My "Voice" and Hubby's Irked

My husband and his family are the same way as you! The rest of my family is loud too, except me...the quiet one. It's a part of you that he might just have to get used to! I had to get used to it with my husband and his family and I'm still the quiet one there, but have adopted the loudness! I don't really have any advice, just tell him to get used to it and start using the wireless headphones!! :)

Easy answer - ear plugs. In my family it's my husband that loves the noise. I love the quiet. He likes the radio at home, in the car, on the boat. The music gets on my nerves. I got a box of those disposable orange ear plugs and my problem is solved! He can listen all he wants, we can be together and I can block out most of it.

I sympathize with your husband somewhat. I hate it when people talk during a show I am watching - why can't they wait until the commercial? You can't change your voice, but you could be a little more considerate when he is actually watching a show. He's asking you for half an hour of peace and quiet while he watches the news, and he'd like you to watch it too so you can spend a little quiet time together - that doesn't seem like an excessive request. If it really bugs you to have him watch TV in the main room, remove it. Just have the TV in a separate room from the family room.

Talk to him about a compromise. Tell him you will try to tone it down especially while he is watching television, but that it is hard for you and unrealistic to change your normal voice all of the time.

Also, don't forget that peoples' hearing changes over time. While neither of you may be hard of hearing, your abilities may not be the same as when you got married. It may be harder now for him to hear the TV with you talking than it was years ago. If your hearing has changed, you may be talking more loudly and not even realize it.

Finally, just because he inherited his Dad's "quiet habit" doesn't make it wrong or something he can easily change. Just as you grew up with folks who talked while watching televsion and it is not easy for you to change your natural voice. Be compassionalte and kind, and look out for each other. Teach your children to do the same for dad. It may make all of the difference if he knows you are making an effort. This is NOT something that you want to come between the two of you. Good luck!

I have to agree with Amy R that your husband is asking for your company and some quiet time together. If the show is boring read a book next to him or just enjoy some music on your ipod. I am not suggesting you do this all day or change your voice - but maybe if you just give him that 30 minutes during the news (without complaint!) then he will be much happier to hear your animated conversation the rest of the time. Now if he is watching the tv excessively and expecting quiet I wouldn't tolerate that. Put the tv out of the main family room or better drag him off the couch for a walk and a talk! Too much tv isn't good for anyone and not a good habit to install in the kids! The bright side of this is that he WANTS your company and that is a wonderful thing. I have a feeling his annoyance is less with your voice and more with the fact that he feels a bit disregarded.

I'm loud too :)

Tell him to turn his hearing aid down!! That's what I tease my boyfriend with when he tells me the 'Jersey' in me is coming out...

YOU don't have to solve anything. Your hubs need to suck it up and deal. Hopefully you guys can laugh it off the way we do!

I'm like some of the others. I'm quiet and my husband is loud. His family is loud too, but they don't live in the same state so they are rarely here. We've joked about how my husband and his family are like the "loud family" from Saturday Night Live. Our sons are more like me. Anyway, we've been happily married for 16 years, and part of it is because I figured I knew I was marrying a loud man and I didn't expect to change him. I don't care about TV, so that isn't an issue for us. I'm more of a reader, and whenever I need quiet time I wear earplugs. It irritates my husband a bit because he says I seem like an old woman when I wear earplugs (always saying "what?"), but overall it works for us. Basically in your situation, your husband knew you were loud when you got married, so he needs to accept you the way you are and find his own way to deal with it. It's not your problem. :-)

I am like that too. In fact, if a commercial came on, and it's volumn went up higher than the previous show, I would get so irked and grouchy! I can't stand loud noise. I also do not like to be trying to watch a show and my husband is talking over the top of it. But I never had parents that were weird about sounds or television. but I must admit that my parents didint talk alot anyway.
Things that make me even MORE grouchy about sound is when my nervous system is on edge. I NEED to keep my nervous system relaxed, by drinking enough water (nerves run on hydro-electricity)and eating right ( reducing sugar and taking magnesium malate and cod liver oil, and vit b complex drops) and also not drinking caffenated coffee which sends me over the top the NEXT day. Maybe if he supported his nervous system he would see an ability to withstand more noise?
ps..... people who have high metal loads in the body have tendencies to be sound sesitive, among other things. Liquid Zeolite can help clear out metals.

Hi,
I think there are some very funny and understanding answers to your posting. I have a little different idea to add. Everyone has a different ability to process auditory information. Some folks, like my husband, who is a genuine sweety, absolutely cannot listen to tv and have a side conversation in the room, or for that matter, drive in traffic and hold a meaningful conversation. The louder I am, the harder it makes it for him. While I try to be softer spoken, and speak slower, I know I can irritate him. It's not personal, it's processing! Best of luck!

