Hey there T....it is so normal for a mom especially a new mom to be so hyper vigilant...but think about the life they need to be able to cope with in 18 years. I've decided to give you my opinion and I feel it might be bigger than you thought possible...I'm older and wiser and wish I had it to do all over again...at least I can try to pass on what I've learned...
It is your duty as a parent to get your baby ready for independence and coping successfully in this crazy world.
It is your duty as a parent to take care of and work at your marriage for your baby's well-being.
4 days with grandmas...even both of them for 2 days each is NOT a big deal for your baby...it is a very small introduction and incredibly healthy task for your baby. The longer you wait the harder the transition will be on your baby. Does that make sense? A great parent will introduce their baby to change as soon as possible. Small amounts at first of course and this is small. Plus, time with your spouse is critical to your marriage. I don't want to get into the horrors of divorce. Horror. Nightmare. Make no mistake and the children ALWAYS SUFFER, IRREPARABLY.
There are only 2 parents per child. We are not 'buddies' or 'best friends'...our job is a tough one...of course we think because we love them so much...it is hard to let them go, to be taken care of by someone else. This is but ego talking. It is our PRIMARY job as a parent to let go! The longer a parent waits, the harder LIFE will be for their child. You'll never see a bird momma baby their chicks. They know without thinking what and why their job is what it is...get them out of the nest when they are physically able to do so and not one moment longer. We humans have such a hard time with this concept.
Is there a difference between mammal animal parents and us? Physically only with varying degrees between the species. We think too much and we are becoming more and more self-centered with the centuries...The point of parenthood to get a relatively immature organism ready to survive in the present, real world. Human babies especially require a very long time relative to most species. But how can a parent rationalize 'babying' their baby is for their baby's best interest? After getting their feathers I have watched with fascination the 2-3 day flight lessons. Never is a baby chick allowed to stay in the nest for one moment more...they are literally pushed out. To delay adulthood/flight for the chicks means they would have deal with a heavier body,more insecurity as they watch their brothers and sisters practice flying skills, finding food skills, finding shelter skills and learning what to keep an eye out for so they don't get eaten and to think of failing is to fail. If they miss the window of time, Mama bird knows she's responsible for her chick/s' not surviving. Of all the nests of baby birds I've watched never once did a mama bird whimp out...they always pushed the reluctant ones out the first day of training and not one ever crashed fatally. Mama birds have guts. They know their job. Why should we feel that as humans we are any different?
Well, there is a difference! Our babies have a vastly more complicated and dangerous world than do other mammal babies. A world that changes so quickly it will be a totally different world than even the world we learned as a child. I think our job is far more difficult than a bird's.
The sooner you can take advantage of small amounts of exposure to the real world...to let your baby get small tastes of independence, consistently the better/easier less stressful it will be for your baby to adapt and grow...be successful in this life. The parents who 'baby' their kids are self- centered and weak. To make strong individuals we as parents need to be strong. If our parents didn't do the job hopefully we manage to raise ourselves to the point where we are able to do a better job than our parents. How cruel and self-centered to hold onto our baby, keeping him a cripple and dependent upon us. Then when we feel our 'baby' has become 'inconvenient' in our lives we toss him out of the nest to surely fall and become injured.
Just like those that commit to pets...fun for awhile but when they require work, money they get dumped. Same attitude only we are talking about our kids, who will eventually be the ones making the decisions about how life will look like after we are gone.
To allow your baby to be taken care of by the two grandmothers, who, by the way... are even more genetically inclined than YOU to make sure their offspring survive... is a great situation to begin. For you to bravely (this first time it will seem) allow this interaction to happen for your baby shows that you are learning to be a strong parent. A strong parent thinks about the welfare of their child and getting them prepared to be INDEPENDENT without thinking about themselves and immediate gratification... and the sooner you can make this distinction the more you have demonstrated you are learning, maturing and growing into a better person everyday...which of course makes you a better parent and a better spouse.
Your baby knows when you are nervous about the condition of their environment, they know that if you are totally freaked when they are out of your control...they will feel as if their world is collapsing around them. You need to fully accept your job as a parent to let go so that you are able to act as if this was the best and only solution for your baby. You'll be amazed if you can be in that space. If you are calm, confident of what you are doing and why (and of course your spouse is in the same place) your baby will feel calm, interested and if he does squeal a bit, he'll get over it and life goes on. He'll squeal less and less...when he goes to daycare or kindergarten he'll already be socialized and excited about a new adventure. You deny him this and normal trials will become nightmares for the three of you.
You need breaks to work on your relationship with your husband... It is your duty to your baby. Anything else is just selfish. You are only worried about your feelings, not the growth of your baby...little by little where you actually cause situations to allow him to grow accustomed being cared for by others...you've only got 18 years to prepare a self-sufficient man (or woman) and ...it goes so quickly. If you and your husband are not on the same page, do not take the time to WORK on your relationship...you will more than likely get divorced. Sounds too harsh? It's not.
