Husband Trying to Be Shady with Child Support

You are right! Don't cash it! The same goes for credit card companies (although they can fight it). If you write paid in full and they cash it you can write off the rest (but you may pay more in the long run fighting over the issue with them). Be careful, sounds like he knows this too....

I don't know for sure, but I think I remember hearing something about that. I know that when I had a roommate who owed me money I was told by legal counsel not to cash the check he had given me for less than half of what he owed me because that would be accepting it instead of the whole amount and would make it almost impossible to get the rest. I definitely wouldn't cash it until you get some sound advice from someone who knows for sure! Call the child support office and ask them about it (even though it's not set up yet, they must know the laws for that kind of thing. Hope this helps!

My ex-husband is the same way. About the money order, I would take it to the store or bank it is from to see if it is real before you try to cash it. About contacting him,NO DO NOT, from personal experience, what you do is write EVERYTHING down that he does to you on a CALANDER and then wait until your court date, bring that CALANDER to court with you and show the judge because that calander will hold up in court. I know that it will be hard not to get the child support but try not to ask him for it because the more he doesn't pay, and the the judge sees how much he has not payed he will not be happy with. I hope this helps you. Amanda P.S. My ex-husband is 7,000 behind and he does not even try to catch up.

i am pretty sure that cashing that when it says paid in full means that you accept that he is indeed paid in full. i know that after the divorce the child services will take care of this for you if you can wait that long.

First of all, if it is a money order he will never know if you cash it or not. So, holding on to it won't benefit anyone. Secondly, he cannot bypass a court order by writing "paid in full" it doesn't work on any other debt.

You are absolutely right - cashing that with 'paid in full' could possibly be interpreted as an agreement that he owes you nothing going forward. Sneaky of him.

Does your county have a Family Law Center or some other form of legal aid that's low cost or free? You should look into that, because you're probably going to need the help if he's doing this shady stuff.

There's also the back door approach. Is there anyone you know who could shame him into being a man and taking care of his children? I have no patience for child support dodgers.

You need to go down to your local family support office and file for child support. If he isn't living in the home, he needs to help support your kids.

Hi L.,

I had a similar situation with my ex. I am a single mom with two boys and I understand raising a family and the conflict if the support is compromised. My first suggestion is contact him. He might not know or understand that there is money missing. If he doesn't believe he owes it, or just doesn't want to pay it, get some help with collecting it. Just because he wrote it, doesn't make it so. If he is ignoring the divorce order, then that is really his problem. The state of Washington has a great Department of Health and Human Services group that can help to enforce the collecting of the support. What is nice about that is it allows you to step aside from being the "enforcer" so that you can focus on what's important-the kids. My last suggestion is document everything. Keep emails, copy letters to him, copy receipts from him, keep a ledger of his payments directly to you. It doesn't have to be a fancy spread sheet, it just has to be something that is understandable (like a checkbook). I started a table on Microsoft Word Doc. after my ex said he wasn't going to reimburse me for daycare, which is a requirement in my divorce decree. Eventually I had to take him to court (I hope you don't have to do that!) and the document was clear and concise. The judge had no trouble just looking at the numbers and understanding. So, maybe make a call to him, then to the DHSH 1-800-457-6202 or the website is http://www.dshs.wa.gov/dcs/services/collectionsindex.asp
I hope this helps.

K.

Are you going through the state? If not do so immediately, they will keep track of what he owes and deduct it from his paycheck if necessary. Plus the state will put a hold on his license if he gets way behind. They will do all the work for you. They are avocates for your children! You don't need a lawyer to work with them.Call them today and Do NOT cash it! What a shady thing to do! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

My heart goes out to you. God bless and help you. I can understand that you probaly need that money DESPERATELY!!

You need to be careful about this check. I once had a MAJOR problem with movers, and we argued about how much I owed. I finally sent them a check for a small amount I discovered was still owing with a letter saying that was payment in full. I did this knowing that once the check was cashed, they could no longer come after me. According to state law(California at the time) once a check like that is cashed, the person no longer owes you the rest. Mayflower didn't cash that check for MONTHs. Then they realized they were in the wrong, so they eventually cashed it. THEY KNEW IT WAS A CONTRACT. YOU HAVE TO CHECK WASHINGTON LAW for advice. I don't know if you can scratch out the "paid in full". Once you sign a check, you are signing a legal contract. Please check with a lawyer so you don't get scammed.

