Brother & SIL Angered at Our Name Choice - HELP!

No one holds the copyright on baby names or family names. My daughter and my niece have the same middle name. So what? My sister and I both like that particular name. And it's not like we can't tell which kid is which.

They are being ridiculous. Esp since A-you will be using the middle name anyhow and B. the last names are different. Dont know what to tell you to remedy this. hopefully nobody is taking their side and are telling them they are being nuts. Please-do not spend another second feeling guilty b/c you have no reason to.

Use the name you like - they may never have a boy, or any kids at all. And if they do have a boy, they can still use the name if they choose. Or maybe by that time, they will discover a different name that they like better.

My husband was named William Joseph, and then 6 months later, his cousin was born (his mother's sister's first son) and he got named William Joseph also (I think it was after a great-grandfather). Then a year after that, the aunt had another boy and he was named Joseph William. I guess people back then didn't get so hung up on originality and "being unique" as they do now.

I think I know how you feel...when I was pregnant with #1, my MIL asked me what names we were thinking about, and I said if it was a boy, I'd like to name him Daniel after my grandfather. She told my husband (didn't have the nerve to say it to my face) that I had "no right" to name him after my g'father because (are you ready for this?) I am ADOPTED. Is that just about the craziest thing you ever heard? It turned out to be a girl, anyway, but still, the nerve! When I had baby #2, a boy, we ended up naming him Nicholas - and my SIL said to me that she hoped we would never call him Nick or Nicky - yes, she actually said that! (to this day, I take special delight in calling him Nicky in front of her!). So anyway, I DO know what it's like to deal with crazies in the family, who think they have a copyright on names or the right to tell you what to name your child. I know how hurtful it is - my kids are 15 and 19 and I still remember how much it upset me. It sounds like your brother and SIL are more upset about their lack of children than about the name - THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT, AND YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL GUILTY! Your family will come around, I hope, because they love you and will love the new baby. And if they don't, how petty would that be? They would be the ones missing out.

There are ton of James in my husbands family.. We know who they are.. In my family a ton of Leonard's..
Many times multiple siblings have the same names for their children..

Remember my Big Fat Greek Wedding. "Here is my cousin Nick, my other Cousin Nick. My Uncle Nick and my other Uncle Nick.. "

You are good at remembering why this is all so hard for them. Not being able to get pregnant is extremely painful. Imagine if you were in their place and realized you may NEVER be able to give birth to your child, but your friends, co workers, 16 year old girls, and your close relatives can all get pregnant?

They can get past this and IF you can convince them to speak in person great. I think it would be very cathartic for them and allow you to tell them you are sensitive to their plight, but if your children have the same name, it is an honor to the person that the children are being named after.

Oh, pulease. It's a dang name. Name your baby what you want to and don't sweat it. They can name their baby the same name and who cares? There are tons and tons of Johns, Marks, Gregs, Hamishes, Mohammeds, etc. out there, and do you see them come to blows over who is the real one? No one owns a name. It's ridiculous to get carried away about it. It would be rather unusual to find two Knooflepooper Jemnerables in the same family, but jeez, let it go. And come on, using a family name is common enough; they should get over it. Ignore them, let it blow over, name your kid whatever you want, and your family will still love him.

For the record, we told our families were going to have three girls and a boy and name them Chicken Piccata, Chicken Marsala, Chicken Cacciatore, and Peking Duck. They shut up after that, not that they were bad.
And also for the record, our daughter's name is Linnaea Zera, our son's name is Cormac Ivan, and I don't care who else uses them!

to hell with them! you and your husband name your baby what you want. they shouldnt care if your name the baby peanut butter. its a name and if you like that name use it. your brother is being selfish about the name thing. just because you use the first name doesnt mean he cant. my daughters middle name is in honor of my great grandmother who passed 2 months before i had her. my great grandmas name was also the same name as my husband so it worked out for us. dont feel bad and dont let them talk you out of the choice of name.

Pick the name you want. Remember last time.
They are being selfish and unloving.

