My husband and I are going to Asia for two weeks on vacation to visit friends have some time to ourselves before we start trying for baby #2. Our son is almost 2 years old and he will be staying with his grandparents while we're gone. When we planned the trip several months ago I was excited and was not worried about leaving our son, but now as our departure date gets closer, I'm getting more worried about how this will be for our son.
I have only been away from him for one weekend (he was home with dad though) and my husband has been away for work a few times, but we've never both been gone at the same time for an extended period other than nights out. The last time my husband was gone for a week a couple of months ago, the first few mornings my son would walk around looking for him and ask "where daddy?" I explained daddy was at work, but he'd be back. He was fine with that. But now he is older, is more aware, is more vocal and I fear he will be confused and feel abandoned when we are both gone for such a long period of time.
His grandparents live in another state so he only sees them a few times a year so he's not super familiar with them, but in general he is really flexible with new babysitters, going down for bed in unfamiliar surroundings, etc. They did visit with us for a weekend recently and since then we've been showing him pictures of them so he remembers. He'll also have lots of his younger aunts and uncles around to entertain him and spoil him. We plan on checking in, but I don't think we'll talk to him on the phone or webcam or have them show him pictures of us as I think that will just remind him we're gone. What I'm hoping is that maybe 2-year-old's don't have any concept of length of time and he won't realize it's two weeks? The past few weeks, everyday when I go to work I say goodbye and say "mama will be back, I always come back" and when I get home I emphasize that I came back. I'm hoping that when we're away, if he asks about us, the grandparents can say we'll be back soon and he'll be reassured because he knows what that means.
Has anyone else left their child for this long of time? How did it go? Was your child clingy when you returned? Any reassurances are appreciated!!!
Well, we went on our full two week trip as planned and everything went extremely well and absolutely none of my fears were realized. I talked with our pediatrician for advice too before going and she was supportive as well, echoing the same sentiment as many of you did, that it would be harder on me than him. It was hard on me in the days leading up to the trip, and the first couple of days, and I definitely missed him, but I was able to relax and have a wonderful time with my husband once I knew our son was doing great.
The drop off went very smoothly, he was very happy to see grandpa and grandma and he wasn't upset at all when we left. I know some of you may think that it would be easier for the child to stay in his own environment while the parents are away, logisitically this was not possible for us in this situation. I think that may be true for babies, but for our son, I think having him at the grandparents and out of his element helped with the transition. He loved exploring their house and the neighborhood and I think he felt like he was on vacation too! If he had been at our house, I think he would have expected the same old routine (and us there along with it) and would have wondered more where we were. On his "vacation", he was having so much fun with the young aunts and uncles and his routine there (which he didn't expect us to be a part of) that he would inquire about us occasionally, but wasn't upset that we weren't there. They would tell him that we were on the airplane, but that we'd be back. He'd repeat that we'd back, was happy with that response and would go on his merry way. We talked with him on the phone a few times, I'm not sure he fully understood it was us, was more excited to play with the phone, but would say hi and bye and jabber on about his trucks or grandpa or whatever he was having fun with at the moment.
He was happy to see us when we returned, didn't "punish" us in any way and fell right back into his routine with us. He isn't clingy, doesn't cry when we go to work, and still completely trusts us; if anything, it has cemented in his head that when we say we will come back, we mean it, even if it happens to be a longer period of time. The only ramifications we've had to deal with after the trip are the after-effects of grandparents spoiling (i.e. he asks for juice way more often than he used to and wants to watch TV).
For those of you who were supportive, thank you for your kind words, it helped me get over the hump. To those of you who thought it was a poor decision, and even insinuated I don't love my child enough, I strongly disagree and in the end the bond my son has now formed with his grandparents and aunts and uncles he doesn't get to see as often due to geography is priceless and his trust in us has grown and I think he is a more well-adjusted child because of it.
He might do fine while you're gone, but react when you get home. I've never left my kids for that long, but even after a weekend away, my then 2-year-old would get clingy. One time he was up all night, and he would grab at me and touch me, saying, "Mama, mama" like he was worried I was going to leave again. He might also be mad at you when you get back. I would just expect some re-adjustment issues when you get home.
