Naming Etiquette

I would ask.
My niece ( husband's side) and my sister have the same first and middle name and I still don't like that my SIL used my sister's name. Neither does my sister.

i would do it, Asking opens the door that they could say no. would you be ok with that, you could Tell them ahead of time with out asking permission. just my 2 cents.

I don't think it would be a big deal, I have 3 cousins who have the same middle name as me and it's never been a problem for us and we all grew up in the same town.

Use the name! What a great tribute to your mom! The little niece already has the name and is older, so I don't see how you could be "stealing" the name in any way! If they take offense, they have some major issues. The only time I think name using the same name is not appropriate is when Woman A is due before Woman B, Woman B tells Woman A what name she has chosen, and Woman A decides to use it (one reason why we never share our name choices until our baby is named!) That is certainly not the case here. Go ahead and tell your brother in advance so that you don't worry about it. If your brother questions it, just say that your mother was such a special lady, and your niece just adds to the grace of the name, and so you couldn't resist. ^_^ Add that your daughter will be lucky to be named after her wonderful cousin. Congrats on your coming addition to your family.

I wouldn't ask unless you're okay with being told "no".

She was also YOUR mother. You have the right to name your baby as you choose.

she was your mother also. Use it.

I think it would be sweet of you to ask, but not necessary. I might just let them know you are doing it, I'm sure they would be thrilled that you are using the same name as they did it for the same reason- to honor your Mother. My cousin & I have our Grandmothers first name as our middle name, we live in the same town but are over a decade apart in age! ;)

Just use it.....they will either be fine with it, or will have to get over it. It's a middle name and not used as frequently and it's a wonderful way to honor/ remember your mom.
Congratulations on your growing family!

I would go ahead. This might be the start of a "family name"!

I don't see why you can't use it. Our son has the same middle name as my older brother and his first son and nobody has ever said, "I had that name first, you can't use it". Obviously your brother feels the same way you do, or he wouldn't have used your moms name. Tell your brother you really want to name your daughter after mom too, to keep honoring her, and I bet you, he will think it's a great idea!

I have several cousins who gave their daughters the same middle name. When I met my husband, his daughter AND his niece had the SAME middle name! They all have Nicole as their middle names! One cousin has the same FIRST name as my stepdaughter, as well: They are both Jennifer Nicole. My aunt gave her son the same first name as her brother (my Dad) and then I named MY son after my Dad. It's not a problem. Yes, we mentioned it in passing, but it wasn't an issue, even for my cousin who is just a few year younger than myself. I also gave our daughter my MIL's First name and my grandmother's middle name. Our son got my Dad's first name and my husband's grandfather's middle name. I *DID* truly discuss using my Dad's first name with my sisters since I was having our Dad's first grandson. My one sister was cool with it because she had already "closed the factory" and my other sister wasn't married at the time (we all agreed she could still use the name if she chose to).

Ask your brother, he'll probably totally understand. As the girls get older, teach the girls that their names are very special and the reason that they share the name, so that neither one feels cheated or is made to feel a copycat. If it seems that it might be an issue, is your Mother's first name a possiblilty, either as a first name OR a middle name?

Hope this helps

Don't ask, just use it. A 1st name may be a different story, but this is a middle name. We asked my husband's brother & wife if we could use their wedding song as our wedding son (3 years later). His wife said "no!" I couldn't believe this. I was so disappointed I couldn't use that song b/c it meant a lot to my husband and myself. So, do not ask, just use it!

T.
www.mydiaperbabycakes.com

I think it's a parents choice to choose the names of their child. No matter what you choose some people will love it, others will be disappointed. To use your mother's name as your daughter's middle name is a great way to honor her memory. I would not ask them.

My family has four Josephs, two first names and two middle names, all for my grandfather. As far as I know no one bothered asking anyone else about it, I know I didn't (my son's middle name is Joseph). I can't imagine anyone being upset about it, ESPECIALLY when it's a middle name. Heck my two Joseph cousins lived an hour apart for years and it was never a problem. Whenever they're together we call them Big Joe (who is 6'4") and Little Joe (who is not 6"4") or Joe B and Joe J. If my grandfather is around then it's Big Joe, Little Joe and Old Joe.

I think it would be nice to have a conversation with them before the baby is born and to let them know your intentions. Explain your reasons and say that you hope they understand. Good luck!

As it turns out 3 of my cousins and I all have the same middle name, we were all named after my grandmother, I do not believe that any of our parents asked each other if it would be okay.

