My Son Hit Me and Having a Horrible Day

Remember they are not little adults they are kids. When my kids behaved badly or sassed etc... when we we're shopping, we'd leave the store & go home. Many people think shopping is "fun." (It's not fun! Per my husband.) Many children find shopping boring after 5 or 10 minutes.and would be better off running in the park or taking a nap.

Do you have to take them shopping with you? AT one time my kids were "grounded from going shopping " with me for a few months. They behaved nicely in the stores after that."

First of all, why are you having a hitting match with YOUR CHILD!!!!?? I would have took him in that bathroom and tore that whole stall up whooping his behind! who does he think he is? you are his mother, not the other way around! when they wake up from the that nap sit them both down and let them know how it is going to be, not what you would like or not like them them to do, WHAT IT IS GOING TO BE!. tell that older one the next time he hits you for any reason at all he will need a spatula to get him out of the floor! he may not like everything you do when you guys go to the store and it;s ok to feel like that. but that running off and hitting will not be tolerated. what i do with my children sometimes is i tell them before we even get in the store, :today i am only coming to get certain things and i will not be buying anything that i don't need, you can look at whatever you want but that does not mean that i am buying it". and they say ok.i got tired of the tantrums in the store so i had to get them in order. lol sometimes my son tells me, "ma , i;m not going to ask for anything when we get in here but can i look at the toys for a little while", and i usually tell yes. but that hitting has to stop right now! and you are the only one who can stop it. i wish you the best of luck.

My guess is that after naps they may wake up with adjusted attitudes. We ALL have days like that. It doesn't mean you're doing anything "wrong"! Hang in there. I hope your day turns around for you!

Try this: if you go to a public place (store restaurant, whatever) tell them the rules before you get there, and tell them one warning reminder only (NOT for each rule, just a reminder "you have to follow the rules or we will go home). If they have the reminder and then break any more rules, just turn around and take them straight home.
It's super inconvenient in some situations, but after one or two times they will not forget the rules anymore. =)

Sometimes you and your sons will have bad days. As long as hitting isn't frequent, I wouldn't worry about it. Your 4 year old won't die from having to leave the mall.

Just put them in their rooms till everyone's in a better mood, and let it go.

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I've had many days like this, and they make me feel like a bad mom... I know how you feel. It usually seems to happen when you're shopping on a busy day in a store, and your kid just goes wild. And when I go shopping, I always see at least one or two other families struggling with strong-willed kids screaming for a toy, or running away. It's pretty normal... not fun, but normal.

That being said, your older son needs to know there are consequences for running away and for hitting you. It is not safe to run away from you, nor is it safe for him to hit you. Maybe you should talk to your son and remind him about how it is not safe to run away from an adult he knows, and that when he hits you, it hurts. He should apologize for the hitting, and maybe you can also apologize for hitting him (just my opinion, as I think it shouldn't happen either way).

Sounds like your boys were tired, as they put themselves down for a nap, too. Back to school shopping can be a challenge - don't worry - you're not the only one! Sorry you had such a rough time. Follow through with consequences for your son's behavior, and be consistent. When this kind of behavior happens with my son, I will get down to eye-level with him, and talk to him, right then and there, immediately after whatever it is he did. Once, I did this when he ran away from me at a Target, and I spoke very sternly to him. An old lady was watching me, and followed me out of the store. I thought she was going to reprimand me for being mean to my son, but instead she complimented me on my parenting, and said that more parents need to be so on top of things. I was definitely surprised, but I think it is best when you are firm, but loving with your child. They do need boundaries, and in the end, they do appreciate it.

B.: You've gotten a lot of good advice here. I just want to add that my younger son, who is now 17, would totally ignore me at that age, run away, and go into rages when he didn't get his way (he was diagnosed with a mood disorder at the age of 4, which I am not suggesting your son has). I just didn't take him shopping, anytime, anywhere, any way. It wasn't worth it until he got older and I was able to reason with him better. Also, as someone else said, it would be much easier to alternate taking your boys with you. But the best advice is to be consistent: the minute he starts, no matter where you are, or what you're doing, you leave. He will eventually get the idea. Good luck - and happy shopping ;-)

In this particular instance it sounds like he was tired. But overall I would ask what his diet is like. When a person's blood sugar is low, and they don't have to be diabetic, it will affect their mood.

With that said, do your children have a balanced diet with a good amount of protein, fresh fruit and vegetables, water? We are what we eat.

If he does have a good diet, then maybe he needs additional nutrition from whole food supplements.

You are right that the younger brother will see what his older brother gets away with and his actions. So stay tough. No one said being a parent is easy.

