Need Advice on Scheduling with Spouse

We didn't do the bank... but we did split our weekends (we actually have 3day weekends... but ditto academia, we're working 24/7).

How we've done it is one day is his, on day is mine, and one day is family day.

One "our" day we can sleep in (until dinner if we really wanted), schedule aaaaaanything (aka get up at 6am and come back at midnight also if we wanted). Then on family day, it's the 3 of us. Sometimes we plan ahead, sometimes we just laze about or play by ear. Having that one day a week to count on for absolute freedom has been absolutely killer. The person who's day it is doesn't HAVE to leave, but they have the freedom to at any time... no checking. Over the past 7 years there have been times where it's lapsed (saturday morning soccer... etc), but in general it's held true.

Theoretically we each also have 2 evening a week that are mommy nights or daddy nights, and 1 night that's family. This is a lot more haphazard, more of a "hey I need tues & thurs this week) kind of thing. The nights are available, but only if it's not alllllllll the time. More of an overflow situation.

:) R

I don't know that there is any "fair" way to split child care. With us it was always just something that needed to be done and whoever was available did it i.e. if I was making dinner and the baby was crying, hubby would take care of the baby.

The one thing we did do was make sure each of us got a good night's sleep a few times a week. So we'd have assigned night time duty. I think something like you taking 2 specific days a week and hubby taking 2 specific days a week, with spliting the other 3 days would work well.

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My husband and I did the same type of planning. And, it actually took us trying a few different ways to find the right plan that worked comfortably for us. So, once you do come up with a plan, maybe try it for the first couple weeks or so and just revisit it and make sure it is working well for both of you. And if not, try something a little different. It feels so good to have an actual plan though. You are doing the right thing by thinking of this ahead of time. It will save alot of frustrations.

First of all, I feel for your with the challenges of navigating academic schedules. My husband and I aren't academics, but I just finished my PhD last May and my husband is finishing his now and it has been challenging to juggle work/school/publishing/childcare/etc. demands. We kind of look ahead at what deadlines we are facing - with articles, exams, whatever and try to just offer a little give and take. Like when my husband is facing a deadline I will do more of the pick up and drop off for daycare and evening routines with our daughter for a week or two so he can have more time to work (and I get more quality time with our daughter) and then when I'm facing a deadline he'll do the same for me. We just try to plan ahead to do this so one of us doesn't always feel cheated. We've never been able to come up with a real consistent equal plan on a daily basis, but this seems to work for us. I wish you luck and congrats on your son!