Need Advice - Greenville, SC

R.,
No it is not fair for him not to give you any support for the children. He fails to realize ultimatley he isnt punishing you but the children . Explain to him that a real man does not put stipulations on being a father.Also tell him he didnt ask you for support if he would have you would have giving it to him. I suggest you take him to court for child support and if the child is with you now them he must be in school in our area. That is your proof that your son resides with you now. Also in addition to child support get back custody of your child!!!!!!!!!!

of course he didnt pay support and you didnt pay support you each had a child thats not the case now so of course he should pay....if he had both children wouldnt you pay?

Hey,

I agree with the majority of the mother's. While your ex may think he can prove something I'm assuming he is not a lawyer, he probably can't and is just trying to bully you into not going after him for money. He has to support his kids, when you do get a lawyer, make sure you get Child Support Enforcement because it gets automatically drafted from his checks and if he quits or continues to go from job to job so they can't establish it, he is taken very quickly back to court. Child support also is a standard amount, so don't let him convince you differently. Also in your aggrement you should have something in there about medical insurance and prescriptions as well.

Good luck let me know if you need the name of a good lawyer!

get a lwayer, explain the situation during the consultation and they will advise you on what to do. I think you should make him help out. If he refuses child support and you dont want to go to court maybe try mediation. They may be able to help you two work something out without going to court or involving lawyers. Call your local child support place and ask them about mediation , they can give you the number to call.

Hi R.,

I would certainly leave the situation alone. As long as you have the child, the support should be secondary. I am in a similar situation, where I have custody, but if I take my ex to court I know he will sue for more time or even custody. I always tell people to consider themselves lucky if they have thier child, even without child support. I would much prefer that my child grew up without a father than to have all the stress that I've had over the past few years. If he agrees to stay away in exchange for no support, let him! Just make sure that you don't give him what he wants (lack of payments) without getting what you want (your child all to yourself). Don't compromise and you'll be the one with the ball in your court.

Leave things be... for you and the boys sake... My ex gave me custody of my 4 and then allowed me to move out of state... then once they were old enough to not need child care and could pretty muc provide for themselves, he took them illegally one day with a false court document... but once he got them back to his state, no matter what papers I had , court documents etc.. he got to keep them, and took my disability check as support (even though that is illegal also!!!) he works for the sheriffs department, so go away with all of this... believe me.. .it is best to leave things be... make your son ask him for things like paying for sports or extra stuff and occasionally ask the ex for HALF of things.. usually men will HELP if you don't try to FORCE it.

Hi R., it's a sad situation that you are in and I think it would be a really good idea to get a lawyer. In the meantime, do not attack your ex in any way nor fight with him, just start documenting everything. Write down all that you can remember with dates, names and times. Write down when your 2nd child came back to live with you and why. Try really hard not to write down emotional things, just the facts. When you take all this to court with you, you'll be amazed at how things will turn for you. Absolutely no one likes it when you have dates and names and actual conversations written down. Just make sure that you keep your end clean. The reason you want to document the other child living with you is because the judge will see this as non-compliance on your part to the divorce agreement. If you have good reason for your child living with you, you will most likely be awarded custody and child support. I know it's hard not to get emotionally involved, but just think of it as a professional relationship for now and try to stay calm. It will only help you in the end. Go get yourself a notebook and keep it with you all the time. Make sure he doesn't see you writing things down and do not let him know about it. Do not use it as something to "hold over his head". His behavior will change and you could lose out on a lot of things that could help you in the future. I would also keep careful records of school supplies, clothing, doctor's fee's, anything money related for your children. Keep the reciepts as well and make copies of everything before you go to court. Try to keep all the originals and just provide copies everywhere you go.
Good luck with that and I hope everything works out for you,
Y.

Getting a lawyer may not be necessary at this point. I'm pretty sure that child advocacy laws are the same from state to state, and if you get into contact with them, they will help you establish child support without the need for a lawyer, no matter your income. They will place a wage withholding and will be directing into a debit account or can be direct deposit into your account. You won't have to ask or beg for help from your ex....thus getting rid of the need to talk to him about it. Of course the children have a right to choose after. They will establish a percentage for you and for the absent parent, and will not count your current husbands income...I have shared custody or shared parenting and my ex husband pays child support based on his income vs mine...and it works...no matter how much time they spend at either place. Hope this helps! Once you get that established, there will be no need to discuss child support with him...tell him he can take it up with child support inforcement!

