Questions About My Son's First Birthday Party - in the Planning Stages

For my hubby's 30th Bday party I couldn't afford to pay for everyone, but I still wanted something done for him, so I made it very clear in the invites that they would be paying for themselves. I put a small card (not on the invite) that had a bit of info about the restaruant and the average price of a dinner. If they are all family and close friends, they should understand.
I wouldn't request money for a car seat, personally I get very offended when people "tell" me what I need to buy as a gift for someone. I think a registry is fine, and is someone wants to buy it for him on their own, or hand you $$ for one, then they will one their own.
Goodie bags usually have stickers, small toy, and candy. I usually find everything I need for them at the dollar store.
Good Luck!

I would not suggest asking for donations, or setting up a birthday registry. I would think that is very rude if I was invited to the party. If the guests get him something he doesn't need, just take it back. I wouldn't suggest expecting the guests to pay for their own food. If you can't afford it, don't have the pary there. What about a park or a clubhouse where you can provide the food at a cheaper price?

I hope you are ready for the honest answer
Regarding how many people you are having - I totally understand why so many - once you invite one aunt you have to invite the other. With that said -
I would be upset if I was invited to a kids b-day party and expected to pay for my own meal (drinks yes, meal no). If cost is an issue then have it at a park, or community center so you can control the cost. Also maybe have your really close family members bring something (pop, a dish to pass etc.)
On to the gift registry and car seat - I think it is very rude to ask for money (unless it was for the college fund) and in the thank you say you put it into their college fund.
People don't like to give money because they don't know what it is going too - I give money every year to my neice and nephew and I know that it goes into the college funds (we are all very serious about college)
A gift registry? Are you serious this is a b-day party not a baby shower/wedding. I would take much offense to someone picking out my gift for a b-day party. When people ask you what he needs say - He loves .... - most people give gift receipts so if you don't like it return it and get him another toy.
I think it is your responsibilty to get the carseat - or ask the grandparents for a donation for the carseat.
Now remember you will have to tell your child that he got a carseat for his 1st b-day - boy sounds more like a present to you not him. Maybe you should ask the grandparents for an early xmas gift for you and use that money for the carseat.

Regarding goody bags - yes we still give them out. I usually go to the dollar store or michaels/target and make the bags. bubbles, chaulk, crayons, coloring book, and a small toy.
the 13yr olds should get something too - but you will have to find what they like and go with that - maybe one bigger thing that equals the total of the goody bag of the others.

Well I hope this was not to rude - this was just my opinion
good luck

Hi Christina,

Ok, you asked, so here it goes...

If I was invited to a one year olds birthday party and was told their was a registry for toys/car seat, and that you would prefer donations or would like donations towards the car seat, and oh yeah wait a minute, could you pay for your own food, I most likely would not attend... (unless I was family)

Most people who do gift registries for 1 year olds are throwing parties that no one can top, not ones that the guests pay for their own food.

When I have a party, I figure out what I can afford and throw that caliber of party, period. The very last thing I would ever ever do is ask my guests to pay for their food and or ask them to bring my kids a certain gift. When my friends ask me I always say that my kids will love whatever you get them. Many times, the theme of the party dictates what people buy... My daughter had a princess party, hence Disney Princess gifts and so on...

I'm sorry if I'm coming off harsh, but you asked what I'd think if I got this invite. So please don't take it personally, but maybe you should do something you can afford, because in the end, everyone wants to be there for you and your son and to have fun.

And yes we do goodie bags. I gave the kids for my daughters 2nd birthday Disney Beach Towels as a thank you. And for my sons 5th bithday goodie bag's they were Lil Kinz (the small version of web kinz).

Good Luck!
J. in Macomb

With my children's (3) birthdays we usually paid for the invited children's meals and left the adults on their own. Most adults are understanding in this because they know that it can get costly. Or you can set up a small menu with the restaurant of things that you are able to cover cost wise and if any one wants to order something else they're on their own. Or if the weather is nice you can go to the park and have just cake and icecream at a non-meal tome like from 1pm-3pm time enough to play, socialize, open gifts and say goodbye.

As to the requesting money on top of the gifts I wouldn't its tacky you might strain friendships and not realize it because as friends they won't mention it but they also won't forget either. If you want specific things like toys in the invite you could be specific of no clothes just toys then allow the invitee to ask what toys you were thinking of I wouldn't do a registry. Remember they are attending because they love you and your family and assume that they are being invited because you value and love them.

The carseat might be something that you will have to budget for, take a certain amount out every paycheck away from a luxury option until you have the cash saved up. Walmart or Target have pretty descently priced items with good quality. We haven't had a birthday yet that someone didn't give either money or a gift card to someplace. It is ok to "casually" mention the need of a car seat because he is getting sooo BIG! Manipulating without being obvious is an acceptable practice. For example go to the store w/ Mom or MIL and happen to show them the carseat you are planning on buying after his birthday once you save up the money. It shows that you are being a responsible and money wise mom and they will think "Ok I know that money is tight how can we help, discuss it with the spouse and who knows you might get a monetary gift enough to cover the seat or the seat itself.

The goodie bags I usually put in things that my children like. For your son it could be fruit snacks and bubbles with one or two balloons you can't go wrong with that set up for any age really.