Look in the phone book or on line and call around and find an attorney in your area that does free consultations. Make an appointment right away and take the money order with you to show him/her. If you can't find one that can get you in right away keep calling around. You could also try calling Department of Justice - Child Support and ask them. Good luck!

Hi L. -

I would contact the lawyer who did the divorce for you and ask if they do, or know anyone who does ad hoc representation. I do know there is an organization in Washington that does help single moms in this area on an ad hoc basis. You can also ask the lawyer you had if by cashing the check you are agreeing to his terms. You can also have you child support payments set up through WA state and then they enforce the child support payments. I can totally relate to your difficulties and I wish you the best of luck.

Absolutely postively do not cash it. Don't waste your time contacting him. You don't have to wait until the divorce is final to get an order of child support. You need to go to court to get a preliminary child support order. You don't need a lawyer to do this. The forms are generally available online. (In Washington they are at http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/ Temporary Child Support - Dissolution.) I'm sure your state has something similar. (You may also want to consider filing for Temporary Spousal Support.)

Stand your ground. Your children are entitled to that money.

I actually haven't been in your situation.. but I would suggest making a several photocopies of the money order whether you decide to cash it in or not.

Then DO contact the Lawyer who is helping you with the divorce papers. It is my understanding since you have been separated - one of the first things is to develop a custody and child support schedule, as Divorce proceedings can drag on.
If he is too expensive, please have them direct you to the closest legal aid.

sorry I can't be of more help.

all the best,
-m

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this and that your soon-to-be-ex is being such a jerk. The trick that he is trying is one that a lot of people use to try to get out of collections. The wording is very important for it to be legal, though. In order for him to really 'be off the hook', so to speak, he needed to write in very specific wording on the back, "By cashing this check, I acknowledge that I have received payment in full and will not pursue any action to collect any further monies from paying party". Or something close to that. But it has to be written on the back where you sign. There's a guy that makes a stamp that has the exact wording on it that he sells for $100 or so. People try to use it to pay off debts for less than owed, and if the wording is correct, it works. But if he just wrote Paid In Full in the subject line, then he would still owe you the money if you cashed the check. That's as far as I understand it. If he is going to be shady like this, it might pay be worth it for you to get Pre-Paid Legal. It's usually only about $40 a month and you would have lawyers you could call for advice all you want. And if you needed to get a lawyer for court, they would give you a discounted price.
Hope that helps. Maybe someone else responded that is a lawyer, and could give you more insight.
Good luck!
E.

DO NOT CASH THAT CHECK!!! your are right about what you are thinking. Contact him and tell him you need a new check.

Contact child support enforcment and open a case through them
http://www.csed.state.ak.us/
The divorce does not have to be final to use the services. It takes FOREVER to start getting checks if they have to garnish his wages tho. Also you will not be able to take money directly from him anymore if you go this route. It can be protection for both of you. He can have the comfort of knowing someone else will be tracking how much he has paid rather than he said/she said.
Contact legal aid here
http://www.alsc-law.org/ to see about that check. I would return it on instinct but I know that he can not pay less for his childsupport then ordered and he cannot get away with paying less then the court orders.

A money order is a lot different than a check! Ask a manager @ the bank about it. Besides - it does not say what was paid in full!

I also recommend Pre-paid Legal Services. I only pay $25 a month. You can call anytime & ask legal advise.

Keep a journal of your conversations with him, also keep track of visitation times - just write it all down in a calendar.

You may not get any $ that the court has not ordered. However, if he agreed to pay a certain amount - you should be able to ask for any back pay during the divorce proceedings. You should keep track of everything he has & has not paid.

Good luck & stay strong!

P.S. Never talk bad about him to or around the kids - they will resent you for it later!

Paid in full or not is not going to matter. It doesn't matter what he has paid you to this date... it's after the support order is in force that matters. He could pay you or not pay you up until that point and no one cares because until the divorce is final and support is figured and an order is made through the court, you are considered married and all property is joint, including monies. I'm afraid what you would hear is "You should have filed for divorce sooner if you needed the money sooner."
Also... I'm not sure how you figured what he would owe as you can't know that until you know what he is set to pay each month by the court. So really, the amount owed in "back support" can't be figured.
I would be thankful that I was getting that much if I were you. I have 3 kids who's mom doesn't pay a dime for them... we have a support order in force and she still owes $24,000 in back support and that's at only $340/month.