You are so understanding and compassionate to your sister in law! Please don't feel bad.

Name your baby as planned and don't feel any guilt. Best case scenario, your father will get double honor at having 2 kids named after him!

I don't care how difficult this is, your brother and sil are being selfish. This is all about the name, not about your pregnancy. I am sorry you are having this stress put on you when you should have your family rejoicing with you.

Shake off that guilt! If your whole side of the family is avoiding you, then they are taking up a ridiculous offense for your brother. I hope they come around and can support you!

HUGS!

I'm confused as to why both your children have a first name and a middle name, but you call them by their middle name. Why not just make their middle name their first name?

Anyways, you both can use the same name if they ever decide to have kids. I know plenty of families where cousins have the same names!

In my husband's family we have about 8 Sams. Boys, girls every generation, every family. SO what? Sam was my MIL's brother who died of cancer. It's a way for all of us to continue to remember him. It's also an honor to be named Sam in the family.
Name the baby what you want . It is an honor to be named after the Grandfather. I have two boys, we have two Grandpas' so that is what they are named. If my SIL or sister used the same name great!!
I think your brother is being petty. Try to not to stress out too much.

I personally would change the name. If it will bring so much negitivity I would not want that for my child. I know a family that each brother used the same name in the same scenario as yours and it just doesn't feel right.Also, when my husband and I were trying to conceive my SIL was expecting. She knew there was a name I loved and when someone asked her what her girl name was she said it in front of me. About ten minutes later she said she was kidding. It ruined the name for me.It was very hurtfull.It took us 6 heartbreaking years to conceive. It is absolutely horrible. People that don't go through don't really understand. Imagine if you couldn't have kids . It's your decision but I would try to find a name for your child that means something positive. Good luck to you :)

It will all blow over. I am sure your brother had this in mind and it is just as important to him. As a compromise, if you will, perhaps you could actually change the order of the names to appease. Otherwise, you will have to deal with your brother's pain, because this has hurt him...even though it was totally unintentional.

As you have already made mention, we have 2 James, 2 Debra's, and 2 David's on my Dad's side and 3 Michael's and couldn't tell you how many other repeats on my Mom's side. The joke with the Michael's is when the bill collectors call, they tell them, "Oh you must mean the other Michael".

They are being very selfish and childish. Continue to take the high road, and don't return the immaturity. Your child's name is up to YOU, period. How very rude of them to think they should even have a say in it- much worse is actually telling you what they think. I also think that if family members want the same name for their child, then whoever gets pregnant first has fist dibs- that's the way it goes.

ADDED: You should not feel an ounce of guilt! Guilt should be brought on by wrong-doing and regretting that wrong-doing. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!!!!

I could see them being upset about name-choice if they were pregnant and had announced the name and THEN you named your son that same name....but I think that until a name is attached to a living, breathing child it's fair game.

My guess here is that their emotions about maybe not being able to have children (anger, hopelessness, sadness) is the real issue, not the name. Unfortunately, they're taking it out on you - which is not right. However, I would urge you to ket it go. Focus on your new baby and growing family and give your brother and SIL time to grieve. Hopefully they'll come around by the time their nephew is born.

Congrats on your new baby :o)

Name him whatever you feel like! My sons both have family names, and my sister is planning on naming her son the same as my second, our fathers name. I think its great that we both want to homor our dad in that way. They have no right to say you are stealing "their" name. God forbid they have no children, your father may never be honored with the passing on of his name... Good luck!

I am sorry, but in the grand scheme of life, this is really a very silly issue for your family to be upset about. I also have a brother and SIL that cannot conceive and have been on a waiting list to adopt for over a year now. I try to show compassion to their situation especially when they see me popping out two kids back to back at the age of 36 and 38 no less! Having said that, they cannot begrudge you your happiness or ability to conceive children.

You and your husband did nothing wrong here. This is your family's hang up and it sounds like it is possibly stemming from their frustration with trying to conceive. I would just give them some space for now. I am sure they will come around in time. Congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy!
A.

