Last Name After Marriage

CONGRATULATIONS!!! May you have many happy years together!!!

I changed to my husband's name and moved my maiden name to my middle name.

This was something that was done YEARS ago...and I felt like I wanted to keep that part of me too....

I kept my name. Not my "maiden" name (completely archaic, ridiculous reference when you actually think of that word), but MY name. I have not regretted it once in 12 years, even with having kids. Not once! So I am the #1 choice above. My last name is too complicated to hyphenate with my husband's, or I would have. It's entirely and 100% a personal choice, and what every woman feels comfortable with. For me, I felt like I already had a name and didn't want to define myself as a married person. It's just part of who I am, it's not all of me, if that makes sense. My husband knows me; I am fiercely independent and strong-willed, so he never tried to change my mind on it. He respects the choice, I think. Deep down, maybe there is some part of him that wishes I had taken his last name, but it has nothing to do with us and who we are as a couple at the end of the day. Do what feels right to you!

Do what you feel. I kept my name, plain and simple. My son has my husband's last name. I don't really care what people call me. All that matters is what I call myself. No confusion although people are worried they might offend me. It's really not a big deal either way.

I'm in Diane C's camp. When we married (almost 22 years ago), I kept my name & my husband kept his. My last name is my daughters' middle name and they have the same last name as my husband.

To me, my name represents who I am. When I married, I pledged myself to my husband, as he did to me. This commitment doesn't mean either of us has lost or assumed a different identity. We are still two distinct individuals who share a strong love and a deep faith in each other and in our family.

When we had our first child, people told us our kids would be confused by the different last names. Actually, since they grew up with it, they never saw it as weird, confusing, difficult or anything else. It's just who we are as a family.

None of us ever got too insistent or adamant about names. Although I introduce myself as Firstname Mylastname, the girls' friends sometimes call me Mrs. Theirlastname. Whatever. I answer to anything, as does my husband.

FWIW -- my surname is easier to pronounce & to spell so we frequently use that when making reservations and such.

I moved my last name to my middle name. It is like hyphenating without the pretentiousness. :)

I am surprised with Momma L's answer. I don't know a soul who wasn't given a middle name, I have two, I also have two first names and a confirmation name just for fun. :p I would say 50% of the people I know move their last name to middle.

I use my maiden name as my middle name, though I didn't drop my middle name, it is still on my driver's license, etc., I just don't use it.

I would be Mary Jane Smith Doe, but I go by Mary S. Doe, to apply your example.

Congrats!

I did #3 - Mary Smith Doe. I wanted to honor the family I came from. It's also a good way for people to find you later on - Facebook would have 1/10th the "friends" and connections if people couldn't be located by their birth names!

I can't believe you haven't heard of it before! My family members did this, one in 1914, one in 1917, one in one in 1943, and many in between and since. How about Hillary Rodham Clinton? Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy? Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

So do whatever you want - just check your initials and make sure it's not something you don't want put together (like spelling something naughty!)

Ditto Yarrmatey.

My last name is my maiden name plus my Husband's name.
With NO hyphen, between the 2 last names.
Putting a hyphen between the 2 last names, denotes an entirely different name all together, and then you have to use the hyphened name, together all the time.
Versus, since I do not have a hyphen between my 2 last names, I can, legally use, either... my maiden name or my Husband's last name, or both.
I had a Professional tell me this.

Keeping my maiden name to me, was for my sense of continuing on with my family's lineage. My Dad died, he has no sons to carry on his family name. His last name/my maiden name, is a very prominent and historically important name, culturally. And my siblings have no kids. Only I do. Thus, it is important to me, to keep my maiden name, adding on with no hyphen, my Husband's last name.

My late Grandfather... he even took my Grandma's last name when they married.... in order to carry on, the family name. Because of its importance. It was nontraditional to do so, in that generation, but was done per certain circumstances. Like my Grandma.

I didn't change my name when I got married, but decided two years later to change it. Then, I took my family (maiden) name as my middle name and his last name as my last name. This was early on in my professional career, otherwise I may not have changed it.

You can legally change your name to anything you want, as long as you aren't doing it to commit fraud, and follow the legal process in your state. I dropped my given middle name because I didn't want to deal with having four names, but I've known people with four or more names. My husband's ex came up with her own middle and last name when they were divorced (as a conscious effort to snub both him and her parents...)

