Need Advice- Division of Responsibility When Both Parents Work

Division? Moms always do more, because we do it best. I simply told my husband if he does not help, I will hire help :) working or not working mom, both jobs are hard.

Division of responsibilities when both parents work... wow... if you find a way PLEASE let me know... I work more hours than my husband and yet I still have the load of the household fall on my shoulders.. sure I could go a week without doing the dishes to see if he will, but he wont so then I will have a weeks worth of crusty smelly dishes to do.. not to mention laundry or giving the kids baths!!
SO if your husband splits responsibilities with you in cleaning the house, grocery shopping, and taking care of the kiddo I AM JEALOUS!! Hold onto that guy :) Good for you for having a husband that will help out equally!!!
Sorry it didnt help your question. But my household means my husband has 1 job and I have 2.

It's good that you are thinking about this now and not later. Bravo to you! It will be tough. Night duty...hopefully you can get the baby sleeping through the night before you go back. I would make that your job right now. The baby will be 3 months by then, so that's not a unreasonable task. Both of mine were sleeping thru the night at 6 weeks. That takes lots of feedings during the day, so not much time for housework etc....but in the long run you get what will soon be NEEDED sleep to function at work.

Next, get a cleaning lady. This may seem crazy or an expense that you might not want but it will save you a lot of stress, which in the long run will be well worth it. You can find cleaning ladies that will come every week, every other week or even once a month. I recommend every other week at least. They will do all of the things that will get pushed to the side, like dusting. :) Don't blow this suggestion off, please!, look in to it. It's really not as much as people think. Get on Mammapedia and see if there are moms in your area that use one and try to find one or a company that people like.

Next, learn to love your crockpot. If you don't have one, get one! :) Then make a list on Sat/Sun of what you are going to have for dinner on what day. Shop for your menu. This will save so much time and stress. You will not believe what a difference it makes knowing ahead of time what you are making for dinner. Rachel Ray has an awesome website with receips for 30 minute meals, if you don't want to use a crockpot.

I continued to nurse -- I got up in the middle of the night. We had a nanny that cleaned the house for us. We actually did very little cleaning as the nanny did all the cleaning.. Dinner was quick and easy.

Hubby will not think of things to do.. will not see dishes to wash, dust to clean, dirt ont he floor.. he will need a list of chores or he will do nothing.

IMO it's much better for both parents to try and work as a team rather than have a structured division. Everyday is different with a baby, one day they might be extra needy/ up all night and require more of your attention so your husband can pick up extra household chores that day. Or vice versa. My husband and I pretty much go with the flow and don't keep score, I'm lucky that I have a husband who helps out a lot. I do a lot of the cleaning but he's great as far as taking the kids off my hands, and they are a handful, when he's home so I can do it.

As for nursing, I continued to nurse at night while mixing in some formula during the day. As for sleep...I slept with the baby in our bedroom, the baby was in a co-sleeper bassinet and since I nursed him it was so much easier having him right there. My husband stayed up with him until midnight and then brought him to me and went to sleep in the guest room, after 4 months my son son was in a crib and sleeping through the night and things were back to "normal". It just didn't make sense for us to both be exhausted when he had to get up and go to work.

Here is the thing about most men, they just don't get it. If you have been doing all of the work all this time, he may be a little resistant. Sure, he might help out at first, but I bet soon after you find yourself doing most of it again. Especially with the baby. Taking care of a newborn usually falls on the mother. Have you tried to introduce a bottle yet? I exclusively breastfed my daughter and at about 3 months old I tried to introduce a bottle and she flat out refused it. We tried everything and she never would take a bottle. It made going back to work so hard, I ended up quitting my job because she would not eat for the sitter. 2 years later I went back to work. You might want to try to introduce a bottle sonner than you planned.

My husband helps out a lot, I am lucky. But I remember when my daughter was a newborn and I did most of the work. Newborns want their mother and I remember doing most of the work during those days. I hope your husband picks up the slack when you go back to work. Its exhausting enough to have a baby and working on top of that, well be prepared for life to be very stressful at times. Maybe you could make a 'chore chart'. I know it seems silly but maybe that is a good place to start. Good luck with going back to work and I hope you have a very helpful hubby!!

