Name Change - Palm Coast,FL

Why not use your maiden name as your middle name..since your husband doesn't want it to be hyphenated? That way your maiden name is still a part of you....for your son's sake...but your husband is happy because you have HIS last name.
R. Ann

It is your name, if he loves you he should understand you wanting to keep your name in common with your son. My mom did not change hers from my fathers name until my sister and I were both married.

I don't see any reason not to hyphenate your name because you have a child that will not take your new husbands name. List your name as
First, Middle, Maiden-Married. Your last name will be the same as your husband, but you still share your sons name. You could also keep your maiden name as a second middle name. Is your husband planning on or able to adopt your son? Then you could all have the same last name.

Have you explained to him the reason you want to keep your maiden name? Let him know it isn't because you don't want/like his name (which may be what he is thinking), but because you don't want to create confusion for your son and that you want him to feel connected to you through the name. If he cares about you and loves you both, he should understand that there is logic behind your reasoning and either let you keep it, or at least hyphenate it along with his. We're not living in the 1800s, modern women now have a choice as to what name to take and he should respect that choice. What matters is that he's getting to marry you and have a new son, why should he fight over something as petty as a surname?

I think the best thing for your sons sake it to hypenate it. Once your son is old enough, and if he wants to take your husbands last name and vice versa then you can all share the family name. I think what you are doing is right and will still allow your son to feel a part of you and a part of the family. I think you are thinking about your son, and your husband is thinking about himself.

Since your son's father is not in the picture, does your new husband plan on adopting your son? If so, then you and your son can take your new husband's last name...

If he will not be adopting your son, then you need to keep your last name for your son. Keep it as is or hyphenate. If he's a good man, he should understand that you can't just leave your son out there hanging with a different last name that the rest of his family - that's just wrong. He needs to understand that.

When I married my husband I made my maiden name my middle name- because I was already working in my field, I didn't want to have to change all of my licenses. That was better than hyphenating.

The other option would be to have him adopt your son, so all of the names match.

Hyphenate it ......... Why is this such an issue for your new husband...this is nuts.........its your name and your sons name........I don't get it?????

I agree with you use a "-" Tell your husband that it is your name not his

I think it's awful that your husband feels so strongly about YOUR decision. You are not his property, but his wife. My husband told me to keep my name, he thinks it's terrible to expect women to change their names as be forced to comply with a patriarchal society. If your husband doesn't understand then there are bigger problems in the future.
Good luck

That is one of the reasons I never got remarried when the girls were little so that we could have the same name. It is less comfusing for a child when they share the parents name. Is it possible that your Husband would want to adopt your son? That is one way you could all have the last name.

I had a smiliar situation and I moved my former last name to my middle name. It is YOUR decision. I do feel like this should have been talked about BEFORE you got married tho. I told my now husband my intentions when we were in the "friends" stage. If you feel strongly.. stick to your guns... also I do NOT think your now hubby should adopt your other child simply so all names match.. that is a HUGE decision and all parties should be clear of what that means and agree to it.. Meaning your son NO matter what his age should get a say.. God Bless and Good Luck!!

My oldest had my last name and then I got married and my name changed. I did hyphenate my name but the only time that I used it that way was for school purposes. I always signed notes and permission slips with my hyphenated name so my child would still be associated with me. But regardless what name I went by, people always called me by her last name and never my new onevile vice versa, which I didn't mind because I got myself into that situation to begin with.

I am with you - you should hyphenate. I have 2 children from my last marriage so I use my children's last name as my middle name.

Take your case that as it pertains to your son's schooling - it will make it easier.

Call me if you want - send me a email if you want.

A.

I don't have a real solution, as I think your idea is best, keep yours and add his. I am always amazed in this day and age at men who insist on a woman taking a mans name. I haven't met any that would be willing to ditch their name and take the woman's name.

For what it's worth, unless you're going to change your son's last name too, I agree with you.

Hi M.,
Since your son's father is not in the picture and I assume the man you married loves your son as well, why don't you take your husband's name and have him adopt your son and give your son his name as well.

That is what my mother and step-dad did for me and it always made me feel in the family and my step -brother and I have always been just brother and sister with the same last name.

I would hyphenate it. Mine is & I didn't have a child 1st...

Was this ever discussed before getting married? I think that being "against it & thinking you should only have his" sounds really insensitive to your oldest & that would really bother me. Is he this controlling about everything? It is your name not your husbands. If he is SO interested in you 2 having the same last name, maybe he could hyphenate his? If not, at least he'll understand that changing your name is a bigger deal than he is making it out to be.

Sorry if that sounds harsh- but I can't imagine my husband asking me to do something so big that mattered to me & my son.