What Does Marriage Mean to You ?

Marriage is a commitment between two people. What others say about that commitment is part of the "forsaking all others". In my opinion too many people want to "try before they buy" then want to put the product back on the shelf. I've been married 26 years, and yes, we've had good times and bad times and times where we've wondered what we were thinking, but we would not have wanted to go through these ups and downs without each other.

I agree with Lola. And, in addition, I believe that it is making eachother happy and making eachother better people.

This is an interesting question.

I think the concept of marriage has radically changed. So many of us are children of divorce, so we have little faith that 'just being married' is the be-all, end-all. I'm sure there were just as many commitment-phobes in previous years, only people are more open about being in long-term relationships without wanting marriage. We witnessed icky, sticky divorces and would rather have easier exit routes, maybe? We've been previously married and have unpleasant associations with both the concept of the relationship as well as the work of the divorce.

And some people feel, I'm sure, that government sanction does not make their relationship any more meaningful. Some believe in staying in relationships until it doesn't work for one or the other party, and an easy exit plan facilitates that sort of coupling.

I think the 'meaning' of marriage has changed because it has been politicized so much in the last several years, openly being offered to some, while being denied to others. I think a lot of younger people are seeing some hypocrisy in this. And for some relationships, it's the same old thing: one person stays with the other without the marriage contract, even though they might want it, for the sake of not delivering an ultimatum and being left alone.

Years ago (6 of them, at least) I had a handfast ceremony with the most wonderful man in the world. The love of my life. We'd both been previously married and had seen that the Piece of Paper did not make it so for our partners. Handcrafting a loving ceremony was what felt comfortable for us. We'd had 2.5+ years together, and this was the right commitment for us at that time.

We also feel very strongly that EVERYONE who wants to marry should be able to marry. So for years, we did not marry, in solidarity for our friends and loved ones who also could not marry. Thus, I could not get medical insurance through my partner's employer, and three years later, we paid for the birth of our son out of pocket.

We ended up marrying nearly two years after my son's birth, due to my need for medical insurance. (I'd had some serious medical issues at the time.) I love, adore, and admire my husband. Nonetheless, I think we both feel guilty that we have rights other hardworking, contributing citizens of US society do not.

What does marriage mean for me? It's the same commitment that we vowed to at our handfast: to be true to each other, to be each other's equal priority, to respect and value each other as partners and loved ones and individuals, through all that life throws at us. And to behave like mature persons in an emotionally mature relationship.

Our commitment was with us long before, and this is just the kind of people my husband and I are. We knew we were partners at the beginning. We were solid,and that feeling has only increased. Nothing could change that. Nothing but death can. Our relationship only deepened with our pregnancy and the birth of our son. We are still hoping for a day when there is marriage equality, and I am proud to call my partner "My husband", and my husband, "My partner". We are partners forever.

H.

I view marriage as slightly different from most, simply because I am in one of those relationships the government does not deem worthy of acknowledging. We have been together for seven years, and I can honestly say that I cannot imagine my life without her in it. We own a house together, we are foster parents, we are active in our church, vote in every election, yet we cannot share in the benefits that other couples can, should they chose to marry. We are not given that option.
We did, three years ago, make a trip to Cape Cod MA and got married, just the two of us, a wonderful local minister and his handyman, who videotaped the ceremony for us. That videotape is all our friends and family have, because our marriage, though legal in Massechusetts, is completely null and oid here in our home state. We WANT that piece of paper. We WANT to be able to make those vows in front of everyone, but we don't get to.
Reguardless of what the laws in the state of Ohio have to say, she is my wife. In my heart she is my one and only until the day I die.

Ultimately, it means that you KNOW someone has your back--and you have theirs--on every topic, situation and challenge.

And your statement "I also think that people are too worried that they wont be happy every second of their lives, and I think that they like the idea of being able to just move on when things get too tough. " says a MOUTHFUL. You hit that right on the head. Too many cut & run at the first feeling of unpleasantness or challenge!