Name your baby whatever you want and then lie to your brother and his wife and tell them you named him Ferdinhinkle Smartnooch. George Foreman named all 7 of his kids George.. who cares? My father in law had 5 brothers and 1 sister and they all had kids and nearly every one of them named their boys Bill and Bob. Im married to one of the Bobs. Does it make him any less of a person? We know a teacher named Dave, a police officer named Dave, and our Schwan man is Dave,, so what? The same names are all over and always will be. You name your baby what ever you want and if it honors a family name that's wonderful. If they can't get past that fact,,too bad for them. Someday when they do have a baby, no matter what they name it, you be sure to call it by some other name,, that will fix em! Best of health and happiness for you and your baby! And Jennifer K, I wish I could have a bunch of kids and use those names. Love it!!

First of all, there is no "my name" etc. Everyone is entitled to call their child any name---you are completely within your rights to name your child whatever you would like and its too bad they are completely immature and childish about it. An email?? Thats crazy...don't think another thought about them or the name---you can both use the name and you didn't steal it :) The only thing i wanted to pass on is we had major issues with input from family about our children's names and so on the second time around, we didn't ask for opinions. We purely stated we have decided _______.If people don't like it, tough! Best wishes and don't let them get to you-you didn't do anything wrong.

Molly

your baby; your name pick. My standard response when my family offered name choices was "great you can have a baby and name it that", this included my 70 year old mother. Good luck.

oh good grief tell everyone to grow up. In my husband's family there is a limit of about five names and they are all happy about it. It avoids remembering other names so there are about fifteen Rupertos and three Maxines and so on and so on with cute nicknames that sound like food. They are all happy, have a beer together and sing wonderful songs.
I am sure their children will too someday.
And the emails are getting on my nerve, too. Bring back the phone~!

Your are so right, at the onset of labor and delivery, you would think that family members would be acting way differently but apparently their true colors came out, jealousy in any form is bad. Both myself and my brother have named a child after my Dad, my nephew being a third in line carrying the family last name. You and your brother will not be sharing the identical first and last name of your baby so why are they freaking out? My thought is to take a step back and try not to get upset about this crazy situation, give it some time and space it is not worth your unborn baby getting nervous and stressed out over, this too shall pass!

Name your baby the name YOU want!!!

My father-in-law is named John. His father was a John also. My husband's name is John. On that side of the family, all of my husband's uncles have named one of their sons John. No one seems to mind. I actually think it's some sort of bonding experience for them. They are a clan filled of men named John.

I don't think that anyone owns a name. You tried your best to be sensitive to your brother and his wife but this is your family heritage also and you are equally entitled to use those names also. Your brother and sister-in-law are being silly but I suspect that a significant part of their irritation has more to do with the fact that they have not been able to conceive yet as well as the fact that they are pinning their hopes and dreams of having a child and calling him this certain name.

I think that you should name your child whatever name you would like. Unfortunately, you can't control the reasonableness and maturity level of other people so you are going to have to deal with that the best you can. I just think that if you succomb to pressure and chose to name your child some other name, that will always be a bone of contention for you and you will regret chosing the second best name.

I hope that you can straighten this matter out soon. Wishing you a wonderful delivery and a healthy and happy baby boy.

I agree that it shouldn't be a big deal, especially since the last names will be different and you plan to use the middle name. Have you thought about reversing the order of the names. I've always thought that you should put the name you plan on using first. It saves the child the trouble of continually explaining - "Yes, BUT, I go by my middle name." That may not appease your brother but it seems logical to me. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my 2 sisters-in-law were also expecting. SIL1 announced that she was naming the expected boy after his dad (husband's brother) - one of my all-time favorite boy's names. So I resigned myself to not using it. She ended up having a girl but later had her boy and used the name. I had a boy and it took us a week to name him, but we finally decided on a name from my family. No regrets.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I really wanted to give my child my husband's father's name if we had a boy. HOWEVER, since my SIL and BIL were expecting BEFORE us, I waited to finalize my decision until they had announced their name choice.I did not discuss this with them, it was just the right thing to do. I did not even tell them that I wanted that name, so as not to 'guilt' them into not using it if they wanted to. First come, first served. End of story. Once you choose your child's name, they can decide if they want to use the same name, or come up with an equally special one for their child IF they have one. They are wrong, and I am sorry you are going through this!

