Help w/Spitting and Word Shut Up

Hi K.,
VINEGAR. Not fun to do but it works wonders! A syringe with some in it and squirt in the mouth worked with my kids. He will think twice before saying it again! Good luck
J.

I think the problem is not just undesirable behavior. The behaviors are a reaction to fear and/or anxiety. As another poster said, find ways you can avoid the situations that evoke this fear. I don't think punishment will work. It might seem to work, but the anxiety will manifest in another way. Better to address it directly now. Maybe talking to him when he's feeling safe about how he felt when he did (whatever), think of other ways he could have expressed his feeling, etc.

As for the other mom, I would politely apologize, but everyone has to learn sooner or later that just because someone else does something doesn't make it okay. Looks like now it's time for that girl to learn this lesson!

Nip it in the bud ASAP.

Three great resources to use: watch episodes of Nanny 911, read Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline MD and Jim Fay, or listen to Taking Power Struggle out of Parenting by Sharon Ellison.

Give consequenses, don't dish out punishment. Give choices. Examples: You can behave nicely, or wait for me in the car. You can stop spitting and eat dinner with the family, or take the behavior to your room and return when you feel like acting respectful. Then follow through.

Did you give her something to replace it? We talked about how "shut up" (my son learned it either on school or from those cute little Disney movies that are actually fairly rude) was a rude thing to say, and now we say "Be quiet please!" (We also discovered, to our embarrasment, that my husband and I would often say it in the middle of conversations, ie "I wish my neighbor would just shut up."-- So we eliminated it from our house!)

My son's five and just started this too (late bloomer, I guess), he's also picking up some ugly words from the kids at the bus stop this summer. No idea how to get past it because every time an adult freaks out, he gets the attention he really wants, so does it again. I've taken a 'you're in time out and I'm not speaking with you until you can speak nicely' approach at home which seems to work well here, but the reaction from teachers and strangers seems to be defeating that whenever I'm not with him. Unfortunately, it's also leading to other kids telling him that they don't like him - breaks my heart. If you have any luck though, let me know! I'd love to get mine straightened out too.

Now is the time to introduce the Time Out chair or pick 1 spot in your home and use it everytime he say's the word shut up or spits get down to his level explain to him in simple words that isn't nice and now he needs a time out they recommend a minute to the age I however use more minutes my son is going on 5 yrs old and hs been to the Time Out bench numourous times and it does work just be consisitent every time he says it.And for out in public get down to his eye level and explain to him then you can ask him to appoligze to that person or find a way to do a time out and yes they need to occur in public to.I'm a sahm mom of 2 kiddos

I was also told about the "wear it out" method. Of course I haven't had to try it yet but I'm sure I will. Good Luck!

a touch of vinegar in the mouth for the shut up and haveing them go outside and keep spitting for 2minutes....good luck

Some of the best advise I was given several years ago was to have them "wear it out". Which could mean two things. First with the spitting, you put them in the bathroom sink and have them spit for X minutes (based on age, so for 2 minutes). And they get tired of it. I did this with my son when he was about 3 or so and he hasn't spit since. Problem solved in a day. The same goes for "shut-up". Find a place where mom says it "okay" to do it, for instance in his closet in his room. Put him in the closet and have him yell shut-up at the top of his lungs to the hanging clothes for two minutes and then it loses its appeal. Once they have a place they can do these bad behaviors, then it's not as fun to be bad. And once they have to do it for so long, they are tired of it, and next time, you tell them that there is a place for that, and the middle of the store is not it. Do we need to wear it out again? Usually that is enough. Good luck, let me know if none of this made sense. :)

Dear K.

Hi! I would start with the daycare you have your child
in to see if the care givers are using the word shut up
and check to see how many kids are spitting at each other
and I would do a surprize visit to the daycare. All it
takes is one child to do something to get attention and
next thing they all pick it up. I would not allow your
son to go to the store untill he stops saying shut up
and spitting because it is disrespectful.When my little
girl was about 2yrs old I was checking out and she threw
a fit because I told her she couldn't have something she
started crying and carring on I felt like I was never going
to get out of the store I would not let her go to the store with me for a month and when she did go she had to sit in the cart and if acted up I would take her back home and come back
later when some one could warch her, she didn't take any
chances when she went with me the next time
I hope this helps you . take care B. K.

You need to be consistent in what happens when he does this. If it is in the corner, on a chair, in a playpen, whatever it is, you, dad, grandma, daycare, all need to have the same discipline plan. Right now he is not getting a cause and effect lesson. He does something and something random happens. He is not able to connect spitting with something that is no fun. You may even want to have one for spitting and one for language. And don't try to reason with him with a lot of words. When he spits say NO SPITTING and put him in the no spitting place.

