Boys! 3.5 Year Old Boys to Be Exact

Keep him as busy as possible! Both of my boys are like that - especially the oldest! I tell people I "run" them like dogs, and I do. If we don't do A LOT of activity, it's hell on earth. As far as car carts - those are no longer allowed ;-) My oldest always announces when we arrive at a store with them that they're not allowed in them because they cannot behave in them.

forewarn him: tell him that the cart is stopping & he has to stay where he is. In your forewarning, tell him the consequence for not obeying you. You could also offer a reward for cooperation. :)

Do this each & every time, & he'll learn "staying" power! Right now, in my daycare, I have a 2yo boy who climbs the walls as soon as I take a personal potty break. He now has to sit by the baby gate & is verbally rewarded/hugged if he's still there when I return. Some kids just require consistent training to achieve!

Both of my boys are like this as well. We are still trying to teach my 5 year old impulse control at school, but he is MUCH better, he is a big helper and usually well behaved. My 3 year old still likes to run off, though he is usually pretty good. Last week, he hid in a store, and me, my husband and my inlaws were frantic looking for him. He was hiding in a shelf! He gets tethered into the cart at stores when possible.

As far as what to do at home, lots of structure, lots of activity. Set snack times, computer time (my 3 yr ld loves starfall), we do some preschool work from a little preschool book, leggos, blocks, color time, some tv time (for mommy needs a break), and lots of time for him to run and jump and play outside if he can to get that energy out. Take him to the toddler library time and those sorts of things. Even though my son doesn't nap, I can usually get him to have quiet time in his room and sometimes... he even falls asleep for an hour.

Your child is not the only active kid out there, they are everywhere! I know a few mom's whose children are unusually inactive and well behaved. I babysat one girl who played quietly in a corner with a marble and colored quietly for 2 hours. I was like, "What??"

Totally normal. Not naughty, just a little boy, God bless 'em. I have a 3.5 year old, and a 5 and 6 year old boys. Just try to get a little respite sometimes.

I don't know what your firmest consequences are, but the Love and Logic program is really way too soft for spirited boys form the boys I know whose parents used it. The various logical consequences are just not "scary enough" (for lack of politically correct way to phrase it) to deter the behavior the next time. Yes, they learn eventually, but in the moment where it's more fun to rip something off a shelf or run off, they don't need to heed what they learn if they don't feel like it so to speak, because their consequence will be pleasant-or at least not very uncomfortable. I kept discipline very concise, consistent and firm for my little man and I don't have any of those issues now. He's almost 4 and he goes with me on all my errands and acts well, but starting around age 2 there were immediate firm consequences each time he pulled a typical wrong move so he never got in the habit. This book has a bit more teeth to it than Love and Logic, but it's still very loving and logical, anger free and positive. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Yes, he's high energy and needs to do lots of flying karate kicks and running, but that doesn't mean he can't listen to you when he needs to. It takes major firmness but it's worth it when your son is respecting you and acting well.

Personally, I told my kids the car carts were for birthdays, and wouldn't you know it? We've never been grocery shopping on a birthday. :-0

My son is also 3.5 and acts JUST LIKE THAT. He is strong willed, smart and determined. If he decides he is going to do something, he will. Setting expectations, giving consequences, being consistent - giving positive statements (stay in the cart) and all kinds or reminder discussions (When we go to X's house, is it ok play in the toilet? Is it ok to share a toy? etc) all help, but my son still is SOOO HARD. If you enforce a rule 39 times out of 40, he will keep pushing again for the one time exception.

I do NOT think there is anything medically wrong with him - I think its just his personality.

My daughter, now almost two, is NOTHING LIKE HIM. If you tell her one time "No" she is like, "Oh, ok." even if you had told her yes another time. It sooo easy to take her places - fun and relaxing! With my son, I have to ALWAYS be vigilant.

There is a great book - Maybe Parenting the Strong Willed Child that gives good tips and lets you see that kids personalities are just different - there is nothing "wrong" with them, but you do need to take different approaches when disciplining.

See my recent post about my son during Thanksgiving and see if it sounds familiar: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/12873515707098398721

You are not alone mama! Next time you are frantically looking around a grocery store for your little escape artist, hoping no one will report you to CPS for losing sight of your child AGAIN, know there is a mom in Dallas wishing for some duct tape...

My 3.5 yr old sounds just about the same. And I also see other boys holding their mom's hands and sitting on their laps at story time at the library and I wonder "Why can't mine do that??" So no, you're not the only one with a high-energy little boy. I think our guys are normal!