Also, you legal name does not need to be the one that you "go by" day to day. Again, it's only illegal if you're doing it to commit fraud. The only places that you need to use your legal name are legal documents (driver's license, passport, mortgage paperwork, etc.) When I worked as an HR Manager I was surprised at the number of people who went by one name professionally but who's legal documents had a different form of their name.

I did option number 3. Middle names have no use, and I was more attached to my maiden name than my middle name.

I kept mine, because I am who I am, and getting married didn't make me a different person, so why would I suddenly need a different name. After all, Diane C is who my husband fell in love with. Why would I change that?

Using Mary and John, I would be Mary Jane Smith Doe. No hyphen.

I kept everything as it was and had been for 20-some years and just added his last name to my name.

I can use both last names, just my maiden name or just my married name. What can I say? I like choices.

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I did the traditional, and took my husbands last name. Why did I do it? Well, it's just the way to do it!!! It may be old fashioned, but I like that my last name matches my husbands, and my kids too. No questions asked either.

I just changed it to his last name.

When I was little, I asked my dad why women change their last names when they got married. He told me it was a state law. He used that a lot when he didn't have the answer to something. LOL On my wedding day, I joked that I had to change my name so I wouldn't get arrested.

I replaced my middle name with my maiden name.

I'm a divorced kid. I hated that my mom didn't have the same last name as me once she remarried two more times. I took my husband's last name b/c I want my kids, myself and my husband to be represented as a family in print and in life. I did not want them to feel that I was separate from them as I did from my mom. It would really bother me if my name was Roberts and my husband and kids were the Smiths - I wouldn't be a Smith if I didn't take the name. That would make me a loner with no identification connected to my own family. That's why I took his name :)

I added my husband's name to the end of mine, so it's FirstName MiddleName MaidenName LastName. He took my maiden name as his new middlename. (He's surprisingly very progressive). Our kids have our family's last name as their last name.

I like that we all have one last name. It's somewhat symbolic, but I like that we are one family unit. Also, I liked that he took my name as part of his. Kind of like we both had a change of identity when we got married.

One thing interesting was that, per California laws, HE had to go to court, do public notices, etc. to get his name changed, whereas I just had to go do paperwork!

I strictly changed my last name to his. I did it like that because that's how it made sense to me, and I didn't have any professional reason to keep my maiden name involved at all.

A lot of people keep at least some involvement with their maiden name if they have professional relationships or papers attached to that name. It's easier for people to find or recognize the name if the maiden name is still there in some form.

As Tori H. said...I shifted to the left! :)

I dropped my middle name and moved my maiden name over and took his last name...so I am a 'Mary Smith Doe'.

I did this b/c I lost my Father when I was in my early twenties and there are no other people to carry on our last name (which is VERY unique) in our family and I wanted to honor him and to be honest I just couldn't drop it, it would have broken my heart.

It was a compromise b/c husband is SO NOT a hyphenated last name kind of guy!

~Funny thing, when I signed my name before marriage my signature was:
M. Smith (love my first name just gotten in habit of not showing it).....Now that I am married I just added one letter to the end....M. Smith D. and w/out even realizing have completely highlighted my maiden name, which I LOVE!

I took my husband's last name and never wanted it any other way. I wished though that I had done option 4 and kept my maiden name as part of my middle name - having 2 middle names. I would be Mary Jane Smith Doe with "Jane Smith" as the middle names. I wish that part of my old name was in there somewhere officially.

I went with Mary Smith Doe. And I'm so glad. I didn't love my original middle name so no hardship to give it up for one. Two, having my maiden name as part of my new legal name made the transition easier. Some places seemed to treat them interchangeably. So if I hadn't changed something to Doe yet, i could show my driver's license with both names and it was no problem. Even worked with my passport once though it was a hassle. Less of a hassle than missing my flight though. And I wanted my husband's last name bc I can't imagine not having the same last name as my children. I've been in a senior professional capacity for years so I used both names for awhile and then dropped the middle. So that made the transition easy and like Jo said, not pretentious long term. Someone told me once she wished she had changed hers so every time she called school she didn't have to explain who she was. Same with say checkign into a hotel. So many things. And I like our kdis feeling like we're the Doe Family. Finally, I hate having to address envelopes to 2 different names for friends who didn't change their names. And it gets confusing to our kdis to say Mrs Smith and Mr Doe when they're Joe and Susie Doe's parents... Or is it Ms Smith....

I kept my maiden name for a couple years but then after we had children I dropped the maiden name and switched to his last name. Like Riley, I also have 2 middle names and don't need another one. I do use my maiden name as a middle name on facebook so that other's can find me but otherwise I don't use it at all.