Good luck, we have three kids and one income because I too am a SAHM its hard, but use your imagination to solve problems you'll make it.

Hello Christina~

First good luck planning the party!! i know things are tight for everyone right now but I don't think it is right for the guest to pay for their food when they go out and buy the gifts and take the time to make it to the party. Sorry. A good friend of my did the gift registry for her daughters birthday one year and all everyone did some talk about her. i would wait for people to call and see what you need. I'm still learning as I go about planning birthday parties I will be working on my son 3rd b-day party in December. I went and a got a $5 toy (family dollar) for each kid. They love it! This pass year I did the goodie bags with pad of paper, pencil, candy, candy and the little toys that go in the bags and i found broke toys, around the house and candy, some had even left the bags. This year I'm getting $5 gift cards from Mcdonalds for the kids.

Good luck to you!!
R.

I'm thinking a potluck in the park would be better if you're strapped for cash. You provide cake, optional ice cream and meat and others can fill in with drinks and sides. Or even just have cake and drinks.
Like someone else mentioned, I have an Amazon wish list that I started before my son was born - I add and delete stuff as he ages. I mainly keep it as a reminder of potential gifts and refer family to it for birthdays and Christmas if I can't immediately come up with anything.
As for donations, you could approach close family members for that...a car seat is an appropriate item for friends to give at a shower, not a birthday.
I think the restaurant idea is too elaborate for a one-year-old. Just a casual thing with the obligatory pictures of cake mashed all over the face and maybe the look on their face when they're tearing off the wrapping paper. Nothing too overwhelming for the guest of honor. Just enough for a scrapbook or photo album.

Hi..
*I think its very tacky to ask people to pay for their own meal at a party, just my opinion. Couldn't imagine having a party like that or going to one like that. Try having it somewhere that the kids may be able to run around and have fun. To me a restaurant would be very boring for kids! Try checking into a park, or community center, etc - Or maybe Grandmas house? and aunt/uncle? Then buy Pizza for everyone - simple, and fairly cheap.

*No, its not appropriate to ask for money toward a car seat. That is not a gift item for a 1 yr old. That is up to the family to buy, just like bedroom furniture, etc.

* I have never heard of anyone doing a gift registry for a child's birthday, and we go to a lot of parties

* Yes definitely give Goodie Bags for kids under 12, the ones 13 and up will not want them. For my daughters last birthday-for the girls I bought little purses from the dollar store, and filled them with some things (little bag of cookies, themed marker, random candy and a small boucie ball I think) - then for the boys I bought those themed cups with staws attached at family dollar for like $1.25 each I think and filled them with the same type of stuff. Went well
Or you could just give out a coloring book and a box of crayons to keep it simple.. And maybe a pack of fruit snacks with it, something like that.

Good Luck on the party :)

Sorry but you don't invite people to a birthday party and expect them to pay there own way. They will bring gifts, you do not register for a birthday party. Some people will give a cash gift, use that towards the car seat. If you can't afford the retaurant food bill have it at the local park and supply pizza, chips,& pop. If you can't afford that than don't have a party. You sound like you are doing this to see what you can get, why not celebrate your childs birthday,fun and a good time with your friends and family. And yes kids still love loot bags, include snaks and small trinket toys.

I had to respond to this question. I would not expect anyone to pay for their own meals at a party or to be asked for money for a carseat, etc. It's just not acceptable. I have a 17 month old son and for his party, we had 2 small parties since we didn't have alot of room. For each I just did cake and ice cream and I put that on the invitation. It makes it nicer that way because you can socailize more with people since you don't have 25 people at once. Actually I did family only with no friends to cut down and I just let them know that it was a family party and once he was older we would have more "friends" party. Since then I've noticed that quite a few of my friends have followed in the same direction of family parties. When they are so young they just don't know the difference and sometimes become overwhelmed by all the people and end up having a meltdown before the party is over with anyways. Just remember the party is about your child, and he won't know the difference of a big or small party, of toys he liked or didn't like. If he's like my son he plays with anything for 2 mins and then moves on anyways. Hope this helps.

I also think it would be wrong to invite guests to a restaurant and make them pay. It would be different if you were just asking them to meet you to celebrate. But if you do plan on inviting them then I would suggest doing something at a park or at someones house that is big enough. There are many parks that you can just go to and then some you can rent a pavilion. I rented one for my daughter for $50 and it worked out perfect. Then like someone said you can buy hotdogs and chips cake and ice cream or just do the cake and ice cream.

And I definitely am not one to agree with a registry for gifts for a birthday. I just think it looks bad. I would hold out and wait to see what you got and like someone else said just return it and use the money towards the car seat. Or if there is family that you can tell to go in on it together then tell them.

Congrats on the 1st bday!!
A couple things to keep in mind 99.9% of the time there will be a few that cant attend so I would say probably around 18-20 people, I would just write on the invite that you are providing the dessert but they would need to just need to take care of the meal, if you want to go the restaraunt route. I usually do something simple like buger on the grill or order a few pizzas but I know you said you dont have the room so that wouldnt do for you. I used to do goodie bags, but they were a waste, they get expensive fast so now what I do is make them an audio cd of age appropriate music, its soo much cheaper and the kids love it.I would just let your close family know that what you really need is a carseat Im sure theyll come together and pitch in for that, but make sure you tell the right people:-) for example my sister is mrs bigmouth so when I need or want something I drop a hint to her and she'll tell the whole family:-) I probably wouldnt ask for monetary donations but you can always ask for giftcards.
Good luck and have fun!!