Oy! It is so nice to honor your family members. As far as your brother
and SIL go, they are being totally unreasonable. Do not feel guilty on any
count please. You have done nothing wrong. Congratulations and good
luck.

This your baby and whatever YOU choose to name it is your business. and not only that, they are hoping to use that name but i know many people who "think" they have a name picked out but when thr time comes they end up changing. nothing is certain until that baby gets here! they may change their option to when they get pregnant. I agree with the person who said whoever has the baby first is who should get the name. and they can still name the baby with the same name you chose. i wouldn't feel bad. good luck

Bah she'll get over it (I know that sounds bad). My husbands family is full of the same name. His uncle named his first some after his dad, little sister was mad cause that's what she wanted use that name and she ended up using it too. (she is much younger and wasn't pregnant or even married a the time). Everyone gets along fine now! I don't think you are being selfish, so what if they have the same name? Really it's ridiculous. And why are you the one being selfish? Why aren't THEY the ones being selfish? Sorry, this bothers me that you have to deal with it. Name the baby what you want and best of luck to you!

I know I am in the minority here, but can't you find a way to compromise--perhaps give the baby your father's name as a middle name and call him by his first name? My sister is 8 years younger than my brother and me so we discussed what family names I like when I was pregnant and told her that she could have "dibs" on names if it was important to her--that it didn't seem fair that the first to breed automatically got the family names. It does seem like a loving thing to do to consider how others will feel about this; especially since they are having trouble conceiving. Just my opinion.

George Foreman named every single one of his kids George, boys and girls alike. There's no rule that says any name can't be used again (and again and again). Where do they get off making this stuff up? Just enjoy your new child. Your family will get over it sooner or later.

I don't see the issue. You guys aren't having the same kid. They can share a name. Conception issues or none- a name is a name.. I wouldn't shy away from naming my child something because a friend/family member had used, or wanted to use a name. Naming a child is a special right, and as the parents of this child- you should exercise your right to name this child whatever you wish to call him/her. I think it would be special for cousins to share a name. What better way to honor a member of a family?

You were right to be compassionate to your SIL, after all, it is a sensitive situation to be in when you can conceive so easily while someone close to you for reasons unknown, cannot. A name for a child is something very special for the parents. This name will be unique because the parents specifically chose it for this particular baby. I draw the line, however, when outsiders, family, friends, and strangers alike, express their dislike for the name or worse, when they "claim" the name for themselves and dictate that you cannot have the name. Last time I checked, there are no copyrights to names unless you are Prince and decide to call yourself some symbol that can only be expressed in written form. : )

With that said, don't feel devastated. You are near the end of your pregnancy, a wonderful time to be at (I know, I'm going on 35 weeks with my 4th baby) and this naming business should be the LEAST of your concerns. One thing I am a bit baffled by, not just with you, but with others who have done this, is why name your child one name only to call him (or her) something else? I certainly am not judging you for this, but I do wonder for example, if you were naming your child "John Jacob Smith," but you intend to call him Jacob, why not just name him Jacob? My children have middle names, as I do as well, I guess I chose middle names mostly because I always thought that is something we are supposed to do...but I mean, we don't have to technically choose a middle name. I wonder if we do it because of tradition. In any case, if you and your husband feel so strongly about this name, then choose that name and stick with it. After all, you said your brother and SIL do not yet have ANY children and that is not your fault. Maybe they will never have children and they of all people have no right to dictate what you name YOUR baby. Family can be so testy but you know what? They don't have a right to tell you what to do (or not do) with your family. IF they choose to continue to avoid you, even after your baby is born, this is their problem. They will be the ones missing out on this time of celebration. Good luck to you and blessings to your upcoming new baby.

