After having 3 boys, I found out I am finally having a girl. When my mother passed away, I was always said if I had a girl I would name her after my mother, only using the Spanish name since my husband is Spanish. Well, my sister had a girl first and took that name. Her child is not Spanish and does not even have any connections to the Spanish culture, so I'm annoyed that she would choose the Spanish version of my mother's name. I think it was a hit on my because she knew I wanted to use that name.
Anyway, this is not a sister I have talked to in about 7 years, and probably don't ever plan on talking to again. I tried in the past to reconcile things, but she's holding some ridiculous grudge for whatever reason.
I have been stuck on naming a girl after my mother but don't know now. What would others do in this situation? As I said, I don't even talk to my sister or have any contact with her, so the cousins wouldn't even know each other or anything. Not a big loss to me since my husband's family plays a more important role anyway.
Also, since this is a pregnancy with complications and my baby girl is fighting to become big enough to be delivered, I feel even more compelled to name her after my mother.
Well, I just found out I lost her and will be delivering her stillborn this evening. We will be naming her after my mother, as I wanted to do all along. Thank you for all the replies and well wishes.
HI i would use the name, even if you were on speaking terms. I don't think it matters as much as people think. In my family there are lots of cousins with the same name. It's quite funny actually..just an example I have an uncle Alberto, a cousin Alberto the same age group and they both named their sons Alberto. At the fam reunion this yr there was 5 Albertos. No big deal. Good luck!
My brother in law has a first cousin with the same name and it's not a big deal with the family at all. I say, do what you want!
I was the first granddaughter born in a sea of boys. I was named after my grandmother, M.. I also have a little cousin named M. (my mother's brother's daughter). I don't mind at all and infact she lives so far away I've never even met her. It's never been an issue.
I would go ahead and use you mother's name. Celebrate the woman you loved, pay no attention to the one you don't. If you are still uncomfortable, you could use your mother's name as the baby's middle name and give her an equally lovely first name, maybe another family name. Good luck!
My husband and his first cousin, who is one month younger, have the same first name. Their mothers are sisters and are very close, and in fact lived across the street from each other for years while the boys were growing up. My husband is named after his father and paternal grandfather, but his aunt also really liked the name. No one has a problem with it, and we just include the middle name of everyone with the same first name at family gatherings!
So I think you should definitely name your daughter after your mother. Good luck with your pregnancy. :-)
name her whatever you want to name her. they will have different last names so it's not like they will have the same complete name. If you ever speak to your sister, you can always come up with nicknames if you need to.
It seems based on your question you have already made up your mind:
1) You and your sister don't speak, so don't worry about what she named her daughter. It was her mother too and she probably felt a connection to the name even if someone does not identify with a heritage they can identify with a name.
2) Depending on your feelings, you could opt. For the original spelling of your mothers name, if the duplicity bothered you a lot.
3) This is your child, regardless of what anyone else does you have to be happy. With her name and your decision. Hope everyone is here, happy and healthy in the end.
K R,
I would not change the name you are planning because of your sister's immature behavior. I say name your daughter after your mother! Especially if this is a sister you have not talked to in 7 years and do not plan to speak with or have any relationship with - this is not a problem. If your daughter and her cousin do become aquainted later in life, then they may find it cool that they have the same name.
I have a similar situation with my sister - we used to be close, but had a falling out when she over-reacted to a question and refused to speak with me. Even after my son was born with complications and had brain surgery at 10 days old, I did not hear from her. I have learned not to live my life worrying about her and what she thinks - it is not worth the effort or stress. It is her loss & I do not need the negative attitude in my life.
Good luck with your decision & Good luck with your delivery.
~ B.
Do it. Name YOUR baby whatever name you and your husband choose. It obviously means so much to you and maybe it truly means something to your sister as well. Your mom would just be doubly proud to have two beautiful granddaughters named after her.
Don't feel like you're doing anything wrong, name your little girl after your mother and live a happy life!!!
AND if you ever do meet up with your sister or make ammends to each other, don't hold it against her that she also used the name. Remember, it was her mother too. Don't try to know other peoples reasons for doing things, it is usually not what we think it is.
