If You Didn't Take Your Husband's Last Name, Do Your Kids Automatically Take It?

If I had it to do all over again, I would have just taken my husbands last name (which is what I use now) & called it a day! My last name is legally hyphenated... my maiden name then his family name. It has created more confusion and headaches than I ever imagined! Like one other responder, one bank has my maiden name listed as my middle name, another creditor has only my maiden, another only my husbands... what a mess! I have 'aliases' (I think there are 12 now - from everyone else's errors) reported on all of my credit reports because of this. Simplify, simplify, simplify...

I met a mom who had a unique approach to this. She "kept" her last name and her husband "kept" his. Any boys took Dad's last name and girls had Mom's. Makes sense to me.

I know you got a lot of replies, but in case it helps, here's mine. I kept my name and we are naming the kids with my last name as their middle name. Before I was married I thought I wouldn't marry, but have gotten more conventional. It seemed more important to him that they have his name than it was to me that they have mine. I have heard of coin flipping, girls get her name, boys get his, and both picking new names together (I think for the whole family). I'm not a fan of hyphated names, too long/cumbersome. I would definitly do the sae for biological and adopted (unless it was a kid adopted at an older age - not a baby/toddler -who had name long enough to be a part of him/her and didn't want to change it). GL,
J.

I think the two last name thing is such a pain in the butt. My husband is Mexican so has both his mother and father's last names. ugh. The bank has one last name, the gym has it hyphenated, the bills have both...no hyphen...the doctors office has the other...argh! Pain!
When I got married I did not change my last name for a year, my son was not my husband's biological kid. But, at about 11 months I wanted us all to have the same last name so we came accross more as a "family unit" and I changed both my and my son's names.
I think that if you have two kids that are going to have different last names you are asking for a bit of trouble. Both kids will want to know why they do not have the same last names. The school, drs, insurance....it just seems like a lot more explaining to do on your part.
My dad's mother got remarried and she changed her last name as well as having her next two kids have her husband's last name. My dad always felt like an outsider and didn't understand WHY his father didn't want him to carry his last name. He is 54 now and it still bothers him.
While I understand that you think your name is equally important I also think that while you are trying to give yourself just as much recognition in the "name game" you are really just leaving yourself open to explaining this for the rest of your life...and then your children doing the same thing.
I would say....choose one last name...yours or your husband's, and then give all of your kids that same last name. Don't double up...too confusing.
L.

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I kept my maiden name and added my husband's name to the end of mine. Because I did that thru MARRIAGE, I have that option, not only that we wanted to carry on our dad's name being all girls. However, because your kids are naturally his thru BIRTH, they need to have their father's name because of identity, and all the stuff that goes along with that. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be because of your feelings toward the situation. If you want to use your name as middle names, that's an option, but as far as paternity, etc, it's just expected the kids get their fathers name.

In their birth certificate (both born in the USA), my children have their first name, middle names and as their last names they both have their dad's last name followed by my maiden last name.
I have my maiden name followed by my husband last name (but wasn't married in USA, not sure the law here), so my last name is basically the flip of my children last name (lets say I'm Mrs Smith-Jones and they are children Jones-Smith)
In everyday life, I use only my maiden name and the children use only their dad's last name. It's a convenience choice, it's easier and shorter

As for the different names, I believe siblings (from same parents) should have the same name, it's more logical. It's odd to me that one would be Peter (Jones) Smith is the brother of Mary (Smith) Jones. I would use the same rule for both, whatever this rule be. Otherwise, it's like if one child is only yours and the other only his, it sounds like settling who gets who in case of divorce or something like that. It may also unconsciously create preferences or sibling jealousy/rivalry in the future when you tend to prefer the lucky child who has you name. It's pushing the "mummy's boy and daddy's girl" a little too much! And, what happens if you have 3 kids, or only one, the balance is lost anyway.
If you want both names to be equal, then have both names at the same level in their birth certificate.

Actually, you can name your child whatever you want to name them. They don't have to have either last name if you so choose. You can name your kid Spongebob Squarepants if you choose. There's no law saying that a child has to have one of their parents' last names. It's just a cultural tradition that is so ingrained that it seems like a law.

However, my son was given my hubby's last name and now we have to change it because my hubby has thought it all out and is going to take my last name instead of the other way around (one of those stories where he found out at age 30 that his borderline abusive dad wasn't really his dad..etc..). So I guess my point is that nothing is permanent here. You always have the option of changing it later if it doesn't seem to be working out or if the kids display a preference later in life.

I don't know anything about full-blood sibs with different last names though. I'd imagine that it wouldn't be a big deal as long as everyone was happy with what they had.

I wanted to keep things as easy as possible so I kept my name and my son has DH's name. Dh actually wanted to make up a name for our son but...like I said...easy as possible.

If I have any more kids, they'll have DH's name, too.

I imagine it could be quite the hassle to have kids with different last names. Certainly deal-able, but why make more problems when you don't need to? Kids are hard enough.

I do have a friend who used her maiden name as her daughter's middle name. She expects the daughter to someday drop Dad's last name because it is HUGELY confusing, lol.

I always told my husband that he got a choice in naming our children.... The last name... ah hhaa haa haa haa.... lol.. No really. I was always more interested in the first name and middle names and it was never an issue for me. The names I chose for my children were after people in my family so I was never interested in my last name being kept but more with honoring the people within my family instead. I dunno. Mine have my husbands last name because I knew it was what he really wanted, I like it that way, but we do talk about my family and my lineage alot so I don't think that it will ever get lost with my children. I just didn't think it needed to be on a legal document, they know.
My husband's brother is adopted and the dynamic is such that if there were anything else that were different I think it would have been very hard on him. He knew very young that he was adopted and was fine with that but has since met his biological family and if he had had a different last name than his brother I think it would have had a BIG impact on him... Not a good one. When he first met his bio family he struggled with it, but came home and said very plainly that he was glad to be a "insert our last name". Because he knew that this was his family, that his brother was his brother and it was just less to process and deal with. Does that make sense. It may not be the case with your children but who's to say right...

