Need Advice on Money Tree for 8 Yr Bday Party

We have received invitations that indicate a gift idea at the bottom; for example a "P.S. John is saving up for a Wii and Game Stop gift cards would really help him get there!" Most people will appreciate the suggestion.

I know this is not the advice you were asking for, but I hope it gives you a more reasonable and more acceptable alternative to the "he only wants cash" request.

I would not do a money tree or request "cash only" gifts. It offends people and makes them not even want to get a gift because it implies that he won't appreciate a non-cash gift. To be quite honest, a lot of times those normally pricey gifts our kids receive were bought at a discount. If I can't afford a $20 gift I will search the clearance aisle and get them something they like on my terms. I've gotten $30 items for $5 many times using this system. I don't like giving just $5 in cash if that's all I can give. For a 4 or 5 year old $5 is okay, but for an 8 or 9 year old that's not enough to me considering that when others give my kids cash or gift cards it is usually $10 or more. **I think I'll post this question separately and ask for opinions.** Sorry, I ramble...

When my daughter turned 8 this past September, all she really wanted was a hamster. She has been asking for one since she was 4 and has shown that she is very responsible by taking care of our cats and dog over the last 3 years. She is very much into insects and small animals like lizards and snakes, as well. When she captures them she keeps them for only a few hours or less and then releases them back where she found them so that they don't starve. One day she kept a june bug over night and forgot it while she went school; she was so frantic when she got home from worrying about it. I didn't know it was there and it died sometime during the day. She cried because she knew it was her responsibility since she caught it wihtout being able to feed it. It was the first insect to die in her care. We have had pets die from old age, but never from neglect, so this was new to her and she felt it very sharply. Because she felt the anguish and now had the full understanding of what can happen if the animal is not taken care of, my husband and I decided that she was ready for the hamster and the three of us researched the type of hamster she wanted and what start-up and support supplies she would need. She decided on a Black Bear Hamster, which is a type of Syrian Hamster.

My family sends out emailed invitations most of the time. At the bottom, we usually put a few of their interests and their sizes. On her invitation, I put a couple of her interests (geology & mineralogy, Bratz) and added that she was saving up to buy a hamster and his supplies. Those who wanted to buy presents did so and those who wanted to help with the hamster brought a card with either cash or gift cards inside to places like PetSmart and Wal-Mart (for hamster supplies). She had enough to go and purchase everything the next day, with my husband and I supplying the cost of the hamster as our gift. She picked out the cage first, then we kept a running total of the food, bedding and support items (toys and snacks). We kept tax in mind, as well. When she got to the end of what she needed, she still had a couple of gift cards left over for future hamster stuff. She picked out the hamster she had decided on and we contributed that amount at the register (it was not part of the running total since the hamster itself was from us). She was very pleased with her choice. She learned the value of a $ and learned what goes into raising a pet that is all hers. The hamster loves her and will actually sleep in her lap or on her chest. As she saves up money, she'll ask to go to the pet store to see if she wants or needs to buy anything. If she has enough she does, if not she tells us that she'll wait until later.

My reason for this LOOONNNG story is as follows:

This could be a good way of teaching your son the value of saving. Decide on an amount in advance that you are willing to chip in, not necessarily a blank amount like "however much he's short". He's going to want new games and the extra controller packs needed for the different games. If he only gets $90 he'll expect you to cough up the rest. Research the costs of these items WITH HIM. Make him participate in the research. Do not go on your own and just report back to him. Make a list of the items and their costs. Tell him that whatever cash he gets he should save for the Wii, the games and the accessories, that you are willing to add ONLY a certain amount, and that he can earn the rest by doing chores. Set specific $ amounts for each chore and keep a record of which chores pay how much and which chores actually got done. At the end of the pay period that you set, pay him in cash. The day after you get paid is probably easiest... if you get paid every two weeks, then so does he. Have him sign the log book showing that he was paid and how much. This makes him responsible for saving the money and prevents him from saying "you actually owe me this much because you only paid me for these chores". By working for it, he will take much better care of the Wii because he realizes what it took to get it.

Some may not agree with this, but this is my advice. It is rubbing off on my almost-5 year old son, too, by watching his sister. He has already started deciding which GeoTrax and Thomas the Tank Engine toys he needs to save up for up and if we tell him he doesn't have enough for something, he says okay and asks what he needs to do to get it.

I hope this helps someone.