Good luck and congrats on your baby girl!
Jules
It sounds like you'd always regret it if you didn't name her what you truly want to name her. So, do it! I wouldn't let that stop you b/c someone you'll rarely (if ever) see has the same name. Go for it!
It is the task on any individual to make their name their own no matter how unique or common the name. It's a fun task at times. Also, if your daughter has the authentic Spanish heritage on her side, she may grow up pronouncing her own name properly (as opposed to others... who may not. Awwwww.)
Also, nicknames are born out of unique expression. Perhaps your daughter will inspire a nickname that would eliminate any confusion should the cousins be in the same place at the same time in the future. I have always felt honored that my name has family significance. (My first name is the feminine forms of my uncles's name and also was my mom's mom's father's name. My middle name was my mom's dad's mother's name.) Don't let anyone, even your sister, rob you and your daughter of that honor.
god bless you and your family during this awful time. I lost a child, stillborn, and to say it is difficult is an understatment. Im thankful you have a family to cling to. let me know if i can be of any help.
A lot of people have already responded, so someone may have already pointed this out. In some cultures it is tradition to name first born sons or daughters after an ancestor, so there are often duplicates-Someone mentioned "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I was talking to friends who are Greek this weekend. The tradition in their family is to name the first son after the father's father. He and his cousin have the same name and no great shakes.
Regarding the importance of the name to you, and thinking of your daughter with this name for years before she was ever conceived...well, names matter. When we adopted our daughters, we changed the youngest's name. We spent weeks looking for a name that had meaning to us, that we felt would carry her through her ENTIRE LIFE. Unless your daughter is born, and you look at her and feel that the name doesn't feel right, keep the name.
Congratulations on your little fighter. Remember that babies can thrive younger and younger with the right care. My oldest daughter was born at 27 weeks and 1 1/2 lbs. and is 4 now and full of attitude, talents all her own, and love.
S.
Seems like most people here favor using the same name. If the 2 girls having the same name really bothers you, can you use your mom's name and not the Spanish version? Maybe her middle name could be Spanish and tribute to your husband's side.
In the end, just be true to yourself. If you want to use a certain name, then go for it! Good Luck with your Little Senorita to be! I have 2 girls and they are fun!
Your question reminds me of the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Toula's cousins were named either Nick or Anita, and everybody knew who they were (at least in the movie) and supposedly these cousins were close to each other. It seems unlikely that the cousins will get together anytime in the near future, so I think you should name your daughter whatever you want.
P.S. Sisters. . .
Congratualations on your baby girl, I hope things go OK with the remainder of the pregnancy.
Name your child how you see fit. If your sister has a problem with it, that's her problem and not yours. I think it's wonderful that you want to use your mother's name.
Use the name you desire most, especially paying respect to your mother. Why should it matter if your sister used the same name? The cousins would have different last names, so it's really not that big of a deal. A similar situation happened in my family, and hopefully things will work itself out. If you feel strongly about using the name, do it! Don't let a sister that you are not even close to have that much influence on what name you want to use. You only name your kids once, why not use the name you really want to. If you don't use the name, be prepared to possibly live with regrets.....good luck in your decision.
Follow your heart. Honor your mother and daughter by giving her that name. Your sister doesn't have the only right to use that name just because she got there first! Names are legacies. You have that legacy, too. Share it with your daughter.
Hi - Congratulations on your pregnancy. As for her name, I say honor your mother by fulfilling your heart. Your daughter will be yours even if she has the same name as her cousin. I pray the rest of your pregnancy is as healthy has it can be and that your daughter is born happy & healthy. God Bless!
Do whatever you can live with!! If you think down the road you will regret using the name, then don't use it. I don't see how you could ever regret naming your daughter after your mother but I do understand how annoyed you are with the situation, in general.