I only have 1 daughter. Her father and I are not married, yet, but I plan on keeping my own last name. This being said, we hyphenated her last name. Yes, its very long, but I don't care. She has two last names that are equally important. I thought about splitting the last names between our kids (when we have more) I am glad you posted that, can't wait to hear the feedback. Good Luck. =)
Oh and I didn't want to make one of the last names a middle name. To me last names are just that...LAST names. If we made one her middle name, it might not get carried on to her own children one day. That was just my thinking though.

I never legally changed my name but sometimes use my husband's name socially. Our 2 children have both last names, unhyphenated. We decided that they would just have 4 names each (one middle name is a given name and the second is my last name). This is not a big deal since we all have short, easy to pronounce and spell names (the kids don't have any name longer than 7 letters between them). If I had been stuck with my mom's Polish maiden name I might have ditched it though.

BTW, my sister married with the last name Cox. She kept her name since hyphenating would not have sounded good. But her sister in law had the first name Eden which would have been worse. They choose to all change their last name to a different family name (husband's mother's maiden name in this case) because they wanted the parents and children to all have the same last name.

Ok so I know its not what you want to hear, but I LOVE having my husbands last name.. And in fact its not his it is ours! Once we had kids and they had our name too it became even more special, we are a family and we all share that.. It is ours, I love it all!!
And my husband actually has his mothers as his second middle

I have been married almost 10 years and I kept my name. It was never an issue for us. Both of my kids, ages 6 and 4, have my husband's last name. The kids have been curious about it, and we told them I didn't change my name when I got married, but it has not affected them. Sometimes I know people assume we are not married because we have different last names. I have thought about changing my name as the kids get older. I thought maybe their friends might say something, but I think it is more common now. Do what feels right!

mines a hyphenate, just because i hated waiting in those lines to change it officially, lol, maybe you could hyphenate the kids name and make it their choice which one they want to "drop" if any

I wish I kept my Maiden name when I got married. Never even gave it a thought! I have since divorced and my kids want to be known by both my surname and that of their dads. So that is what we have done for them at school. My surname then their dads. It works well too.Legally of course they have to go by their Birth surname which is of their dads. My wee boy wanted to drop his dads name altogether..but thats another story!!

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My husband was somewhat upset that I did not want to take his last name, and so when we married I had thrown out that if we ever had kids, they could have his last name. when we did finally have kids, I still wanted them to have my name in some way, so both of the kids have my last name as their middle name. My sister in law was in a similar boat, and she decided to give the kids hyphenated last names (so they have both parents last name as their last name). I chose not to go that route because the hyphenated name would have been WAY too long. The only issue I have run into so far with having a different last name as my kids is that I often get my kids teachers and parents calling me by my husbands last name (not mine).

I took my husbands last name and dropped my maiden name like a bad habit. My middle initial IS my middle name. I had one last credit card that still had my maiden name and it took me threatening cancellation to change it.
I chose this route because my father, where my maiden name comes from, was a real loser. Why would I go through life like that? I actually started proceedings a couple of years before I married to change it.
If I had'nt had such a winner of a father...I probably would have kept the maiden name as the middle....kiddos would have been the hub's, regardless.
You know, in this day, last names "matching" just arent that important.

M:)

I never legally changed my name and have been known professionally by it. Some people, other moms, etc call me by my husband's last name which is fine and I could care less. My kids have his last name as his is shorter and sounded better than mine. None of it matters much to me, they have never questioned hearing me be called by my last name, so I think they feel it's all normal and good. It's truly not a big deal - do what you want and your kids will be fine.

Noooo.. Don't split the last names. Your kids will not like this later in life ESPECIALLY since on is adopted no matter how much alike they look. If you have such an issue with last names why not just hyphenate them?

I kept my last name and when we had our daughter she toke my husband.... It was never a question who's last name she would be given!

Whatever you name them will be fine. There are enough non-traditional people out there, and enough mixed marriages and different ways of building a family, that plenty of people have different names within a family. Decide what's important to you and your family. People will call you, ad your kids, what you tell them to.

Personally I ket my name, but gave the kids Dad's last name with my name as a middle name. I didn't want to hyphenate, but I did want them to have the option should they want to choose that down the road. For me, I wanted my kids to have the same last name, and by now I feel like my husband's family is as much mine as my own, if that makes any sense.

I've never had any issues about our names from anyone, not schools, not credit cards, not airport security, nothing. It's never been an issue unless I've chosen to make it one. My advice is, find a solution that you can live with, and do that. What works for your family will work in the world.

I kept my maiden name after my husband and I got married. But there was never a question that our children would take his name. Just like we have our fathers last name. If you choose to hyphenate, that's fine too. Just make sure your husbands name is last.

I kept my name and my two kids have my husband's last name. I would have loved the hyphenate last names for them and for myself, but my last name is long and tough to read and for some to say, so we stuck with just one last name for them. My husband's name is easy so it will work for my kids well. I have a few friends who took their husband's last name but changed their own middle name to their maiden name to keep that name going.

I agree with you that the woman's name is equally important as the man's in that kind of marriage, but the way I kept that importance going was to just keep my own name. I have never had an issue with my kids' doctor office, daycare, future school, etc. I always just say that my husband and I have different names and everyone is fine with it. It has yet to cause me any headaches, and even if it did, I have no regrets about keeping my name and my kids having my husband's.