Ok, i'm sure you get the hint from the other posts that asking for guests to pay for their food is just ridiculous. Also, a restaurant is not the best place to have a child's birthday party at, because you need somewhere where they can run around and have fun... it is a birthday party after all. Going to the park and providing pizza (Little Caesar's $5 Larges is a great way to save money) is a great idea. As for the gift registry, I also agree that it's not a good idea. But, for the car seat thing, I think maybe you could go to the dollar store and get a roll of tickets and do a 50/50 raffle. Sell each ticket for a dollar, then do a drawing and whoever wins gets half of the money and you keep half for the car seat.
Hope everything works out for you all.

Hey,
I am sure you are looking for honest advice so I will give it. I think it is very tacky to ask the guests to pay their own way. It is customary to supply the food and beverages when they are bringing the gifts. Maybe the resturaunt could do a buffet type thing where you choose cetain menu items to serve. We used to do that when I worked at our restuaraunt we used to own. We served lots of parties. I think it also a bit much to register. But if there are few people you are extremely close to like mom, MIL or sister. I would mention to them that you could really use a car seat and maye they will spread to word. I think to ask or expect anything from your guests is a bit rude. Afterall they are the guests. Hope this helps.

I thought you were sticking to 'not elaborate'. Try McDonald's. They have a low cost birthday planner. As it's your invitation, yeah you are responsible to cover everyone. Food, beverage. yes. And McyD's is, as said, low cost, and they have a play area for the little ones to climb around in. Or a Chuck E Cheese's. Or Kids Kingdom. Simple. Pizza, pop. Kids get to play and be loud.

Christina,

Yes I think it is "tacky" and inappropriate to ask your guests to come to a party and pay for their own food. I also think it is inappropriate to ask for money for a carseat and to register for gifts! YOu will probably get gift certificates and money anyway, if you chose you can put it toward the carseat. If money is an issue consider the folowing...rent a pavillion at a local park and have the party from 3-5 and provide drinks, cake and ice-cream only; or if you want to keep prices down at the restuarant see if you can provide a limited menu, if your guests want something outside of that menu (like alcohol for example) they can pay.

For my son's 1st b-day I put together little buckets. I painted the kids names on them (you can get small buckets at Target or a dollar store...but hurry before the end of the season) and put in applesauce, a sand box toy and stickers.

Good luck and have fun.

I think having them pay is tacky and also setting a registry too. Having to pay would surprise me if I showed up and honestly having it at a restaurant for a 1yr old is not good. I am only giving my opinion if I showed up. What about having it at a church or vfw hall? If you don't want the hassle of cooking have it catered or everyone bring a dish. I wouldn't do the goody bags at a restaurant either. If you have it at a hall do a scavenger hunt for goody bags and only do the young children not the teenagers. In the goody bag you could do stickers, bubbles, homemade cookies etc. If you decide to do in the restaurant have a set menu with just a few items to pick from, but I would still pay. In the invitation suggest there is no need for clothes but this is what my son enjoys and mention a few toys of his liking or suggest the gift card. As far as the car seat, do you have any close relatives that would be willing to go in on it?

I think something happens to us after experiencing wedding showers and baby showers, and having a say in the gifts we receive... However, after these events, we must remember that people come to a birthday party to celebrate the life of the person, and they bring gifts, which are just that. It is tacky to expect people to only bring what you want, although, as a mother of a one year old, I can very much understand how you really need some things and definitely not others. I don't think you should register though. The baby shower is kind of our shot to receive what we want and then after that, as parents, we take on costs of things like car seats, etc. Kids are expensive and will continue to need things, that we must purchase for them. I agree with the person who said that you might be able to mention this item to someone you are close to, or if someone asks what your son needs. Otherwise, we all have to learn to graciously accept things as gifts. Also, I agree with the others that it is VERY inappropriate to expect people to pay for their own meals. Perhaps you could look at having it elsewhere, and bringing in some sandwich trays or something.

When someone says well what does he need just tell them, A carseat. If they say ok then you got it or they say I can give you something on it greatly accept that. Goodie bags are fine. Oh yeah try a local park with hot dogs and hamburgers with the juice and the cake and ice cream. If you let your needs known especially to your family they will proberly help. Everyone neds help even when they married sometimes. Ask and you shall recieve.

Christina,
I hope you really wanted an honest response. I hate restaurant parties. You only get to talk to the people you sit next to. If this party is for your son, what is he going to do during the hour and a half meal to two hour meal? Also, I was a server for many years and I always resented large parties, when gifts are involved. The people monopolize your station for the entire shift and only tip on the food and sometimes not well. Large parties, in my opinion should tip a minimum of 20%, and don't forget all the time you are just sitting there taking up their space and not ordering anything. Think of it like you are renting their station. Just so you know, a server normally makes, at a mid-priced restaurant, $50 in tips for a lunch shift and $100 for a Fri or Sat evening. You should factor this into your cost. Why not have your party at a local park. You can have inexpensive food, pizzas or hot dogs and hamburgers from Sam's or where ever. I think it is rude to ask the guests to pay for their meal. I also think a gift registry is over the top. Most people give a small toy ($20-$30). Why not ask your parents to give you money towards the car seat. You are less likely to offend them. Don't forget, you will get some money from out of town family. If someone asks you what to buy, then you can give suggestions. Most people really enjoy picking out a gift for a young child. I wouldn't want to take that away from them. As far as a treat bag, of course all kids love this. My kids would say, put candy in it. Maybe, the parents might like a gift that the kids can play with during the party. You might give bubbles, frizbees, punch balloons, side walk chalk, airplanes etc. If you do decide to have it at the restaurant, give them things to do at the table (crayons, markers, small puzzles or toys. Good Luck.
K.