S.,

You have only been married for 6 months! You are still in the "honeymoon phase." Until you have been married for at least 5 years, I don't think you will be able to truly understand (no offense, no one would be able to truly understand - not just you) all that marriage entails. I am happily married (for the most part for 9 years now), but we had MANY bumps in our marriage and went to marriage counseling. I was ecstatic when I was only married for 6 months like you. Over the years, "life" will start happening and you might understand why some people opt not to marry. I am still happy I got married, and marriage is definately something I still want (and hopefully will never get divorced), but I can understand why some people do not marry. Do you have kids yet? When you have kids, you will understand how much more difficult and stressful marriage is. You will understand how impossible it is to give your husband sex when you are dog tired b/c you have 3 small kids. If you don't have any kids, it is super easy for you to give your husband sex, thus being very little issues. When kids enter the picture, WATCH OUT! Your marriage will be challenged. Enjoy your kid free time now with little marital problems. Marriage might not always be so easy for you, but of course I hope it will be. Everyone is different - we are the marrying types, many people are not. To each his own.

I think way too many people get caught up in the bliss and rush of the first stages of a relationship and the 'honeymoon' period and think that will last forever. For many people it doesn't or it won't - and that is NORMAL!

Relationships evolve over the years. Couples move into different stages of their lives together: advancing careers, the difficult stage of raising young babies, changing bodies, changing outlooks on life due to maturity, and I could go on and on. People need to understand that as the times change so does your love for another person. It should grow, deepen, and develop but you probably won't get the same butterflies in your tummy, you might not get that love buzz when you kiss, but as you mature the feelings change. You see your husband cuddle your child, console him after he falls down and that's the thing that makes you look at your partner through the eyes of love. Instead of buying you a dozen roses, he comes home and tells you "Go get a manicure or a coffee; I'll get the kids to bed tonight". I could go on and on!

It's important to be friends first because I think that's what's going to take you through the tough times (and everyone will have tough times). While it may be exciting to look at another person, flirt with another person, or think about how it might be to have that "teenage tingle" again if you were to hookup with someone, realize that is only temporary and is it worth throwing away the life you've built with your husband and your children? Nope!

Marriage takes work from both parties; it doesn't just happen. But, if both people are willing to work and understand that both partners will change through the stages of life and can cope with that, then the marriage can be a beautiful and permanent thing.

I think if you are the marrying type (I think most people are) then you should enjoy all it means to you:) Not everyone who marries views marriage the same...for some it's religious, for some it's commitment, and for others it's just a cultural norm.

For me, it's none of the above. I am not married, don't plan on ever getting married, and am in a happy committed relationship of nearly 4 years with the father of my nearly 1 year old son. Neither of us believe in the ceremony or peice of paper simply because it's not who we are. What we share is very personal and very deep and I guess we like keeping it that way. But that's just us. We are still happy for our friends who marry and saddened for other friends who wish to marry but the law won't permit. It means a lot to them so we both respect that and celebrate with them when we can.

I personally don't know of any other couples not planning to marry then have kids. We are the loners of the bunch! But that's ok:)

I just think everyone has different needs and different beliefs, none better or worse, so I guess my main point is to be the best you you can be, honor your own values, and try not to worry about what others think or are doing so much. Everyone is on their own journey and you don't need others to do the things you do to give your journey meaning:)

Congrats on your marriage!

Edit* I know what I'm about to say isn't necessary but I guess I also just wanted to say that me and my life partner have gone through some truly difficult times (and by truly difficult, I mean TRULY DIFFICULT!!!) so not being married hasn't resulted on either of us giving up on our love for each other (both pre and post child). If you stay with your partner or spouse, ideally it's because you are deeply in love, not because a marriage certificate or religious belief says you have too:)

I think this movie quote sums it up pretty well:

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

I think everything of marriage. It is very sacred to me and I cherish it deeply. I find my marriage between my husband and I a special relationship that no one can break. When we got married, the pastor said in front of everyone.. 'What God has brought together, let no man tear apart'. We are one.

In reality, marriage is a piece of paper that says what? Not much these days considering the soaring divorce rate. What are morals? What are values? It's all subjective.