I'm really lucky, my husband helped a lot when the baby was little. (He still does but really did a lot when I first went back to work). I would come home and take the milk I had pumped and put it in other containers and fill the containers I took to work with water and then I would feed the baby. When my husband came home about half an hour later he would cook dinner. After dinner I would pump and he would do the dishes including the bottles from daycare and the containers I took to work. My son was still getting up twice a night. I would get up the first time he woke up and my husband would get up the second time.
I do my laundry and the babies laundry. My husband does his own. I hate to mop so my husband does that too. I usually do the bathrooms and dusting, vacuuming and so forth.

Good Luck. To bad you cannot stay out longer. Let me tell you 4 months from now you will be wishing you could be at home. I still wish that lol. Anyway so here it is from me a full time worker with a kid. On Sunday I cook roast or 2 meals. This way its lasts for monday and sometimes Tuesday. We have spaqetti night once a week so all i have to do is heat up some spaqetti noodles and garlic bread. Some moms who are lot better cooks than me will make the sauce on sunday and freeze it. I've no idea how it works lol. I've also learned to let dishes sit in the sink over night and not care. Finally when you want to yell at your husband because you want his help or your frustrated, dont. Walk away and wait until you are feeling better. Yelling with a head full of emotions will cause a rift in your family.

Many years ago, DH and I were having arguments about who was doing more housework. What we decided to do was to sit down and write down everything we expected should be done every week. Lo and behold, my list was longer than his. So, we found that we each had different expectations about what needed to be done and to what degree (how clean is 'clean').

We negotiated with each other to create a list that we could both agree had to be done every day/week/month/etc. Then we created a daily chore list by day of the week (i.e. Monday is sweep, mop floors, etc.). Then we decided that each of us would alternate days and do everything on the list for that day. The good things about alternating is that we'd switch days every week. For example, one week I would have do to the things on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. The next week I had Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Then my next week would start that Sunday again.

We found that this worked very well, we eventually got the hang of equitably dividing responsibilities and were later able to shift things without having a list when we had a kiddo and he became a stay at home dad.

I'll also add that these days, we have a twice-a-month maid and weekly mowing service. When you're crazy busy and have some extra cash, outsourcing some chores is extremely helpful! My time and my desire to have a clean house is so worth the money to me.

Definitely sit down and figure it out before you go back to work. If he gets used to you being back and work and doing whatever you are doing, it will be harder to get him to negotiate than the exact moment you are obviously taking on a lot more stuff.

And I second,third and fourth the suggestion to outsource some of the mundane tasks. Twice-monthly housekeeping has kept us from killing each other. You don't say what you are doing with your baby. If you have a nanny, she should take care of everything for the baby, and you can negotiate what else she will do. (I miss having a nanny....)

What I would do is sit down with your husband, look at your schedules, and discuss what a typical day should look like. Who has more time at home? Who likes to do what? When I first went back to work, my husband worked in the city most days with a long commute, so I was in charge of much more house stuff. Now he works from home most days, while I'm in charge of pick up/drop off, so he does most of the cooking, handles the maids, etc. We both do laundry, but I do most of her/my laundry on my one day home (I fold and put away during interminable conference calls).

As to breastfeeding, I was (and am) in charge of nights. I used a cosleeper bassinette as long as I could. Breastfeeding is SO much easier at night because nobody has to get up and warm a bottle. I would suggest you keep that part, and get him to take something else "since you don't have to get up." Perhaps getting out of bed earlier and doing any morning prep (while you laze and give the baby a last nursing).

Good luck! It isn't easy, and you'll probably have to adjust and readjust.
Last piece of advice - try to decide what is really important to each of you, and where you can cut corners. Be nice to each other and the baby, even if the house is dirty, or you are eating tuna melts AGAIN. You both will need some slack to make it through.

Gotta be a team about this...Stress...well...we all have it and especially if both parents are working. You need to sit down and get an agreement as to what you are both willing to do. We have three kids and my DH is great and when we communicate about "XYZ" it goes pretty smoothely but then again we have our weekly pow wow on what that looks like. It is not fair for you to go back to work and still be expected to do it all. However, when I was home like you it all became my responsibility. I got that and didn't mind at all...Going back to work a different story....Sit down asap and iron out some of this. I seriously would consider hiring a house cleaner to help clean at least 2X a month. It helps us....because frankly I can't do it all...! :)