Don't feel bad. It's not that big of a deal for COUSINS to share a name. In my family we almost all have at least one person with the same or a very similar name. My cousin was my closest friend for 22 years... I am Christina and she is Kristin. There are 3 Andrea's, 2 Melissas, 2 Nicks, 4 Richards... (My family is big on namesakes... lol.) Tell them to get over it.

I searched my full name, and found 3 others. 2 of them even have the same middle name!

While I think you have every right to name your child what you want since you are the one having a baby at this time...and may they experience pregnancy and parenting in the future.

You stated you are going to baby #2 by their middle name...can't you just switch the two? I mean if the baby isn't even going to answer to that name for the majority of their life why not?

I have cousins who have the same name due to "family" names...it's not that big of a deal...we use nick names anyway.

name your kid what you want. If you look in the phone book I'm sure someone else has it too. pretty anal to fight over names. tell your inlaws to chill, its just a name. the important thing will be what the kids bring to the name, will they honor it and keep it a good name or will they be disobedient drags on society and ruin the name? only time will tell. hopefully both kids will keep the name respected. thats the bigger fish to fry in the name game.

Well alrighty then, your family is avoiding you and your husband! LOL!!!! Shame on them, and shame on your brother and SIL!!! They are being so ridiculous and immature by saying it's "their name." Your family who tries to guilt-trip you is toxic, I hope you know that. Honestly, I think you are damn lucky that they are avoiding you!!! Who wants family like that?? I sure don't! When you give birth, they will want to see your baby and all of their silliness will end. They are "calling your bluff" right now, hoping to devastate you by their lack of presence in your life, in hopes (i.e., guilt-tripping you) you will reconsider your baby's name. Forget about your toxic family and let them continue ignoring you. How lucky you are for all the crazies to be avoiding you!! Unfortunately, all of the crazies will reappear once your baby is born so enjoy your crazy-free time now! So sorry your family is behaving like 2 year olds. I really hope you name your baby this name - go for it - you have my blessing, and guess what? It's guilt-free!!

Don't feel guilty about anything. I've been in your SIL's situation. I know what it's like. Several names I liked had been taken by the time we finally conceived, but ya know what? I found new ones.

When my mother was pregnant with my older brother, she didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl, but had names selected. If she had a boy, she would use the girl name on her daughter and vice versa. She told these names to her family, and then her sister found out she was pregnant, and stole the girl name when she had her daughter. My mom was upset, but she came up with a new one for me when I came along, and I really like my middle name. It was gonna be Michelle, and now it's Richelle. I think it is soooo pretty.

I don't understand why they are upset? I named my son (middle name) after my father and my brother used it as a first name. Neither one of asked each other. Its not like anyone has a right more than the other. So what if he is the older son, is your father more special to him than you? They are being ridiculous and you do not need to feel bad. Its frusterating when people let their issues come out sideways and they end up hurting those around them.

Name the baby whatever you want! Why does your brother and SIL think a name is their's but not yours? That's just absurd! They will eventually get over it and if they don't...there's nothing you can do about it. It sounds as if they think every name is theirs.

Ultimately I agree that this is your choice and they can't really "call" names especially if they aren't pregnant yet, but I do agree that if you are going to just call him by his middle name, could you consider just switching the two around. That's just me, I guess I believe you should name a child what they are to be called. If you're going to use the middle name anyway, it would mean a lot to your Brother and SIL, just a though. Either way I'm sure it won't tear the family apart and it seems that you've gotten things back on track after your outing, so that's wonderful. Congrats on the baby!

This is so hard, but you should name your baby what you want to name him. Even if your SIL was pregnant, you have no obligation to change the name. Our son is Michael (after my husband), and his nephew has the same name (nephew was named first). My husband's family thought it was great that two kids have honored him.

How dare they try to tell you what to name your baby!!...It'd be a little different if you both were preggs and after hearing the name she picked you decided to use it, but not much.

The gall of some people. if its not an uncommon name id be even more aggravated by it.