It would be very tacky to do this from his friends. However, when your family calls asking for suggestions explain that he wants the wii system and gift cards (to wherever you are purchasing it) would be really appreciated). Make sure you snap a picture of him with the gift once you have made the purchase and make enough copies to send to any family members with a thank you note from you and your son for help with making this gift a reality!!! ;-)

Just tell all of the parents what your are trying to do for him. Most of the time they will ask you, "What is he into or what can I get him?" Then all you have to say is or write on the invitation is that he would like all of his gifts to be in form of a gift card...you have to pick the store so go see which store has it on sale or has the best price! Make sure you let the parents know that all he wants is "Walmart gift cards" or something like that. Good Luck! Oh, what I did for my kids is I got our Wii at Conn's and I was able to make four payments on it! It also came in a bundle which was great! It came with two games Wii Sports and Wii Wario and with two remotes and two numbchucks. (spelling?) LOL!!! It was easier for me to get it that way!

i wouldn't hesitate to ask family members and friends (who are as close as family) to donate money to a gift he really wants and that you cannot afford...... BUT - I think it would be tacky to put out a money tree so the guests of an eight year old boy's birthday party can attach money to it.

When my son turned 4 he wanted a wooden swing set for the back yard (roughly $400.00). We asked only family for cash donations to go towards the swing set. When other non-family guests asked what they should get him for his birthday I told them that he really wants a swing set for the back yard and that our family are all pitching in to buy him one and they could help buy buying gift cards to Toys R Us (That's where we bought the swing set). I also gave them other suggestions for toys he would like so they could go that route too.
I hope this helps

B. Keller
Mom to 8 year old son soon to be 9 and 1year old son soon to be 2.

IMO i dont think its that tacky, i would do the gift card thingy, most of the time i dont know what to get anyone, not even my own kiddos sometimes, at least this way, he can save up the gift cards if he doesnt have enough money he can do work around the house and just pay him so much for each thing or so much a week till he can save up enough (i would put his "pay" on a gift card as well), i would appreciate it if you put that on the invite if my kiddo was going, at least i would have to be walking around in circles for an hour trying to decide what im going to get, and usually getting something they already have!!! Good Luck and go with your gut!!!

L. I dont think that it is tacky.I would put in the invitations that we are trying to suprise my son with the wii game and instead of gifts let your gift be a monatarie.I think you will be able to pull that off,because most people will be happy to see the kids get what they want for their birthday.

I agree with the other comments in that it is tacky to do a money tree. I realize that people look at things differently these days - but I was raised that a gift is that - a gift - and should be from the heart of the giver - something that has a meaning - and that does not convey a "monetary" value but more of an emotional value. (That is why i almost hate the current practice of giving "gift cards" - but note - I only said "almost" haha)

I agree with the other suggestions that if family calls to find out what your son would like - then they can contribute towards the one large gift. I have not priced the Wii - so not sure if you would collect enough at his birhday or not. When I was a child and wanted a large gift (ie: my eight yr old birthday - I wanted a bicycle) my parents agreed but that I had to forego a party. I had no problem with that - it was the way things were done back then - you had choices to make - but you could not have everything. Boys tend to put less importance on a party than do girls anyway. The key is making a big deal within the family and at home about his birthday by doing litle things. Such as - we always have a "birthday chair". The birthday person awakes to find his chair at the dinner table decorated with balloons, streamers, etc, along with their gifts. The birthday person gets to select the dinner menu for that day as well as get excused from chores. If there is no way to raise enough for the wii just from family cash gifts - then at least whatever is received is a good "nest egg" towards the wii. This is a great way to begin that lesson of learning to "wait" for something and work towards it.

Please extend my happy birthday wishes to your son!

About me - a 53 yr old working wife and mom to two grown children, and grandmother to a 3 yr old!

Well, I got this from my kids. I did not come up with this idea. They teach me well!! Sometimes this works in their favor. As my kids entered school age, their friends have always asked my girls what they were into. My kids would tell them and their parents sometimes would get gift certificates related to the theme or items my kids mentioned. This may help with the non-family group.

The Wii is awesome. You will love it as much as your kids. Great exercise as well.

People list what kids like and their sizes on the invitations all the time. I don't like to do it, but all my friends do because everyone asks them so they write it down instead. It's just for information, not a request. Anyway, I would list it as an option. He is saving up for Wii game and if you want to donate to this rather than purchase something that would be fine. Or, just mention it to the ones who ask included with other options. But, it wouldn't hurt you to make him save up for part of it since it is so expensive. The wait and effort will make him appreciate it more. And, he won't have to save up for all or even most of it. Close friends and family would rather give him something he really wants, usually. You could also ask family to (outside of the birthday party) to hire him for certain "jobs" in order to buy the game. They will know what he wants and will be helping him out in more ways than one.

