Military Dad Deployed

It's normal. He recognizes dada was a male and he is associating male with dada. He'll outgrow it. You are handling it fine.

My son called everybody, including me, Da-da until after his second birthday. I did exactly how you are doing it, and correct him everytime he said it wrong. He's now almost 3 and he still sometimes messes up, but for the most part, he says correct names. It just takes time.

hey L., another Army wife here! & hello to all the others. God Bless Our Troops!! I haven't went through this 'yet'. Our daughter is only 9mo & her every other word is 'Da-Da'. He deployed when she was 2 1/2mo old & returned @ 6mo.(Ranger) But I wanted to say this. My son, who is 8yrs, did this ALL the time! His dad was pretty much non-existent by choice but he did see him every now & then. Honestly, it always got worse after he had seen him. He attached himself to every male around & would call them dad-this was at like 2/3yrs old-some blushed, some said 'aww, that's cool', or how about just uncle so n so. =)=) I know it probably embarrases you(did me) but I bet there are some moms out there whose husband's are around plenty & their children do this. When I was younger, my dad worked 3rd shift & slept during the day-I didn't call anyone da-da but I did entertain & hang on every guy I could. I'd bet anything this will pass sooner than later. So, if it were me-I'd prob let him help you do the care packages & remind him often that they're for Daddy, who btw is in ----. Do his hand/foot prints so 'DaDa can see how big he's getting', let him talk to him on the phone when/if he calls, & scribble him some letters-all the while `reminding`. Maybe having a voice to go w/all the pics will help. & one last thing. My son is in 2nd grade-always makes the Honor Roll-plays 2 sports & is a sweet, sensitive young man(most of the time =)) You're doing a great job! He'll be fine & like I said before-this to shall pass! ps. to you, & all the other military wives/families--I am praying for you all everynight-for your loved ones safe return & for your daily life to have peace & happiness!!! if anyone would like to talk more-message me! *I'm a 32yr old, stay @ home mother of two, whose thinking about re-entering the work force!? =) much love 2 all! ~L. C.

I am a proud army wife as well and my husband got home from Iraq in Sept. I dont know if you have tried taking AFTB classes there on your base (Im at Ft Sill Oklahoma)they offer a TON if information about military life and where to go for your needs.. on and off base. also if you go to www.militaryonesource.com - www.myarmylifetoo.com and for the AFTB (Army Family Team Building) go to:

http://www.myarmylifetoo.com/skins/malt/display.aspx?mode...

ANYONE can take these classes online, your family, his family, it helps those to understand what military life is like. I hope this helps, and no worries...your child will be fine and you are doing a wonderful job! There is an army joke that goes something like this..

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THEMILITARY WHEN...
1. your 5y/o can speak in 3 different tongues
2. When you call your childs name in full, they stand at attention.
3.When your 2 y/o calls everyone in uniform daddy
4. when you hear people spek in abbreviations, acronyms and initialisms, and understand everything thatthey said and can reply just the same.... ;)

Hi L.

Sorry to hear that your husband is deployed. Hopefully, you have family memebers in the area to help out. I think your answer is fine. He is so young he cannot understand where his Dad is; can your husband do a video tape for your children, so they can watch it? Perhaps you can mail him a book and have him read it while being video taped, so you can play it at bedtime. If that is not possible maybe you might have videos of your son and his Dad on video that you can show him.

Congrats on get your LPN license! Hang in there.

I think you're handling it just perfectly. Young children don't need lengthy explanations--just a simple and honest reminder about his own daddy every time he calls someone else da-da. I also think it's very normal for your son to call other men da-da when he is still working on learning to communicate. It's the same thing as when little ones learn the word "doggy" from playing with one or seeing one in a book, and then they call every other furry animal they see after that "doggy" for a while too.:) God bless you and your family for being an active part in protecting our country's freedom!

Hey L.,
When my husband was deployed, our son was just 7 months.I taped up photos around the kitchen on the cabinets and refrig. at his eye level, and each morning and evening we would crawl and later toddler around the room and I would talk about Daddy, and how much he loved us, but had to be away because of his job and honor. Brian our son, was almost 15 months when Daddy came home, and he knew his Dad immediately when we were reunited at Camp Penelton, California. Thank you for your strength and that of your husband too. God bless you all. Hope this is helpful.