Haha--Ikind of had to chuckle when I read this O....Probably most responders either identify with you or your husband. Me? I think I'm in your hubby's camp. I watch little tv and it drives me NUTS when I AM watching something and my husband talks through the whole story--He'll see the first sentence of a news story and start commenting on something like "Did you see the horrible hairpiece on THAt guy?....What would make someone get O. of those....." And that pretty much blows it for me because by the time he stops yapping over something unrelated--the news story is OVER. Grrrrr......
My MIL is a VERY LOUD person and I can't stand it. It probably reminds me or her when he does that.
Anyway, I also agree with a pp who said there may be something else bothering your husband. Also, things can grate on your nerves over the years and something that he once saw as "simply part of you" has now become über annoying. Kind of like my husband's snoring...it seriously irritates me more every day of my life than it did the day before. I don't understand how some women can get "used" to snoring. I would try to be more polite about talking in the same room when he is trying to watch something...

Hi Susan! Talk as loud as you want to!!! My friend's husband is dying of cancer, she would love to be able to hear his voice no matter how loud or soft for the rest of her life and never complain. Tell your hubby to count his blessings because he's lucky to have a family. He could be alone with only the TV for companionship but he has a lovely wife and family to share his life. Mabey a bit of perspective will quell his complaining.

hahaha. It sounds like my house! Hubby gets mad when I talk during a show, or make a phone call in the room while he's watching tv. but if HE does it and I say something!!!! Oh my head!!!

He can't expect you NOT to talk all the time, I mean what are you a manaquin?

My only advice is to have him watch tv in a seperate room, and find other ways to have family time.
M.

Too bad. He married you as is. Sorry, but that's how I feel. It's his problem, not yours.

oooooookay. well first off, we try not to have a lot of conversations when someone is in the room watching tv (or save them for the commercials, or if you have a dvr, ask him to pause it), just out of common courtesy. unless the tv is blaring, even a normal-voiced conversation is enough to drown out the tv.

but - the thing is, it does sound to me like your husband is unhappy (probably work, or finances, or something?) and it's affecting his attitude towards his family. there's a difference in being annoyed because people keep talking while you're watching tv, and telling your family that the sound of their voice annoys you. that's just hurtful. he married you with that voice. and those are his kids. when you love someone, you overlook peoples annoying little "things". you adjust in order to co-exist. it's called being part of a family. it sounds like he's just dwelling on one little thing that bothers him, instead of dealing with whatever might ACTUALLY be making him unhappy. in other words, he's stressed or upset and taking it out on everyone.

have you tried talking to him about any other things that might be stressing him out? i bet there's a LOT more to this.

Before you mentioned HIS dad, I was reading the whole time thinking who does this guy think he is? Ward freaking Cleaver?? Very old fashioned, in my opinion. In our house: there is a baby, a preschooler, a mom who doesn't talk to adults most of the day and has stuff to say when "dad" comes home. My husband on the otherhand talks to people all day at work, so he likes to come home and veg with mindless TV for a few minutes before he resets and is "family guy" again. If he's in a mood then the rest of us go somewhere to give him some space.....but if it happened often, I'd suggest HE set up a den, or a TV in the guest room, or something like that, and then join the family when he feels he can be a part of it. Kudos to him for wanting you guys around, and it may sound harsh, but why should a house full of people walk on eggshells because of ONE person? If there's a special show that is super interesting, that's what "record" or "pause" on the remote control is for.

Get him wireless headphones for the TV.

LOL did you borrow my husband? This sounds just like my husband. I am a naturally loud talker, my voice is just loud and I can't pipe down HAHA. He gets so irritated and tells me to talk quieter. I can't! And then when I try, I am just loud within a few seconds LOL And it's not just watching TV, even at dinner I might say something and he'll say don't shout! LOL But then when I do shout for him to do something he "doesn't hear me" My girls are also loud, and I know what you mean that it's not being loud mouths or obnoxious, but just loud. My mom is loud and so is my dad, and we have just always talked all the time. His parents don't do very much talking, even to each other quietly! LOL With DVR now I tell hubby to rewind if he didn't hear something HAHAHA They married us so..it's their problem LOL! I am sure he has some traits that irritate you.... ;)

And I don't agree it's an underlying issue as said below... I KNOW we're probably irritating but OH WELL! HAHAHA

I have no real answer or solution for you other than to relate. I too am a "loud" person. I try, at times, to tone it down in public. I catch myself being too loud. But I just can't help it..I get excited,etc and my volume rises. I'm sure my kids will be loud too. My husband doesn't have the TV issue, but he does think I'm always yelling at him. To me, I'm not yelling I'm mad. And when I'm mad I don't exactly talk softly. Who does? But he thinks I'm yelling. If you look at his family, who probably never ever yelled, than you'd know why he thinks I'm always yelling.