It is a terrible situation! I know! What I usually do is, when people inevitably ask what your child would like for his birthday, tell them that he has really enjoyed paying for his own things and keeping track of his money, so gift cards would be great and then name a store, such as Walmart or Game Stop. Or I told my friends and parents that I was buying the system, and gift cards would enable him to buy a game that he really wants. I would check the system, because it usually comes with the all-sports game, that includes bowling, tennis, golf, etc. And that's what we play all the time!! The best part about Game Stop, if ya'll have one, is that you can buy used/refurbished game systems and games at a fraction of the price. Then just be sure to have him send a thank you card so that they know the money/gift card went to good use.

YES, I do think it is VERY tacky. I also think it is tacky for people who wear money pinned to their shirt on their birthdays! It's like your making it all about money instead of the celebration of the day God gave you life. These people are like the "Bums" at the intersections with their signs begging for money. My son is 8 and doesn't have a Wii and he is still living a good life!

That would be way beyond tacky. Not only would it be taken poorly by your invited guests (which are suppose to be friends/family invited for the celebration of the passing of a milestone not b/c their monetary machines) but would probably make most of them decline.

I had this similar problem... what I did was put on the invitation, "NO TOYS, PLEASE!!!" instead I asked for Walmart gift cards instead...this takes away the pressure for asking for cash. if you plan to get it from target then ask for that gift card.

good luck

like others have said, a tree wouldn't work well. However, you could put on the invitation 'for gift ideas, he would love gift cards to walmart (or wherever you plan to buy the game system) as he is saving to buy a Wii. I told people for our recent party that the girls were raising guppies and wanted a new aquarium and gift cards to Petsmart and Walmart- they got $50 in gift cards and a new $30 aquarium!

The guests will be 7 and 8 years old, right ? No, no money tree. That's at a going away party or a wedding or something. Your son is old enough to learn some valuable life lessons. Why not give him a choice of a party and gifts, or a wii ?

Best Wishes ! Happy Birthday to your son !

A money tree just isn't something you would do for a child's party. It is more for adult parties such as b-days, weddings, ect...

However if there is a lot of family memebers attending I would ask them if they would like to pitch in for the gaming system.

Hope this helps.

Personally I think it is very tacky and I would not put any money on it myself.

I also would not ask relatives unless I am close to them to help me buy him one.

He could tell them he would like money for his birthday because he is saving for a Wii. He could also do extra jobs around the house to EARN the money for the Wii.

I dont' see why he can't save towards this himself. My boys bought their first game systems themselves and were very proud of the achievement. ;-)

I would also tell him to thank people who bring him a gift and be glad they put effort into it.

Hi L.,

Yes, it would be very tacky to have a money tree! Your son is only going to be 8 years old. I would explain to him that you cannot afford to buy it, nor does he need it right now. Explain to him if he wants it, he can do chores weekly to earn it over the next year or so. If he did simple chores, you could pay him $5 per week. As soon as he had enough money saved up in a bank account, he could go to the store with you and buy it. Then he would understand the value of money and how hard he has to work for something he wants. He probably will also take better care of it if he works for it.
Peace, C.

I think it would be tacky. What your son put up 1/4, his dad half, and you a 1/4 or maybe inquire if any relative would be willing to put up ex amount. Good luck.

Yes, it would be tacky and there isn't polite, socially acceptable way to ask his birthday guests to donate to a money tree.

In this current economy, where there are a lot of families struggling with house payments and layoffs (not to mention the ongoing sacrifices of military families), I think it would be inappropriate. Not a good message to teach your son. I personally always include a statement on my daughter's invitations that she "has so many toys; presents are not expected". To me, birthdays should focus on celebrating milestones with friends and families.

A wii system is something that he can save for over than extended time period. He won't out grow wanting one (or all the game that go with it) for a while. Or, just think, Christmas is 8 months away...