Whomever has a baby first gets to use the name first. I wouldn't use your father's name if it was also your brother's name, but since that's not the case, whoever has a baby first gets dibs on the name, or you can have two cousins with the same name, especially if one is going by the middle name, or if it's a name that could have two separate nicknames (two Edwards, one called Edward and one called Teddy or two Roberts - a Rob and a Bobby for instance). I had a friend whose father had died and both of her older siblings named their first children after him, two first cousins both called Jason. Not the most terrible thing in the world!

The saying first come first served comes to mind....

Since you say that you are going to call the baby by his middle name, why not just switch the names so that husband's Grandfather's name is the first name and your father's name is the middle name. Brother CAN'T be mad at that.

M.

This why we never told the names we picked. I say go with what you want to do despite your brother and SIL. They don't get to claim a name. You were very nice in your response to his e-mail. Since you won't be using it as a 'main' name - just move on... My family has the same name all over the place and no one was offended. In fact, they were more offended we didn't use it!

wow, cruel huh? I can't get past that post sorry....anyway, you name your baby anything you like! There isn't such a thing as dibs on a name! Sounds like they are being petty and selfish and personally I wouldn't rename or switch the order of it for your child for that reason or any other. I'm sorry they haven't been blessed with kids but they need to move on and be happy about their new niece or nephew that will be arriving soon! Good luck and congrats!!! (As for the rest of the family also avoiding you, wow....speechless...what a supportive family.)

Use the name you love-and honor your father-that has a familiar ring to it??? It's from the Ten Commandments-not the Ten Suggestions. They should be treasuring you for the baby you are about to bring forth-God bless.

Keep the name you have chosen.
When and if they get pregnant encourage them to pick the name they want...even if it is the same.
If you said they will come around, let them stew on it for awhile. Maybe they will realize it's petty, and be there for their new nephew.
Hang in there, congrats on the soon to be bundle of joy!

What you are considering is fairly cruel, and I have first hand experience with it. Infertility is hard, very hard. It puts people into very dark places. Simply changing the name wouldn't be so hard, but for them, it would mean everything.

Name your child what you want, period. Don't worry about others they will find children with the same names as their child goes through school. I mean honest do you think one of the celebrities would be mad if you used the same name as they did? no, my sister named her daughter Abigail there's lots out there in the world. It's unfair for everyone to ask you do use or not use a name. Do as you fill this is your child and your moment it's rude to steal someone moment and joy of a coming birth of a child with unreasonable request.

My best wishes for a quick and easy birth and less stress, blessings.

Really it shouldn't be an issue. You have a baby on the way. They have a baby maybe? And you've already told them you won't be calling your baby that name - so now confusing the kids! AND you've told them you're honoring both your fathers with your baby's name and would be thrilled for them to use the name also. I agree with others...she'll get over it! I'm all for you naming your baby what you've already named him!

Did they ever "claim" this name? If not...I know you feel guilty...but I wouldn't care. You ARE pregnant and you chose the name you love. There is nothing wrong with that. It's their issue, not yours.

I feel like this first come first serve. Its not like you're naming the baby after your brother...then I could see their anger being justified.It's your baby boy and you can name him Suzy if you want to. Your family will come around your brother may take a while but once he sees that sweet face of your baby how could he stay mad? Stick to your guns but it sound like you will!

This is a late response, but I just wanted to add a different perspective. Yes, they are being completely ridiculous and you should be able to name your child whatever you choose. But you have to be able to accept the possible consequences of this. My brothers do not speak to each other to this day, and the baby they fought over is now 8 years old. The rift has led to a great deal of distress among all members of my family. I doubt this will happen to this extreme in your family, but unfortunately it did in mine:(

Seriously?

Of all the lame things to get hung up on, this is something that only mom and dad can decide.
Period.
If they can't deal, screw that.
And honey, don't feel bad. Once it's on paper, they should come around.