I did #2. I took hubby's last name for several reasons. I had a friend who kept her own and it was a huge pain due to bank accounts, insurance, kids going to school, proving that they were in fact husband and wife when one of them was in the hospital and I could list a ton of other reasons as well. We also move a lot and often overseas. It made sense to take his name so we wouldn't have any problems in other countries. My sister-in-law kept her maiden name for business but outside of the office she had her husbands last name. I thought this was very smart of her.

My mother-in-law dropped her original first name, it was...very southern, and took her maiden name as her middle name and her original middle name is now her first name.

Some people hyphenate( -) the last names, using both. Usually both partners will do it to "match" and be more identified as a family unit.

John Joe Smith-Doe (Doe-Smith)
Mary Jane Smith-Doe (Doe-Smith)

Some just use both last names with no hyphen, no law saying you can only have 3 names. :)

I took my husband's name, I'd been my Maiden name for 24 years, I was joining a new family, just seemed right to me.

CONGRATS!

I changed my maiden name to my husbands last name, so #2. I was, at the time, thrilled to be 'Mrs. Doe'.

Legally, my last night is still his, but we're separated. My license says one thing, but I go by my maiden name again now :)

Although my mom and sisters all dropped their middle name and replaced with with their maiden name...I chose to drop my maiden name and keep my middle name...although technically, on my marriage licence I wrote my name as- First Middle Maiden new last name so I could choose any combination :)

I did this because I like my middle name and like the idea of being a family unit and having the same last name. Since he wouldn't take mine :) I took his :)

I moved my family name to my middle name position and took my husband's name as my new surname.

I'll toss in my two cents, even though I have been married so long people might look at things differently now.

I took my husband's name. I have never thought it was the greatest name (and trust me I get to spell it lots) but I figured if he was good enough to marry then his name was good enough for me. Besides, I couldn't imagine sleeping every night with a man whose name wasn't good enough for me.

I dropped my middle name and just use the first initial of my maiden name as my middle name.

So, Mary Jane Smith would become Mary S. Doe

I changed it the way I did because I wanted to hang onto something of my maiden name.

I already have 2 middle names... so adding a 3rd would have been a little comical. I have a very good friend whose latin family has the 42 names per person cultural aspect going on who would have LOVED for me to finally have a 'decent' sounding name... but as that's not my culture... I didn't feel like getting lost in my own name. ((Our family already has a 4 name tradition. 4 is "enough" for me :)).

Also... neither of our families is "important" in the peerage sense... so a double barreled last name made little sense as well. (Smith-Jones or Doe-Smith is an example of a double barreled last name).

Which boils down to I took his last name.

((It was never really up for question. I have FRIENDS who questioned it. Both those who double barrel in the peerage sense, who asked if I was going to becuase that's their norm, and those who typically add a married name onto a maiden name... but in my family... tradition is taking one's husband's name.))

Now... my conundrum is whether to keep it (to match with my son), or to return to my maiden name.

Traditional.. I took my husband's last name.

I kept mine. We considered both changing our names so that we both have my last name as our middle names and his name as our last name, but that actually required a legal name change on his part. Too much hassle for us.

Incidentally, my sister also kept her name, but her husband changed his to hers.

I just left mine, as you will soon find, its a major major hassle to change it. I dont mind if people call me by my husbands last name, and the kids have his last name, but I never changed mine legally.

I took his last name. My maiden last name is far too long to hyphenate.
We agreed that the last name should match..we didn't care what it was.
It is faster, cheaper and easier for me to take his last name then the other options.
I like my middle name as I love who I was named after so I was not going to change that. I hadn't heard of people doing that when I got married either.
My husband offered to take my last name at one time, we considered a totally new last name at one point, only slightly jokingly.

I did #3 because my middle name had never had a lot of meaning to me, but my last name did. However, it has made things confusing more than once, because I guess it's not the normal thing to do. Congratulations!

I ended up hyphenating, so I am Mary Jane Smith-Doe...I had a professional career with my maiden name well before I met him and felt like it was such a part of my identity. Plus, he had an ex-wife who was still using his last name as her last name (she had switched over completely when they got married) so I just didn't feel like doing the same thing if she was still using it. But I still wanted to take his name is some fashion. For a long time I was still "Dr. Smith" because that's just who I had been since graduation. Now that we've been married 8 years, officially my name is hyphenated, that is how it appears on my business cards, etc. but I just started working at a new practice and for the first time I am just going by his last name professionally...his ex might still be Mrs. Doe but I am DR. Doe!