My only thought of advice would be something like "Okay, we're about to get out of the car. You need to go into the house. If you run away, you're going to be in trouble....." I do this sometimes when we go to the library: "If you scream and play around while the teacher is reading or talking, then we will leave. Do you understand? You must sit quietly and listen. THEN we will get our books and you can wiggle around a little."

In your car cart situation, maybe "This is a special treat for you to ride in this. You must stay inside of it the whole time, okay? If you don't, then we'll have to switch back to the normal cart, then we won't have time for the playground afterwards, so make sure you stay in the cart so that we can get our shopping done quickly and have plenty of time to play."

Good luck!

Yep.
Boys.
My friend has THREE boys!
All very active and physical. Constantly.
She has a son like yours.
I don't know how she does it.

I have a son too. He's 5 now.
He's very active, too.
But, he does have impulse control.
When younger, boys/kids do not have fully developed impulse control yet.

ALSO though, some kids (like my son), they actually get MORE "hyper" when tired or over-tired. When my son is tired.... I know it, because, he gets more hyper and it is displaying that he is trying to force himself awake and force himself through it.
But, so... I know him. And my son will still nap. And needs it.
When tired, many kids, are a handful.

How is your son at school?
The same?
Or does he behave?

You're on the right track with the swimming and music! Keep him busy! I doubt you're doing anything wrong but we moms can always offer more suggestions and encourgement. I never let mine ride in the car cart for that reason. (plus it is more difficult to steer and push) One problem solved. Every once in while, stop and pretend you have six small children (many people have successfully raised large families, with children who were expected to behave and stay safe and help each other) How would you do things differently if you had lots of energetic boys? Less freedom? How would things be different if you desperately needed his help and cooperation because he was the oldest of four? I'm all about making my busy life a little easier, I plan ahead and have healthy snacks and a small toy when running errands. I make everything a choice, cheerios or raisins, hold my hand or go right to the front door?

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Other kids act out too, maybe just not while you are looking.

I remember a few weeks ago I took my son (2.5) a meeting where he was the only child. I was told I could bring him as long as he was not disruptive. I figured we would last 5 minutes, but that I would give it a try. Well he sat there for 30 mins, playing with his "quiet toy" that he gets at times like that. He was amazing and responded to every single whisper I said to him. I only left because I had to get him home for lunch. And the rest of the day he tested me LIKE CRAZy. But you never would have guessed based on that 1/2 hour.

The only thing I can think that you could change (based on your post) is not to let your son in the shopping cart car if he is not wearing the seatbelt. If he disobeys and has to go in the regular seat, I'd try something like "you were good in the last store, so you got to sit in the car, but now you need to be good in this store, so it is time to go in the seat up top", just to acknowledge that he got some of the treat.

Consequences can be tiresome. Keep at it. Some days are better than others. PS my Pastor saw me on the big testing day (the one I mentioned above) and his advice was to remember that 1/2 hour where my son was good. Some days are just so hard, and the progress is hard to measure, but you're getting there. Like you said, he did come back to you after taking down the driveway..that's good stuff!

Giving him consequences is just silly. Excuse me for saying so.
~ He's 3.5. This always brings on more problems in the bigger picture. There are a lot of things you can do. Recognize he is a little one and he is a Boy. Of course he wants to get out and "fix the tire" he's playing, let him play, be patient. He doesn't realize you need to shop in the same way you do. Logic does not work, he couldn't care less. To use logic with someone, anyone, you first have to have a common ground before anything can proceed. Make things into a little game when possible and yet have some simple and firm rules, like staying next to you. Use rhymes. I use a rhyme for a lot of things. The same rhyme is used for each action. For instance when it's time to set the table I say "Polly put the kettle on...." The children know to come set the table. If I say while using the hand movements as we're about to enter the store or a new place, "clear thoughts, wise words, kind heart" they know to stay near me and to enter calmly. These are just two examples. And of course you have to tell them what it means. It's not magic, doesn't take all problems away, but it helps greatly and can be used over and over again. You need to tell him what to do and how to act and tell him what a good boy he is all the time. Before you take him from the car seat tell him where to stand and to stay there until you take his hand. Say these kind of things kindly, firmly and lovingly. Play with him. Make up games, tell him stories, act things out with him -- engage him, that's what he's looking for.
Sent with kindness
Blessings to you and your little boy.