How Do I Deal with Behaviour Changes?!

Been there, living that! I work from home, so I find that when I'm working and ignoring my children a little too much, they get needy for attention and then act out. I have to calm myself and then focus on them. Hold them (especially the 2 and 5y/o), read to them, look at them while they talk (especially the 7 y/o), and do something totally focused on them. I recently read The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. Fabulous insight into how children think and feel loved. I highly recommend it.

I have a strong-willed 3 year old boy and I agree with the other moms that it is normal behavior for his age. Kids just really try to test their boundaries at that age. I highly recommend the Love & Logic book specifically for kids birth to 6 years. It has great strategies for dealing with these kinds of issues. When I have the presence of mind to implement them :) they have been very effective. Just having a strategy will help you feel so much better about things. Hang in there!

Hi E.-I'm due in August & seeing a similar reaction from my 2 year old. I think this is very typical behavior testing independence and boundaries, as well as of a child who is soon to be an older sibling. Last week, I sat down and read through a book my sister used & loved for her two kids. What I realized is a lot of what needed to change was my reactions and how I create consistency in rules with my husband. The book, Discipline: The Brazelton Way, by Dr. Brazelton, a very well-known pediatrician, was also gentle in approach (not so much of the taking away to punish, which I don't support. I think it doesn't teach them what's right, only punishing what is not right) and treated children as capable--explaining "you can't stop yourself and so I had to help you stop. This is why what you were doing was dangerous..." It was really good for me to read:
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Brazelton-Way-T-Berry/dp....

Another book I would suggest as you prepare for another child is "Beyond One" by Jennifer Bingham Hull. I found this book very helpful as well. http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-One-Growing-Family-Getting/d.... Good luck!

I have been a nanny for the last ten years. I now have one of my own and take him with me to nanny for two other children.

We are all just doing our best. I have read parenting books, and the ones I most agree with are Alfred Adler's he taught them forever ago, but they still work.
Two books I suggest are
"Children:The Challenge" by Rudolf Dreikurs
"Perfect Parenting and Other Myths" by Frank Main

I took classes locally from Vivian Brault
'Tearless' Discipline was the first class I took from her, it is now on DVD and she helped me put the books into practical use.
here is her web site, you may find other ideas.
http://www.tearlessdiscipline.com/

Hope they help, make sure to enjoy doing little things with him while he is little.

S.
mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.com

Sounds almost exactly like the behavior changes that we saw in our little girl but it was 3 months before her 3rd birthday that she changed. She just turned 5 last week and has gotten better, though we still have our moments when I wince to think what "real" teen angst will be like.

I had another mom tell me that there were 2 "teen" phases one at like 3-5 and another when they are actually teen-aged. Probably because they are going through similarly HUGE developmental and physical changes that truly do "rock their world". We had to experiment to find out what she would actually respond to as a consequence because time outs didn't work anymore too, I was freaked out when it was taking away OUTFITS/SHOES (she was 3!) but her father and I were always consistent with our reaction to inappropriate behavior, never letter her "get away" with teenage sassyness/pout because it was "cute" on a 3/4 yr old. We've
employed rules I didn't think I would have to think about for another 10 years! But they're rules we can live with until she moves out I guess?!

I just wanted to share that it is likely "just a phase" and that others go through it (and come out of it). Hang in there!

Hi E. - people say it's the Terrible 2s but that is so untrue. It's the Terrible 3s. My oldest son turned 3 and it was like a light turned on when he learned that he could exert his power by having a tantrum or using negative behaviors. He was constantly testing us and it was so challenging.

You might also look for connections between the behaviors and mood swings and either being tired, overstimulated or hungry.

Hope that helps you!

Three by far is harder then two for boys and girls.
What you need now is to stop counting, he will to tune you out and NOT learn to listen immediately in emergency situations. It is time to teach him he has a choice to comply to your rules or be in trouble. One warning and then to have priviledges/toys/bedtime minutes taken away. No negotiating, no whining and do not cave in.
For my son, charts did wonders. He is almost five now and still loves it.

Put up a chart for a month with the days of the week. When he fails to do things well or without a fit, a frowny, three frownies in a day mean...no park, toy taken away, 10 minutes off of bedtime, no dessert, whatever works for him.

If he does well and doesn't get three frownies in a day, then make that a smiley day. After 10 days of smiley days a special treat, ice cream, small toy he loves or something fun. That teaches him control over his consequences, he can visually see where he is at with things. You can then remind him where he is at, like "well you have two frownies today already, are you sure you want to act like this?".... Don't do anything but warn him once and then ask "well do you want a frown or a smile today?" Have him help decorate the chart and explain what it means. Then it is on him how his day goes.

He is gaining independence and testing you to where his boundaries are. With boys visuals and very clear consistent rules are much easier for them. Make sure you get on his level, after he is calm and explain what he did wrong, have him repeat it so he understands. I can tell my son stuff and it goes right in one ear and out the next! :)
Just have him repeat the rules so you know then he has it and then it is up to him if he does what he is suppose to.