I would use it! My middle name is my grandmother's name, my cousin's dad gave her the same middle name, and now my daughter also shares the middle name with us. It's not a big deal unless you know for a fact that your brother would have an issue with it. Even if he does, you live 300 miles away, and like everyone else said, she's your mom too. If it's meaningful to you, then that is what you should go with no matter what anyone else may think of it. What is the name, if I may ask?

You shouldn't even feel the need to have to ask them considering it has to do with your mother's name also. My sister and brother both used our dad's first name as the middle name of their first born sons. I didn't have any boys or I may have done that also. My youngest daughters middle name is my maternal grandparents last name. My family is big on carrying on names in one form or another. My daughter was born later in the year that my grandpa had passed away. She was a very special great-grandaughter to my grandma because of the middle name.

Why would you ask?? She was your Mother too, so if you want to honor your Mother you don't have to ask anyone for permission!! My Son and my cousin have the same middle name...(it was my grandfathers who passed away several years ago) my cousin had the name first because he's 4 my son just turned 1 and no I didn't ask my Aunt if she minded because he was my grandfather too! In the end she didn't mind anyway, and my grandmother was very pleased.

You are honoring your mother... I don't think you have to ask permission. I am sure they would understand.

Ditto Riley. Don't ask unless you are okay with "no." It's your child. My husband comes from a large family and it's fairly common to repeat names here and there.

M.

From an etiquette perspective, you have no obligation to ask "permission" to use your mother's middle name for your daughter. From a family perspective, I'd say it depends. If you are close to your brother and sister-in-law, then I'd mention that you also intend to use the name for your daughter and hope the cousins appreciate it down the road. If you're not that close, then I don't see any reason to mention it until you announce the birth. Congratulations on your expectant bundle of joy ;)

I think it's a great way to remember your mother. It will give your daughter a connection to the grandmother she never met and a connection to her cousin who is so far away. i would maybe mention it to your brother and his wife to get their opinion and if they are offended maybe use a form of your mother's name instead. A friend of mine used Nora for her mother in law Eleanor.

She was your mother also, so you have every right to honor her just as your brother did.

if it's a tradition then I say yeah go ahead, but if not I would ask just out of respect. Our names help us with our own individualality, it
s not like a male son to carry the fathers name.

My sister and my brother both gave their little girls the same middle name of Diane (after our own mom who passed on), just spelled it differently: My sister has the older daughter and she spelled it the common way. However, my brother's little girl's spelling is Dyanne. Perhaps you could do something like that?

It's definitely OK, imo. It would be worse to use the same first name!

As someone else said, she was your mom too--use it!

K. Z.

If it means a lot to you then use it. I just want to tell you though, all of my cousins have the same middle name as me and I HATE it. I feel so unoriginal and am irritated that my mother couldn't put a little more thought into my name than just sticking me with the traditional "Lynn". However, your childs name will have significance and meaning, and I think if it means a lot to you then by all means use it and don't worry about asking. :-) Congrats on the baby.

I think there is no reason to ask since it's your mom's name. My brothers and sister all used my dad's name in either first or second names and no one asked if it was ok. It just was.

You all have the same mother and it shouldn't matter that they happened to have a girl before you did. It shouldn't be "first come, first serve". Now, if you wanted to use a variation of the name as a first name, I could see maybe talking to them first. My Aunt named her daughter Christy when her niece was named Christine. Kinda awkward, but they weren't together much at all, so I guess she didn't see the need to mention it. If any of my brothers or sister wanted to name their kids a family name, I would absolutely think it was awesome. I thought about it a little when we were using the family named for our first two kids (maiden names as middle names....Holden and Cooper. We also used the Grandpa's names for first names.....Jonathan and Max.) So, we really had the monopoly there. Knocked out all the grandparents with two kids.......... It's a middle name that you will only really use when you are yelling at them, anyway. LOL!!!

Ask them, just to be safe. I don't see anything wrong with it.

It was your mother's name. You should feel free to use it. If they cannot figure out that you are honoring your mother vs "stealing" the name from them...Well, they are the ones who need a refresher in common sense.

My daughter is named Kate, after my mom. My sister gave my niece "Kate" as her middle name. I never had any issues with it. My mom is an amazing woman and I think the more people named after her the better. Plus the cousins have a nice little bond. I can't imagine why your brother would mind having your mother honored again.

If they were both first names, I might ask, but middle names? No way.
Name away! Congratulations :)

you could ask, but it is ultimatly your decision. w/ middle names they do hardly get used so it should not be a big deal....fist names are a diff story. congrats on the bayb! xo

Totally use it!

I may question if you were using the same first and middle name, but just the middle...I say go for it!!!