I have been planning parties for a while now. My children are 4, 3, and about to turn 2. Here's what I've come to learn.

Gifts: Most people find gift registries for children tacky. They would much rather pick their own gift out. If they want an idea they will ask and then you can tell them an item off of your wish list or ask for a gift card to the store you wish to buy your car seat from.

Car Seat: You should have put it on a registry for your baby shower if you had one. There might be a close realitive or group who wouldn't mind purchasing it for your son, but you will have to see if anyone asks you. Again, you can always ask for a gift card to the store you want to buy it from.

Restaurant: If you decide to go with a restaurant, then state on invite what you are providing. (ex. cake, icecream, appetizers) This lets your guests know what to expect and then they know that anything extra is up to them. (we were once invited to dinner at a restaurant for my niece's b-day. It wasn't until after we got there and ordered that we were told that we would be responsible for our own bills. Had we been told that before we could have stopped at an ATM and been more properly prepared instead of being hit with the shock. Needless to say all the guests thought it was very rude of the hosts.)

Goodybags: If you are going to be at a restaurant I would go to a dollar store and pick up a coloring book and crayons for each child. This will help keep them occupied at the table.

I hope this gives you some ideas. Happy Birthday to your son!

Good for you for reaching out for advice.

Here are my opinions (but please keep in mind it's just that....)

** If you are going to have guests buying their own meals you need to make that clear on the invitation or in a phone call or email prior to the party. Likely it will cut down on the number of guests. Also, if you do go that route, make sure you call or stop by the restaurant to make sure it's OK to bring your own cake and/or ice cream. They may not allow it or may charge a cutting or serving fee to help get the cake to the table. Also make sure they can accomodate the number of guests you are expecting. They may have to staff differently to ensure quality service for such a large group.

** If you decide to go the restaurant route you may be able to work with the management staff to select a smaller menu with limited choices. You might also want to think about providing an array of appetizer choices to provide something for everyone. I understand not wanting to buy a full meal for that many people, but I feel it would be more appropriate to provide something to your guests. If you can control the cost and plan ahead, you can avoid big surprises at the end. Also remember that many restaurants automatically add an additional gratuity for large parties (typically 18-20%).

* I do not feel it is OK to ask for donations or money toward a car seat. If someone asks specifically for gift ideas you might be able to mention gift cards to a particular store. However, a car seat is a purchase your family should make. It is not a gift idea for a one-year-old's birthday.

* As far as a registry, it depends on the individual. Some people may be put off by it, while others might appreciate the suggestions. If you decide to register, don't go overboard and make sure you register for items in several different price points. Not everyone has an extra $30, $50 or $100-. Make sure there are $5 or $10- items as well. You certainly don't want someone not to help celebrate this milestone just because they couldn't afford the right gift.

* I think goody bags are a nice touch. We always give something to our guests at the kids parties. What you decide to do is up to you. Typically the gifts we give tie in with a specific theme or age. Basically it's just a little something to say thanks for coming to the event and thank you for a thoughful gift. If the people who will be attending are close to you, perhaps you could think about something a little more personal. Perhaps a small frame (or a magnet or ornament) with your son's picture. You could do bubbles or rubber duckies or a small fruit or candy bag for the kids. It's easy to get caught up in lots of dollar store trinkets, but often "less is more", especially when it comes from the heart.

* Have you thought about holding your party at a local park, playground or community center? Check with your local parks and rec department and see what's in your area. Often age-appropriate play areas are available for little or no cost. You've got an open area for guests, a safe play area for the kids, bathroom facilities and a picnic area with no cost and little effort. Just an idea.

* Remember it's also OK to invite people to join you just for cake and ice cream. Make sure you mention it specifically on the invitation so nobody shows up expecting a full meal. It is perfectly acceptable just to do dessert. Try to plan your event around meal times (don't expect people to show up at 5:00p and not feed them). Start the party in the early afternoon.

* Just a note, one mommy to another. Plan the day around your son's schedule and needs. If he has a set nap time, feeding time, etc. make sure you work that into your day. It's hard enough to entertain guests and have time to mingle. Your son will be tired and confused with all the extra excitement. Don't compound his frustration (or yours) by trying to pack too much into the day or setting your expectations too high. Just have fun and enjoy yourself.

* Make sure you send thank you notes to everyone who attends. It's just the right thing to do.

Have fun and good luck!

The pot luck in the park sounds like a good idea actually. You could also talk to the restaurant an possibly set up a party menu (one with 5 or 6 entrees) instead of the whole menu. Then maybe you could pitch in to cover drinks or appetizers. I also thought the idea that was given about putting a card in the invite with restaurant info was really good.