Yes you are handeling the situation right. It is normal for a child to do that and you will find that alot of times, the person they are calling "da da" does in fact resemble their father in some sort of way. When my little sister was like 1 or 2 ish, my mom took her to the grocery store and she saw a man there that lived in the same town but by no means looked like my dad, but he had a pot belly somewhat and a bearded mustash like my dad and that is why she thought it was him. My dad was a truck driver so he was gone most of the time so to my sister, that was how she knew him. I think that we as mothers all freak out at times thinking that we could do things better or that maybe we are doing something wrong but really, we shouldnt worry because in the end, we are handeling things just fine. My kids lost their father in a motorcycle almost 4 years ago. Our little girl turned one and he died the next day and everyday I wonder what I am doing wrong. I just hand it to the Lord and let him "take the reins". We all do the best we can with what we got to do it with, and thats all we can do.

I think sometimes children get confused and think that mama and dada are words for any males and females they care about. My neice even at four still yells mom when I come in the room and gives me a huge hug. It always kinda makes me laugh, but makes me feel bad for my sister at the same time.

All the other ladies have wonderful ideas. I highly recommend the pictures at eye level and the video messages/United Through Reading program. At this age they're still iffy on distinguishing between TV and what's real, so seeing Daddy on TV will be real to them. Expect him to talk to the TV when your husband is on the screen. Also keep in touch with your FRG as they might have video conferences available on a first come first served basis. That was one of the great things that was available to us when my husband's ship was deployed. It sounds like you're on the right track though and your son is doing a typical thing.

Young kids do not have the same emotional attachment to the words "dad" and "mom" that grown ups do. In thier limited experience, they often call all men "dad" and all women "mom" for awhile. Just like they make call all fruit "apple" until they get more experience with language. Often they are recognizing that this person is "a mom" not necessarily "thier mom". My kids often pointed at older people in public and said "grandma" or "grandpa". This expecially happens if the adult has their own children around. If you child hears the other kid call him/her "mom" or "dad" they are likely to use the same name to call them. This happens all the time in home day cares where the caregiver has thier own kids at home too.

What I'm trying to say is, your son is not searching for a father or confused about whether he has a father - he is more likely confused about the language. When he calls someone else "dada" I would simply say, "That's Ryan's dad, you can call him Bob. Your dad is at work." Help him learn people's names and soon he will delite in labeling people with their names.

My youngest son started doing this shortly after Daddy left. My husband is over in Iraq and has been deployed since the end of October. My son is 29 months old. We used to go to the grocery store and he thought that we were going to go and get daddy. So, every man in the store would be called daddy and look at me like I was crazy. I explained to him every time that this happened that his Daddy is in Iraq not here in Tulsa. My son also thought that Daddy was still at the Armory and then he would get very upset with me that I had left Daddy there all that time. I explained again that Daddy is now in Iraq and no longer at the Armory so Mommy cannot go and pick him up anytime we want. He seemed to grasp the concept after a couple of weeks of getting in the car and me telling him every time that we got in the car that we were not going to see or go and get Daddy because we are not able to. I don't know if this will work for you since your little boy is younger but, I know that it worked for me. I was told it was normal. It's supposed to be their way of dealing with their Daddies being gone. Don't worry, you are doing the right thing.

Lovina has it right my daughter for the first 3 1/3 years of her life thought anyone in green flight gear was he da-da. Pictures, pictures everywhere. E-mail videos are great so your son can hear his voice this helps so much. I never would tell my daughterthat da-da was working because this puts a negative aspect on da-das work and children seem to remeber da-da always working when we remind them they are working. Pictures,videasand sticky shirts that smell like dad. God bless you in this endevour.HOO-Ah~J.

I think you handled it great actually...I was that mom for about a year and well I know it isn't fun you just have to pull through...hardest thing in my life to deal with but just keep yourself busy and make him busy and it will go by smoothly...

Unfortunately this is very normal. I did the exact same thing when my dad deployed when I was very young. For me it was any man wearing a uniform. My son has only experienced me deploying, not his father, and hasn't gone through this. I think telling him daddy is working and will be away for a long time is really the only thing you can do. I know it is embarrasing, especially when dealing with non-military people that may not understand your situation or what your child is going through. You are handling it the only way I would know how. It is just hard for kids to sort things out when they are so young. It is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about - when daddy does come home he will know who he is.