(As another mom said, she was YOUR mother too!)

CONGRATS!

Don't "ask"... just tell.

I think you can absolutely have the same middle name, especially if it is honoring your mother. You can tell your brother you're going to do it, and why, but don't feel that you need his permission and don't say it in a way that gives him the chance to say no. LOTS of cultures have generational middle names where all the kids from one generation have the same middle name.

On my mom's side of the family, there are four girls in my generation. We are NOT named for anyone and our middle names our Beth, Beth, Elizabeth & Betsy.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao - don't miss the end of our summer sale! now thru 7/31!

Dear K.,
I don't think there should be any problem with it. If you and your brother choose to honor the memory of your mom by giving your girls your mother's middle name, I think it sounds sweet.
Some people can be weird when it comes to names, but I think your brother would be fine with it.
I know one family where all the girls have the mother's first name as their middle name and they boys have the dad's first name as their middle name. Of course, they are all siblings so their mom and dad had that plan together.
If your heart is just set on that name, I would choose it. Your sister in law might not like it, but it wasn't her mother's middle name. The kids are many miles apart, but when they're grown, they may very much like knowing that they have something special they share.
I don't think your brother would care.
If you want to ask "permission", you could well be told no. Even so, what you name your baby is your business, especially since it's your mom's name.
I think she would be happy to have her little granddaughters share her middle name.

Best wishes!

My son, my sister's son and my brother's son all have my Dad's middle name (Robert). Never even thought of it being an issue. It is an honor for all of them and after all it is just the middle name- no big deal. But I guess it depends what your family's dynamic is and what possible things were issues in the past for your family. In my family this was not even an issue. Good luck!

I think that you should use the name and you don't have to tell anyone. She was your mom too and nobody owns any name anyway. Plus it's a middle name, so I don't see the big deal. I wouldn't even bother to tell them. If it gets to the point where people are asking what you will name her just say matter-of-factly,"We're naming her...blah blah." If they seem upset say,"I'm sorry that you feel that way, but our mind is made up. I love the name and want to honor my mother. I would like for you to respect that, but I'm not asking your permission." And leave it at that. You know your brother and his wife better than anyone here, so it's up to you when, and where, and how you want to tell them. Either way I don't feel that you owe anybody anything & you should name your baby whatever you want.

I think the middle name is fair game. It would be a nice tradition and honor for your MIL. If they are offended it would be out of line and kind of selfish of them.Good luck :)

My husband has a couple of cousins who named their kids the same. The boys who have the same name are about 10 years about & live several hundred miles apart. And, there are 2 girls who have the same middle name and they are only about 6-8 weeks apart in age. I will admit that I don't know the back story-if anyone discussed it or not, but it certainly isn't a problem for anyone. If you're worried, it certainly wouldn't hurt to mention it. She was your mother too, and if that's what you want to honor her with, I don't see why you couldn't.

I don't think you need to even let them know you're going to do it. In my family three nephews have the same middle name and no one has ever said anything negative about it. It's a family name so no one "owns" rights to it. Plus, it's a middle name so it doesn't cause confusion.

My son has the same middle name as my brother does -- it's a family name. Before my son was born, I asked my brother how he felt about it, and he was really touched and honored to be asked -- and said yes, of course, no problem. So, based on this very limited sample, I'd say definitely ask, but figure on a yes.

I don't think you should as for permission, but you should let them know of your intentions. If they have a problem with it then that's on them. She was your mother also. I think it's an awesome way to honor your mother!!! I bet your brother will be proud to share the name!

I wouldnt ask them, it was your mother it is perfectly fine.

I would bring it up in a positive manner ("in honor of our mom and your daughter we're going to name our daughter _________!"). Most people are flattered when you give your child the same name as them. When I was born my parents gave me the same middle name as my half-sister so that we would always have a special bond; 26 years later she was my matron of honor!

It's your mom that passed. If you both used your moms name as a first name I would let them know ahead because there would be two "Mary's" in the family. But middle name? I wouldn't say a thing. My GF gave both her own boys the same middle name to honor her dad, and that's the same household!! Congrats on new babe!!!

Hi, K.:
Ask them. See what they say. It won't hurt. The little girl might like having the baby named after her! D.

There are about 10 females in my close family with the middle name Ann, and about the same amount with the middle name L.. I'm pretty sure no one was asking each other if it was ok... :)

Use it...she was your Mom too and like you said it's only a middle name! I share a family middle name w/one of my cousins and it never bothered me one bit!

I do not think you should have to "ask" your brother...but I would "tell" him your plans!