I can totally see where you are coming from. You are the one that is pregnant. When naming my daughter we considered AVA, my cousin who is only 20 said "oh thats the name I have always wanted, but I am not pregnant, so if you use it I will be disappointed, but I will be okay" I think that is a mature response. I can also see where your brother and SIL are sensitive b/c if they have been trying hard and have been talking about names it can be a touchy subject for them to have someone "take their name". You are the parents and what you want is what goes. I think its quite immature that they are not talking to you. That is just selfish and rude. You should try to reach out one more time, then just pray about it. They will either come around or miss out on a lot of things.

Well, from your So What Happened, I don't see why you even asked. Your brother is asking you to retain a name for his use if they have a baby boy. You refuse.
I'm sorry, but you are coming across as a little selfish and self-righteous here.

I feel if you choose a name for your child then it has to mean something to you. And if your friends and family do not respect the desire to name your child as you wish then they need to just have time and space for a bit. Once the baby is here and the name as been given hopefully the childish behavior will stop. IF not then that is not something you should feel guilty about. They should as it is their choice to behave this way. As for your brother wanting the name, you said you are not calling blessing#2 by that name, so perhaps once he hears that the feelings will change. Best wishes.

First of all, why should you feel guilt UNLESS there is something to BE guilty about? Sounds like some members of your family are use to getting their OWN way and when they do not, throw a HISSY or try to punish you by doing something to hurt you. (i.e. They know you and are taking advantage of your condition).

I sincerely hope your brother and his wife do not start bringing children into this world until they can grow up and start loving the family they DO have and treating YOU with respect.

It's going to be hard for you, but PLEASE concentrate on the baby on the way and your husband and other child. If the rest of your family is worth it, they will come around.

Blessings.......

This is so childess !!!! when I have my second daughter I love this name and we decided to name her even knowing that one of my best friend daughters has the same name , (actually I know a few) .....
I know maybe with family is different but I'm pretty sure if a name that like is already in "use" it wouldn't mind me at all .....name your kids wherever you Like if they think that's a motive to not talk to you well.....is their choice.....

You have every right to use whatever name for your child that you like. When it's your brother and SIL's turn to have a baby, they have every right to use whatever name they like, even if it's the same name that you give to your son.

It's too bad that your brother and SIL are so upset by this, but to cut you out when you are pregnant is just cruel on their part. It seems to me that perhaps the issue might be more about them not being able to handle the pain of watching you have another baby while they are not able to conceive, but perhaps that is too painful a reality to face and so instead they are focused on the name as an issue to pin their anger on. It's just as illogical as being angry with you about conceiving easily would be, but I guess they have less anxiety if they focus on the name issue.

As difficult as it is, try to be empathic and patient with your extended family - they are obviously in pain. Once the baby is here, the name won't matter so much (though they may still make it an issue). I named my son a name that my mother loathes, and she still brings it up (he's almost a year old), but I prefer her having to deal with her own feelings than me having given up the one name I truly loved to make her happy. How bitter would I feel if I were calling him something else and had to think about losing my favorite name every time I called him or wrote down his name?

If your SIL and brother are blessed with kids, give them your support and blessing for whatever name they choose. I wish you the best.

As someone who has had 4 m/c's and 2 wonderful children I realize that picking out a name is important and not to be taken lightly. It is not easy even in the best of circumstances. With my first everyone was critical of everything, so we quit telling them names we were considering until we knew what we wanted and made it clear what the name was (First name after my dh's grandfather, it was the middle name that was our issue). With my daughter her middle name was to be after my grandmother and we had trouble agreeing on a first name. Again lots of input that didn't help and honestly we didn't ask for the input. Plus an aunt that "urged" her daughter to "steal' my babies middle name (her daughter was due first and she didn't use the name). Ok we could have both used it it was our grandmother's middle name, but it was how her mom handled it that was wrong. There are lots of names out there and being in a situation where I have lost multiple babies and still hope to have another I don't claim any names and there are several out there we like, but if someone else uses it first then we will either use it also or pick a new one (there are 4 boys in my dh's family with the same name, now we will not be using that name : ). It is one thing to claim a name when you are expecting, but claiming a name when you are hoping to expect is a little unreasonable. Now if they had made it clear that they were hoping to name a child that name in the "unknown" future, then MAYBE (and I am still not certain about that) their feelings should have been considered, but to tell you afterwards that it was theirs and that you need to pick a new name is unrealistic and I agree with others that it is not the root of the issue. Fertility or infertility is difficult, even though I have been pregnant 6x, that has been mostly with fertility drugs, so I do know what the struggle is like and what they are going through on that side, but I still feel that their being unfair and unrealistic.

