Need Advice on Discipline

Lynn,

I have four kids ages 20y-11m. I firmly and unapologetically believe in God's word as truth and the best instruction for life and kids. I have tried to depend on him for the strength to discipline my children in love, and that includes spanking, when appropriate. I do not believe that a daily spanking is appropriate or that misusing it is acceptable. God disciplines us because we have such limited understanding of chosing wisdom in a given situation. In His word, He tells us in Prov. 22:6 to "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it". And He talks about how good His discipline is for us, Heb. 12:5,6,7,8,11. "And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons (and daughters):
My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined -and everyone undergoes discipline- then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." And then, Prov. 29:17 says, "Discipline your son (or daughter) and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul."
So, then, what is correct discipline?
Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him". But also, Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children,; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord". Prov. 29:15 says, "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." 1 Cor. 16:14 says, "Do everything in love".
Therefore, disciplining (i.e. spanking, time out, other corrections, etc) should be done in love.
I can say that my 20 year old rebelled from my discipline for a short time, but he is now living according to God's principles. The others are 8, 4, and 11m. Our 8y old loves God and prays faithfully as is our 4y old learning to do.
Parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual, but God's word does.

Since "time out" isn't working, I believe it's time you considered using corporal punishment. Yes....spanking. Our parents used it on us and we weren't scarred for life. The key is to not do it out of anger. I used it with my daughter when she would throw "temper fits" from time to time. Now all I have to do is ask her if "Mr. Spoon" needs to come out of retirement and she calms down (she's 7). I used a wooden spoon, but friends of mine have utilized wooden rulers and paint stirrers. Remember, the Bible says in Proverbs, "Spare the rod, spoil the child."

Check out this website
http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pearl_tuac.htm

I have found this book VERY helpful while raising my children. This book helped me and my husband to understand how to effectively dicipline and train and instruct our children. I also know many other families who have followed the teachings in this book and I see the results in their happy families as well.
I highly reccomend it all parents.
God Bless, ~C.

Most of the time when children act out or throw tantrums it is for attention. They do not care if it is bad attention and that they are being punished, it is still attention. Try ignoring the fits as if they did not occur. After a few times of you ignoring the behaviors they should disappear. This is not to say that I don't beleive in punishment because I do. I beleive there is a time for spankings, time out, etc but all the pediatric books that I have read and in my own personal experience it is better to not react to a bad behavior. Once the fit is over then explain to the child how you expect them to act, always doing this in a loving way. Remember the best way to get a child to display good behavior verses bad is to always reward the good behaviors and give the child lots of praise.

Be careful that you are not disciplining for childish actions or play. You want to save the discipline for defiance. Simply tell the rule, give a warning and then the 3rd time the punishment. 10 x's a day for the chair seems like it isn't working. You must become creative in your discipline.

Be sure to praise the 2 year-old when she behaves correctly. Two-year-olds WANT attention from their parents. They would rather get attention being corrected for misbehavior than not get attention. Try to use a lot of positive statements-telling the child what she CAN do instead of what she CAN NOT do. At one time I had a poster on the wall in my classroom with 100 ways to say "Great Job". Think of ways you can say this to your child when she does something that is right.

Another thing about two-year-olds is that they really want to be independent-so if you can let her have a job that seems very important to her that may raise her opinion of herself and she may not be as interested in throwing things to get a negative response from you. Of course, you will need to give her positive feedback (praise) when she does this "job" correctly.

just be consistent in the time outs and be completely expressionless when you put her in there. do not give any reaction she could find amusing.

I would take away anything she threw and put it up until she learns how to treat her things better. toys, books, whatever she throws. as far as the furniture.....not sure what type of attention she's needing, but if she's using furniture to get attention maybe she's needing more of your time. just sitting down and reading to her or little crafts during the week. good luck. i know it can be stressful.