C.

Don't be too concerned. Just briefly tell your child the person's name and leave it at that. We adopted two childen and they picked up calling us mom and dad really quickly. I also was a daycare mother and even though their daddy or mommy picked them up and took them home every day they called us momma and daddy. Once your husband is home it will fall into place.

My advice to you would be to tell him something other than
Daddy's working. Use the term deployed or in .... wherever. You need to make sure you make it different than daddy's everyday whereabouts. When dad comes home and has to go to work your son my freak out because he thinks dad will be gone for a long time again.
Your son is totally normal calling men da-da. Don't make it a correction but rather "his name is ... Not no no no that's not daddy. It's just a way he identifies men not that he thinks they are his dad.
Good luck.

hi
I am also a military mom of 2 boys and that is completely normal. My 2 year old did that when my husband went to basic and it made me feel horrible because he was going through something he didnt know how to handle and that I couldnt help him with. You are doing the right thing by telling him that is not his daddy and that daddy is working. Just like you and I after a while you start forgetting what they look like how it feels not to be around them until they get back. my husband was gone for only six months but for a child all they understand is daddy was here and now he is not. show him pictures and tell him stories about when he and daddy did something. You are fine with what you are doing, just remind him if daddy and he will get better. Mine did!!!
D.

Hi L.. I understand what your going through. I'm so scared of that. My husband just got deployed yesterday. He'll be gone for a year and I have 3 kids. My youngest is my 19 month old boy. I really don't offer advice because I haven't gone through it I'm kinda just getting started. But your issue is my fear. So I wanted to offer my prayer for you!!! I'm 23 and I know its hard. Take Care!!

Good Morning L.. I was a military wife for 27 years, so I know what you are going through. It sounds as if you are doing the right thing. My daughter was the same way - we shared photos and talked about daddy and what he was doing for us. It helped somewhat. We said a prayer every day for him, put a cup on the table at mealtime (sounds silly now but it alleviated some of her fears. Your little one is perfectly normal in his reaction to other men. I wouldn't worry overly much about it. Ask some of the other waiting wives, they may have some great ideas, Good luck hon and congratulations on your nursing license.

I don't know if this is any consolation or not but my husband is not deployed and my 2 year son calls anyone wearing a baseball cap, daddy. I politely say that's not daddy son. At least now it's a baseball cap, for a minute it was just about any man:-). I tend to make a joke and keep moving one.
God bless you and your family.

This is normal and very common. In his mind this person is a "DaDa". (a baby word for "man").

Hi L.. :)

It is sad isn't it? For a while there Hunter was calling anyone in uniform "Daddy".

Pictures, pictures, pictures! I love those self laminate sheets I gave you. The boys still have the pictures I gave them during the last deployment, they hold up well. Also you've seen that 'daddy pillow' I made them. If you want I can mail you the printable transfer sheets, I have a few left and I don't have any plans for them. Let me know. :)

(I hope everything is going good there. I haven't talked with you in a while.)

It is normal . . . my husband has deployed 7 times and in the beginning my daughters would call anyone in a uniform daddy then it turned to anyone in a uniform worked with daddy . . . just keep reminding him where daddy is and when he is coming home (via time milestones: christmas, b-day, ect) and each time it gets closer tell him o' it's 4th of July that means Christmas is even closer and that means daddy will be home soon.

Do you have pics (8x11") all over the house at his height? Build a Bear with daddy's voice or daddy doll (daddydoll.com) . . . they make pillows, pillow cases, dolls, ect. Have daddy make DVD's reading stories and send them home (my husband said they were available at their library depending location: certain days/times) . . . but just remember he is very young and the biggest thing is to make sure he remembers good times with daddy, daddy's face, and voice, so if he calls a stray man daddy occasionally it probably hurts you more than him, just carefully remind him that it is not daddy and repeat that next time (you could even make him a knecklace with daddy's picture in it (in uniform or out) to have him look at at those times . . . good luck and write me if you need anything . . . we military wives have to stick together.