Dear K.,

I know there are many people who will probably disagree with me, but I have lived to be 70, so I figure the discipline I recieved as a child did not have any lasting physical damage nor very much psychological harm. My mom used a taste of bath soap as a deterrent to bad language. It only took a couple of times before my brother and I learned that "shut up" and sputting were unacceptable. It only takes a swipe across the tongue or if they won't open their mouth a rub across the teeth. This may seem mean and cruel, but believe me, I think it's a lot better than a small slap across the mouth to get results. I wish you luck. Sounds like you have one who is strongheaded and will be a real challange.
J. B

rather than focusing on punishment for these things which offend you, how about flipping the whole situation....& try to be pro-active rather than reactive???

address the situation beforehand, clearly & simply state your expectations from your child (& yes, a 2 1/2 will get it...), & then clearly state the reward for behaving. This is an excellent time to promote the rewards inherent in making good choices, which will hopefully set the stage for later in life.

&, no, I'm not a dreamer......with some children this does work!

When other discipline methods didn't work for my daughter, I had her clean. I would spray a small area of the floor with water and she had to clean it up. Then I praised her for a job well done once she did it right. Now, at four, she uses the spray bottle on the floor and can do the whole thing. She isn't in trouble near as much as when she was two and all I have to say when we are out is "Do you need to owe me a floor?"and she will usually straighten up. At first it is work for you to make sure he does it right, but he'll get the message that lots of non-fun happens when he misbehaves. On the flip side make sure you praise his good job and pay him lots of attention when he is behaving (this is hard to do because we are usually trying to get something done when they are behaving so make an effort). Good luck.

Hi K. - Here is something that has worked for me - get your son to "run it out" by saying it and doing the action of spitting over and over again so it is no longer compulsively being done and he can actually be in control over it by "turning it off".

While doing this exercise - do not get upset with him, do not laugh, do not reward him, do not react to him - do not do anything but calmly the following:

"Ok (name of your son) I want you to say 'shut up' and spit (the action of spitting)"

then acknowledge him "thank you"

Repeat again to your son

"Say 'shut up' and spit"

then you acknowledge him with "thank you"

Keep this up until he is visibly different regarding this reaction of spitting and saying SHUT UP.

He may begin to resist doing it or get angry or tired or anxious - this means you have more to do. Keep having him do it by gently asking him to "SAY 'SHUT UP' AND SPIT"

He may say - I don't want to do it anymore or I'm done or no more - but gently continue.
You are going for him no longer being "driven" to do it.

You may need to do short time sessions on this and do them repeatedly (over several days) until the SHUT UP & SPITTING turns off.

BUT IF HE IS MORE HIMSELF AND SMILING AND HAPPY - end off by telling him - "We are going to end off now - you did a good job!"

You will find him no longer compelled to say SHUT UP and spitting!

For more information and reference on how and why this works see:

www.dianetics.org and www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH6.HTM

All the best,
K. Lee - mother of 2 beautiful girlies!
____@____.com

Well I have an old fashion solution for the spitting. Have him spit into a paper bag, until it is full. About an inch of spit in the bag will be "full". This is a lot of spit and often is enouph to get the child to stop spitting.
Good luck with the language part and enjoy your son they grow really fast.

When my 4th child (a girl, now 18) was that age, she did the same thing. Well, she didn't spit, but she said shut up all the time. I told her that it was a dirty word and that if she said dirty words with her mouth, she'd have to lick soap to clean it. I tried every brand of soap imaginable, and she'd lick it and then look at me and say, "Shut up." grrrr.
A friend, who had seemingly perfectly behaved children, advised me to squirt 'Soft Soap' in her mouth. I didn't have the nerve to squirt it into her mouth, so I put a dab on my finger and put it on her tongue! You'd have thought the world came to an end. She cried and said it tasted horrible... but.... she never said the dirty word again. Never! In fact, I've never heard any dirty word come out of her mouth again. She's grown into a wonderful young woman, and has no 'scars' because of that little bit of Softsoap. It wasn't poison, it just tasted horrible... and did the trick. Good luck!

Are you sure he does not have tourette syndrom? It can manifest itself at an early age and you don' even realize this is what you are looking at. Get him checked out by people/doctors in that field-not your regular doctor unless "he" sees many cases of it. You might look at special education areas at your local college/university to find researchers. Good luck.

I know these may sound cruel, but I have a friend who put liquid soap on an old toothbrush & had her son brush his teeth with it. Since your son is young & I don't want him to swallow liquid soap. I read you can put a tiny speck of tobasco sauce on your finger then on his tounge. It is like a 'slap on the tounge'. The tobasco bottles are so tiny you cold take it with you. In public all you would need to do is remind him to speak nicely & not spit or his tounge would get a 'time out'. I haven't had to try these, but when I do I'm going for the tobasco for bad words!
God Bless!

We had a problem with our 2-2.5 yr old son saying a cuss word he picked up at a previous caregiver's house. We used a dab of hot sauce on his tongue each time he said it. After 2-3 times of using it, he quit. I would even carry packets of hot sauce (from Taco Bell or other restaurant) so that he would know I was serious. Hope this helps!

Have you tried just giving him a good swat on the derriere on the upper thigh? Spitting is just rude and shouldn't be tolerated but should be disciplined, even in public. As for the shut up words, give him a taste of something yucky, like soap or vinegar. It stopped my kids very quickly. Good Luck and God Bless.