Need Advice - Austin,TX

L., I went through the same exact feeling you are currently experiencing. I was independent made my own money, shopped and felt great about it. Then I felt trapped and had feelings of no self worth. I missed dressing up and having my own hard earned money. I realized being at home wasnt for me, and now that I am back at work I feel great. My husband works from home and now watches our 1 yr old. He runs a business from home, so that worked for us, however, now that he is busier she will have to start daycare here very soon. You will also realize as we do now that our daughter requires more socializiation and interaction with other children, learning to share, etc. Money was also another issue, and therefore we decided it was best I return to work. I also do make it a point to spend every second of every minute of every hr once I do get home with her. My quality time is even more extra special to me and I bathe her and put her to bed every night. Once Fridays 5 30 rolls around, we are like siamese twins throughout the weekend, until she goes down on Sunday night. All Im saying is dont feel guilty for having thoughts about returning or wanting to go back to work. Being a sahm is not for everyone, and you and your husband need to do what best suits your family's needs. Not everyones needs' are the same. I stayed home for 7 mths myself. Long enough to nurse her for 6 mths. Good luck to you and your family. Take care

Hi L.
Yes I know exactly how you feel right now, and I believe you will 'snap' out of it. I have a soon-to-be 5 yr. old precious little boy, whom I love and live for. But it wasn't always this way.
Right after his birth, I went thru a major depression period where I just didn't feel I fit the 'mom' role, I wanted my old selfish life back where everything was about me and only me. :) I never neglected my mom duties, I went thru the motions, but my heart and mind was elsewhere. I felt horrible ! There were many days when I felt so undeserving of such a beautiful gift of a child because I felt no connection.
After my maternity leave period ended and I returned to work, I had to put our son into daycare because it takes 2 incomes to run our household; somehow being back at work made me snap out that depression. I can't explain how it did, it just did and I was grateful.
I love being a mom, its the most awesome role I think a woman can have. No matter how gratifying our careers may be, I still don't top anything to being my son's hero. :)))
In his eyes, mommie rules. ha
My message to you is, don't get down on yourself. I don't know if you should work or be a stay at home, thats something only you will know.
Do your best, ask for help when you need it, and believe in yourself.
-Camille

I hear you - I have even gotten to the point where I resented my oldest child when I started staying home. The baby didn't bother me too much until later. I already have a mood disorder that makes me hair-trigger and get totally depressed anyway. I won't say it will ever be a cake walk, but here are some things I can think of off the top of my head (BTW - I am NOT supermom, and frankly those that are are kinda freaky and make me truly nervous and I feel inadequate as a mother.

I know how I felt/feel and apparently I did not do too hot of a job, but living is learning with the kiddos. Try to organize your day, including him for chores, etc. Little things, like passing wet clothes to you to put into the dryer, or passing him wet clothes for you to put into the washer. He could help you to unload/load the dishwasher, with your help in showing how to put things away in the right places. MUST SUPERVISE on these, make a big deal about his helping you out (and is a very helpful, big boy), especially when hubby gets home tell him that today he helped you out doing laundry, emptying/loading the dishwasher, whatever. Make it a big deal that he is such a big help. I could ya-da-ya-da on this all day, but I am surely just a regular mom who is still learning what to do with my boys. It does have some effect on the boys if something is not at least tried that you will have to work even harder to deal with later. By no means will the child become an axe murderer, but your desparation will overcome you at times. My kids act like caged beasts during the summer at times; no friends live close by and with all of the rain trips to the lake, etc have not been too plentiful. There are many things to discuss. I would like very much to get together on email and we could both maybe come up with lots more ideas that would benefit your son and my kids. By August 27th or thereabouts we get a break for a big chunk of the day for ourselves when they go back to school!

Anyway, please write to ____@____.com would be nice to talk with someone else who is having issues with this.

Thanks.
L.

Hi L.,
I can totally relate to you. I am 36 and I have always worked outside the home. My husband and I decided it would be best to stay home with my son for as long as we can afford it. My son is now 13 months and I have had my up and down weeks with being a stay at home Mom. I have a job that allows me to work at home but it does not pay much and of course with a 1 yr old running around you can imagine how little I get done, however it does help me knowing that I am in touch with the outside world, if only for a little each day. Do not be too hard on yourself for feeling torn. It is very normal. If I am having a really hard time, I sit back and think of how my life would be if I had to work a 9-5 job and how I would feel only seeing my son for a few hours each day. I imagine how hectic my life might be trying to balance my home, my relationship with my husband and spending as much quality time with my son. When I do this I usually feel better about being home with my son and thankful that I get the opportunity to be there for him. Again maybe for you going back to work might be the best thing but you have to decide that, just don't feel guilty if that is what you decide to do, your son will be ok. It might help to join a playgroup. I have not found one yet,maybe we should try to set one up for Austin/Cedar Park. In the mean time my son and I go to the library and park frequently. Feel free to email me if you want to see about setting up a playgroup. Hope this helps.