I breastfed too. This is what we did for nights:
I went to bed @ 8-9, and my husband stayed up until @ 11:00-11:30. He had a bottle of extracted milk, and fed the baby when he woke up @ 10-11:30. I woke up and did the rest of the night - which was twice for a while, and then just once.
On weekends, I would get up with the baby, and then when my husband got up I would go back to bed.
One thing that is pretty time consuming is washing the bottles and breast pump supplies and sterilizing them. I did that because I didnt think my husband did a good job, but if you could get your husband to be in charge of washing bottles and storing milk, that would take a little bit off of your plate.
My husband cleaned the kitchen at night while I nursed the baby and put him to bed.
I did laundry on weekends and vacuumed/mopped/dusted. My husband "picked up" during the week.
We didnt really switch off or take turns - that would have been confusing and hard to keep up with.
My husband cooked some nights (while I used the breast pump), and I made food on weekends that I could freeze and then heat up during the week. We also ordered pizza and chinese food or did "fend for yourself" night were I ate salad or something else girly and he ate frozen burritos or something else I would think was gross.

its ok to let lots of things go. Your house will NOT be as clean as it was before you had a baby. I had @ 4 nasty looking outfits I wore to work for @ 8 months until I lost enough weight to fit into some cuter clothes and had the energy to put heals on again. My husband went to work with wrinkled clothes for MONTHS because we didnt have $$ to dryclean, and I was too tired to iron.

Let chores go, if possible, and focus on getting rest, bonding with baby, and maintaining your relationship with your husband.

Congratulations!

I'll second the idea of you going to bed at 9 and letting hubby take the 10/11pm "night shift", and you getting up at 3am for that feeding. That worked really well for us, since we both were able to get several hours of uninterrupted sleep. We tended to "divide and conquer" everything else. I breastfed for 9 months, so I'd get home and feed the baby while he cooked. Then he'd get quality time with the baby while I cleaned up, or folded laundry or something. Our house wasn't always spotless, but neither of us felt like we had to handle everything every day.

I'm so glad you're talking about this before it gets piled on and the both of you get resentful. Great idea!

When my son was born, I had two months maternity leave. During that time, I nursed (well, the first 6 weeks) so was up with him at night. However, we had a really collicky baby, so dinner/household stuff was just a random mess! Just survive and hopefully enjoy that time.

After I went back to work, here's about what we did... Hubby and I switched nights for getting up to feed the baby. I had given up nursing by 6 weeks, so it was just bottles. One night one, one night off! We tried one week on, one week off, but this got too exhausting. Make sure on hubby's night you don't hear the monitor etc., because I had a hard time staying asleep sometimes knowing my baby was awake :) As far as household responsibilities, we took turns doing dinner and I pretty much always did dishes/cleanup while hubby played with the baby since he didn't spend as much time with him in the morning before work. Saturdays were cleaning days and was a huge pain in the butt. We eventually decided to have a housecleaner - TOTALLY worth the money even if it seems expensive. Just every other month someone came to deep clean kitchen and bathrooms. We were able to keep up with the other smaller tasks.

Husbands are generally not great at keeping up on housework on their own, but trust me, you are going to need to make sure he's stepping up :) So, take my advice and get it on paper. No kidding, I actually wrote out our chore lists and who does what tasks when! Hubby even loves this because then he doesn't feel like I'm nagging him. I love it because he can't offer excuses.

My most important suggestion is to make sure you are working on creating a good sleeper in your little one :) This will make everything easier and more efficient - you will both be rested and getting full night's sleep in a few months and you will be able to use weekend nap times for household stuff. This is so important! I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. Don't let all the stereotypical stories about up all night and kids that don't sleep through until a year and beyond make you not aim for a great sleeper. Good luck and CONGRATS!!

When I went back to work, I had to go on a 10 day buying trip.. My husband did everything.. Our child was 6 weeks old.

This really helped both of us figure out what we were each best at.
I was no longer breast feeding so if she woke up in the middle of the night either one of us could get up..

The house was a disaster, so we did what we could, but eventually hired a house keeper. She only came once a week, but she was awesome and worth every penny.

I do not mind mopping, and in the beginning my husband was not allowed to do laundry.. Dinner was whatever we could slap together or pick up.

We got through it, even after the housekeeper moved on. By then the sleep was a little better and we got into a groove. We also learned to let some things slide. Each morning I tried to throw a load in the washing machine.. In the afternoon, I took it out and hung it up or dried it.

My husband picked up our daughter and was home before me, so he took care of her an empty anything out of the diaper bag, and repack it with new supplies and made sure she was fed.

Days off were spent trying to catch up from the week and we did it together, running errands.