Oh well. What are you to do? Its not like I'm suddenly going to change to being a soft-spoken person. Its not in me.

I feel like at times I need a husband support group. Oh wait, did I just say that. :)

hahaha if anything the 'well gee' was driving me nuts having to read it :)
i don't like when people talk and i am watching the news or a movie of my choice. i rarely get my turn on the remote but when i do i really don't like people talking, so i'll be the one asking hubby to leave the room if he's being loud. so i think you should compromise, keep it in 'silent' or make a point to not talk loud if he's concentrating on something. otherwise he needs to decide if you loudness is something he can live with.

Not sure what advise for you but just wanted to let you know I understand. My son is a loud talker also. The only one I have actually so he is constantly getting told to "turn his volume down". His down is still a higher volume then the rest of us but we except it if he did get quieter. He still gets the "use your inside voice at school and on the bus" especailly for the first few weeks of school until everyone just gets... he is! That may be something your kids will go through too! I also know that my husband doesn't like noise. Kids playing (normal for me) he gets aggravated by the volume, me talking over the kids playing. Calling for a child from another room, kids talking to teach other through walls, things like that bug him tremendously. But he blares the tv and music and that doesn't bother him! But it does me.

People have complained about my voice so my heart goes out to you. The thing is, it's a part of you that can't be changed. It was there before you were married and it's going to stay that way. So is this problem that your husband has with your voice something new? If so, I think the root of the problem is something else that he is not happy about and not your voice. He may not have figured it out yet but something else is really bothering him and your voice is just something that triggers that feeling.

If you and your husband are open to counseling, I highly recommend it. It will help bring up issues that you are both not talking about and did not think about.

Also, if your husband snores, stops breathing when he sleeps or is overweight (doesn't have to be all 3), I would recommend a sleep study to see if he has sleep apnea. My husband got help for his sleep apnea and he became a less cranky person.

Hope this helps.

Try to remember that if you think it's not realistic for you to tone down your voice sometimes, that he likely thinks it's unrealistic for him to have to be the one to move to another room or pause the tv for talking (especially if he was the one watching to begin with and the rest of you joined in). People's perception of sound/volume vary and what bothers some does not bother others. My husband watches tv in the basement so loud I can hear every word upstairs. He has no idea it's that loud. When we go to his parents house I am on edge all the time because his dad listens to the tv REALLY loud and then yells over top of it. It's like I can't think. It's just something I'm more sensitive to, just like your voice is "just naturally loud."

I don't know how to resolve the issue, other than maybe compromise and pick some things (like news) that you will either not comment on, or he will agree to pause if you would like to comment. And some times when he can watch tv in peace, as well as some family time when he can appreciate the presence of his family instead of what you're watching (maybe let the kids pick the show).

This is uncanny! My household is EXACTLY like this, except that I'm your husband and you're my husband. I come from a somewhat calm and quiet family. He comes from a loud, emotional family that often has the TV on just for more noise (no one ever actually watches it). I totally relate - to your husband! If I'm watching something, and actually watching it, it's the most annoying thing for someone to be having a loud conversation in the same room. Seriously, if you're actually watching a program, why is there a need to talk, too? I know a lot of people do this, but I just don't get it... So for the last 10 years or so, I've watched TV with closed captions on. Or I DVR the programs and watch later when I'm alone. Or I watch online on HULU or one of the network websites. If it's something my DH and I both like, we'll watch after the kids are asleep (if he talks, he knows he HAS to be quiet or he'll wake them and I have no problem "shushing" him if he gets too loud, and again, always with captions on so I don't miss anything). I know my husband and kids won't change, their voices are their voices and that's that, but I can do things to adjust, so I do. And it's really only for a few hours in the evenings that I have to put up with the loud noises. During the day, with DH working and kids at school, I have all the peace and quiet I need to get ready for the loud chaos that happens from 4pm to 9pm. So although I understand how your hubby feels, I also hope he is able to make some adjustments which will make everyone happy. Good luck!

My husband is the soft spoken one (I was called "megaphone mouth" by my family as a child) but HE is the one who likes to tell me something right at the climax of a TV show. I like to think that our DVR saved our marriage! Ya know, TiVo? Now, when he has something to say, I pause. Or if he spoke over some crucial part of NCIS, I rewind!!! I love technology! Well worth the $100!

That's the best I've got! Good luck to you!