I took lost my maiden name, kept my middle name and took my husbands name. I just thought that's what you do when you get married. My sister in law dropped her middle name and made her maiden name, her middle name and took her husbands last name

I kept my maiden because I like it as is (it also belongs to a legendary celeb ;) ). My hubby had an issue with this choice, but he has gotten over it slowly. I did not want my name hyphenated either. I had some tell me I should have taken his last name for financial reasons that didn't make sense to me, if you are legally married, this can easily be proved. Occasionally my son teacher will refer to me by my husband's last name because my son has his last name. Also, when we have to co-sign on certain purchases that require both of our signatures, the question is raised if we are married, he has also forced his last name onto my name when he is filling out certain forms that don't require my signature, I don't like this because now when a credit check or search is ran on me, it shows my maiden name & his last name shows up as an alias the way he writes it (my 1st name & his last name)- the alias and then (my 1st name & maiden name shows up as "also known as" (thanks to him), he totally disregard my maiden name. So, in short, I chose not to use my married name, I did not want to bother with all the changes and updates, i.e: work, social security, credit cards, etc.... Been married for 13 years now. It really doesn't matter. Hope this helps.

I took my husband's last name.
It never occurred to me to do anything else, honestly.
That's just what people in "my world" do.

Oy! Here's what I did and I do NOT suggest you do the same. I added his name to the end of mine. So, I'm now First Middle Maiden Married and it's such a pain. For most forms, I have to hypenate the middle two, so I'm usally First Middle-Maiden Married. It's complicated all kinds of things, especially finanacial stuff. I wish that I had just dropped the maiden name and taken his last name. The reason I did what I did - I was young thought for some strange reason that retaining my name meant retaining my status as an 'independent woman'. Been with hubby now for 16 years and I'm still an independent woman. *eye roll* I just now have a pain-in-the-butt name,

I dropped my middle name and used my old last name as my new middle name and took my husband's name as my last name. So I guess that would be #3.

Then I took my OLD middle name and named my first daughter THAT name (because it's also my mother's name).

My old last name (current middle name) is very long. I usually sign with just the initial: Mary S. Doe. But somehow my FULL name got listed on all our mortgage documents, so I had to sign the full name. That closing took FOREVER and I had to wear a wrist guard afterwards. For that one day, I kinda wished I'd dropped my old last name altogether...

I changed to my husband's last name because it meant a lot to him and not as much to me.

I was 40 when I married and well established. Plus, my last name is so much better than his. So I kept my name. (My husband prefers my last name and would change his if it were not so weird to do so.)

My girls both have their dad's last name, but my oldest daughter has my last name as her middle name.

And the changing the middle name out is old school. My mom did it way back when.

Congrats!

I changed to his and added a family name that had been my birth name. I had no desire to keep my maiden name and no professional reason to do so. I kept my first and middle but did not hyphenate. I am happy with my choice.

If you change your name, start at the social security office and work from there getting all the documents and accounts in order.

My response posted twice for some reason.

I changed my name legal to my husband's name but I still kept using my maiden name at work as I had already been working in my industry for over 10 years when I got married. This way I get the best of both worlds. To retain some of my identity from before but I use the family name for everything else.

http://not-going-out-like-that.com/

Congratulations!

My family thinks I did not take my husband's last name because I want to be "all feminist and everything". Truthfully, I would have gladly unloaded my maiden name when I got married - all the better to move on with our new life together. Problem is, DH's last name is VERY frequently used. Almost everyone I know with a Smithy-Jones type of last name has had to deal with delinquent bills from a different person with the same exact name. Good credit is among one of the few valuables I have in this life, and I do not want to have that taken away from me because some negligent boob in billing enters a wrong Social Security number.

That may sound silly to some individuals -- until they have to get anything like this straightened out through the credit bureaus.

That surprises me that you never heard of people changing their middle name to their maiden name. My mother did it when my parents got married and that was over 45 years ago... As for me, I did the same, my reasoning was that it was a large part of who I am, my middle name not so much. I did take my husbands last name, I'm a bit of a traditionalist plus didn't want to have a different last name then my kids, for me it's too much confusion.

First of all, Congratulations!! I moved my maiden name to my middle & took my husband's last name. I never had a middle name (b/c my name is my parents' middle names put together -K., & my parents didn't think a middle name went well with it.) So, I didn't have to drop my middle name in order to move my maiden name to that position.

