My Son Spits at Me

When he does this - just take him to the bathroom sink with a stool and let him spit. Say-Oh I know you like to spit so here you go SPIT. He will spit once or twice and think he is done. I want you to get excited and remind him that he likes to spit and tell him to fill the sink. Make him stay awhile! He will cry but remind him he likes this and in a minute or two he might say he doesn't or be crying to much and then tell him that spitting is for the sink and not for you. Then repeat this the next time he does it-and he will for awhile. SOON it will go away. Works well! The no anger thing works really well!

A solution that I have seen before is to tell the spitter that every time they spit, they will have to fill a cup with their own spit or they have to spit for x minutes. It sounds weird but it works because it takes the fun out of it and their mouth gets really dry. I haven't tried it, but have seen it work on a student at a private school. Basically, if a person likes to spit they will think it is a wonderful assignment then reality comes creeping in! Or should I say drying up!!

My oldest son when through that stage. His was because he would get frustrated because he could not talk very well yet and he could not get out what he wanted to say. It was usually when he was mad. I think their little minds work faster than their mouths do. LOL... anyway, I started working with him with his talking and telling him to express how he was feeling instead of spitting at mommy, and after constant reminding he got the idea. I understand that its driving you nuts but I think with some patience and redirection, he and you will be just fine. Have a Blessed day!!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raising your income and your rugrats at the same time!!
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

He is trying to get any attention from you, whether it be good or bad reaction. No doubt it is disgusting, disrespectful, and a bad behavior; but have you tried just ignoring the bad behavior for a length of time? Such as, giving him a warning, then putting him on time out in a specified naughty place (preferrably where you can still monitor him). Ignore his spitting by not letting him see that it gets to you. Stay calm. Kids really get off on getting any reaction from their actions, which makes his bad action (the spitting) successful. By the way, any soap is a chemical cleanser and can be dangerous to put in the mouth. Good luck!

Please don't listen to Helen and pop your 2 year old in the mouth. There are many other positive approaches to a bad habit. He probably thinks it is cute. At the beginning someone may have started laughing and he got the attention he wanted. If an hour goes by and he hasn't spit at you make a big deal out of it and give him something special. If he spits again, take away what you gave him. Good luck.

My 2 year old daughter has done the same thing, and if she doesn't stop after being told 'no', I pop her on the mouth. Not hard enough to hurt her, but hard enough to get her attention. Spitting is disgusting and disrespectful, but they don't understand that at their age, so I used a different tactic and it worked for me. Not the most pleasant one, maybe, but personally I won't tolerate that from my daughter. Good luck!

Hi R.,

Ah, the terrible 'twos'!! Ain't it just so much fun??

#1. This behaviour is probably linked to the 'coming into their own' phase that all kids at this age go through. So don't get overly alarmed and think youv'e just got a bad kid on your hands.

At this age, in the context of learning he's separate from you as his own person, this behaviour is not abnormal. He has found something that sets him apart from you. He spits, you don't. He likes it, you don't. This phase will pass, but in the meantime you've got to deal with it.

#2. I don't think ignoring it is the answer. You may be able to just silently wipe away the spit each time, go about your business, (thereby short-circuiting all the 'fun' and the 'riling' up of mom that your son is enjoying at your expense), whereby he'll probably stop the spitting cause it's lost its 'oomph'. But you can't expect this ignoring course of action to work, as it relates to others he spits on.

#3. This may work. He gets angry cause you've told him no and he spits at you:

** Say to 'Timmy': "Things make you angry sometime and then you spit, huh Timmy?. Like when I tell you no.
I have an idea:
I'll keep your crayons (washable markers?) and paper near and I want you to show me your angry feelings on paper." He draws,(probably just lots of spiky scribblings at this age) then shows you: "Wow! Those are some really angry feelings! Timmy, these must feel really bad. I might spit too if I felt this bad."
He probably won't still spit on you after this, since you've given him another avenue (of the 'dry' kind) for expression of anger. But if he does, say: "It looks like you're still pretty angry Tim. But spit has VERY BAD stuff in it called 'germs' that can make Mommy and other people VERY SICK - let's find something we can spit at TOGETHER that won't get anybody sick."