My 2 year old right now is going through a super-clingy stage, and it really helps him a lot to have pictures of us handy. Maybe you can put together an album for him to have at grandma and grandpa's of "familiar" things--his parents, pets, maybe his room, or the house?
That said, I sent my two (5 and 2) off w/ grandma and grandpa for a week this spring and was totally freaked out, too. But you know, they did great. They also do not see grandma and grandpa super-often, but they had a blast. They were out at the farm, my horrible-sleeping toddler slept through the night regularly, and they're excited to do it again this year. I'm still nervous. :) But...I think about how much we do for and how much we love our kids, and sometimes I think we do too much for them, and don't trust others enough to love our kids the way we do. It really is good for them to be with their grandparents, to build that relationship. It MIGHT be tough for him...but his grandparents love him very, very much (I'm sometimes surprised at how much my mom loves my boys; she was not very lovey when we were growing up, but now with her grandboys, she'd hang the moon for them) and will do their absolute best to make sure he is happy and well cared for. And he will come away with exciting memories.
Edit: Ok, I'm reading some notes people have said...ouch! I guess I'm of the opinion that yes, kids get upset, scared, and miss mom and dad--but that it's really, REALLY important for them to learn that you come back, and that YOU are entitled to YOUR life too. And just FYI...my kids have not had a baby-sitter in several years and they went FINE with grandma and grandpa--who they see maybe 3-4 times a year. We did call, but most of the time they were too busy to talk to us--I think we talked to them once during the week; otherwise, we heard about the day from grandma and grandpa. Grandma and grandpa brought the kids back to our house and spent the weekend with us, but I wouldn't even say our kids were particularly clingy after the event--and I'm a stay at home mom these days, so my kids were VERY used to seeing me, every day, all day.
Yeah, I would be worried too - you are leaving your 2 year old with grandparents, but he hardly knows them???? For 2 weeks???? It is too late to rethink things now, so hope for the best. Most kids are quite flexible and will do fine during the time your away, but be prepared for how he will act towards you once you return. He may act out when you return and may not give you the hug and kisses reunion that you will be expecting. Try to have fun, this will be good for you and your husband!
I haven't read all your responses, so I am probably repeating some. The longest vacation we took was 1 week (that was this year) but we have taking long weekends. Let me say...it will be a lot harder on you than it will be for him. Our son did fine with his grandma that he doesn't see very often. When he was around your son's age...the hardest time was bedtime. She didn't follow the same routine I do and my son is a mama's boy. But, it was only rough the first one or two nights and then he did fine. Make sure she knows any special routines that you follow, so she can try to keep everything routine, relax and enjoy your trip!!!! Allowing him to have some one-one time with grandma will actually make their bond stronger (it's amazing how different they act when mom and dad aren't around)
I feel your fears. The closest I have been is when I was in the hospital for about 3 weeks when our daughter was born and our son was only 15/16 months old. I did talk with him a couple of times on the phone and was told that was really hard for him. He did still go to daycare as normal and my husband stayed with him at my parent's house during that time, he is very familiar with my parents. When he would come into the hospital to see me he was his normal self other than not wanting to leave. He was also very clingy when we returned. I am sure with your son being older that if you talk up the fact that he is going to have so much fun and that you and your husband are going to go away on an airplane and then you will be back he will do well. Try making a calendar for him that your parents can help him cross off the days you are away so he can see when you will be back because as you said, they have no comprehension of time. Good luck, have fun, and know that it will all go well!
I know this is probably not what you want to hear ~ but, I think two weeks away from a 2 year old is too much. My husband and I left my boys (ages 2 and 4 at the time) with grandparents as we needed to go to Guatemala to bring home their adopted baby sister. We had the grandparents come to our house to try and maintain some sort of normality. But, even with that...my then 2 year old showed major signs of stress after we came home. He was terrified to go to sleep b/c he was afraid we would leave him while he was sleeping. It was to the point of sleep deprivation for more than a month. Also, he really withdrew from the grandparents afterwards. I think he was afraid if he sat on their lap or something, we would leave.