I can't judge people who decide NOT to marry but decide to have a family. If it works for them I have to respect their choices.

Not everybody wants to conform to society standards of matrimony, cave to pressure of getting married because it's the right thing to do, it validates/affirms a relationship, etc. Let people be.

As for me, I'm separated and now realize I should've never married the man I married for many reasons.

You're feeling blissful now, but sometimes circumstances can change happiness to misery in a blink of an eye.

Just remember people change and situations are unpredictable before you judge others and their personal choices to start a family, not to marry and so on. Nothing is guaranteed to last a lifetime. We can only wish. So, enjoy your happiness and make the best of your marriage and let other's live.

I am still as happy with my 9 year marriage as I was the day I got married. I grew up with a single mother, so I had no idea what a marriage really was about. Same for my husband. I agreed to marry my husband only if we lived together first. Being a self-sustained and independent woman, I wasn't going to legally invest my life, money, and all that comes with it, blindly in another person without knowing what I really getting into first. While I loved my husband then, I was not crazy to believe it's all roses and sunshine.Sure love is great, but sometimes it's just not enough. Looking back, living together was the best decision I think we made.
People need to understand that marriage isn't just about love, it's a lifelong business investment. You are investing everything in this other person, building a "corporation" together. We basically got married when we did for our parents. They are very religious and old school, and would have worried that our souls would burn in eternal hell. For the year we lived together, we did so in secret. Both my husband and I aren't religious, but were ready after a year to sign the dotted line. Did anything change once we got married? No. Did it change how we felt about each other? No. We were just glad the whole to-do was over and we could return back to our normal lives.
Neither of my older brothers have ever gotten married. I really think that kids get so burned by their parents bad choices, that a lot never really get over it. They claim they have never found the right one, however, I think they think it's just safer for them to be alone.
I also have a very good friend who has been with his SO for 10 years, and have two beautiful kids. They just have never gotten married. Obviously, what they have works. Their take on it is that if it isn't broke, then why try to fix it?
I believe when it's right, it's just right. We have never had to work to make our marriage work- it just does. I call him the ying to my yang. Sure we have ups and downs, but very rarely do we have downs. I guess I am just the luckiest woman I know.

Here's how I feel about it based on my experiences.
A relationship is what you make of it, married or not.
Not all marriages involve stating your vows. I have been to plenty of weddings where there were no vows spoken. If the bride and groom stated their intentions, vows, promises, etc to each other, it was probably in private. I don't view that as any different then what my SO and I have done.
I have made my promises and intentions to my SO and he has made his to me. My beliefs don't state it needs to be done in front of a priest, minister, etc. God was with us.
I also wanted to touch on your post " and I think that they like the idea of being able to just move on when things get too tough." That doesn't mean people who are married can't just move on when things are tough (happens all the time), and it also doesn't mean those who aren't married aren't just as committed to their partners as those who are legally married. Also, my SO and I have been through extremely difficult situations, and very tragic times, and it was our committment to each other that kept us together. We truely love, respect, and are committed to each other.
There are two things we need to accomplish in order for us to get married. These are goals we discussed very early in our relationship. These goals are set because we respect each other. It will happen in time.
Getting legally married is just that for me. It will legally bind our already strong and loving union with a ring and a paper and a celebration with our loved ones.
Again these are just my views. I honestly don't think you should lump all couples who aren't legally married in one category. Everyone has a story, and there may be something more you don't know about. Congrats on your new marriage and baby! =)

It makes me sad that so many people who insist that marriage is an important meaningful thing are also the same people who insist that marriage cannot and should not be open to all. (not saying you, but since you asked a general question...)

Marriage isn't that important to me in a spiritual sense. It was important to me to get married because I wanted it out there before our families and friends that we'll be together through thick and thin. But my marriage has nothing to do with g-d, if there is one. It is nice to know that we don't have to do special paperwork to visit each other in the hospital, or anything like that. But that's the legal part of marriage, again not the spiritual part.