I can tell you that my eight year old cousin really wanted a toy for his birthday and it was over a 100 dollars. We of course had family get togethers before his birthday and he would have this canister that he made with a picture of what he was trying to get and asked family members to pitch in if they could; he also did chores and saved his allowance in order to get this toy. It makes it more memorable and helps them understand the value of a dollar when they do it themselves. My oldest son is 12 and on his last birthday we paid for the party, he told everyone what he wanted for his birthday including his friends and of course he did chores and earned his own money for it but he bought himself a Nintendo DS, the warranty, two games (over 200) and we bought him the carry case (came with all kinds of stuff for a DS) as our gift to him. He understands the value of a dollar and has been very proud that he bought it himself. My family wants a WII too and I had to tell them all that we have other obligations and when we can afford one we will get one. Personally I think it is outrageous how much those things are. I just keep reminding them that there is more to life than electronics. They understand...they are trying to get their way...all kids do it.

Good Luck!!!
Take care, J.

Hi L.,
I know I'm responding late, but I was in the same situation you was in. We purchased a wii for his birthday on 3/19 and also 2 games. My son is a very picky child, but he very easy to impress. On his birthday invite, I requested money or gift cards to purchase more wii games. A couple people were offended but ole well. I feel it's his day and he should get what he want, not what you want him to have, that's what xmas is for. I buy my neices and nephews what they want for their b-day and on xmas it's what i want them to have. I did have a cousin who was the only person got him a shirt, not a whole outfit but a damn shirt, when I told her just give him $5 or $10. My son end up getting over $300 that money I didn't have to use on those expensive games. Btw my child knows the value of money. He is so tight, he had $20 and I let him pick a toy it was $14 with tax after the cashier run it up, this boy took the toy back because he didn't wanna spend that much. My child has alot of things, but he gets those things for making honor roll, E's in conduct, Perfect score on the Taks Reading, math and writing this year and the year before. Scoring high grade level on the Stanford 9 test.

I think I would be offended by a request like that at a birthday party. According to rules of etiquette, that is very tacky. You could, though, allow your son to suggest gift cards from a certain store to his friends. They could, in turn, suggest that to their moms. Eight year olds aren't as easily offended.

We had a combined birthday party for 2 of our sons once when they were 8 & 10 (I think). It was a surprise for them and so I verbally invited whole families of their friends to come. We held it in a nearby park, we canoed (we have our own canoe) and cooked out on the park grills. It was a pirate themed party and we had a treasure hunt, and for their birthday gift I invited the families to bring a gift in pennies for both of them, and told them that we would divide it later between the two boys. This enabled folks to give a small gift and not feel uncomfortable. The givers came and dumped their pennies into the chest which my husband hid. My husband had figured out the treasure hunt and clues ahead of time. All the kids and parents had a great time. It was more fun as a family party. Several friends who were attending also brought parts of the food (so it was sort of planned potluck, we cooked healthy hot dogs outside) but it was a great way to make the gift a part of the fun, enable us to enjoy the day visiting with the families, invite girls to a boys party, and allow people to give a gift of any size. There was lots of work, but everyone chipped in and we all had fun. At the end the kids enjoyed running their fingers through the pirate treasure coins. I had converted my parents monetary gifts to the kids into pennies as well,so that the chest already had quite a few pennies inside it when others added their contributions. Handling birthday or gifts of any kind is awkward. But I personally prefer to take part in a group gift. Otherwise I try to stash gifts purchased on sale. I have such a large family now, 7 sons and 1 daughter, most folks who know us want to help us out. This birthday party was many years ago (those boys are parents now), and the memory of it is still a wonderful one. By the way,when I spoke to the parents about the party, I tried to make it clear that no one had to bring any gift at all, but if they wanted to bring one, this was an option. They had to take time to go "buy" pennies. We also are not able to have a birthday party each year for every child in our family.

I personnally have never asked for money for birthdays with the exception of family members. Just try asking family for donations for the game. I don't think asking his friends parents would be that bad either. You could just write up a cute little card and stick it in the invites. Make it cute and fun. You never know, it might catch on. I might even try it. Because at age 8/9 they have a sense of what they actually want for their birthdays.

If you already know where you're going to purchase the wii, perhaps when people ask what to get him (or possibly on the invitation), you could suggest a gift card from xxx, because his intention is to purchase the wii.

Happy Birthday to him!
M.

I would say that your family knows you situation. I'd spread the word among them that this is his big wish, and you'd like to see who wants to pitch in to get it for him. My siblings and I have done that to buy our mom nice things. I, personally, don't think it would be tacky at all. I'm sure they understand - raising a child as a single parent has many challenges, and that is usually one of them!