I wouldn't ask for donations for a carseat, instead if people ask you what to buy, tell them you would like gift cards. Besides that, you will probably get enough stuff that you can return to the store and then buy the seat.

I have gone to the dollar store for goodie bag ideas, I have given toys, coloring books, and candy in mine.

Good luck

Hi Christina!

If I were asked to pay my own way for my meal, then I probably wouldn't attend the party. We spend $25 max on gifts, so after we pay the food bill for our family, there probably won't be anything left for a gift....and if we are going to pay for a meal out-then me and my husband are going to spend it alone with each other.

I would be offended if I got a registry card with the invitation. You probably will get money, so use that for the carseat. I can understand wanting to throw a party-I myself LOVE kids birthday parties & we usually have around 40 people at our parties...one year we were in a very small living space, & one of our siblings graciously opened thier home for us & we had it there. Maybe there is someone in your family who would be willing to do that?

Also, I have found with goodie bags, just get one nicer toy, than a bag of junk. Most of it will end up in the garbage. Last year for my son's birthday we had Toy Story Theme. I found 14 inch stuffed "Woody" dolls at The Disney Store that were clearanced down from $15 to $2.40. I bought all 16 that they had left. That was everyone's party favor...and gave any leftovers to "Toys for Tots"...so keep your eyes out for toys that have been clearanced...I usually am very successful with this.

Good Luck!

Christina,
I just HAD to get on here and reply to your email!
I suggest you have the party at your house.
If you have to have two parties~ one for family ~ another for friends, then do it that way. Another things you could do is have it at a park. Gordon foods sells large containers! You could just do pulled pork on buns with chips and dollars lemonade or something. You or the members of your family should be the ones to provide the food if there's food.
In our family we ask all the sister-in-law's, sisters, aunts, etc. to bring a dish. It's a big deal for you to have to make everything, but not for them to bring a dish.
As for the carseat idea, in a perfect world that would be ideal. Maybe you could give a "suggestions for Pete's birthday" to FAMILY members, but this is unacceptable for friends. Worst case scenerio, they will give you a gift receipt with their gifts and you can return them for the cash to put towards the carseat. I highly suggest you do not do a regisry.
I hope these few ideas help.

happy birthday!

I think you are going way overboard for a 1st birthday party. Keep it simple...at your home, cake and ice cream, kid things to do (for 2 or 3 kids) and no gift registry. My goodness...he is not getting married. Inviting 25 adults, 5-7 littles and a couple of teenagers...that is a party of almost 40! You said your friends and family are very generous, they could all pitch in for the carseat. I don't think your son cares about a carseat. As for having it at a restaurant and asking the guests to order and pay for their own dinner...yes I think it's tacky.

Hi Christina
If you are throwing a party and you want it at a resturant I would think you should pay for your guests. As for the gift yes I do think it is tacky to ask for money. If your guest call you and ask what to get then maybe you could suggest to give money for the carseat. I never accepted my friends or family to buy a carseat for my child. The parents should do that. As for goodie bags some still do them. Hope I helped.

Hi Christina! I did not take the time to read what responses you received, so I apologize if any of this is repeat. There is no reason you must have the party at your place- many people do parties at restaurants or elsewhere instead. As long as everyone invited knows the plan, there is nothing tacky about having people pay for their own meal. (It's then their choice if they want to come; good friends and family won't mind, and likely wouldn't even expect you to pick up that whole bill! We have been to a few parties like this.) I do think it's a good idea for you to provide the cake and ice cream. A goody bag for the young kids would be a cute idea (likely the teenagers won't mind if they don't 'get' anything) and yes, I think a lot of people still do goody bags. You can easily keep it simple and fun; like say stickers/tattoos, mini coloring books, a mini game, silly putty. Or, you could do specific girl and boy goody bags- like for the boys: a matchbox car, plastic dinosaur or other critter; and for girls: plastic jewelry, a mini stuffed animal or doll; something like that. (Maybe a bit of candy if you want more fillers for the bags.)
I think it's probably not a good idea to ask for monetary donations towards a carseat- in case someone didn't plan to bring a gift, then they would feel like they were expected to. BUT- if someone asks you what would be a good gift idea for them to buy for your son, you could then specify that since he's only 1 and won't know the difference, you guys are trying to save up for a carseat, and cash would be helpful if they would like to help in that way. Or- if you know which store you plan to get the carseat from, a gift certificate for that store would be nice. Also, nowadays a lot of people include a gift reciept with the gift and you could return the gift for money or an in-store card/gift certificate and get the carseat there and use the amount from the returned gift towards the carseat. Most people wouldn't even 'find out' if you returned their gift, you know? I kinda think it's not a good idea to set up a gift registry...again due to people maybe feeling like they are expected to bring a gift. (Even though most people do bring a gift to a party, you never want them to feel pressured.)
Another idea would be to meet up at a park or somewhere at a time that's not right at mealtime, and just serve munchies (fruit, veggies with dip, crackers and cheese, etc. and of course cake!) But ultimately, do what you want to do. It is your decision : - ) If you are questioning if something is 'appropriate' or not, go with your gut and try to think how others will accept it/take it, and how you would feel if you were invited to another party/get together that had the same thing. It's great and helpful when people give things, but in certain situations you don't want them to feel pressured. And remember to send a thank-you note to those who give gifts:-) I hope this helps you...have fun!!