Many blessings.

You might find it easier to take only one son with you while shopping. Alternate which one gets to go with you. As far as your son trying to tell you what to do while out in public, sometimes it's best not to honor them with an answer, ignore it and move on, why create an arguement if you don't have to? After you get back in the car to leave then you can voice your concerns and turn it into a learning experience rather than a spectator sport.
Might be a good idea when you park before going into the mall, you look them straight in the eye and tell them exactly how you want them to behave when you get them into the stores.
Since they seem to be rambunctious together, like I said earlier, only take one shopping if it's possible. 4 and 6 are pretty radical ages, teaching them to mind you begins at home. They need to learn that bad behavior has consequences and stick to it so they learn the boundaries. They need you to teach them how to be self controlled, it is not automatic. Their little brains go crazy when they are in stores with so many things to look at and touch..... teaching them self dicipline so you can trust that your shopping experiences wont be haywire is your best bet.

Even, I had same here with my girls. My elder will cry n scream where I have to scream n behave like a damn witch mother in public to stop them. I clueless as u.

Check out the Love and Logic institute. I have had a lot of success with my boys using their techniques!

B., your last paragraph said it all and explains much. They were tired and by the time they got home, they knew they had crossed the line without you telling them at home (that in and of itself is a victory because it shows you've taught them well to slow down when they are upset).
My advice when this happens in a public place is to take a breath, count, or shout some nonsensical phrase at them to blow off steam, get them in a more private space, get in their face and say "this is not acceptable behavior and I won't stand for it"...give them a chance to recover their composure (you too!)....when every one has calmed down, proceed with your errands.

Happens to all of us......you're doing it right!

Hard days – oh yeah, we've all bit into those lemons. It sounds like neither your needs or your son's are being met with the current state of affairs. See this as an opportunity to polish your parenting chops, B.. I have three very strong recommendations to help you make some great lemonade:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The wisdom and sheer effectiveness of this book will make it a resource you reach for again and again. It's my current favorite with my 4.5yo grandson. The techniques and ideas are mutually respectful, and they work brillliantly. The book is fun to read, too.

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .)

Finally, I'm planning to read "Raising your Spirited Child" because of the recommendations I've seen on mamapedia, and the fantastic reviews it gets on Amazon. I don't currently have any wildly spirited kids in my life on a regular basis, but I do help out young moms from time to time, and I expect this will eventually be useful.

B.,

You have gotten very good advice. I'm curious does your 6yr old normally take a nap? If not maybe he was extremely tired. I read a book once that said a large portion of hyper kids are actually sleep deprived kids. I know my husband and I argued about this a lot when my son was little. He would become extremely hyper and out of control when he was over tired. Kids his age need 12 to 14 hrs of sleep every night. This could be the problem.

Also I would check out the book love and logic for the preschool years. It is a great book and has worked wonder for me and my strong willed children. It basically teaches you key phrases to us to get your children to mind with avoiding the fights and battles . hope this helps

ok well for one i know i probably would have reacted the same so no freight on that. secondly next time something like that occurs i would just leave everything and go home. Like grab him like you did than leave instead of hitting back and say its time to go home. Also I think we all can't wait for school to start so they are gone for alittle while I personally are gonna miss and don't want them to go to school but when it comes to me having time to myself and not being 24 7 kids all the time and they have a bed time and go to bed and i get an hr to me. Than I think things will be better. But in what your asking I think now adays and society you are very lucky no one called and I always think that too in the back of my head. Just next time leave the situation with out a hit and take it home and than deal with it at home. Also maybe try to see if something is bother ing him. By you saying they went home and both napped on there own tells me they where tired and didn't really want to be shopping also when they got up i would have went into the bedroom of the 6 year old and talk to him to see whats going on is there anything bother him and what happened earlier that day and tell him you are not happy with him hitting you. I know my 10 year old since she was 6 or maybe before has break downs every now and than where she gets mouthy and she than will tell me how no good i am and what i do wrong as a parent and she flipps and cries and than shes all better and than appologizes I let her express it at home no where else and if she starts we leave. I feel everyone needs a good cry or flip out to realeive stress every now and than. Maybe thats what this was in the mall. Good luck

Read Dobson's Strong Willed Child!!! Its very helpful. I think sometimes we are too soft and accommodating to our children, and that's not the training and leadership they need from a parent. It comes back to bite us BIG TIME (speaking from experience here). You are absolutely right that he should not treat you that way. However, getting angry and hitting back is just going to escalate the situation and make you look out of control for your kid. Dobson's book has some great strategies for how to handle these types of situations! Also try love and logic books!

Best wishes!