Good luck in your decision. If there is any way to get the grandparents to stay at your house, it might be easier for him.
I am a firm believer in leaving your kids for brief periods...I think it's good for all parties involved. We did an overnight when our little one was 3 months old. Then we did a 4 day weekend when he was 18 months old with no problems. That said, I do think that 2 weeks is WAY too long for both parents to be away from a 2 year old...especially when he's not used to it. At the very least, can your parents come and stay in your home to watch him? OR perhaps you can change your plans to either only stay for one week or just go somewhere closer for 5 days? I just think your little guy might be pretty stressed being away from his parents for so long...but I could certainly be wrong. Good luck!
I think you should use the web cam or talk on the phone or send pictures/videos via phone or email. Our daughter LOVES getting videos from her dad when he is on business trips. He always says Hi, and then shows her what is going on around him or something like that....Hailey also enjoys making her own videos to send back.
Hi Chandra,
Separating a two year old from both parents for two weeks is not the best choice. There is obviously no bad intent, but it just kind of lands wrong.
You made this statement:
"but I don't think we'll talk to him on the phone or webcam or have them show him pictures of us as I think that will just remind him we're gone."
He doesn't need that to be reminded you are gone. Your absence will remind him that you are gone. Not only do you want to leave him for two weeks, but you also want to completely disappear as though you don't exist? Do you honestly want to not have contact with your child for that long?
You are going to traumatize him and maybe even yourself since I see that you are already starting to worry. Please be prepared to deal with the after effects of the situation when you get back. Good lucK!
I wouldn't recommend leaving a 2 year old for two weeks. If you really think you need to you should find ways to stay connected to him while your gone.
I have several friends who have gone away for trips similar to yours. There is a technique they have used successfully to help still the "When are they coming home?" question. Before leaving they present the child with a construction paper chain made of circles glued together. There is a link for every day the parents will be gone. Before bed each night the child can tear off one link--when the last one is gone, mom & dad come back the next day!
Hi, Please have a good time in Asia. I am a true believer that it is good to seperate from your children occasionally. It makes you and them appreciate each other. Don't worry about whether grandma and grandpa do what you would cause when you get back there will be a period of adjustment but when things get back to "normal" everyone will relax and enjoy. Besides this helps your children grow. They will learn that you care about them and that you will come back. They will learn that eventho grandma is great mommy is better. And if you do this "occasionally" through out their lives, they will learn how to be away, raather than having to deal with home sickness that first year of college when the stress is so very great. I know some of this cause I hav lived it. I have two sons, ages 25 and 27. And by the way, letting the kids go away from you is good for all the same reasons. And they don't get mad cause you are the one always leaving. You love them, say it to them. K.
We have done at least one trip a year without our kids. Always international. Often the other side of the world. However, unlike your approach, what works best for us is to skype at least once a day. Often, we do it twice. Once in the morning (when it is bedtime here) and once at night (when everyone is getting up and having breakfast). It costs nothing to skype and it helps everyone that we can all see each other and talk about what has happened and the plans for the day. It helps the grandparents as well. Knowing they have a set time to ask any questions (Often having nothing to do with the kids but more how does this remote work or where do you keep the baking powder) helps them a bit too. THe only time we didn't skype was the 5 days we hiked the Inca Trail...no internet access up there.
It has always worked for us. However, we take a very different approach. I do not think I could do it your way. I know my kids would not have done well without seeing us or hearing our voices for two weeks. Each kid is different. Maybe your way will work for you.
Have a great trip.
You are very lucky to have someone willing to watch your little one for such an extended period! Enjoy every mintue of your trip, little ones are resilliant and your son will be great with his loving grandparents (and what a great bonding experience for them with him).
My husband was away in China for 10 days this summer (my son is your age). Even though you could tell my son missed his dad - he was great. We tryed to talk to him on the phone everyday and would blow him kisses in China every night before bed. In hindsight, I wish I would have used Skype and the rings of paper idea some of the other moms had posted. Both would have been fun, positive activities. I will say that the week he returned, daycare drop offs became a bit more challenging. But with everything, that passed after a few days and everything was back to normal.
Enjoy your trip!!!
