Need Advice on Situation with Mother-In-Law

You have to remember that she did raise her own kids and they turned out alright. Plus if it was your mother asking you wouldn't think twice about letting her go. Your daughter is also going to be around bratty kids and she just needs to know that just because they are that way does not mean she needs to act that way. You can't be around her all the time, your MIL obviously does good watching her when ya'll want her to, so I would give her a chance. Has she ever done anything that you disaprove of and then after you tell her that you don't like it then she does it again? Or has she ever lost your child and not watched your child closely that she got hurt real bad? You have to put all those things into your decision. I wouldn't let my nephew keep me from letting my kids go with their grandparents to have a day of fun. I am pretty sure that your MIL will not let your daughter get lost. If you do decide to let her go then just call and check up on her and remind her that she needs to be on her best behavior and you do not want her acting bad when her cousin acts bad.

If it it was your mother do you think you would let her go?
IMO I don't think of daycare as school. Yes I know they are learning but you know your dd will start school in what 2 years then that will be a NO for sure right. Let your MIL have this time with your DD because once they are in school it seems like time race so fast and by the time you look up they are Seniors and moving out.
Now about your newphew talk to your MIL about his behavior and ask her to be firm with both of the children. If the behavior rubs off on her redirect her in the right direction that's the good thing about her being young now.
As for your DD getting lost- Write her name and info in her shoes and shirt. Take a picture of her when she goes and write down every outfit that you are sending with her that way if something does happen you can ask your MIL exactly what she was wearing.
Don't worry so much J.- It's your baby I know but sometimes we have to give a little back to the people who raised us and the parents who raised your Husband.
Times flies by so fast let your MIL have fun with your DD.
Also If you are thinking this woman knows nothing my DD is at my MIL's right now, I live in San Antonio and she lives in Spring. I have my other two children but I know my 3y/o loves going to her Grandma's house and having tea parties and having way too many sweets but she only has two more years than she starts school.
Hope this helps and Good Luck,
Leti

ps Parades maybe boring for you but children ALL AGES LOVE them...

All in all, when it comes down to it, this is your child. You are responsible for your decisions. You have the final say. (along with your husband) So...what does your husband say? This is his mother...does he have any concerns? This trip is for what? One night and a day? Daycare is not school. Yes, she might learn some colors, shapes, letters, and numbers...but it's not so extremely important that she has to miss out on what might be a great memory. My 3 year old got to pick up beads and candy from the Port Neches Little League parade and had a lot of fun. She waved to people and loved every minute of it. Has your daughter stayed the night at anyone's house without you yet? She's 3 and she's old enough to handle being away from you for 24 hours. Your MIL is trusted to watch your daughter already. What's different now? Location? I know it stinks, but it's time to cut the cord. (at least a little)Or is there some reason you don't trust MIL? It's time to step back and figure out if you're being paranoid or if you have a valid reason for not wanting your DD to spend the night.

Give you and your husband a night without DD. Everyone needs that...even the best mothers in the world. :)

Ok, let me start by saying that it is normal to worry about your daughter being at an event like this for the first time without you, but from your mother-in-laws point of view. She wants to have this bonding time with her grand children and that is very understandable. I think that you should let her go. It will be okay if she misses one day of daycare and while you might be worried the whole time, your husband did make it through his childhood with her raising him. I think no matter how hard it is for you, your mother-in-law should be allowed to take her to the parade.

J., Please accept my "directness" in this response. I'm very sensitive to emotions but it is good for all of us to be asked some pointed questions.

I'm not sure where your motivation is coming from because I didn't really hear anything that would make me want to keep my child from having a fun time with his grandmother. School? Your child is not in school. She is 3. There are a lot of children that don't even go to any daycare or school until 4 or 5 so I don't think that is really your motivation or concern (or it shouldn't be). Your MIL most likely loves your granddaughter much more than her teachers do. I would want my 2 yr. old son to be with his grandmother(s) before daycare any day.

As for her cousin... believe me, your daughter has seen and been around "bad behaving" children. You cannot protect her from this. If she has been in daycare - she has seen kids behaving badly. She may be influenced for a moment, but the guidelines and discipline that her loving parents give her on a daily basis are what will shape her behavior... not spending a few hours with a bad-behaving child.

If you are really concerned that your MIL will not properly watch your daughter and her "absent-mindedness" is a real issue, then that is a concern. I would discuss it with your husband to decide if this is a real issue.

I think there is something else that is causing you to not want your daughter to be with your MIL. Just think about it and try to come up with the real reasons.

I hope you appreciate my being direct. Best to you.

Hi J.~
I have to say I agree with your mother in law regarding it being "just daycare".. I think kids need tons of opportunity to not be in daycare, to be with family and out of structure for awhile. And regarding the badly behaved nephew... I think in daycare its so hard to monitor all of those children, and surely some of them are badly behaved too. And this nephew will be her family all of her life, unlike the other children in daycare.
BUT .. if you dont want her to go because you feel like mother in law is absent minded, then that is really reason enough to say "no". Concern about your daughters safety comes first.
Good luck on whatever you end up deciding!

A.- mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

J.,

Just my opinion but I think you should let her go. Not because you feel guilty though. But, because 1) your daughter needs exposure to both well behaved and poorly behaved children (it's the real world and he is family after all...granny will watch out for her i'm sure 2)i agree, it is just day care and 3) tell ur MIL ur concerns about all the people and watching her and ask MIL for reassurance that ur daughter will be safe..I'm sure granny will oblidge. The short of it is this...do the costs out weigh the benefits and what are the benefits..well, only u can say for sure what your daughter, your MIL and you will get out of letting your daughter go. On a side note, I believe in karma too..what goes around comes around...we (God willing) will all be grandmother's some day. If she asked twice, it must be very important to her.

