mean that others in my family planned to marry and it end in divorce. From what I can tell, sometimes things just don't work out and it was very regretful to the parties involved. By having a relationship with your husband and him with you that you hope will give your children the skills to make good decisions will give them the jump start they need. IF things don't work out for them (in marriage, in that perfect job, children), you'll also want to teach them to pick themselves up and move on. I am very committed to my marriage but that doesn't mean that anyone I know feels different and takes their vows lightly.