We have used family names for all 3 of our children and used the ethnic versions (we are Lebanese). No one else in our families wanted to tackle the foreign names and actually made fun of the names we chose. And now they are all irritated with each other for using similar "American" names and variations of the same name. It is so stupid. But when my kids ask, "Who am I named for?" I have a wonderful story to tell. Not, "Oh, I just made up the spelling because so and so used the name I really wanted!!"
Be true to yourself and you can't go wrong. If you don't have a relationship with this sister, then it won't matter. Plus, her daughter is older so enough time will have passed to make it okay. Is there a middle name you can use to change it up a bit? Naming a child is such a daunting task anyway. Don't spend too much time wondering who is going to be annoyed or upset, etc. It is so wonderful to be having a baby - dwell on the miracle and name your daughter the name you will enjoy saying over and over again for the rest of your life.
Good luck and God bless,
Z. (rhymes with China:)
Use the name anyway. It means a lot to you and i bet your mother loved knowing that was your plan if you had a girl. Remember, she's being named after your mom not your sister's child.
And boo on your sister for doing that to you.
Name her whatever you want. I think it is awesome that you want to honor your mother and yet include the heritage from your husband's family. There were many "Roberts" in my family growing up to honor my grandfather, and it all worked out. Follow your heart on this one.
I have been here and done this, but it was with my father's name. When I had the first grandson, my DH and I wanted to honor both our dads and name our son after both of them. My youngest brother (whose wife wasn't even pregnant at the time) complained that I couldn't use our father's name as my son's first name because he was planning to use it in the future. It took both of our parents pointing out that the children would have different last names and probably grow up on different coasts, so it really didn't matter to convince my brother that it was a non-issue as far as they were concerned and to drop it. I named my son after my father, and several years later when my brother finally had a son he did the same. So, we had a Joe (my dad), a Joey (my eldest brother), a Joseph (my son) and a Joe II (my nephew).
I also had a roommate at one time who had a cousin with her exact name (first, middle, AND last). The two girls didn't grow up near each other, but they thought it was kind of neat to have a relative with the exact same name when they met at a family reunion as little girls.
Name your daughter what you want to name her, it is your child and your choice. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
I would name your girl what ever it is you want to name her. It is not a big deal if a cousin has the same name. If you were a blended family and a step sibling living with you happened to have the same name that would be confusing. But since no one else in your house has that name go for it! Families share names of important people all the time. There are three men in my family with the exact same name and are all at the cousins related level.
Definitely name your daughter as you wish to. Separate that decision from your relationship with your sister. If by some chance you and your sister are able to reconcile, having daughters with the same name should not be a stumbling block. Congratulations!
name her after your mother! name her after your mother! My sil and I were pregnant at the same time and actually due the same week - both girls. I told everyone her name and that she was going to be named after me and my grandmother (same name) My brother and sil kept quiet until the baby was born. she was delivered a month prematurely and named her the same name. I was still pregnant and fuming. I thought about it and decided that even though we are a close family, we don't live in the same town and the girls have different last names. I named her the same name but we gave my daughter a nickname - Katie instead of Kate. Ironically, a few years later we adopted a dog that was already named. Our lovely dog has the same name as my brother's 2nd daughter - Lilly. there may have been hurt feeling about both names for a short time (mostly my side) but we are all fine with it (5 years now) and I am glad I didn't compromise and choose a name that didn't mean as much to me. My sil named her daughter after her mother so we were both being sentimental, not petty. Even if you and your sister reconcile (which I hope you do for your children's sakes) it will be fine to have the same name.
Name your daughter the name you want!! We named our son (last child) after both of his great-grandfathers. Our girls always ask "who am I named for" and even though it wasn't planned when picking out their names, they are in a round about way named after me and my maternal grandmother. Family names are special and the kids, at least mine, love to hear about the relatives that they were named for. In my opinion, naming a child is a one shot deal, that is, you cannot change the name later. Go with your instinct and name your child what you want!!
I hear from you that your mother's name with the Spanish language is an important contact for you with your new daughter. I also agree with SM's response; positive things can come out of the same name, and if you have misgivings, make a little change to how you USE the name, not the name itself.