And my commitment to my husband is important, but I knew when we got married before we had kids, and I know even more now, that my kids trump him every time. So not that their needs are met before his every day, but if there was an oncoming train and I had to pick, I would pick the kids without hesitation. And I know that he would pick them over me and I wouldn't have it any other way. Not every marriage works like that, but it's what works for us.

And finally, this also isn't what you asked, exactly, but to me a marriage is all about emotional intimacy and fidelity. If people can have a happy, healthy relationship and romp with other people between the sheets, who am I to judge? Their sex life is none of my business.

So I really am happy for you that your marriage is so important to you. But really do try to keep in mind that not everyone has the same values as you - it doesn't make their relationships worth less than yours. Just different.

As the saying goes, "The child is the father of man." Our views as adults spews directly from our experiences in childhood. Most of us are products of divorces or as in my case, an unhappy union that should have been dissolved and a few from an intact an happy union.

Personally, although I do not look at marriage as just a piece of paper, I do not believe it is a necessary precursor to commitment. Likewise, I do not consider rings as a necessary declaration of my commitment as well. Commitment to me is what I have and what I know within. It shouldn't take thousands and thousands of dollars and a slew of witnesses.

I find the monies spent on rings and weddings personally quite obscene. Yet we did all that because it was important to our parents and we are not against marriage enough to break their hearts. My point is that I would still have been committed to my man regardless of whether we are married or not and in the same token, I would kick him to the curb (and take the kids) if he dares betray our union whether we are married or not.

I posted the opposite version of this question, but somewhat similar not to long ago. I'm surprised by some of the responses you got, as I felt like no one understood why me and my boyfriend weren't getting married. But, here is my response to your question.

I'm not a very religious person, but I do believe in marriage to some extents. However, I do not believe that marriage is the only way to express committment to each other. I believe that when you enter into the dating/relationship with a person, you are expressing your comittment. Through actions and words you show this to each other. Marriage is more to me the vows that you made upon entering the relationship being made for everyone else to witness and for the country to legally recognize. I know that's not how you view it, but that's simply how I view it. My boyfriend and I would get married, but at this point we don't want to simply because we don't want our comittment to be recognized as something we did "just because we're having a baby." We want people to recognize that we love and are committed to each other and that's why we are getting married, cause really to me, that is what marriage is for. I don't think it's just a piece of paper, but I also don't think that it is the only way to have a lifelong relationship.

I also do have a slight issue as in SOME instances marriage has become a joke to SOME people. For example, my boyfriend's brother is marrying a woman and I completely object to it. It is the mother of his children but he hasn't been in a relationship with her for 2 years, has slept with numerous girls even up to this point and they are engaged (which also happened without them even getting back together), and he's really only marrying her to get out of paying child support to her each month after she threatened to increase it when he said he didn't want to be with her. He is not planning to actually be committed to her. My boyfriend is more in love with me and committed to me and our soon to be child then his brother is to the woman he is marrying or their kids. Anyone can get drunk in Vegas and get a marriage certificate to a person they just met that night, and yet we don't allow some individuals to get married at all despite their true love and comittment to each other. Also, anyone can get a divorce for almost any reason now, which causes some to really question the need. Your probably right that people like the idea of moving on when things get too tough, but honestly, married people can do that as much as unmarried people can, it's just a little harder. If two people want to be together, love each other, and are willing to fight for the relationship, it won't matter if they're married or not when things get tough. They will either work it out or not. Oh and the media has probably impacted marriage to as it over promotes the event, making it seem that marriage is more about the wedding then the marriage itself, making marriage seem less important to people (i.e. dress shows and wedding shows where people spend thousands of dollars just to make a vow. It is slightly ridiculous. Even when I do get married, I'm not actually having the large ceremony, but simply close friends and family with no real reception). So as far as how marriage has changed, I believe that all of the above things have had a significant influence on how marriage is viewed.