CONGRATULATIONS ! ! !
I hope marriage is as good to you as it has been for me. We celebrated our 39th anniversary in July. Always treat your husband as if you were still dating him and trying to win his affection. And I hope he treats you the same way, as he should.

My wife did the second.
My mom did the second.
Both my grandmothers did the second.
All four of my greatgrandmothers did the second.

My wife's side of the family did the same as my family.

To the best of my knowledge, all of my kids did the same as our family.

Good luck to you and yours.

Your name is your name, if you change your name other than your last name to his by just filing out the paperwork for a new license and SS card I think that is just odd.

I don't know anyone who did more than just take his name afterwards. If you want to use your maiden and married names it's just hyphenated. You still only get to use one on the license and SS card.

Lots of women will go through a phase where they want to use their maiden name with the hyphen in front of his last name but that goes away quickly and they usually revert back to just using his name.

I think it's a Canadian thing to use your last name as your son's middle name once you're married though. Each and every one of them did this with each son.

Like joan (nee smith) and John Doe would like to announce the birth of their first and second sons, twins, James Smith Doe and John Smith Doe.

When I got married the first time, I just took his last name. Then I had 2 kids and started a business from scratch. When I married the second time, I hyphened my last name so it would be Smith-Doe because my kids have my ex's last name and all my business info was under that last name too. But when I would pick up my step daughter or take her to the doctor, they were always confused (I don't know WHY they would be) on why I had a different last name. So my solution was to hyphen. Not sure if that helps or not, but that's what I did. My opinion is that if this is your first marriage, I would be Mary Jane Doe. Good luck.

I took my husband's last name as my last name, but retained my middle name. (Your Example #2...)

For formal documents its all the names. First, middle, maiden and married. Day to day, just my name and his last name. I really don't use my middle name much and do use my maiden name. I like my maiden name. It was me! It never occured to me not to take my husband name after we got married! I have been my married name longer than I was the other last name.

My husband has two last names. He is Mexican and it's common to do that.
I can not tell you how annoying it is when he has opened up a checking account, had a doctors appointment, put his name on the bills and we can't remember how it was written down.
"Well, it could be under Martinez Sanchez" (not his real last name!)
"Or it could be under Martinez"
"Or it could just be Sanchez"
"Or maybe it's Martinez DASH Sanchez"
When I got married he didn't really understand why I didn't want my last name and his. I just took his last name (well, his FATHER'S last name, not his mother's) and gave the children one last name. SO MUCH EASIER!
L.

I did Mary Jane Doe. My Mom took my Dad's last name and so forth.

When I went to the Social Security office to get a new ID card, they first said that I had to do the move your maiden name to your middle name, but then someone else said that I didn't, so I didn't.

I also know some divorced with children -> remarried folks that took their kids last name and made it their middle name Mary Jane Smith -> Mary Jane Doe -> Mary Doe Adams.

When I married,
I kept my first name.
I kept my birth middle name (did not switch it out with my maiden name - I never cared for that).
I took my husbands last name.
I was never fond of my maiden name.
We courted 9 years and was practicing writing his last name for a long time.

I was previously married, so when getting married this time around, took my husband's name. Plus, we have a child together, so we now all 'match'.

I kept mine for several years after we got married, then later hyphenated his onto mine.
Children weren't going to happen, and I had a daughter with my name. When we first got married, she was a minor and we agreed that it was more important for her to have the same name as me than for me to have the same name as him. He considered changing his name to mine until he found out what a PITA it is.
Wished I hadn't changed mine when I had to change it back after I divorced him.

I took my husband's name as tradition. I also wanted my children and I and my husband to all have the same name. I also was glad to rid my maiden name as my father and I were estranged.

My SIL was born Rhonda Lynn "Smith". (disguised her last name)
She married my brother and changed her name to Rhonda "Smith" Jones.
She is very attached to her family and her last name and didn't want to give it up but wanted to take my brother's name by tradition. So legally her new middle name is her maiden name, but she, her family, our family and friends still know her as "Rhonda Lynn" and states that her middle name is Lynn. It was just a legal move to keep her last name to honor her parents and family heritage.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I did not change my name. My father had no sons; my daughter gave her first born son our family name. She also gave her third daughter our family name. So I kept the name so my grandkids would be able to relate their name to some member of the family! And if it weren't for my oldest grandson, our family name would die with me - I'm the last one left!

I took my hubby's name, kept my middle name and lost the maiden name altogether.