Consider that the naming of your child, with your husband, needs to be a name you accept in your heart. Your child wants to hear the love that was put into getting your name, no matter what it turns out to be. And the sir name is your husband's right?, so the whole name is not the same as your niece. It ought to have plenty of individualism without changing your first desire.
Some cultures dictate that name according to deceased relatives, or rotate names by generation. The parent's culture is part of their heart, and they abide by it. Our Society allows you to decide, and it's especially important that you are happy with the name as you are going to have it with your child throughout your life.
If your daughter doesn't want her cousin's name (they usually love having the same name), allow her to be called something different- wait for her request. My mother told me, if I wanted to change to my middle name, that was what it was for.
If your sister decides to contact you with a negative intent, then in your heart; send her the love you have for your mother and your new daughter. As you respond to her with that love in your heart, you'll know you honor your mother and her name by having Two grandchildren with her name and you honor your husband and daughter's heritage using the Spanish version. Your child will grow with that love and honor from you - SO WHAT IS IN A NAME? What you give with it...
Good luck with the decision, and love it!
I am so soryy for your lost. My prayers are with you and your family.
It sounds like you really want to name her after your mother. You should. I know there's a little separation, but my cousin and I both named our daughters after our grandmother. I know some siblings that have considered naming their child names that we've already decided on for future children (even though the name isn't a family name). It won't stop me from naming my child a name that I love. Hopefully they won't care. If they do, then it's really too bad for them. I think it's really wonderful that you want to honor your mother this way, and I think you should remember it's really about your mother and your daughter. Whatever grudge your sister might hold, however she might try to take a stab at you, you have to look beyond that. And I think it would be worse to regret not naming her after your mother.
how wonderful to have three lovely boys and now getting a girl! congratulations!
i would absolutely name her after your mom, what a lovely tribute, especially if you have challenges in the pregnancy that cause you recall the strength and love of your mom to help you through. as many here have said, even if you reconcile with your sister it shouldn't be any problem at all that the cousins have the same name, you'll find fun and creative ways to deal with it.
:) khairete
S.
Name her whatever you want. I would say that even if you and your sister were close. I think it is nice tha tboth girls have sort of connection to a grandmother they didn't know. And for all you know, one day they may seek to meet onatnother and bond over the shared name.
If you are worried it would make the situation worse or just feel it's not originial, you could use a middle name - your Mom's name as first or middle, but call her by the other name. So if you mom was Jane, you name her Jane Marie and call her Marie, etc.
Good luck with the pregnancy, and I sincerely hope you can reconcile with your sister in the future, especially so your kids can know their cousins.
I am sooo sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that you and your family have the support that you need to get throught this painful time.
girl just do it,
you can tell your daughter why you named her that when she is old enough to under stand.
there are plenty of families that have people with all the same name threw it.
just look at all those JR. and SNR.
and besides if you dont want to talk to her then dont worry about it. she is going to have a different last name anyways.
I would still name my daughter after my mother. Who cares if more than one child in a family has the same name. If people don't like it, then is sucks to be them. They will have to get over it. The choice is yours. Good luck.
You've seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Nic, Nic, Nic... I think you can name your child any special name you wish, especially when it has such strong emotional ties.
And if you do have the good fortune of working things out with your sister, the girls might just feel more connected having the same name with ties to their grandmother.
Best wishes for her development!
ah, isnt sibling spats great.. ok, skip the snideness.
dont worry about whether your sister has used the name or not, it is a name, not a country. the beautiful thing about
names is that you can use the english, french, spainsh
or even the vietnamese spelling of a name.. it is up to you. you can use the name as a first, second, third or even the forth name, stop looking over the fence to see what your sister is doing because, chances are good, she is doing the same thing. convincing herself that you have something she doesnt have... and all that does is make the person that encourages this very well off , laughing all the way to the bank
K. h.
Congratulations! I had 3 girls, then finally had a boy. And, oh boy! What a difference in raising them. Girls and boys are so different!
Anyway, name your little girl whatever you want to name her. It's not like having two kids in the same house everyday with the same name. There's no reason why you shouldn't use the name you want to use. Have a glorious life!
