My Son Will Be 13 Soon. Is Always Arguing Normal for a Boy His Age?

Check out the book: How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It's all about validating kid's feelings. So, when your son says he has to do everything around the house, rather than saying "that's not true" or "no you don't" Say, "I'm sure it feels that way because you do help out when needed. And, you might even feel unappreciated. Know that I am grateful for your help (and it's your responsibility as a member of this family) This is one of those times when I need your help, so (clean your room, wash the dishes, etc.) Thanks (insert your child's name here)."

So, acknowledge his FEELINGS first. You can even start a conversation with "It appears as though you're (upset, angry, tired, mad, etc.)" And then, STOP TALKING and see if he responds to that. Above all, be patient because age 13 is a weird not-a-kid-not-a-man stage for boys. Let your son know that you are always going to love him and be there for him.

Take Care,
F.
www.discoverytoyslink.com/fatimac

My grandson did it, the arguing, so it is what some teen boys do. You may have added irritation because of his disabilities but what I did with my grandson is to tell him that I don't talk to him that way so he needs to speak to me with respect. As long as I was respectful that worked for us.

omg yes. My son is 14 and doesn't have autism and all I get is constant arguing and mouthing off. Its a stage. My 7 year old has autism and I get less mouthing off from him than my 14 year old. The teenage years are horrible I think. It started about a year ago and has gotten worse the past year. I think my hair is starting to fall out!! :) So yeah i can relate to you totally.

I have a 14 and 15 year old boys and at this age they are trying to find their independence, that is why they argue. They want their opinions heard and want to feel that they have input. They are advancing into manhood and they argue with their parents because they are safe to argue with, we will love them irregardless! My husband and I just hang on and help them through this stage......it will end :)

I know this is already resolved but I am going through the same thing now. My son will be 13 in November. I honestly didn't expect my son to be so argumentative because everyone told me that "teen boys are so much easier" (he's always been a bit contrary-he loves to debate things because he's so smart) but this past year I could tell him that our grass is green and he'd argue that it was seafoam... He is still very open to us though and I hope that it's because I've always encouraged conversation between us but there are moments when he will fight with me over the slightest things (I mean some of the things he takes an opposite side on are so ridiculous like he's taking the opposite side just so he can argue it!)
He otherwise does very well. He doesn't really argue with his teachers or anyone else in authority, it's just family :)
I'm sure it's because he's dealing with hormones, trying to be more independent from us and it is all part of him becoming a man. When I start to lose my cool, I quietly have to remind myself that this is all part of that process and like so many other stages in his life that have come and gone, this too shall pass.

Dear S.,

Yes, arguing is normal for a 13 year old. He is trying to decided what he believes about this world - his morals - his core beliefs. ....and he is trying them out on you. Go to Maslow's Theory of Moral Development, and you will unerstand your son better, also youself.

You (and me too) are so used to being 'right', and to running the home and child or children, and planning the basic doings of the house - sort of like a General in the Army - and we have to get used to not being the top gun now. You do want your child to lead a wise life, but he can't just start doing it, he has to practice, and guess who he practices on. ....and guess how I know this? Because I am living it, and have been living it for many years now. It is not easy to give up the decision making. Oh, no. But, we have to.

Good Luck, C. N.

I can vouch for my son at least that this is TOTALLY normal. It's kinda "expected" that girls will be moody. (Afterall we're moms and KNOW what hormones can do to a person's personality. LOL) I was unaware and shocked by my son's behavior. It seems that when our son is in a good mood ... everything in the house runs smoothly. But ... WATCH OUT for his mood swings. When he is in a bad mood ... it's his mission to make everyone in a bad mood. It's not ONCE a month. It's whenever he feels like it (or seemed to be). Our son is now 19 and he usually a great guy/man child to be around. But ... he still gets gripey and will complain that his toast wasn't brown enough or too brown. His father is not like this and says that he never was ... but my mother-in-law begs to differ. LOL

In my opinion, it's normal and hang in there ... it gets better.

Yea, it's normal for girls and boys at that age and through the teens. His disability may contribute to the movies thing. Maybe it effects his social skills. But it's not such a bad thing except that maybe he doesn't get enough excercise. My girl is strong willed too, so is my husband! Here are some books that might help:
The New Strong Willed Child - http://www.amazon.com/New-Strong-willed-Child-Through-Ado...

and: Bringing Up Boys - http://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Up-Boys-James-Dobson/dp/14...

Hi S., I have a 15 yr old and 25 yr old boys. (Well, one's a man now I guess). Boys go thru the same hormonal changes that girls go thru and are just as moody. Nothing makes them happy except getting their own way. Not sure how much your son's other problems factor into this but have you tried a mood stabilizer? My son is ADHD and has ODD. We put him on a modd stabilizer from awhile and it seemed to help. We also tried not giving him anything he wanted if he had an attitude. Ex: needing a ride somewhere, the answer was NO if 10 min before he was acting like a jerk to us. With your son you might try a reward program to earn a trip to the movies. Kids have to learn to control their emotions and this is a great time to get them in the mind frame of being "aware" of their attitude. The hard part is always staying calm and not letting our emotions get involved. Don't take anything he is doing personally. Let him know that if he argues with you there is be a consequence. We would send my son to his room and he could come out when the attitude changed. We let him know that we were'nt going to spend every evening after a long day being miserable. He is MUCH, MUCH better now. It's OK to overlook a attitude when it not an everyday event! Good luck, L.

Hi S.. My name is P.. And yes, arguing is a favorite past-time of teens. My son is 13 about to be 14 in sept and about to start high school (i am not thrilled). I know its been yrs for us since we were teens. But its pretty much the same old thing. You got someone that thinks they know everything, and you know nothing cause we are stupid, and they are in the hormonal rush of craziness. When all they have on their mind is themselves and the opposite sex. Its a hella of a ride from here til they "grow up" don't worry mom, you'll survive. I haven't heard of many parents not making it through the teen yrs, and i've heard some that have gone through it 10 times and have survived. Though, i've heard some close calls on the kids.
As far as interests. My son has no interests. He wants to lounge around the house and watch tv, play video games and sleep and fight with his younger brother.
Best of luck to you.

S.,

Boys are sometime more quite and kept to themselves. My son was but now all he does is tell me everything he feels is important to talk about. I am always knowing when to ask and when to allow him his space. It took me 18 years, he's in the Navy and every weekend he calls me to ask me how I'm doing. My first words to him is I love U!
Yes they are almost the same as girls except most respect their moms more then the girls.
So to them it's better kept quite then to tell all for now. I am a nosy mom and I have never given up on our relationship but I can say it took a long time to communicate to each other.
They preferr to stay quite for now!

But they do love to argue alot over nothing, I call it nothing. My son would say you just don't get me.
But all I can Say is I love U! To him and thats all he wanted to hear and started to talk more to me about his life.

M. L.

I'm just going to agree with Fatima's recommendation on "How to Talk so Teens will Listen..." - it's a GREAT parenting book. It sounds pretty normal to me (I don't have a teen but have worked with them). There may be some specific techniques that help with autism and mild MR but in general, I think the book will give you some great tools to get through the teen years. The original version (How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk) is also worth a read because it goes into some more detail and your son is right on the border of kid/teen. They're really quick reads and most libraries should have them - although you might want your own copies. Good luck!