Be consistent, mean what you say and no idle threats. Time outs are great for if you are somewhere else too, so he knows the rules follow you wherever you are. If he hits, simply and gently grab his hand, get on his level, look him square in the face and tell him "it is not nice to hit we do not do that!!" and then a frowny.

Everyone always talks about the terrible twos, but I swear that 3 is worse. I love the book 1-2-3 Magic for discipline strategies for toddlers. I think it really is "magic."

You may want to talk to your son's doctor. As from watching my nephew, and reading what you typed, it almost sounds like he might be bipolar. Other then that I have no idea of how to help you, just thought I would put my two cents in about that. I wish you all luck and hope it gets better for ya.

Be consistent in your discipline right now. This age is one of pressing boundaries and trying to control the world. You need to be firm! If he wants to hit, redirect him to an inanimate object, but encourage him to use his words to talk about his feelings to. Do not let him hit you! Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

We dealt with the same issues with my second child shortly before he turned 3. He switched from an easy going baby and toddler into a little boy with a major temper. No discipline we tried seemed to work. One time he even threw a pair of scissors at his big sister. He often laughed when he was in time out and sometimes peed his pants on purpose (he was well potty trained)because "We told him to stay there, so he couldn't go to the bathroom." I thought I was going to have to find a boot camp for three year olds! My son just turned four in March, and I'm happy to say that although he still has a temper, he has found much better ways of dealing with it than screaming or violence, and most of the time he is back to being his easy going self. We made sure that EVERY time he had an outburst we had a time out and talked about what he did that was wrong and how he could have dealt with it better. Some books that helped were "When I feel angry" by Cornelia Spelman, and "I'm SO Mad" by Mercer Meyer. Good luck and don't give up! He will probably outgrow it in a year or so when he learns more appropriate ways to deal with his feelings.

E.,

My daughter who is now 7 went through similar moody periods, still does. I've not got an ounce of experience with boys over the age of 18 months, so I can only speculate on your challenge! I'm thinking it will pass. My niece is 3.5 right now and she went through a rough patch around her 3rd bday, and is again hitting one. Driving her mother insane. Luckily she has me to bounce ideas off and drop her daughter off at my house when things get totally itchy.

Threats don't work on her, putting her in her room doesn't work, she just screams louder and longer. There are times when all she can do is just ignore her outrageous tantrums. Usually they stem from being tired or hungry. Lately it seems to us that they are also around when she's going through a growth period. Maybe this is true for your little boy as well.

Good luck. I KNOW this stage is hard. You want that cute little boy back. He'll be back around age 5, I think! Then of course you'll have a 2 yo to manage! Congrats on your baby in waiting!

V.
married 9.5, dd 7.5, dd 2 mnths, dog 2 yrs.

I had a similar experience with my little boy: He was about 2-1/2 when he got naughty & unbearable - he would just growl at us (& not in the "playing dinosaur" way.....) I finally realized he was acting the way I feel when my back & neck are "out of whack", so I had my chiropractor adjust his back & neck. We weren't out of her office & he was my kind, sweet boy again. It's hard to behave when we hurt! I still have him adjusted often, especially after growth spurts..... Hope you find the answer that works for you!

It is all normal. Not easy...but normal. I have a three year old boy also and we deal with many of the same things. Check out Love and Logic by Jim Fay. I am a huge fan. There are books and books on CD about parenting preschoolers. Great ideas! Good luck! You will make it through..because this too shall pass. :o)

My 3 year old does the same thing. It seems that she is doing it for attention. I just give her more positive attention and it gets better. Good Luck!!!

I have to disagree with Brenda. This kind of behavior is simply normal three year old stuff, not necessarily bipolar. I have a 4 yo that I could put in time out all day and it still wouldn't change a thing. We've discovered putting him his room and removing him from everyone else is much more of a punishment to him. It's hard to find what works best for your child. Just be consistent. I know when my kids are acting up more, it's because I've become lax in enforcing rules and correcting them. Good luck!

You need to look at the underlying cause of the behaviour change instead of just addressing each incident as a separate instance. What happened a month ago to make the big difference? Did he learn about a new baby coming to your house? Does he think that the baby will replace him? Sometimes our kids are the worst for us because they know or are testing how much we love them and will put up with from them. Try more positive than negative reinforcement (I know, really hard when you are dealing with everything else) and keep positive about how much he will love the new baby. We were in this same situation about a year and a half ago (new baby coming, son about same age as yours). They get past this and now my son loves his sister (I just have to keep him from loving her to death! :)

So many kids have food allergies that go undetected. Red dye seems to be a big food allergy. Processed food and sugar are also a problem. I would just suggest that you might do some research into food allergies. Be very consistent with your discipline. I always had the majority of the behavioral problems with my kids when they were three. I think that the key to most of the issues in a three year old is teaching them how to channel their independence. Good luck!