Hi,

You have already received lots of legal oriented advice, so that is great, but I just wanted to add another perspective. If your ex is willing to be such a heal as to try to trick you into settling with some paltry amount when you sound like you are in need, I would say that you should start making some serious plans to have your needs met elsewhere. Even with the best lawyers, once you start the fighting process, there are many other tricks that he can and seems like he will try and pull. I'm not saying don't try and get a fair settlement. But if you put all your eggs in that basket, ie trying to get supported by him, you may find yourself very frustrated at best and living far below what you think you should. It's clear that he will go to some lengths to not support you and all the lawyers in the world won't stop that tendency of his to keep his money or at least not give it to you. So, your energy might pay off better if you start seeking alternative childcare arrangements and alternative sources of income for yourself.

I'm sorry for your situation. I wish you all the best in your legal battle and your battle to get yourself back whole and strong after such a difficult life circumstance.

I was in corporate collections for 10 years, DO NOT CASH the check - you crossing it out doesn't matter. PAID IN FULL or PIF is legally binding - they bank won't cash it without you agreement to paid in full.

Go to your state's attorney general's office, if they can't help they can get you contact with someone who can. Go to your state's support enforcement and consult them for help.

Do not cash it ask him to write you another check without that stataement on it becauase with that money he hasnt paid in full.

I figure the best way is to contact your local DA's office in charge of child support: http://www.law.state.ak.us/department/civil/child_support...

Good luck!

Angel :)

Whatever you do, DO NOT cash that check. He is hoping to pull a fast one over on you. First make a photocopy of the check for your records. You can either hold on to the check until you go to court, or you can send it back to him "certified registered mail", that way he has to sign for it, and then he can't go into court and say he never received the check back! I am sure you could use the money, but don't you think that you & the kids deserve what is owed to you? If you have had him served with divorce papers, then he will either hire an attorney to fight his battle for him, or he will just go in front of the judge by himself. Be prepared for the fact that when you go in front of the judge for the divorce precedents, that the judge may in fact order that both of you seek legal counsel. Especially if there is going to be any disputing. Make sure that you show the judge your evidence, so he is aware of what your soon to be ex is trying to do. Normally once divorce papers are filed, the court hearing will happen within 60 days. The other thought would be to contact a attorney anyways, and discuss with them your situation with paying, and some times they will work out a payment schedule with you. All depends on who you find. Once the judge orders him to pay child support, they will start garnishing his wages through the state, for back monies owed.
Try to find a way to make it through without cashing that check, it will be the worst thing you could do. Should you call and tell him that you know what he is trying to pull, maybe, but at that point would it be worse? Would he cause more issues? It might be funner to just walk into court and show him your little suprise!
Best of luck to you!
H.

Hi L.! I read your question and feel compelled to at least give you what little information that I have. I was a single mother, but never married to my sons father so things may be a little different, but I do have a resource that you could check out. First off do NOT cash that check. He is just trying to undermind you. Second make sure that you are keeping a log of all of the checks and money he is giving you. And also all gifts that he is giving to the children. Then you can either call or go down to the DSHS office. Or Child support inforcement. They should be able to give you some good advice as to what you should do and if you can't afford a lawyer then you may be able to file through the state and have the child support inforced, and visitaion set up. When I did this my sons child support was taken right out of his fathers paycheck and sent straight to me. You can also check out supportkids.com. This site will locate the father and garnish his wages and send you the money, they do take a small % of the money for their service, but the money comes right to you and you don't have to wait on him. No matter what, if you feel like he is trying to take advantage of you or act like you are stupid, look for resourses to prove him wrong and go ahead and do something about it. Trust me, once you show him you mean business he wont be pulling this much longer! Good luck!

I would contact your local child support enforcemnt office. My husband and his ex settled out of court on a child support amount. It don't hurt to try and see if someone there can help you. Also some lawyers will give free consolts you just need to ask.
Good luck!

Contact Legal Aid in your county. They should be able to answer your questions, and I THINK there is no charge. You might even be able to do this over the telephone. They can steer you in the right direction for custody and support questions you might have also.

1st, don't cash that money order.....his memo will screw you! 2nd, the Oregon State Bar has a referal service for low income people who need legal help and Marion-Polk Legal Aid specializes in "family matters" - they are on 17th and State behind King Donuts. I know what it's like to need every cent! I haven't seen a dime in years 'cuz my ex's new wife lets him not work....we've shut off the garbage service and used the dumb before, gotten rid of TV service and watched videos instead for a month or 2.....try try try to make him be stuck with his responsibility!!! Good luck!