Marriage to me is just a piece of financial paperwork. I lost my ring and really dont see the use of buying another expensive diamond to then lose it again or have a stone fall out lol . I lose diamonds a lot. My hubby never wears his cause of his job.However the relationship with my husband is fantastic.We have been happily married 10.5 years. I think sometimes people read in to deep on the marriage is a piece of paper. I think it takes a lot more than just a priest and paperwork to define a marriage. It takes commitment, team effort, sacrifice, letting yourself be vulernable, ect. ect.

I do see how many people are not the marriage type anymore. For one we are not all "god" people. For two, I have noticed more people are becoming more picker but almost to the extreme. They are so picky they are selfish and egotistical. I dont think they know where the line is in relationships and that is sad.

Marriage is not what it used to be, a decade or so ago. To me marriage is sticking with it through thick and thin. To me marriage comes first then kids. To me marriage is what you make of it after the honeymoon stage is over. It gets tough, and that is when you see how your commitment to God and him will work.

My thoughts:

Marriage is a sacrament and a lifelong committment. My husband and I committed to each other before we were even married (though we could have changed our minds before the legal ceremony, I'm sure). Neither of us dated anyone before each other, so we have been blessed to not have any baggage regarding relationships. We looked at dating as very serious business and had never considered dating anyone we would not consider a potential spouse.

Things I love about marriage: I get to live with my best friend!! I get to kiss him goodnight and raise my kids with him. I can vent to him, we can spend hours complaining about bad interpretations of literature or talking about films we both like, we both love cats, we can't get enough of our kids, and if we're irritated with each other, we can ask for some space and apologize later and know we are still unconditionally loved.

I am not sure why people choose not to marry, and I know many people with no personal religious beliefs who do value marriage, so I don't think it is simply a trend among people who do not have religious beliefs. Some of it might be fear, some might be based on upbringing--I think the generation marrying now is one of the first since divorce became more common. In fact, my parents are divorced and my dad had been married before he married my mom. My mom actually just re-married this week. When that is what one is coming from, it can be hard to see it as meaningful, or it can make it seem easier to always have one foot out the door rather than a legal tangle that has to be sorted out and fought over later.

I couldn't say how the meaning of marriage has changed. I do get irritated when people refer to their significant others as "husband" or "wife" when they are not legally married and do not intend to marry--you are not husband and wife, you are boyfriend/girlfriend or engaged, but those words are special and if you are not willing to commit to the marriage, don't use the words. I also look at the world through what I believe as a Christian, so I will always see marriage as sacred, even though I do try to be loving and understanding with friends and family when things don't work out. I don't think my husband and I had any period of infatuation--our relationship always just felt right and solid and comfortable, although I still totally adore him, winter-weather mountain-man beard and all.

Anyway... =)

(Oh, we will have been married for 7 years next month and are soon due with our third little boy, and I enjoy every day I have with my family. I knew before we married, the day we married, six months after we married, and still know that I am with the right man.)

My cousin is with his...SO for 16 years, they have kids a house and she even hyphenated his last name with hers but won't get married, like something will go wrong, gets me crazy. But like one poster said people don't look at marriage like they used to. I use to work in a bridal registry department and I couldn't believe I would hear these newly engaged say well, if it doesn't work I can divorce, no biggy. But I guess what irks me and I am sure I will be blasted for saying this is when the unmarried couple intoduce themselves to people as "this is my wife, this is my hubs" obviously they aren't so comfortable in that arrangement if they can't say "we aren't married but are a family". I also think half the unmarrieds actually want to be married but know their partner might bolt, so they keep their desire to marry under wraps. IMHO

My views on marriage? A commitment that my husband and I made to each other that we will love and respect each other for the rest of our lives. That we will FIGHT to make this marriage work and not just give up on it. That we will create a family and love and cherish it, always putting the needs of the "family" before anything else. That we will not just give up when things get tough
Why do I think so many people are deciding not to marry? I think there are probably a couple of reasons. It takes a lot of guts to say that you are willing to commit to someone for the rest of your LIFE. Some people just don' t want to do that. Some people look at the rate of divorce and feel like it is safer to be in a relationship! lol And some people might say that when EVERYONE has the right to marry THAN they will marry.
Meaning of marriage changing? Umm...I guess that a lot more people enter into marriage knowing that they can get divorced. I think that "back in the day" people got married and made a lifelong commitment and now a lot of people get married and just think "well, if it doesn't work we can just get divorced!"
L.