One suggestion. Make a choice and stick with it!!!!!!! I had a co-worker that just couldn't decide, so when it came time to buy a house she had documents signed in about 5 different ways, it made things VERY difficult.

M

I kept my maiden name as my middle name...it was my last name for 23 years and I liked it...I never used my middle name so why keep it??

I shifted to the left! ;) I changed my middle to maiden and took my husband's last name. I did it because I wanted to have the same name as my husband and I wanted our future children to have our name and be a big happy family!! I didn't want to totally give up my maiden name b/c I was attached to it, more attached to it than I was to my middle name. I didn't want to give up that piece of me, wanted to keep it with me and this solved the problem.

Best wishes on your marriage! Yay!

I made my maiden name into my middle name. I didn't want to keep my maiden name because I wanted my kids to have the same last name as me and as their dad. I didn't want to hyphenate because that would be a pain when you are filling out forms and signing papers etc. I didn't want to give up my maiden name completely, because that was my name and I liked it. With my maiden name as my middle name people can still find me on facebook!

I didn't change my name until we had kids. I had kept my name for my career, but when I had my first baby, we decided I would stay home -- didn't need it for career and did need it to match our baby, so I changed to my married name. But I kept my maiden without hyphenating. So: Mary Jane Smith Doe for me.

For the women who replace their middle name with their last name... it's usually because they were not given a middle name by birth and so the maiden becomes the middle name. I have never seen or heard of anyone actually replacing their middle name with the last name.

I hyphenated! I am proud of my heritage. Is it a pain to write a long last name? sure. but i deal with it. Oh and both of my boys have my maiden name as their middle name.

4. Mary Jane Smith Doe. With both Jane and Smith as middle names.

I did this because I really like my birth name (all of it) AND I like my husband's last name. It's simple but unusual and really cool. Also...my oldest son has my maiden name as his last name. So by retaining my maiden name as part of my middle name, I can sign myself as Mary J Smith Doe or Mary JS Doe and still keep that connection to my oldest son's name, which is convenient when dealing with school and sports and makes it easier for coaches and teachers to associate a note or document from me with my son.

I know a lot of women who went with option 3.

I replaced my middle name with my maiden name. My mom, my grandmother and my great-grandmother all did it this way, so for me it was kind of tradition, and I also liked that it keeps me "connected" to my maiden name but also my husband, myself and my children will all share the same last name.

Congrats!

I took my husband's last name. I didn't need to keep my maiden name to keep the family name going or anything like that. We have 4 boys in the family to do that.
I like to keep it traditional.

It is just as much hassle for a woman to change hers nowadays as a man, so there is no reason that we should have to.
So my husband and I chose a brand new last name and we both changed. We each had very unique last names and liked it that way. So we made one together that is even more rare and special.

Good luck!

I just kept my maiden name. It is unusual and difficult to spell but I like it and it reminds me of my father who died when I was young. There really is not much issue any more with women doing this; just this past week I've had to contact several doctor's offices, pick up films and documents from doctors etc, and there was never any questioning of whether I was really my husband's spouse. I also rarely have issues in other contexts. I like my husband's name and family too, so I am not offended or upset when someone (like my child's friends) happens to call me "Mrs. HusbandName" -- I will answer to that just fine and don't make a big deal of it.

I was already established in a job when we got married, and the career field I was in was one where my name was in print regularly. When I called people I needed to be able to identify myself as the person they knew of from the publication for which I worked -- so it was better for me to keep my last name. I know women in my field whose legal last name was their husband's but professionally they still used their maiden names.

As for giving up your middle name and "replacing" it with your maiden name -- I know the practice but am not aware that anyone has to do a formal, legal rejection of the middle name. I would not want to lose any of my names (my mom gave me two middle ones). But I think the idea of using the maiden name as the "middle name" does not mean you forever bury and expunge your given middle name --unless you want to do so. I think it only means you add the married (husband's) name on the end of your own full name, middle and all. As far as I know you can have as many names in a row as you want. But I see some women think of it as eliminating their middle names altogether and replacing them. That's too bad -- I would feel I'd lopped off part of myself.

I kept my maiden name. I figured if it was my name for the first 23 years of my life, there was no reason to change it. It seemed a little archaic to take my husband's name, as if I belonged to him.

We have 3 kids, all of whom have my husband's last name, and it's never been a problem for us at hospitals, schools, etc. Occasionally a teacher will refer to me as Mrs. XX (kids' last name), but that's no big deal.