If your divorce papers spell out custody and support arrangements, I wouldn't think something your husband scrawled onto a check would hold you liable to an agreement that you didn't really agree to, that is, that his small amount of a check has paid anything "in full".

However, it's never a bad idea to get some legal consultation. You may be able to call a family lawyer, and simply ask that question. Also, there are lawyers out there, especially for family cases, that will help you out, even if you can't afford to pay them much, or at all, as far as I know. A friend of mine had a complicated legal custody case a few years ago, and she got help from the attorneys, and guardian ad litem, etc, without paying them. Their website is columbialegal.org

Child support is enforced by the government. He can write whatever he wants on a money order, it changes nothing. If you go to the state, they will garnish him for the amount THEY say he owes, regardless of any deals set forth in your divorce. You do not get to say what you think you need, they will determine that for you. I hate to sick that on someone, but hey, that is what it is.

My husband pays child support on 3 kids and they are relentless. Two of the kids are probably not even his, but they don't care. They take 40% of his income PERIOD. His monthly support charge is more than the 40% they are allowed to take, so he is always going into arrears. They take his tax returns and his Permanent Fund Dividend (we live in Alaska).

We never get to see them, have no say in how they are raised, yet they take all his money. We have two children of our own, that I didn't maliciously take from him, and CSED (Child Support Enforcement Division) doesn't care. The witch (mother of 2 of the 3) even said "I don't want to marry you, I just want your checks" many years before I came along on the umpteenth marriage proposal. She now has 4 by 4 different daddies. And she is getting support from 2 different men (since she nailed my husband for two of hers, another guy for #3, and is married to the poor military sap that fathered #4). You can't argue that you aren't the father after 3 years has gone by, FYI. They don't care. The government is perfectly content to make a man that isn't the father pay. If he didn't know or didn't say, tough.

The mother of #3 for which we are paying came back after 12 years and said that my husband was the father of her son. She had said (when they were 17 years old) that she couldn't have kids due to an accident. When she got pregnant, she dumped him for someone else and left state. If these women can do that, you can have support for a legit situation in a heartbeat. The longer he delays, the more they will take in the end.

You can look online for the laws regarding this for each state (may need to be yours and his state, if he moved), and I encourage you to, but when I worked for an attorney in CA if you crossed out the "PAID IN FULL", initialed it, and made a copy for your records you should be okay. Also ask the bank when cashing it.

I know a little bit about legal issues and I think your right. If you cash it will be as if you accepted that dollar amount instead of the whole that is owed to you.
As I am not a lawyer and only know what I have been through legally, I suggest that you seek out places that may give you advice for free. Besides you never know from issue to issue if getting advice from a blog site is the best advice for you. You can contact womens shelters and ask if they have any legal advisors on hand for consultation, or you can just randomly call a lawyer and ask them if they have a free minute to spare or if they do any pro-bono work. It never hurts to ask as the worst case senario is they say no. There is also another option, you can ask the ex to get a refund on his money order and fill out another one without that printed on there or simply pay you in cash as long as you give him a receipt. I wish you well, and soon this bumpy road will again be smooth sailing. :) P.

I am confused as to how he could be behind $12000 if there is NOT an order in effect? Just because you are asking for him to pay you 27% of his income doesnt mean he has to pay that untill a judge says he has to. Maybe thats why he has wrote paid in full. If you need to cash it you could always write on the check you dispute it? Sounds like you need to get this settled legally soon. I know this might suck to hear but try to be grateful that he is paying voluntarily and hopefully seeing his kids regularly...many dad's do not. He must make serious bank for him to be behind $12,000 in 10 months if he has given you $220.00 a month for 10 months also! If this is the case I understand why you are angry with the $378, so go to court and get it figured out ASAP! I would hate for a dispute over money to start of your LONG, NEW relationship with him as Co-parents on the wrong foot. The courts arent always fair to dad's so try to remember that too! Also try to remember you once loved him and everything should work out for you guys!! Good Luck!

This is coming from a step mom who has had to watch my husband and his ex totally forget that they used to love eachother and make a huge mess out of an already difficult situation. Hope this helps.

most states have legal aid that is free for individuals that are in your type of situation. The program is usually state funded my suggestion is to first see if this service is available in your state don't cash check until you get some legal advice.

I agree with the other advice...I know that it looks like alot of money now since I'm sure your are in need with 2 babies at home....but hang on and contact the state....they will tell you what is the best thing to do...so that you protect yourself and any future monies you have coming to you. Hang in there and know that they do activly pursue fathers and they will stear you in the right direction.
GOOD LUCK!