A lot of people are just too selfish to want to be married. I think it says a lot about their character when they can't commit to each other.
The actual "man made" ceremony of marriage is WHY so many people won't commit. Man ruined it. I do believe that people that have been together for 10 years and have kids and are happy ARE commited and just havent fallen into the "piece of paper" bs that man has decided to make it.
A vow before God between you and your significant other really should be enough in all reality.
I'm married, love my husband deeply and am committed to it, but I am open minded enough to realize the institution that we do call marriage today is a bit skewed.

When I was 19, I became pregnant with my first child as a result of a lot of drinking and some irresponsible decision making on my part. We stayed together and got married when that child was 2.5 years old. That was a marriage that never should have happened that cost me nearly $10k. After 6 months I filed for divorce, and the divorce lasted nearly 3 years, and cost me another $4k. In the meant time (during the divorce), I met my current husband by mere chance. We dated casually and never made a commitment to each other that was longer than the moment we were in. That was a mutua thing. He had also been married before and had gone through a bitter divorce as well. We both went through the first 2 years of our relationship with very little expectations. We simply enjoyed each other and took things one day at a time. Obvously, we fell completely in love. We both agreed that we were happy and would spend the rest of our lives together. We had already had one child together (2 total including my first). We lived together. We both agreed that we would likely never get married, simply because marriage (and divorce) had left a very sour taste in both of our mouths, and it was not something that either of us were eager to experience again. Besides that, we were happy with what we had, so there was no reason to change it and risk making it more complicated. After being together for 4.5 years, we had another child, and I quit my job to become a SAHM. When that child (our 3rd girl) was 10 months old, we discovered that we were pregnant again. Not planned, not exactly desired, and we were not sure we could handle another at that point. Nevertheless, we kept on going. Our fourth child and our only son was born in November 2009. We had talked quite a few times about marriage and what each of us wanted. We decided that we would like to be married at some point. We got engaged on New Year's Eve that year, and we got married in Vegas 5 months later, all by ourselves.

My point is that we waited a very long time to even entertain the idea of marriage because we both wanted to make sure that if either of us remarried, it would be for a lifetime. We both shared the same values that marriage is a life-long commitment, and we had both already failed at that once, and neither of us were willing to let it happen again. Marriage is very much a serious decision that should not be taken lightly. It is possible to raise a family without marriage, and possible to do so happily. In that sense, marriage is only "a piece of paper." At the same time though, that little piece of paper means the world to us, and it not a decision to be taken lightly, or simply because we had children or a life together.

Hi S.,
You nailed it when you said people today want to be happy every second and unfortunately marriage is not like that nor is anything else in life. Instant gratification is what today's society is looking for and it is really heartbreaking. I have been married for 18 years and and I can tell you that it has its ups and downs constantly. Commitment and communication is the key to people staying together. The grass is never greener on the other side. Remember to communicate daily with your spouse as well as share your feelings and show them the love as much as possible! Here is to your happiness for the rest of your life!!!

I am on your side with this one (although since you live in G'ville, you might be a Gator and I am a FSU Alum!) Seriously, I am quite traditional when it comes to marriage. My husband and I met in high school--went to separate colleges--and married after we graduated. We have 3 children and have been married 10 years. I am married to my best friend and I know we have each other no matter what. A lot of people live long happy lives without making the commitment "legal", but some people probably don't think it's worth the hassle because there is a 50% chance it will end in divorce. I would imagine it is easier to leave if you're not legally bound.

With that being said, I do wish they would make marriage legal for any two people who want to make a legal commitment!

Just reading your update...I can't believe people would blame your happiness on the honeymoon stage.......I pray my marriage will always be in the honeymoon stage...3yrs and counting.....
I love hearing Juan call himself my husband .....it sounds so special!!!!! And I hope to always feel that ......and hope you all have the same blessings......