Hi Christina,

I have to agree with the majority that it is innapropriate to ask people to pay for thier own meals at a birthday party. If it is too pricey for you then have it at your house with just cake and ice cream. As far as gifts go you should accept graciously what is given. If you have close family members and they ask you what they can buy maybe suggest they can give gift certificates to Babies R Us. That can help with the cost. But I am sure your child will be happier with some toys. Anyway, I know this is uncharted territory for you but you have to think how you would feel if you were invited to a party that you had to pay for food and were expected to bring a gift that was on a list for you. Quite demanding dont you think? This in my opinon is supposed to be fun for your child it is a celebration...not a time to get exact gifts to help you out. Sorry, I hope this was not harsh but I think you could come up with a better way to celebrate for your son! Good Luck.

I think that you could set up a wish list somewhere for people (my son has one on Amazon) and let people know (by word of mouth) that if they are unsure what to get they can look there. Most people will typically get you what they want, even with a registry. And I agree with the others, regarding having people pay their own way. We did not have dinner at my son's birthday, just a few close friends and family, cake and singing. The whole thing lasted two hours....

I'm just being perfectly honest in saying that I think it is SUPER tacky to invite people to a party and expect them to pay for their own food. If you can't afford to feed everyone then don't have a party at a restaurant. Go to a park and have pizza or something. Also, lately I have gotten a few party invitations that say the child is registered at Toys R Us, so you could do that.
I'm not trying to be mean, just honest!!!!

Yes, it is tacky to expect guests to pay for dinner and get you a gift, which is what the car seat is. Why not invite fewer people and have it at home or at a park. When you throw a party it is the host's responsibility to cover all the costs. You could have pot luck however, if money is tight. A registry for a one year old is tacky too. The party is to celebrate the birth of your child not rake in gifts for the parents. Please reconsider how you organize this. You could drop the hint (of needing a car seat) to the grandparents suggesting family members could pool their money in lieu of other gifts.

Hi~
I married my hubby on our 'first date anniversary, too'...the second anniversary, though...it was also his birthday! LOL

Anyway, I think your invitation should be clear that you are not buying dinner. Mention that the menu is reasonable priced and that you will be serving cake & ice cream. Tell guests that if they do not wish to take part in the dinner they would still be welcome for dessert. Also, I would leave out the gift issue. Just see what you get and if need be, return the items you don't need and buy a car seat. Skip the registry, it's bordering on micromanaging. If guests call you and ask what he needs, then tell them, but otherwise not.

~L.

Hello Christina:

Congratulations on findng Mr. Right and your new family.

I have a suggestion for your gift idea that you might suggest to close family members and friends. Many parents set up UGMA or UTMA custodial accounts that friends and family may contribute to for the benefit of the child. Some use these accounts for college planning, some use them for estate planning.

In most states, minors do not have the right to contract, and so cannot own stocks, bonds, mutual funds, annuities and life insurance policies. In particular, parents cannot simply transfer assets to their minor children, but instead must transfer the assets to a trust. The most common trust for a minor is known as a custodial account (an UGMA or UTMA account).

The Uniform Gift to Minors Act (UMGA) established a simple way for a minor to own securities without requiring the services of an attorney to prepare trust documents or the court appointment of a trustee. The terms of this trust are established by a state statute instead of a trust document. The Uniform Transfer to Minors Act (UTMA) is similar, but also allows minors to own other types of property, such as real estate, fine art, patents and royalties, and for the transfers to occur through inheritance. UTMA is slightly more flexible than UGMA.

As a Farmers Insurance agent :-) of course I could assist you to set up the account for your son.

Something about me: After being a stay at home mom with my 4 children for 12 years, I became a nail technician and owned my own nail salon in Royal Oak, MI. Went on to have some work in the entertainment industry, now an unmarried insurance lady. The children as grown-ups have done well; one nurse, one carpenter/cross country truck driver, one certified pool man/snow boarder (CA obviously) and one missionary.

Christina,

I agree with the others that it is a little tacky to ask guests to pay for their meal. Do something simple at a local park. Most pizza places will give you a good deal for birthday parties and will even deliver it to the park/home.

If you're asked for a suggested gift for your little guy. Tell them that he has everything that he currently needs and explain how you plan to put any money toward this purchase. Then they get to make the decision if they want to contribute toward this purchase or get something else. Most grandparents are great for this type of purchase as they want to get you what you need for the little ones. :)

Good luck and hang in there. I'm sure the part will come off very successful! :)

Christina

I would definitely not ask people to pay for anything at any party you are hosting. You are the hosts, you are asking them to come (take time out of their schedules) and are (in essence) asking them to spend money to buy gifts already. If you are hosting a party, than you pay for the party. If it is too expensive, cut back the guest list or have it at home.

As far as asking for the car seat idea, I would say skip it/suggesting it all together. You are newly married and have a new/young baby...so "showers" (bridal shower, baby showers) are probably fresh in your mind. But what is appropriate for those showers (registry, etc.) is not appropriate for a child's---or anyone's, for that matter----birthday party.