I truly believe that you are lucky to have this MIL; my MIL lives in another country and my daughter has seen her 3 times in 11 years. Let the grandmother have her time with her grandchild. Your daughter will soon grow up and may not want the quality time any more. She'll have a great time and you'll get to have some "me" time. Go out on a date with your husband.

J.,
I wouldn't let anyone take my son to a parade.. your husband can say no and simply say you can't stay away from your daughter for so long and also that the parade is full of people which means tons of germs that a 3 year old is not ready for.. I bought my son a toddler leash so if you decided to send her with your MIL you could buy one of these. But still with all of the crazy people out there, I wouldn't trust anyone to take care of my own son.
Good luck

I would let her go. If you had special time with your own grandmother you might remember how precious it is (actually I think that applies to any relative that's not your parent). My daughter's father died when she was four and she has exceptional relationships with both her grandmothers (one grandfather is dead and one is not interested/involved). They don't always do things the way I might, but I would feel horrible if I didn't let them have their special time. I think it's important to build relationships with others.

J.-
I can understand your concern, but you have to also realize that your MIL isn't going to take those kids anywhere that she things will be of danger or harm. In Katy we have the same kind of parade, nothing fancy, but draws a decent crowd. A few things that might help your MIL be able to handle them both while still providing you some comfort. You have to remember the small town parades are not like parades you see on TV in regards to excitement or the number of people. However, just seeing a horse come by is so exciting for kids - to us, it's a just another horse. (I have to remind my husband of this when we discuss the zoo. He's seen Zebras, what's so fun? See them through the eyes of a child! Same with the parade)

Consider buying her (your MIL or buy it for you and let her borrow it) one of the big wagons with seating - both kids could sit in the wagon - buckled in while walking to their spot and maybe during the parade - your MIL can pull them in the wagon saving herself the mental strain of keeping up with multiple kids and their stuff. Also consider buying a couple of kids chairs for the kids to sit in while watching the parade. The kids will like having their special place and will probably sit there realitively well making it easier for your MIL to see them both. The chairs can ride along in the wagon with the kids.

I worry about my MIL with the kids. She has a few health issues and I know without a doubt that she would do anything to protect her grandchildren to the detriment of herself. Open your mind and in your heart you'll see that letting her have some special time with them is the right thing.

Good luck.
M.

1st of all you are right being she is "3" she could easily get lost/kidnapped! In a crowd or something (lots of crazy people this day and time) ! I am the same way my son is 5 & daughter 9 and i am always paranode !!! + your daughter i think is too young for a parade ! Doesn't really keep there attention that long! I think your daughter would be better in school all day then you worrying all day about her well being !! ~
i would say no ! ~
let her take the other one...............
Good luck ! ~

Well I didn't read what your husband thought? It should be a couple/parents decision. As several said your MIL raised your husband and he must have turned out just fine or you would not have married him. Right? Make your decision together as a team.
You have the faith in your MIL when she's watching your daughter at other times, have the same faith now.

I sometimes worry about how my MIL takes care of my 10 month old, but then I really have to think about it and remember that if it were my mom asking I would have no problem. Remember that she did raise your husband. If he is all put together and still alive to this point in life that means she really does have an idea of how to take care of children:) Also, she is probably more worried of your daughters safety than you might think. She would feel horrible if something were to happen and therefore will probably keep an eye on her VERY well! She obviously loves her very much and would not allow anything to happen to her!

And about the school thing, maybe if your daughter was older and already in primary school a good excuse might be that she has school. BUT, she is only 3. In a couple of years, or maybe even a couple of months your daughter won't even know that she missed school. It might be an important part of her daily routine and schedule, but don't you think spending as much time with her grammy who loves her, would benefit her a little bit more?

I hope this perspective helps! I am a firm believer in making sure that a child spends as much time with grandparents as they can. I lost my Grandma at a very rough time in my teens, and wished I had spent more time with her (she lived out of town as I got older). The bond she forms with her now is a bond that will last forever!!

Good luck with your decision whatever it is!!

I'm not trying to pick on you, so sorry in advance if I offend you, but you might want to think about the fact that you are fine when your MIL babysits so the two of you can go whatever, and all of a sudden now, you are worried sick. Something is off. I'm not sure what, but something isn't adding up. Nobody can really give you THE answer, you need to look inside yourself, and most of all, be honest with yourself.
See, I said sorry first!!!
Good luck

You are the mother, not your MIL. To ease your guilt or to make if feel more fair, suggest an alternative activity for your MIL to take her to and just tell her how you feel about your nephew. She must see it too, if she doesn't, how good of a babysitter is she?
Don't let guilt lead you away from your mothering instincts and wishes. If your MIL can't handle your decisions, that says alot about her. say this to yourself "I'm the mother....she's the grandmother..." over and over.
Best wishes.

While you have every right to be concerned, you should let your child spend time with her grandmother while she can. This is an opportunity to make a memory that your daughter could cherish for a life time. I lost my mother three years ago to breast cancer. While she was in no danger of being grandmother of the year, I wish she was still here to spend tiem with her grandkids, including the one she's never met.