It is your childrens right to get child support. You need to go back to court. Don't worry about his threat of pulling your son back to live with him. Sounds like he agreed to let him move back with you.

Good luck

Hello,
If you can an afford an attorney I would definetely get one. I understand that each of you had a child to raise. But that isn't the case anymore. You have both and he has none. So NOW he should be financially taking care of them. You didn't really say if both kids are enrolled in school. But if they are and the one that was with his father was in a different school than he is now and you go to court during this school year, I can't see a judge making the child go back with the father. I see him making the ex paying support for both. There is a good chance that your current husband isn't too happy about paying support for children that aren't biologically his when he shouldn't and doesn't have to. This is a conversation that you should have with him now instead of a heated argument. Too many bad things could be said in a heated argument. I would definetely get to court though before he changes his mind and takes back your child just so that he doesn't have to pay. I would also do research on the attorney you do decide to hire should you go this route. DON'T get one that has only had their license for a few years. They are USELESS!!!!! You might have to spend a bit to get what you want, which I think is custody and support. Good luck to you, keep us posted.

Talk to a lawyer and find out what you can do. They will give you the best advice. Do not take advice from anyone but a lawyer. I did that for years and was scared to death of my ex husband because he always said that he would fight me for custody. I finally talked to a lawyer and found out my rights and now my ex is paying every month for child support and it comes directly out of his paycheck. I tried doing it by myself for years and it is hard and I only have one not two. His excuse of not having to pay doesn't make any sense, he is just trying to scare you. CALL A LAWYER!! Just for a consultation and then decide from there. Your ex doesn't even have to know that you are going.

A good idea if you choose to go to court is to keep a journal of everything said and every action taken. Be sure to write how often your son stays that he has custody of.

R., No it is not fair. Take him to court. He is probably threatning you because he thinks you won't. The children are the ones that suffer any way you go. I say let the courts handle it.

First, you need to get custody of both children. Start with that. Once you've got custody, file for child support. Here is a link that might help. http://www.greenvillecounty.org/Family_Court/ChildSupport...

You definitely need money!! He's just being a jack***. The welfare of your son is what's important here and if he can't see that then by all means, haul him into court. Who has custody and where the child resides isn't going to cloth him or put food in his mouth. None of us likes to part with their hard earned money but when it comes to raising our children and doing so properly, it's money well spent. I'd tell him to take a good look at his character and thank your lucky stars that your child isn't around him to witness his morale behavior. He's being ignorant and selfish. Definitely look up what legal actions you can take should you need to go that route. Good luck, R.. I pray it works out to your favor.

Hi R., I would say first get an attorney, push for sole custody of both of the children. If the child is currently living with you ensure that the teachers and all of the officials are aware where he has been staying.
That will help you out in the long run. It's always hard! Fight for what you want though.

R.,
I'm close to your boat...separated and still trying to work it out but I'm not so sure that he is completely committed to doing so. I have found an excellent attorney based in Hendersonville...family law expert/NC law....Buddy Massagee is his name and he went through everything in my consultation. Pricey...$200 but I was aware of everything I would be entitled too and the law. My husband was bullying me with fighting custody etc. and come to find out, some of what he was relaying to me was not true at all!! Hope this helps...maybe this would at least give you more information.
J.

R.,
I understand exactly what you are going through. I went through the same exact thing. I got a new husband and I was fearful that it would bother him that the father wasn't paying (and it did. He didn't say anything until one day when we had a disagreement, it all came out). The one thing I had to do to put that fear to rest, was take my ex to court. It was very difficult. Your ex is making threats because he is banking on the fact that you are going to get scared and give in to what he wants. If he had custody of your son, but gave him back the judge will say "Why?" there had to be a reason. If you have both children in your possession and you and your new husband are having to support them totally, then he should have to pay something. My ex was determined that he wasn't going to pay unless he was made to pay. If you go to court and you do get awarded any money, then your new spouse can't get angry at you, you did everything you could. Believe me, you need to do this for him and your children deserve that support. Just remember, it isn't for you, it is for them.
Good Luck