If money is tight, I would suggest skipping the big party and maybe just get a cake and invite the grandparents over. My sister-in-law/brother did that with both of their kids who are now 1 and 4. They chose to do this because they felt 'babies' don't care about big parties anyhow but definitely wanted to celebrate the sweet milestone. They chose to have a small celebration of just cake and ice cream inviting only the grandparents and just an individual cake for the baby to have fun with/make a mess of :) I thought it was a brilliant idea. It is special for the child, there is no pressure of a party, nobody is offended about not being invited because it is grandparents only...and as an added perk you save some money (that could be used on a carseat). Just a suggestion.

One more thought: If you are going to have a party...25 adults is a lot unless you have that much immediate family...and you may end up being focused on the wrong thing that day. I know that when I invited all of my brothers and my husband invited all of his for our two oldest's birthdays, we ended up with 17 adults (sister-in-laws and grandparents included) and it was overwhelming for the babies. Neither of my kids (17 months apart) acted like themselves at their parties because of all the commotion. For my 8 month old, I will do something small when she turns 1. But that is just my own personal preference based on experience. Just thought I'd mention it to you.

Good luck with your plans either way and enjoy the celebration no matter what you decide.

- I think it is tacky to expect guests to pay for their own meal. Maybe you could set up a menu that they could choose from with items like chicken fingers/fries, etc on it. If they choose to deviate from that menu then they should pay for themselves.
- Inevitably you'll get people asking what your son needs. Take advantage of that situation to tell them about the car seat. Where do you plan on buying it? Ask for a gift certificate towards that store.

I don't think asking guests to pay for their own meal is appropriate. It being summer, you could have it at a park and barbeque or some other type of meal. Does your apartment have some type of clubhouse? A friend of mine rented her clubhouse for her son's first birthday. It worked out well.

Asking for money probably isn't appropriate either. Usually people will ask what your son wants or needs. If people ask you can tell them. Maybe the grandparents can get the carseat. You could always set up a registry and if people ask what to get him, point them to the registry. I don't think you should mention it in the invitations.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Personally, I think it is way over the top. Your son is just turning one and he will never remember all of this. You can't invite people to a restaurant and expect them to pay. The only way you can let people know about the car seat is if they call and ask what he needs. Also, about the toys, have faith that people that know your son will be able to pick out toys that he will enjoy. If, after the party, there is something you wish he had and didn't get, you can get that yourself. That way, you don't sound all pushy telling people what to buy as a gift. A gift is from the heart, not a list.

Please don't ask for a car seat. The others parents have to purchase car seats for their kids as well (the twins, 2-5 toddler/boost seats). Perhaps, you should just say, 'Gift Cards Only Please', then YOU can go purchase what you like. You may even suggest a few stores of your choice.

Hi Christina,

It would not be a nice idea to expect your guests to pay for their meal when you were the one who invited them. If money is an issue, find a park that has a pavilion and keep it simple, serve foods like sloppy joes and hot dogs and chips and salads, give or take a few.

I would also stray away from asking your guests to contribute to the purchase of the dar seat. You could use the money your son's birthday money to put towards the purchasee of his car seat. If people what your son can use then bring up the car seat.

The fun of a birthday party is to buy a gift you think the child will like. Like I mentioned if someone asks you give them some ideas.

Good luck wiht the party they can be alot of work but they are also fun to plan. Even better is the look on your son's face when he tries his cake and open up presents.

Good luck and enjoy the joyous occassion.
L.

If I was invited to a birthday party at a restaurant I wouldn't be offended to pay for my own food. Maybe you could provide the apps. The only thing I would be worried about it the guest that have children who are hard to entertain at a restaurant.

In regard to registering for your child's gifts... I do personally believe that is tacky. You should be happy enough that they are even extending a gift. If you don't like it take it back.

Hey Christina,

Its funny that you bring that up. Im actually planning my daughters first birthday party as well. It will take place on the 31st of August. Im actually having it in my backyard. I will provide the food and what not. To keep the kids entertained I am renting a moonwalker and also will be providing them with goodie bags. They expect it so its a must. Enough about me.

Well my opinion is if I were invited to your party at a restaurant I will not be expecting to pay. It just doesnt seem right to be invited somewhere and then having them pya for their own food. I dont know, thats just my opinion. Is it possible for you to have it at a nearby park or something and just order some pizza, chicken, fries and salad?? And ofcourse provide some iceream and cake??

As for the registry for a birthday party....I never heard of that. If you are close with your family members, is it possible for you to tell them what to purchase?? Thats what I did. I told my family what my daughter needed. Actually they made it is easy for me by asking me what she needs.

Btw, what I plan on putting inside the goodie bags is basically a bag of chips, some candy or chocolates (I know its unhealthy :-/) and Im just going to buy some toys from the Dollar Tree. For the babies, Im just going to be getting them toys, teethers, some healthy snacks that they can eat.

Anyways, I hope this reply will help you out. Good luck!