Marriage to me is a partnership with someone you feel strongly for - but does not have to be your 'soul mate'. I also feel that marriage till death to us part is more than simply outdated, especially since so many things can happen, including just the basic growing apart and not having any common ground anymore.

I do not have a religious outlook, I'm more individually spiritual and do not feel the basic life experience such as marriage should have a religious base. The legal aspect is a bit daunting, but I understand why it is as it is.

I'm married 3 months, have a child from a previous short relationship - but to my daughter, my husband is her Daddy. I'm currently pregnant with #2, found out I was pregnant 2 months after the wedding. Even with having a child with this man... I don't feel any "I MUST stay married to this man"... granted I didn't get married with the idea of divorce, but I will not refuse to keep it an option.

I did not change my last name and all children born from my body will also have my last name. Yes my husband knew all this because during our 3 year relationship before marriage (which we lived together as a family before the actual marriage), it had come up. Is he very happy about it? Well, not exactly - - but if we get divorced, then I won't have to deal with name changes, Mommy's name doesn't match her children's etc. I did offer him to change to my last name LOL but he's foreign and wants to keep his.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have had our ups and downs, but have made it through so far:) My parents have been married for 33 years and are very happy, but my husbands parents were only married for a few years and then went through a very bad devorce that ended up hurting the kids a lot. I do not agree with living togeather with out getting married, but from my husbands sutuation I do understand it. He was the youngest and does not remember much of it, however his sisters saw all of it and because of what they went through they have trouble with relationships and have never been married. Before I met my hubby I also was outraged by people just living togeather or so easly splitting up, but when you see what damage it can cause it is easy to see why some people try to protect them selves by making such decitions about marrage. Even the little that my hubby saw it was hard when we got married, because he had never seen or been part of a functional marrage and he did not know what was ok and not ok in a marrage. cangrats for getting married, but do not judge others who choose a different option as you do not know what they have been trough to make that decition.

Marriage is very old and respected institution. It was not made for pleasure of partners. It exsists primarily to protect the children born into a family and the wife at the time when she is vulnarable because she cares for the children and in the old times never was expected to earn her living anyway. If everyone is happy in a marriage - it's a plus. If not - tough #%^#^%... it's not about you anymore, anyway (man or woman). And many people do not like that because they are so egocentric and have no desire to change.
When two people deside to become a family (aka marry) they make a decision to give up some of their own rights and take on many more responsibilities than a single person has. That is a passage into a maturity and into a true adulthood. They will have children and they will be responsible for those children for better or worse. They are commiting to be together for life...not just for the time when "they get together along well".
Those who say it is just a piece of paper or a just a ring... do they think "it is just a child" as well? So... they feel it is OK to just get in bed with someone make a bunch of kids, make them believe they are part of the family, that they are loved, that they have mommy and daddy, maybe get a pet or two... and then at some moment when "it's not working for me anymore" just tell all these kids, pets and people - "it's over! I do not feel like doing this anymore"???? If that is not crazy, heartless, dangerous... what is?
And when women say that... I always wonder. If that woman is so desperate to get that man that she is not insisting on marriage... or she is just stupid because she is not a mother yet....
In debates like that I always think of an example: People stand on the bridge and some fool jumps, then another one.... before you know someone will be saying.. "what's wrong with you... you not jumping?" do you really have a good reason to follow, or you just listening to bunch of fools?
Hope my opinion helps.

I believe in marriage first, then babies because frankly life is hard enough without all the extra drama of sharing custody and all that. I intend to stay married till death do us part, though some days it is harder than I ever imagined.

If my husband were to die(he could as he has a serious medical issue), I would NEVER remarry because I would not need to or want to. I would focus on my child and taking care of us the best I could. After struggling with issues, I don't have the energy or desire to go take on a new partner, their kids, their exes, their family of origin, etc... My child would have lost one parent and would need me even more. I would expose her more to her godfather who is a wonderful man.

I also would not remarry due to financial reasons. My husband has managed to get us out of debt(10 years) totally and he has set us up for retirement. I would not risk losing that and I would not allow my daugther's inheritance to be used for others' kids.