Good luck! :-) and you may try Ebay

Hi L. I know exactly what yopur talking about! I would say start with the relatives thats what I do. Especially the granparents!!!

I would do away with and expensive part and have one at home. Then you could write a suggestion in his invitations about what you are trying to do. Ask your guests for a donation towards his Wii fund instead of a gift- they don't have to do it. The parents will probably be happy since they can toss $10 in a card instead of searching for a gift, buying paper, wrapping, etc.

I would NOT be offended in the least. I would thank you for saving me some trouble!

Best wishes!

I would LOVE to see such a note inside the birthday invitations that my son receives. It's heartbreaking for him to shop within our budget, choosing something especially for the birthday child, and see it quickly pushed aside for another gift. I asked him (he is 6) and he said he knows a Wii costs too much for him to give but if lots of friends gave money they would be happy for a friend to get what he really wants AND get invited over to play wih it later. A money tree would prevent pointing out how much each child gave. They could just tie it on the tree as they arrive and move on with the party fun. Go for it!

To be honest with you - yea - I think it's tacky. As a parent we sometimes have to tell our kids NO. You could give him the choice - party or Wii, but to ask people for money for him as a gift in my opinion is NOT ok. I feel this strongly because recently someone did something similar to us. My daughter was invited to a school friends party and when I asked what the little girl would like the mother responded "a target gift card". To me this was like asking for money. PLEASE also keep in mind that some of the kids coming to your son's party may not have much money - and if you ask for money from them that puts them in a VERY awkward situation. This was the case with us. I thought it was incredibly rude to ask us to get her a gift card and I'm really glad I didn't because others were giving gift cards up to the value of $20 (which they announced) and we simply couldn't afford to do that. Your son's life is not going to be the worse without a Wii. If he wants it bad enough he can save up his allowance for it, have garage sales, bake sales, different things to earn it for himself. My daughter at 6 yrs old saved up her allowance and was a mothers helper for a neighbor to earn enough money to buy her own American Girl doll, which with accessories was over $100. Stay strong and good luck but DON'T asks guests to contribute to a money tree.

Yes, tacky. If you can't afford to have both the bowling party and the game system, just give your son the game system. Then just invite one of his friends over to enjoy the new system or take the two boys out to the movies to celebrate his birthday. Much less expensive and you won't have your son's friends parents upset with you.

L., I was a single mom for 8 years with two children and no child support or support of any kind from family. I didn't have any in town. I would advise against the money tree. I think it's important to teach our kids that whatever gifts are given are given with love and are from the heart and THAT is what is important...not the stuff. Keep the emphasis off the $$. I hope this doesn't sound unkind.

I taught my kids early on to open the card first, look at the person giving it and say "thank you". Then open the gift. I may be a bit abnormal, but I also do not believe in registries. If people do ask, then you may say, "there is something he really wants....a gift certificate from ______ would help me get it for him". I usually do ask my children's parents what their kids really want and we take it from there. Your sister in motherhood......."Janie" S., mother of five.

How about instead of spending the money on the bowling party, have a party at home and spend that money on the game. You could always mention to invited guests that he would like money to save in order to purchase new games for the system he doesn't know he is getting. Everyone always asks what the child wants. What a perfect time to mention it. HTH

do you have a close friend that's a parent to one of the kids going to the party....as her to coordinate it. tell her your situation and ask her to tell the parents that she is taking up a collection for a gift he really wants....i'm sure a lot of parents would be relieved to throw in soome money vs. spending the time to buy a gift....goood idea!

My son will be 9 in less than two weeks. We bought him a Wii and one game for his birthday (a surprise) but we're sure there will be other things he'll want or need for it. I did not put anything in the card at all about a gift. When someone has asked, I've told them, "We bought a Wii for him and to anyone who has asked, I have suggested a Toys R Us gift card". I explained my son has very limited interests right now (He has high-functioning autism and is really into The Simpsons, which mostly has to be ordered online, and, Spiderman, and since he has most of the figures it would be hard for someone to pick out one he doesn't have). Everyone has seemed pleased with the gift card idea and said, "That's easy!" All of these people have been close friends though and they know Jared, etc...I just gave out invitations to his class today. I don't know that I will suggest a gift card to any of those parents who ask for suggestions. I think I will try to come up with inexpensive gift ideas so I can suggest those and then add, "or even a TRU gift certificate" and explain we've gotten him a Wii...blah, blah, blah.

very tacky....he can't always get what he wants at 8!