Isn't there something else you could figure out for your little boys party? Even hotdogs in the park sounds more fun than a resturant party for a one year old! As for the gifts if someone first asked me to pay for my meal at a party they invited me to and then asked me to donate money for a new carseat I would be offended and just not go

If I was invited to that party I would think it was inappropriate. That is, unless it was my immediate family and the invite was a phone call asking if I'd like to go to dinner with them to celebrate my niece/nephew's b'day and not as a party invitation. Your son's 1st birthday is wildly important to you, your husband, maybe the in-laws and parents and thats about it aside for your closest friends. However lots of people may want to celebrate with you, so a party is great. But you should definitely pay for it and let people buy what they want for your child, making suggestions only when asked. A 1st birthday is very different than a shower. Someone else gives you a shower. Grandparents buy things like car seats. Most people buy a toy or clothes. Maybe your crowd is better off financially and I'm wrong, but I usually set a $20 - $25 limit on kids b'days, and less when the kids only are invited, and more if its someone close. Throw a party you can afford. Goodie bags are still done and usually have a cheap toy and candy. Most are about $3 - $5 in value.

My gut reaction is "Are you kidding me!" i have to bring mnney for a gift, pay to go out to eat at a restaurant and he is only 1!
Maybe have a smaller amount of people ( he is only 1 for heavens sake). he could care less, if he goes out to eat, has cake etc. As a matter of fact it seems like it would be way overstimulating for a 1 yr old., unless you are actually having the party for you.

I would save the big party until your child can invite friends and knows what is going on.

Just have family over for cake and ice cream or go to a park or apple orchard for the day with your friends and pay to get them in and serve cake and icecream

I will only try to respond to my gut reaction. If I were invited to your son's party, I would want to give him a gift that I thought he might like, or a cute outfit. I would not want to be told that if I'm going to give a gift, please make it monetary to go towards a carseat. I understand that they are expensive, but you may have to just get that on your own. I've learned that people truly like seeing the child open or receive the fun gifts they bring. I tried telling family and friends 'no gifte, just come an have a nice time with us' and only 1 person out of about 30 came with just a card. It was embarassing how many gifts my daughter had, but everyone was excited for her to open them too.

Good luck with this. I hope it turns out well.

I totally get where you are coming from - my house is also very small but fortunately my son's b-day is in the summer. We always have his party at a local park and provide chicken, watermelon, etc... A Sept birthday may be fine outdoors, but I can see the concern for weather issues, etc. I think a restaurant is ok - but I would work something out in advance for a specific menu for people to order from, in your price range. If they deviate from that then I think it's fine to expect that they pay the difference, but you should pick up the tab for the pre-arranged items. I have a VERY large family and everyone always comes to everything so I see where it could get costly to do this. My fam is also very open and often do pot-luck style things - but my hubby and I (and some sisters) found it tacky when another sister planned her son's party and sent everyone a list of what to bring (food, gifts, etc..). We pitch in all the time for our many family events but felt taken advantage of for the b-day party.

As far as goodie bags - don't get the "party favor bag-o-junk" that's full of random cheap toys. They always end up in the trash right after the party and it just feels like a waste of money. I would do something age-appropriate - we have done little trucks we found on sale at Target for like $1 each that the kids LOVED, to sidewalk chalk, to bubbles - something you would appreciate getting if you went to someone's party.

And the carseat - I agree that if people ask for suggestions then you could mention a monetary donation (or better yet a gift certificate to babies-r-us). We just did this for my son - he needed a dresser and my mom went in on that as his b-day gift. We did not ask any friends or other family to go in on that - grandparents have a different relationship that I think that is ok. I would let people choose what they would like to get your son.

Whatever you do - have a great party and enjoy the time with your little guy! Hope all goes great!

Hi there - I just had to reply to this note! First, avoid having the party at the restaurant if you don't intend to pay for everyone's meals. Its tacky to invite for dinner and not cover the cost. Have the party at a park so the kids can run...you can't do that at a restaurant. If your family is like mine, everyone asks if they can bring anything. If asked, respond that they can bring the beans, veggie tray, etc. That takes some of the burden off of you. Normally I end up only providing the meat and cake/ice cream because everyone pitches in. That also goes with presents. You may be asked what the child "needs" or "wants" for his birthday. If asked, be specific with the toys, or say the baby needs a car seat, so a gift cert. to Target would be great. Please don't register for birthday gifts - that is so tacky. It makes you look bad, like you are only doing this for presents, and that isn't your reason for having the party. Hope this helps!

I agree, there is no way you can ask others to pay for themselves. How about cutting the list down to just family and have ice cream and cake at your place or in a park. I also agree, you cannot ask for money. I think if someone asks what you need you can tell them you prefer toys not clothes, but leave it at that. You cannot ask them to buy you a certain gift nor can you ask for $$, lots of people don't have money and may even regift gifts they received and never used. In this economy people just don't have the cash. As far as the goody bags, yes you still need to give kids a goodie bag but it could be little things from the Dollar Store. Sticker's, bubbles, they even have good books for little kids for a buck and the store on Union Lake Rd has echo mike's which are these microphone things that echo, my kid loves them so I picked those up as well. If you are that strapped for cash, just throw some candy in a bag and call it a day, everyone knows kids love candy!

I think it would be tacky to expect guests to pay for their food and to have a gift registry. Why couldn't you have the birthday party at a park or outside somewhere. Food could be simple like snack foods. Maybe veggies and dip, sandwhiches, chips stuff like that. September still has nice weather. Also I think you could suggest some toys that your child might like. Gift registries are for Weddings and Baby showers not birthdays. For the goody bags you could just select some books to give to the kids and maybe crayons and coloring books.