DON'T CASH THAT MONEY ORDER until you can get free legal advice from a lawyer, support services, etc... My ex tried the same thing! Over in Colville (North of Spokane) we had a place called Rural Resources. It was a place that people could go to for advice, help with rentals, etc.... It was designed with single parents in mind. They really helped me out a lot when I went through my divorce. I was able to get help filling out my divorce papers and everything. There wasn't any way to be able to afford a lawyer. My ex was giving me anywhere from $50-$75 a month for 2 children. So, it was rough. They also helped me pay for daycare. I just had to pay $25 a month. I don't know if they have a place over here like that, but you could look into it. Just tell him that he needs to pay without the PAID IN FULL on the money orders/checks. Good luck!

L.,

Here is a website that may help you make your decision:
http://consumer-law.lawyers.com/Paid-in-Full-Check-Memo.html

If you go to google and type in the search line:

"Paid in full" check legal

Many entries will come up as to the legality of writing "Paid in full" on a check. That said I have been in Collections for the majority of my life and I have cashed several 'paid in full' checks with not paid in full balances and had little to no problem collecting the balance. Of course if I were to make an agreement that say 90% counted as payment in full with the customer and they were to attempt to come back later and collect that 10% any court would laugh in my face.

All of that said, you might still want to check with a lawyer if you're feeling uncertain there are many that will do pro bono work for single moms with little to no income.

Best of luck!

I have not gone through this but my sister has a couple of times and I have worked with the state in the foster care system and know what they do to collect child support for foster children. You need to file a legal separation until the divorce is final and that will allow you to collect child supportand establish a temporary custody order. the legal separation allows you to set a child support amount and then allows child support enforcement to collect. Which brings me to the next step. Don't deal with him directly for child support anymore. turn him into child support enforcement and let them handle the whole thing. the will ensure you a check in the full amount each month and if he falls behind they will garnish his wages which is something you can't do. Just let them handle it for you. It's much easier and less stress. He sends them the money and then they send you a check. Also you are going to have to get an attorney but you can put in the divorce agreement that your husband pays attorney fees since he is the one who left you. Good luck and don't cash that check.

Do NOT cash it. Trust me. I went through that with my ex-husband years ago and although it brought me to a point where I had to file bankruptcy, I made the RIGHT decision. The state continues to pursue him on my behalf.

The $378 is nothing compared to what your children will lose if you settle.

There are lawyers who are within budget. Do research - take the time - you CAN do it.

Go to legal aid they should be able to tell you what to do and help you out. If it isn't free they should work out a payment plan. There a plenty of womens resources for this kind of thing, just open up the blue pages of your telephone book and start making calls. Use the seach engines on the internet and start looking for help. Have a big pad of paper and pen handy and keep good records before you cash that money order. You might want to repost what state you and your soon to be ex are living in. I would make sure to change your lokcs, it's very easy make sure they are deadbolts. Go to Home Depot or Lowes and buy some that are keyed all the same and get out your screwdriver and get it done. If any of his stuff it left behing sell it or pawn it. If you have a garage and he has the opener make sure to change the frequency or combination and get a deadbolt on the door from the garage. Make sure he can't hurt you or the boys in any more ways or just try to make your suffering worse! make sure you have a specific parenting plan put into the divorce decree. Who will pay for transportation who will pick up who will drop off and when this will save you alot of time and money not having to go back to court and revisit these issues. Basically make him pay for all transportation, make sure that if they must get on a plane he will pay the fee for a fight attendant to shaperone them until age 14. Make him do all picking up and all dropping off at the times that are convienient to you. Do not meet him half way anywhere (driving) this will only cost you money and make things hard for you. If he wants visitation it is his responsability to take care of the arrangements not yours. Make sure all this in in the divorce decree. Make you are as specific as possible in the divorce decree if anthing is vague it could be exploited. Be smart and do your own research, if you don't it could hurt you.

Try contacting the State Division of Child Support Enforcement. Also, there might be some free or lost cost legal clinics that could help you. Also if you soon to be ex has a good income, he could be ordered to help you pay your legal fees. You could also call the state bar and ask if they have a list of attorneys in your area that do "pro bono" work and might help with your support issue.

I don't know the correct response to that however I also am divorced and had many questions like the one you have, what i did was go through the yellow pages and i called any attorney that said they would give free consultation i then asked the attorney the question and they gave me the answer. so that is my suggestion to you call an attorney that will answer your question for free you'll be surprised how many will.