It is truly not a far-fetched scenario. And you think it is a huge problem decided whether or not the grandmas should take part in care taking their grandchild? Putting off time with hubby so you won't feel nervous the first time you relinquish hands-on care? You've got a rude awakening ahead of you about this world. I hope this helps you to start thinking outside your very simple, safe box. Please don't take this negatively. I am just trying to 'gently' put motherhood/wifehood in another perspective for you. It shouldn't bother you if all of this has crossed your mind. This is life altering-forever stuff if you make the wrong choices, now. As simple as your question sounds now, I hear someone who needs to read this...I want to help, that is all.
It makes me sick to see Mama and/or Daddy make life too easy where there are no challenges, no one tells their kids NO, parents don't seem to have the guts to draw the line and make sure that that line is defended. Mama and Daddy just want 'out' of responsibility, they are just lazy and want to go on with what ever they were doing...they poke pacifiers in their babies mouths, feed them sugary stuff to watch them blissfully gorge and later hand their kids lolly pops whenever they cry...and even later ipods, the latest in computer games, whatever is the 'going' thing that now MEANS LOVE FROM , purchased and handed over...and they don't even realize they are just doing this to get the kids out of their hair...they don't understand that they themselves have work to do where their parents left off. No work ethic yet, no empathy, they make decisions based on an immature being's view, they've no idea what it takes to make a marriage work much less raise a child. And then when it comes time to undo what they have done, such as take away the pacifier, do they see it as something THEY caused? I doubt it...
It takes guts, stamina and a mature person's perspective of 'a larger picture' to be a great parent...to be a successful partner in a marriage.
Life is staggeringly tough and it is YOUR job to get your children prepared for it. Any parent that claims they are 'best friends' to their kids is not being a PARENT. The kid's have lots of buddies...but only 2 maybe 1 parent in their life. It is a tough job and parenting is not inherently a popular position to hold right now. Heavens to have to confront someone you love and get 'disapproval'...few of us have parents that were able to do just that and do it because of love. Who has parents that are truly good role models for the parents of today? Is ANYONE at all curious what makes a good parent, today? I bet that there are more people who take classes on dog obedience that there are those who actively seek information on how to become a good parent. It amazes me to no end.
This is just the beginning of parenting for you. By enjoying yourself without your baby is to be a POWERFUL PARENT. As long as you have passed the baton to capable caretakers you are doing a better job than playing some martyr or worse taking the easy road so that you don't have to worry about your baby (tough at the beginning for sure...gets easier later) and more importantly taking time for our marriage. If we don't, divorce is imminent. Divorce is a disaster for at least one in the couple...for life...and surely creates dysfunctional children. So few even understand the downside of choosing incorrectly a partner much less getting prepared for becoming a partner in parenting.
Parents more than ever have the most important TWO jobs in the whole frickin' world. Our parents had no idea even for their own generation...forget this generation. So where did we get out parenting skills? Where did we get our marriage skills? I am sorry. Our parents IF they were good role models they CAN'T POSSIBLY help us much for the next generation as our society is changing more quickly than we could ever imagine. It's a whole new world every generation and only changing faster. The majority of kids out there are getting raised by immature, uninformed and lazy parents. It is a way to cope with over-stressed parents of our own, over-stressed teachers, mass input of change and information from our media; drilling us and our kids with huge monetary expectations and unrealistic body expectations. Our kids, your baby, will most certainly be playing with dysfunctional kids in a dangerous world, very soon. The faster you get your baby to be strong, independent, with high self-esteem and confidence as his shield of safety against changes in his environment or society the better he will be at being able to be DIFFERENT when being different is more healthy that joining the crowd, comfortable with his own thoughts, comfortable being able to change when necessary, being able to make mistakes and learning from them, enjoying learning...reading...knowing the difference between truth and popular opinion...not needing other's approval, he'll survive and be able to find that elusive state of happiness...he'll have healthy children that will continue to have healthy children...and maybe make a difference in our future.
Otherwise, what is going to happen to our species? Maybe you feel I am going overboard here...and I am sorry. I hope that I am overboard...I really do.
Be strong, be a parent. Think of what is best for your baby so that he can start learning now, little by little how to adapt, be serene within the chaos and be able to play the game without becoming part of the game.
I am passionate on this subject...I think my thoughts are sound even though this is just an opinion from a non-professional. Have you ever looked into getting a course in 'parenting' from professionals? Behavioral Scientists? Just to get a proper perspective from one generation moving at 50mph to raise your child that has to fly at MachII???
Enjoy your time with your husband. It is also your job to take care of your marriage. You don't want me going into a divorce scenario...which is more probable than staying married these days. And incredibly devastating for at least one of the couple and no matter what totally detrimental for sure your child(ren).