go ahead and take the name if you want... there is no harm if you both name your kids the same name... they are cousins, not siblings after all!.

But, have you considered just flipping the order of the names? If you plan on calling him by his middle name , anyways- why not just make that his first? Maybe that would be a nice gesture to your brother if you are worried about it... Just a suggestion (and of course... without knowing the names it is hard to say if it would even sound ok in that order...

I can understand wanting your child to have a "unique" name especially within the family- but it won't hurt two people to have a similar name. The only time it *might) be less "nice" is if your brother was a "jr" and had ALWAYS planned on having his firstborn boy be a "third".

If we have a boy, he will be Gary III... after his father and grandfather. If my husband's sister wanted to name one of her boys "Gary"- I would not try to stop her, but I might suggest she use the name as a middle name instead- unless she was 100% set on the name. If she did name her son "Gary" - I would still go ahead and name our son Gary III... because that tradition means a lot to my husband and I- and it won't hurt the kids at all!

Thankfully, she already has 3 sons... all with "c" names... I think the name "Gary" is pretty safe for us to "take".

If your family members cannot deal with this before the baby comes... their loss. Try to be understanding of how they may feel- sure... but don't feel guilty about your name choice... he is your baby, and it is wonderful that you would honor your father and grandfather by naming the baby after them! (but also, remember to be gracious if they make the decision to name their baby the same name, or a similar one in the future).

Good Luck!
-M.

We have most all the children in our family (brothers, sisters children) that have some portion of their name the same and we LOOOOVE it! We consider it just another reinforcement of the strong connection we maintain with our growing numbers. Most all of the girls have Mary in their name and the boys have John in their names. No one cares who is called by what (1st or middle name). In my opinion, your brother and SIL are being jerks about this. Name your children whatever you want and tell them THEY are of course welcome to use the any portion of the same name and you think it would be neat for the kids to share that.

your kid your choice you are not going to be calling him by this name on a daily basis so what is the problem. they can name their kid the same name and call him that name. my cousin called his son nathanial in remeberance of his brother and so did my brother. niether were offended. dont feel guilty cause its not that big of a deal they need to grow up. now if you were calling your child the main name by your fathers name i can see getting alittle upset over that. lets say your dads name was justin. so you call your son justin scott and his everyday name is scott. he calls his justin henry and his every day name is justin there is no problem here. they will get over it maybe to save grace use a variance of it. like with justin it would be jastin i dont know if that name exist i am just throwing ideas out there.

You should absolutely name the child what you want. No one can be mad, they will have to get over it.
I have to say though I'm curious that in both of your kids, you don't use the first name, you use the middl...why don't you just flip flop them? Seems like it would be confusing!

Hey guess what! There will be A LOT of other people in the world with the same name! Are your BIL and SIL going to be ticked off at all of them too? Sheesh.

If I were you, I'd send them an e-mail with all these responses copied and pasted in it. They are being unreasonable, and I think most of these posts agree with that. I have a friend whose family includes many boys all with the same first name -- all cousins. Nobody is ticked. They are FAMILY. I wouldn't give the BIL and SIL another thought. Let them stew in their weird unhappiness.

Use which ever name you like. It's not like they're 32 weeks pregnant and already staked a claim to the name and now you're taking it before their baby is born. I can understand if your husband was Robert Smith Jr. and he wanted Robert Smith III and you took Robert, but it's not his name, so it's up for grabs--he's your dad too!