"But first, let's get this old yucky spit washed off Mommy. I'll get the soap and you get the towel." (Don't force this part though, if he won't participate in it. If he does though, say something like - "Whew!! I sure am glad you helped me not to get sick. I feel so nice and clean now!" Pat or hug him at this point.)

Now, back to the 'spitting together' business - it sounds crazy I know, but hear me out:

Go outside: "Timmy, do you want us to spit at that pile of dead leaves or on those old branches? The leaves? Okay. But let's make it even more fun! How about a contest? We'll see who can spit furthest and still hit the pile!!. The winner gets to pick which books we'll read before bed tonight, (or), the winner gets to tell Daddy and 'Michael' (his big brother) about our new game. And hey, maybe they'll wanna play too?"

#4. R., take inventory of your time spent in an undistracted, one-on-one time, with your little baby boy. Any attention is better than no attention. He just may be needing some more time and attention spent alone with good old Mom. 3 must haves of young children: eye contact, physical affection, and one-on-one, UNDISTRACTED TIME spent together.

Well, I hope this, or some part of it, has been helpful R..

Hang in there!

try washing his mouth out with a little soap - something like ivory soap.

I have a six year old son that tried that when he was the same age, you have to barely pop his mouth, not enough to leave a mark but enough to get his attention. I know that is sounds horrible and I did not want to do it either, but it workd.

I totally agree with putting a drop of liquid soap on his tongue - of course, give him a warning, ask him to stop - if he continues - try the soap! ONE taste of this horrible, but safe "flavor" - he'll get the picture!

My now almost 14 year old was a spitter too - not much fun, but what worked for me was everytime he would spt would take my thumb & fnger and flick hs mouth, just a little bit - it seemed to sting a little and after a few months of this, he quit. My now 6 1/2 year old spit once in a while and the flickng had to be a little harder for him, but it worked for him too, just not as quickley. You can also make him clean up where ever he spit as well. Good Luck!
L.

I used tabasco sauce, which my kids call "hot pepper sauce." I first tell him no spitting or I will put hot pepper sauce in your mouth. If he spits, it usually only takes once...I put my finger over the bottle and get just a tiny bit on the tip of my finger. I rubbed it on his tongue and from then on all I have to do is threaten it and he stops...this works for biting and saying "potty words too" It's funny when I hear my kids ask each other "do you want hot pepper sauce?" when they spit at each other or call each other names.

With this age I think the tips from Super Nanny work well - give a warning and if he does it again right away put him in time out for 2 minutes and be consistent. He does not understand that it is something very bad but this will communicate it to him. It will take time and patience - if you don't watch Super Nanny I think it is really a great teaching tool for parents of young children!

Hot sauce. A drop of tobasco on your finger to his toungue. Usually cures after only 1 try. For the more challenging one about a week of consistent discipline.

My son had done that before and I put soap in his mouth. Stopped it.

I laughed when I read this, because I assumed I was the only one with a spitting two year old. I have no idea where she got it. The other kids didn't do it and she certainly doesn't see her father or me spitting. In our case, it was typically accompanied with tantrum-like behavior.

Her spitting started at about 18 months and she has pretty well gotten over it by now. :) I know she was doing it out of sheer frustration. As she learned how to communicate, she did it less and less.

My response was to remind her that spitting is rude unless we are brushing out teeth. I would also remind her while we were brushing her teeth that "this" is a the time for spitting.

This worked far better for us than trying to do a timeout or corporal punishment (which I do use in certain instances).

Good luck dealing with this...it will pass soon (hopefully);)

Hi R.,
This is going to sound horrible, but I would pop him in the mouth. That will put him in shock and he will think twice about doing it again. I pretty much nip things in the bud. I am part of a moms of multiples group and it is one of those things if your kid bites, bite him back, chances are he will not do it again. You do not have to pop him hard, just enough to get his attention that you mean business. If you do not feel comfortable doing that then put him in time out. We bought a rubber naughty mat from walmart and it has worked wonders for us.

Good luck!
H.

A little about me:
I am 35 years old, my husband and I have a 5 1/2 year old boy and a set of 3 year old boy/girl twins. We are going to be married 9 awesome years in May! I am a nurse recruiter, and work full time outside the home.